The Cacao Journals: Seeking the Wave of Solitude

~ nicole

Without great solitude, no serious work is possible. – Pablo Picasso

Solitude not people. More words than work. Create and express. Share knowledge. Plant seeds. Cultivate consciousness. Trust and believe. My new mantra (see my previous blog post for the story behind this).

So, you’re probably wondering, how’s that going, Nicole? Well, it’s been challenging and enlightening at the same time. Right after sharing my post, several friends reached out and said, “I’d love to get together with you and talk about your post.” Hmm, what exactly did they not understand about solitude? And the funny thing is I actually met with them (so what did I not understand)?! My first lesson was to set boundaries, which open up the time and space to be in solitude. I’m with Picasso on this one.

As you can sense, I’m slowly easing into this solitude thing. Slipping it into moments between events already booked (I’m a big believer in holding commitments), being judicious about new events and asking myself, “Can I do less and yet express more of my experience and lessons?” More words than work. The answer is a definite “yes.” Allowing myself the time to drop into a more contemplative and exploratory space is key for clarity and insight to come.

The kind of writing and creative pursuits I engage in now matter. My blog posts actually help me get clear and share lessons at the same time. I also put together a proposal as a visiting practitioner for retreat centers, a flyer for my soul sister day retreats and some event postings. I found myself asking, “Do those count as words not work?” My inner wisdom said “Nice try, Nicole, that’s actually work. The ego is so very clever, isn’t it, which brings up the power of awareness and catching the ego in its little tricks.

Last summer and fall I spent a lot of time writing a proposal and sample chapters of a book that I submitted to a publisher in December. Apparently, it needed some work (I did not know that spiritual words were jargon), so I’m finding my way back to it slowly, circling it like a cat does before making its bed. It holds so much of my knowledge about the sharing of cacao medicine; it’s also the curriculum for a workshop. Ways to share my knowledge more creatively that I need to revisit.

It’s time to finish making your bed, Nicole. Is it weird that I’m writing about myself in the third person? It’s as if someone else is giving me advice at the moment. I like it! An inner coach. And, then my inner critic comes along with a little snipe and says, “writing does not pay the bills” (see Trust and Believe).

Just make the bed and then plant the seeds. I realized that to plant new seeds, I needed to seed and cultivate my own consciousness first. I’m revisiting a meditation form I began last spring and rereading some books on consciousness that are now making so much more sense to me. I’m feeling a sense of personal momentum and growth, which is wonderful after many months of focusing on the spiritual growth of others.

The sun finally made an appearance here in California yesterday, so I went to the beach and walked, meditated, read and had deep insights about what I was reading. After I got home, I followed some guided meditations (in between cat naps). A day of solitude in nature was profound. A drum journey I took today showed me my jaguar lounging on a tree branch as she shared, “It’s not time to hunt right now,” which prompted me to write this post. I just can’t get away from the message no matter where I go!

Trust and believe–the last part of the shaman’s message–is the ultimate message. If we live in a quantum world where anything is possible, then I want to get on that quantum wave co-creating an flowing with the universe where and how to surf in solitude. Warm water, easy surf break, sunny skies, and a white sandy beach in Baja Sur (my MEA compadres will totally understand). Flow and possibility.

As I explored this territory of solitude, several questions came to me that you may want to play with:

What becomes possible for you in solitude? What do you need to do and how do you need to be, so you can allow yourself time and space ? How can you drop in more deeply by cultivating awareness and consciousness for insight, clarity and creativity? What wave are you wanting to create, catch and ride?


Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC.



The Cacao Journals: Revelation through Resistance

~ nicole

Letting go of inner resistance, you often find circumstances change for the better. – Eckhart Tolle

Resisting, Ruminating, Reframing, Revelation.

I returned from my recent retreat in Guatemala, exhausted, inspired and transformed. I allowed myself some time to integrate and recuperate (holding space for a group over 8 days is a deep experience on all levels) and then I found myself facing a wall of internal resistance.

I received a message from a Mayan shaman while I was in Guatemala, whose work I deeply respect, that I was not expecting. He read my energy and said (I paraphrase), “It’s time to be alone, in solitude, to rest. To be, not just to make. Let go of worrying about people. Express your creativity through writing, dancing, art. Plant seeds. Express through words more than work. You have so much collected knowledge and will gain more through your creativity. It is your responsibility to share it. Don’t worry. Trust and believe that all will come to you. Open to consciousness. Integrate your spiritual soul, your natural soul and your human soul.”

I found myself endlessly ruminating over his message and resisting it. For the past year, I had been giving my time, sharing my gifts, holding event after event, building my soul tribe, endlessly promoting my retreats and events, and after seeing how deeply my immersive retreat transformed and healed, naturally I wanted to share more of that. But his message stopped me in my tracks.

Now, I could have easily dismissed his words and kept on going, but I know better than that. I am a recovering doer. I can force myself to keep going and it’s never pretty on the other side. Ever. I have learned how to pause, listen and wait, but it doesn’t mean I like the feeling! It’s so uncomfortable for me. You wouldn’t know it from the outside because I thrash inwardly, churning my insides to bits, feeling disoriented and unfocused, unproductive and worried. I wept and cursed. I have events to plan I kept telling myself!

Exhausted from my inner struggle, I was forced to rest my face against the cool wall of my own resistance and simply wait for the clarity, the revelation, to come. It came just before, and coincided with a call, I had with a coaching client, who wanted to talk about her own “resistance.” Believe me, I did not in any way influence that. She knew nothing of my struggle.

As she shared what she was resisting, I realized that not that long ago she had overcome another resistance, and it could be a model for what she was now willing to face. Here’s what we discovered together. To overcome resistance we need four things:

  • clarity about what we are resisting or not willing to let go of and how that holds us back,
  • a new vision for what we do want, so we can attract more of that,
  • support for that vision in whatever form we need and actively finding it or asking for it,
  • seeing the opportunities beyond our wildest imagination that show up when we do let go to give us the strength and inspiration to go on.

I acknowledged that feelings of sadness over what we have to let go of may arise. Grieving is natural and necessary. If we can keep our new vision in sight to inspire us and remember that what is or will show up would not if we had not let go, then we can find the strength to go on and be more at peace with our loss.

So, that brings us full circle. The clarity I received for my own work is this: I must find new, creative ways to share my work that brings me joy (that is a show stopper for me) and contributes to my own evolution. To do this, I must take the time to be in solitude and release my attachment to my work as it has presented itself until now, so I may plant seeds for new growth to flourish in my work, clients and self. After writing this, I truly feel both stronger and at peace.

What do you need to release to allow something beyond your wildest imagination to flourish? Let the revelation come to you.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC.


The Cacao Journals: Healing through Loss

~ nicole ~ 1 Comment

A dear friend passed away this week. I’m devastated, reflective and humbled, all at the same time. Her illness was unexpected, her decline precipitous, and her death sudden. Given the gift of sharing my love for her over the phone by her family and friends, I said goodbye. And then I was just there, standing in the kitchen with my grief.

One of my friend’s favorite sayings was “good grief!” which she often exclaimed when I shared something she found dismaying or alarming. Given the adventures I’ve lived and shared, she said it more frequently than perhaps she or I would have liked! The term always felt somehow quaint and old fashioned, and was classically her.

Curious about its origins and meaning, I looked up the definition–”used to express surprise or annoyance” (Merriam Webster)–and then came across this organization–goodgrief.org, which is “a free informational resource to assist individuals and families in finding the wellsprings of renewal in the grieving process.”

This post was born because of both: the memory of her words and the resource that found me because of them. I dedicate this to my dear friend, Robin, who loved my writing and joked that she read my posts in search of punctuation errors, which she claimed she never found. May she be reading this now and find one or two. In my grieving has come that glimpse of renewal (and a brief smile as I write this).

In reflecting on her death, I came to the realization just how much I would miss her, the uniqueness of her. We had worked together for just one year, eight years ago, and had become “fast friends.” After I left the organization, we stayed close, saw each other a few times a year, and due to our schedules, filled the gaps with long, deep telephone conversations, a rarity in this day and age.

I could share anything with her because of the love and trust we had for one another. My increasingly unconventional life was an unending source of amusement and fascination for her, and while she may not have always understood or agreed with it, she accepted me and it unconditionally; and I her with her ordered closets, martini dinners, and wicked sense of humor. We made each other laugh and we cried together too. She even indulged me by allowing me to share a private cacao ceremony with her, which she, rather surprisingly to us both, loved.

To allow myself to feel fully and grieve, I found myself at the beach, where I often go to release my pain. There, I built a tiny altar of stones and shells in honor of her. As the tide rose, I wept, said goodbye and watched the waves envelop and wash away the altar. I kept one shell, a perfect spiral of a shell, as a beautiful memory of the ritual and of her. I have been carrying it (and her) in my pocket everywhere I go and it gives me such solace. I know she is with me always.

In reflecting on my grief, I came across this wonderful passage, which so eloquently expresses my experience of loss and healing:

“[W]e don’t get past the pain. We must go through it. We can’t go around it or over it or under it either. The path to healing through loss, which means the path to wholeness, requires that we incorporate our pain. To incorporate means to literally take the pain into our body (corps). We get to that place where joy and grief can live together by becoming whole. The process of healing, whether from a physical illness or from a catastrophic life disturbance is a transformational journey. We are changed in the process. The goal is not to be the ‘way we were’ once again, the goal is to be more than we were before, to include more of life. Ultimately the goal is to include loss in our love and trust of life.” – goodgrief.org

Good grief, Robin, I will miss you so, my darling friend! You will always and forever have a special place in my heart and soul. You are my soul sister.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching.

The Cacao Journals: Intention & the Soul of the Universe

~ nicole

You are what your deepest desire is. As your desire is, so is your intention. As your intention is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny. – Upanishads

With the new year almost upon us, intention setting is everywhere. Intentions are the new resolutions. Resolutions tend to come with a state of doing: striving, wanting, and forcing. Intentions come with a state of being: listening deeply, allowing clarity to arise and making conscious choices. Sometimes we mix the two and can make a right mess of it, thinking our way into an intention, forcing the outcome, and being terribly disappointed. Familiar past terrain for me.

Setting an intention that comes from the ground of our being (the place that connects head and heart) is the first key to creating what we desire. A beautiful way to set mindful and heartful intentions is to allow them to arise into our awareness from a place of stillness and silence.

A few weeks ago, I was meditating and an intention arose into my awareness. It came out of (almost) nowhere and surprised me. It told me that I was to attend a retreat I had first learned about in the spring from a friend. She had attended a beta test of a new program at a retreat center just south of Todos Santos, Baja MX and thought the program would be perfect for me. She also knew how much I loved Todos Santos, where I have vacationed many times.

I was intrigued and filed it away, not quite dismissing it but not knowing when or how I would be able to attend. During that meditation, it popped back into my awareness with such crystal clarity. My intention setting in the past tended to be less specific, more of a suggestion than an intention. In this case, my intention was glaringly specific and I declared it out loud: “I am going to the retreat. I don’t know how or when, but I am going.” Just saying it felt powerful. I let go without expectation or attachment, trusting that the universe would conspire on my behalf.

The following Sunday, I received an email from an online community board, of which I am a member, sharing that the retreat center was offering a scholarship for an upcoming two-week immersive retreat, but we had to apply online by Monday. I was astounded, overjoyed and inspired. I jumped on it! I submitted my application and the next day was contacted by one of the facilitators, who had attended one of my cacao medicine journeys and recognized my name. What are the chances of that?

At the end of the week, I found out that I was accepted for a full scholarship. It’s amazing when we get clear and ask, what we can manifest…. I have to admit that my manifestation powers are not always exactly “powerful.” When I am clear, they are. When I have no expectations of when or how what I am wanting to manifest shows up, they are. When I am unattached to outcome, they are.

This New Year’s, or better yet whenever you can, take a moment to sit in silence and allow a desired intention to come into your awareness. What arises may seem to come out of nowhere, but trust it. Give it power and strength by declaring it and then let it go. Have faith that it will come. Watch for the signs and act on them when you need to. Tell me when it shows up. I would so love to hear from you….

For the holidays, I picked up a few books from the library to read while snuggled up by the fire. One of them was The Alchemist, which even though I read it many years ago, I felt compelled to reread. I leave you with two quotes from the book that seem designed just for this post:

“[W]hen you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth…. And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”

“[T]ry to make your own decisions…. don’t forget the language of the omens. And, above all, don’t forget to follow your Personal Legend through to its conclusion.”

On New Year’s Eve from 6:00-7:30pm join me at Harmonia in Sausalito or on January 5th at Soulstice Mind + Body Spa to allow your intention for the new year to emerge with the assistance of cacao medicine. To practice your manifestation powers, set an intention to come to my You are Luminous retreat, February 16-23 at Lake Atitlan, Guatemala. Just two spots left.

Many blessings and much joy to you this holiday season!

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching.


The Cacao Journals: A Call to Wholeness

~ nicole
Dare to wear your soul on the outside…. Respond to the call: the call to passion and wholeness, the call to joy and fulfillment, the call to claim the magnificence and bounty of your own true voice. – Gloria Burgess

I can still be astonished by the healing power of Mama Cacao. I’m so close to the healing I received from her that sometimes I lose perspective. I still marvel at it, but most of the time, I’m just walking around in me all day, so I’m used to wearing my soul on the outside. When someone else experiences her healing power, my ears perk up and my perspective shifts. I see the soul healing before my very eyes; I feel it in my heart and soul.

In previous posts, I’ve mentioned that a cacao medicine journey or ceremony is a practice where your relationship with the spirit of cacao deepens over time with each ceremony. And sometimes she calls you to a further deepening, a deeper immersion.

A cacao dieta (diet) is that immersive practice. It’s a 10- or 14-day daily practice with cacao as healer and me as your guide. It begins with intention-setting, then a group or private cacao ceremony (this can be done virtually), followed by daily self- practice (as short or as long as you wish) with cacao either in the form of a bliss ball or a half serving of the cacao drink I share in ceremony. At the mid point of the dieta is a check in session to see how your deepening is progressing and if any adjustments need to be made. The dieta concludes with another cacao medicine journey, followed by a closing integration session. It can be profoundly and deeply healing.

A dear client and friend, who has experienced several cacao medicine journeys with me, recently felt called to complete a cacao dieta after she received a message in ceremony. She set her intention for her dieta as one of self-love to heal her inner wounds. At our mid point check in, she and I found ourselves in a state of absolute astonishment. I share her own words with you as a testament to her healing:

“I thought I had all this work to do and found it wasn’t about that at all…. Wholeness is always there. It’s learning about letting go, a 56-year process in the lightness of being. Embodying all I am is all I had to do. I am loving life.”

She felt herself opening to self-love and understanding that forgiveness does not require rehashing everything. There was none of “doing that to her.” She learned she just needs to be and when she does she feels luminescent. She has never felt more grounded in her life.

It makes me tear up as I write this because I know that all of us are whole in our deep soul. The truth of that is such a beautiful remembering.

Feel and follow your call to wholeness…. xoxo

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Embodiment Medicine

~ nicole
Soul to me means “embodied essence”….[H]ealing comes through embodiment of the soul. – Marion Woodman

How do we get out of our heads and into our bodies? That’s where true wisdom lies. Wisdom comes from accessing the deep soul inside of you. Everyone has access to this deep soul; we just have to believe and remember, so we can reconnect to it….

You probably invested a lot of time and money in training your mind to excel at whatever it is you do. It has served you well, putting food on the table and a home to keep you warm and safe; allowing you a vacation to an exotic locale to escape, rather ironically, from your mind; and addressing almost every need you have. Then, over time and possibly even quite suddenly, you found it was no longer serving you; it was driving you. The sense of control your mind gave you over your life suddenly turned on you and you realized that you were being controlled by it. Inner mind control run amuck.

Where your motivation once came from–the expectation of others, financial reward and competition (even if you were competing against your own standard)–no longer drives you.  It’s like that romantic relationship that you outgrow or that becomes too controlling. The flame of your desire is gone just like that. You suddenly find yourself unmotivated, joyless, purposeless. It feels excruciating. You desperately want to escape and that’s exactly when you need to go deeper, to look inside.

True purpose, joy and love come from within. Your mind doesn’t create joy, it responds to and recognizes it. Your mind doesn’t determine your true purpose, it engages with it and acts on it. Your joy and purpose are the true drivers and they come from connecting to your inner knowing. Love deserves its own blog post.

We all excel at tuning out–not listening to our bodies, our feelings, our gut. To rediscover and reconnect to our joy and purpose, we have to go inside. How do we do that, and given our propensity for wanting to see results fast, how do we find a way that shows us enough of what’s possible that we commit to it as a practice. Awakening can be spontaneous; it’s sustaining and embodying it that takes commitment.

We need embodiment medicine. Not pharmaceutical grade medicine, but ceremonial grade. This is why I work with ceremonial cacao. Not only is it a facilitator, allowing us to access our feelings and work gently with them; it also is a catalyst, giving us a glimpse of what our soul’s path is; and a healer, healing our inner wounds and removing our protective layers, so we can experience joy again. Through my own personal work with cacao and holding cacao medicine journeys for hundreds of people, I have experienced and witnessed this first hand. I am not alone; cacao medicine practitioners across the globe are sharing this medicine. It’s become a thing, a very good, healing thing.

The results of journeying with ceremonial cacao are both immediate and not. What’s immediate is the feeling experience and the initial glimpse into what’s possible, which can be profound and powerful. The glimpse acts as the motivator to keep you on this healing path. Releasing what no longer works for you, calling in what does, and fully embodying your joy, purpose and love takes time. You spent decades creating protections and benefiting from them; becoming who you truly are will naturally take a little time. Cacao is soul medicine and becomes your teacher, healer and guide. The benefits and beauty are beyond anything your mind could ever imagine.

If you’re in NorCal, come to a cacao medicine journey (see my Events page). If you live far away, reach out and let’s find a way to make cacao a part of your embodiment practice wherever you are. For a deeper immersion into joy and purpose, come to Lake Atitlan, Guatemala in February (click HERE for more details). I’m also available for a conversation about designing a path for you as a mentor and guide.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: The Paradox of Surrender

~ nicole ~ 4 Comments
The important thing is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become. – Charles Dubois

Photo by Laura Reoch of September-Days Photography.

You may have noticed that I took a little break from my blog. I’ve been focusing on other writing projects and designing classes to teach Cacao Ceremony both as a personal practice and for group offerings. I’d been asked many times to teach and always resisted it for various reasons (all of them quite lame). When I recently decided to commit to “everything cacao,” which was a message I received on a drum journey over two years ago, it made perfect sense to surrender to this too….

The beautiful thing about surrender is that when you finally do, that’s when things actually show up. Giving up the struggle allows the struggle to end. It’s so simple and obvious, and yet so hard for us to do. Surrender is not giving up or retreating; it’s both release and commitment, letting go and moving toward. It’s truly a paradox.

Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elemental truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. – W.H. Murray

Releasing and letting go means being honest with yourself about what’s not moving with ease and flow in your life, work or relationship. It shouldn’t have to be so hard. I’m declaring that one out loud. If we aren’t fully in alignment with who we are,  haven’t fully embraced our gifts, and aren’t fully reading, accepting and acting on the signs that spirit brings us, then, life is hard.

What do I mean by fully? Let me start by defining what it doesn’t mean; it’s not partially or somewhat or sort of. That’s neither fully in nor fully out. To put it bluntly, it’s not half-assed, not that I have anything against donkeys; they’re actually kind of cute, but rather stubborn. Fully means completely.

Life feels hard because we live in a state of resistance, ashamed of or not fully embracing our uniqueness, and not willing to wave our “freak flag high” (I borrowed that phrase from a friend who does it every day). When you’re being a donkey instead of a unicorn, it’s soul destroying.

Commitment and moving toward something means allowing for its unfolding: encouraging, revealing and responding to something in stages at the appropriate moment. Some cynics and critics claim “unfolding” is too passive and even wishful thinking. I beg to differ. An unfolding requires active engagement. A flower just doesn’t sit there and wait for the grand unfolding to happen; it grows up and out, responding to cues from the sun, the rain and the moon. It is engaged in its own glorious unfolding.

The process of unfolding is always evolving and changing. Instead of waiting for a magical unfolding or grasping at and forcing the unfolding, both of which are full of internal and external struggle (I can feel the tearing), we must find ways to be adaptable and resilient, weathering the elements, but first we have to give up the struggle. If we don’t let go, the struggle tears us apart.

I had been resisting the “everything cacao” message I received. While cacao was a big, powerful and beautiful part of my work, it was not my “everything.” Without that commitment, my work was unfocused, leaving me exhausted and feeling torn apart. I decided to give up the struggle and fully embrace and commit to cacao as my everything. I still don’t quite know where it’s going to take me or how it will all unfold, but I feel lighter and life doesn’t feel so hard. I’m following the signs that are showing up with full attention and intention. I decided to be a unicorn. What’s your everything?

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Crystal Heart Wisdom III: Sovereignty, boundaries and the medicine shield

~ nicole
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. – Henry Cloud

Boundaries are a theme in my life lately. I’m witnessing those who are armored, keeping their hearts so protected against hurt; and then others, myself included, who have allowed ourselves to merge in various degrees with our partners and spouses; we no longer know where we end and they begin…. In either case, whether we need to let our armor down or unmerge, we need to rediscover our sovereignty.

When we honor ourselves by de-armoring or unmerging, we can begin to look closely and understand the essence of who we truly are. When we understand who we are as sovereign beings, we gain clarity about how we need to be in the world; what we need to have in our lives to embody who we are becoming; what we want to feel and experience, and what we need to do  to ensure all that being, becoming, embodying and having.

On this deep, inner journey, we learn what we stand for. Sometimes it’s easier at first to know what we stand against, but the for is so much more powerful and transformative. When we know who we are and what we’re for, this defines us and becomes how we define our boundaries. This is where our inner power comes from.

A happy soul is the best shield for a cruel world. – Atticus

In Native American traditions, medicine shields are symbols of that inner power, those defining boundaries. They are “sacred, symbolic objects reflecting the personal vision and ‘medicine’ or spirit-guided inherent powers” (warpathstopeacepipes.com) of those who make and carry them. They hold the sacred intentions and even the soul’s path of the shield carriers.

A medicine shield is “seen” after retrieving a power animal on a vision quest or drum journey because the power animal is your inner power; its qualities and energies are yours to embody; and after interpreting your dreams, when spirit animals often come to visit. The shield is made of leather stretched around a hoop and then painted and decorated with sacred symbols to honor your spirit and power animals. It becomes a mirror of your highest self.

I know it’s time for me to create my medicine shield, for me to be fully in my sovereignty. May it be yours too…. I am so deeply aware of how we all need to set healthy boundaries; and so taken with the idea of creating a living emblem, a medicine shield, of who we are becoming and what we stand for, so we can be in our power and sovereignty, that I’m committed to creating a workshop series just for this. More on that offering soon….

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

 

Crystal Heart Wisdom II: Take the plunge and carry bubble wrap

~ nicole
Every person has the truth in his heart. No matter how complicated his circumstances, no matter how others look at him from the outside, and no matter how deep or shallow the truth dwells in his heart, once his heart is pierced with a crystal needle, the truth will gush forth like a geyser.
– Che Guevara

Once we have named our armor and pierce it with our inward gaze, we see with such clarity that it is what’s holding us back from the very thing we most want from life and love. We inadvertently hurt ourselves as we attempt to protect ourselves from being hurt. That’s some bad logic.

So, how do we begin to take our armor off without shocking our system? Let’s explore a few techniques: 1) slow or fast immersion, and 2) luminous egg creation/ bubble wrapping.

With the immersion technique, picture yourself walking into a lake: you let the water first swirl around your ankles, then your knees, your thighs and your belly (the most vulnerable spot of all to the cold) before you let it surround your whole body (and touch your heart center). You slowly introduce those vulnerable spots to the water until they acclimatize.

Being aware that you have armor on at all, is the water around your ankles. Naming it without judgment (and giving it a nickname), is the water around your knees. Witnessing it in action consciously and catching yourself when you put it on again, is thigh-high, more vulnerable water. When you can consciously walk into a room or a situation without it, that’s belly-level water, which sometimes takes your breath away.

Leading with your heart and your light is the ultimate water baby and may require a flotation system in the beginning (I’ll get to that in a moment). And then, there is always leaping into the water to shock your system just once (full armor off, skinny dipping style). Know that in any moment you can always step back to “safer” waters….

The technique you choose depends on how badly you want to feel again and have the life you truly want…. Slowly and cautiously or fast and ferociously. Each is a conscious act. The prick of the crystal needle, whether it’s once or many times, will reveal the truth.

As you venture into the water (at what ever level you are comfortable), you can create a luminous energy field around you that allows your light and truth out while protecting you from negative or intrusive energy.

You begin building a luminous egg of protective energy by bringing in white light through the top of your head (your crown chakra); surrounding yourself with light; creating a soft, but impenetrable, shell around you; and then closing it off at the top of your head.

In a workshop I recently hosted, a participant shared her “Bubble and Zip” technique, which is similar to the luminous egg:

“When you know you are going into a situation where you may get triggered and feel the need for armor, you bring in light energy and then wrap yourself around and around in bubble wrap and zip it up so it is impenetrable. Your light still shines through and you are protected!” – Katie Morell

Be luminous (and carry bubble wrap). It builds your crystal heart wisdom.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

Crystal Heart Wisdom I: Your Inner Bling

~ nicole
You know the world is a magical place, when Mother Earth grows her own jewelry. – Sagegoddess.com

This is the first in a series of posts exploring the concept of Crystal Heart Wisdom.

Each of us, just like Mother Earth, has a crystal at her core. Ours is our heart core, which (because we’ve all been wounded there) we have found ways to protect from further hurt. But that protection or armor keeps our inner light and our love a prisoner. It’s only through awareness of this armoring and taking the time and effort to remove it that can build our crystal core.

Letting go of our armor, which once protected us, and is now getting in the way of deep connection to ourselves, life and relationships, is one of the keys to becoming whole and luminous.

Recently, at my women’s retreat, I shared a simple and rather raw drawing (done in pencil crayon :)) of the energetic aspects and qualities that, when in balance, create and reveal our pure crystal heart wisdom. This journey truly only begins, and must begin, by taking our armor off and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and transparent. Boundaries are necessary, of course, but I’ll get to that in a later post.

To allow ourselves to do this we must first want our life to be different than it is, and to want it so badly, that we’re willing to fully see and embrace who we are. What’s so amazingly and achingly beautiful is that underneath all that armor, we are whole.

When I moved from Canada to the States, I left behind a beautiful home, a relationship, close friends and family, everything except my dog, Lola (my ex kept our other dog). I so wanted a full life and love, brimming with joy and depth, and being fully seen and met. And I knew I had to be different to open and receive that life and love.

“A loving heart is the truest wisdom.” – Charles Dickens

Here’s what I discovered when I named my armor. My nickname, behind my back at work, was “The Ice Princess”. My light was still there, but it was behind a wall of ice. I didn’t let anyone get too close and as a result, I was perceived as cool and aloof, polite but unapproachable, perfectly professional and reserved. My armor was perfectionism (and beneath that a “numbing out” with excessive exercising and heavy social drinking). Hiding behind my armor had hurt me more than it had protected me.

Deeply unhappy and unfulfilled, I said to myself, “How do I need to be different to have the life and love I most want?”  And that’s when everything changed: I found the love I wanted because I was clear about what I needed and was open to receiving it; I made new, deep friendships because I shared who I truly was and what I cared about; I became a better leader at work because I allowed myself to be open and transparent with my team. This was the first BIG step on my journey to wholeness.

So, I invite you to ask yourself two questions: 1) “What is my armor?” and 2) “How do I need to be to have the life and love that I most want?” Explore what comes up for you and whether you are ready to step on that path of self discovery because of what becomes possible when you do. You may just find the deep connection you’ve always been looking for.

More Crystal Heart Wisdom to come….

With love & light,

Nicole

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC