The Cacao Journals: my first time…

~ nicole ~ 1 Comment
There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in. –Leonard Cohen

If you haven’t read my first cacao blog–How cacao found me–yet, please do as it will provide you with background on my journey with cacao as my teacher and guide.

In today’s post, I thought I would share my first time with you, no, not that first time! My first time in cacao ceremony…. Just so you know, I was totally new to this when I started. My spiritual journey, up to that point, had involved lots of reading–Pema Chodrin, Eckhart Tolle, don Miguel Ruiz, all the usual suspects–and a little bit of meditation and even less yoga. Heck, for the longest time I hated doing savasana (corpse pose) during yoga. I could not for the life me be still! Being a lifelong runner since my 20’s and someone with an active body and mind, it was torturous for me. Today, it is my absolute favorite yoga pose.

Back to my first time with cacao. My ceremonial cacao materials had arrived from Scotland where my teacher is from–we live in an amazing world when a Scottish plant medicine teacher, who was called to cacao, can teach an online course about a plant that grows in the a tropical rain forest…. I opened the lovely box filled with a block of raw cacao from a shaman in Guatemala, some incense, a candle, and spices to add to my cacao elixir. She also sent an extensive PDF guide, which I consumed with delight, finding sustenance in the history, mythology and practical matters of preparing cacao.

I planned my first ceremony for when I would be at our cabin the redwoods, a perfect sanctuary for going deep and doing inner work. I drove up late on a Friday, exhausted from work, with a blinding headache, and decided to not hold personal ceremony that day and took a nap instead….

Our teacher had given us a gift when we first signed up for the course: our spirit animal, which she intuited from our energetic presence online and our Facebook picture. To be honest, I hadn’t given it much thought other than to research the qualities of my spirit animal, the white swan.

I fell into a deep sleep on the couch and woke a little later from a dream where I had huge wings, which were unfolding. It was a sign, a big one. I knew in that moment that I simply had to hold ceremony that evening.

I lovingly created my ceremonial space in the loft: a small altar with candles; sheepskin rug, pillows and a blanket; a journal and pen; and lots of water. I prepared the cacao elixir–raw cacao from Guatemala, warm water, some spices and raw honey– and retired to my cacao cocoon.

After saying an ancient Mayan prayer, to IxCacao (the Goddess of chocolate), I drank the cacao and lay back on the rug listening to a beautiful guided meditation as the cacao began its work. My teacher had also shared a profound and evocative sacred music playlist to accompany us for the rest of our two-hour long journey.

Well, sometimes to get to bliss, we need to let go of a few things first. In my first cacao ceremony, I cried like a baby almost the whole time! I had been holding on to so much emotionally for so many years, and cacao broke me wide open. As Leonard Cohen says so beautifully, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the the light gets in.” The light definitely got in that day.

It’s hard to describe what happened to me during that ceremony, some of which is so unbelievable, but I experienced something sacred, something that opened me wide to receive what I most needed. I had invited Spirit in, and I felt loved, at peace and at home for the first time in my life.

I so wish I had found cacao earlier. Believe me, I could have used Her guidance when I was in the corporate world. I so needed to be broken open then after years of protecting my heart from what that world was asking of me. I went from protecting to armoring my heart, erecting boundaries and walls, and finally, without even being aware, closing off my heart. It took a brutal 360 review from my direct reports (in sharp and ironic contrast, management loved me); two executive coaches (one at work and one at home in my husband); endless books on leadership and spirituality; and finally leaving the corporate world on my own terms before my heart opened again. If I had known about cacao then, and its catalytic power to open our hearts and access our inner wisdom and guidance, I would have been there in a heartbeat.

Often times, it’s only when we face a “dark night of the soul” that we, in despair, open our hearts; and yet, with the right catalyst we can not only open to that guidance to ease our suffering, we can deepen and accelerate our learning. It isn’t a requirement that we take the slow path to self realization….

We don’t open to that guidance because we’ve forgotten that we can. We’ve gotten so used to being self-reliant and self-sufficient, and dare I say, self-important, because we believe we can do it on our own, which is such a lonely road and one that may never reach its destination. Or we simply don’t believe it’s possible at all, which means living a life in quiet despair.

Not much of what we’ve been told or heard is true. What’s true is in our hearts. And cacao bursts our hearts wide open. And, as frightening as that may sound, because we are rather afraid of our feelings, aren’t we; it’s the path of the heart that will get us to where we actually want to be: at home, at peace, and deeply loved. That’s bliss.

Much love, light & cacao bliss to you all.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

How cacao found me….

~ nicole
All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Anonymous

Cacao found me. And she was gently relentless in her quest.

My journey with cacao–the raw ingredient in what we know and love as chocolate–began with the movie, Chocolat, the one with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. Seems a bit cliche, perhaps, but that’s how it all began for me….

In the movie, there’s a tiny scene, which no one ever remembers, where Viane’s father, a pharmacist, is sent to Central America to research herbal, ancient remedies, and in his explorations, he drinks cacao in a ceremony around a fire and falls in love with an indigenous woman, who becomes Viane’s mother. In the world of the Maya, “chocolate unlocks hidden desires and reveals destinies.” That was my “You got me at hello….”

Something unlocked deep inside of me. I suddenly had the unquenchable desire to not only experience cacao ceremony, but to learn how to hold ceremony. So, I went to the source of all things, Google, and searched the web for cacao ceremonies. At that time (6 years ago now), all I could find was Keith, nicknamed the Chocolate Shaman, living in Guatemala, who was called by the Spirit of Cacao to bring cacao out of the rainforest to the people and open their hearts. He lives there to this day offering cacao ceremonies on his rustic front porch and works with a local indigenous shaman and people to source, bless, minimally process and package raw cacao for ceremonial purposes. This is the sacred cacao I work with. Just last year, I finally was able to travel to Guatemala and drink cacao with Keith and his merry band on Lake Atitlan, a sacred, transformational place.

And as things beautifully unfold when we open to possibility,  I found a teacher (or did she find me?) who led an online course in cacao ceremony and created a private Facebook forum where her students gathered to share experiences and receive wise guidance as we practiced on ourselves, family, friends and ever-widening circles of the curious and spiritually minded.

Cacao, along with deep inner work, has revealed who I truly am, which has awakened a fierce sense of compassion not only for others but for myself. It has opened me to new levels of creativity and clarity; provided me with a sense of deep contentment in my life; and revealed my soul’s path and destiny. And I have personally witnessed its transformative effect on others in group and private ceremony. If that’s the gift of cacao, who doesn’t need a little more of that in their life?

 

I know it may seem hard to believe that this delicious tree and its fruit have such gifts to bestow on us. The Maya have known for a long time that it is one powerful plant, full of heart-opening medicine. I like to think of it as Rescue Remedy* for our souls.

Over the next few weeks, I’d love to share more of my story with cacao here. Join me on this sacred journey with cacao or, better yet, come experience cacao ceremony yourself. Allow it to open your heart and reveal your desires, spark your creativity, and guide your life path. It’s lusciously good medicine for your heart and soul….

Copyright 2017 © Soulscape Coaching LLC.

*Rescue Remedy is an herbal remedy made from flower essences that naturally reduces stress.

Stealing fire while imbibing the food of the gods?

~ nicole
“Ecstasis doesn’t absolve us of our humanity. It connects us to it. It’s in our brokenness, not in spite of our brokenness, that we discover what’s possible.” – Stephen Kotler and Jamie Wheal from Stealing Fire

What do cacao, also known as theobroma cacao or the food of the gods, and stealing fire from the gods (think Prometheus) have in common? Both cacao and fire were to be shared with humankind to empower them and bring them closer to the gods.

In their book, Stealing Fire: How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs, and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work, Stephen Kotler and Jamie Wheal, tell the tales of the new “Promethean upstarts…who are using ecstatic techniques to alter consciousness and accelerate performance.” Interwoven in these tales is extensive scientific research on plant medicines and other ecstatic modalities that evoke “ecstasis…the act of stepping beyond oneself and connecting to a greater intelligence.” This is the act and application of stealing fire and not only is it catching on, it’s spreading like wildfire….

And, so, what’s the connection to cacao? In their book, Kotler and Wheal explain the relationship between plant medicines and hallucinogens and the six powerful neurochemicals–serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, norepinephrine, anandamide, and oxytocin–that underpin the experience of ecstasis. Raw, ceremonial grade cacao in high doses just happens to stimulate all six of the neurochemicals required for this altered state of higher consciousness that enables “group flow” and enhanced performance.

Not only is ceremonial cacao fairly readily available (although you do need to know the right sources–not all cacao is the same), it’s delicious, and, most importantly, it’s legal. You don’t have to go all the way to Peru or be part of an underground movement to experience it.

Cacao ceremony, in its present day form, is moving beyond alternative music festivals and ecstatic dance gatherings into more mainstream, mind-body-spirit venues, and it’s going corporate, in the Promethean tech space. Google has held cacao ceremony for some of its staff.

According to the authors of Stealing Fire, accelerating developments in, and the understanding of, nonordinary states of consciousness are enabling a

“revolution in human possibility…. Experiencing the selflessness, timelessness, effortlessness, and richness of nonordinary states of consciousness can accelerate learning, facilitate healing, and provide measurable impact in our lives and work.”

And cacao is going to play a role in that. It’s about to catch on fire….

If you have followed my blog or read my website bio, you know that I have imbibed cacao, a gentle plant medicine, to access states of higher consciousness in personal ceremony; have trained in this ancient practice with plant medicine teachers; and hold private and group cacao ceremonies to share this experience with others, so my experience of what’s possible positively echoes the authors’.

Cacao ceremony offers not only inspired creativity, mind-body-spirit connection, and amplified performance; but also healing, integration and connection to life itself. It empowers us to be fully human.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

 

 

 

An expedition to who you truly are, Indiana Jones style

~ nicole
I have found my voice again and the art of using it. – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I went on an expedition looking for my soul gifts and along the way I found my voice.

I love when I hear young parents tell their children, “use your words” or “use your voice.” Encouraging them to use their voice is so unlike what those of us of a certain age were expected do; we were to be seen and not heard. Pair that with being told to “not” do so many things, or that what we did wasn’t “correct,” paralyzed not just our voices but our creativity. It raised “good” girls and boys, who possibly rebelled in more covert ways (I know I did), but it did not build women and men who felt they had something of value to say. At least that was my experience….

So, it’s been a lifelong struggle for me to find my voice, use my words and express myself. And now, after much revealing and healing, I can’t stop sharing my story and what I’ve learned because I know it has a purpose now: to guide, support and heal others.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what needed healing and how did I do it? The two are inextricably intertwined.

  1. I had to question the beliefs (assumptions and opinions) I had formed about not just myself but life itself, and discover what was real and true.
  2. I had to let go of expectations and wanting to control the outcome, which opened me to possibility and accepting uncertainty.
  3. I had to acknowledge and face my fear of being shamed, blamed, unapproved of, rejected or disliked.
  4. I had let go of aspects of my identity, and the persona I had created, that weren’t truly me or who I wanted to be.
  5. I had to feel into what I truly cared about and valued, not what my family, friends or society thought I should value.
  6. I had to move from a fear-based, scarcity mindset to one of abundance, which meant embracing gratitude, humility, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, compassion, and unconditional love.
  7. I had to understand the essence of who I truly am.

From the depths of this inner work–it’s true, you have to do the work, my friends–emerged my true, authentic voice. And much healing, some of which was super subtle requiring just a soft touch.

It was an excavation, almost an anthropological dig, and at the bottom of it was me! I’m not going to say that all that digging and uncovering was easy or not messy; it was, but the result has been absolutely life-changing, life-affirming and life-giving for me.

Know that the excavation is necessary. Know that you don’t have to do all the digging alone. And know that those of us, who have gone on the dig before you, can and will guide you with unconditional love, support and maybe even a bit of wisdom. It’s our mission to do so. Indiana Jones style :).

Your voice is welcome here. So, let me know how this makes you feel.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Fun seriously….

~ nicole
No one looks stupid when they’re having fun. – Amy Poehler
Fun is good. – Dr. Seuss

This post is all about fun, seriously!

The constant refrain I’m hearing from friends and clients, and even myself, these days is, “I need more fun in my life.” We’re all so busy striving and surviving and justifying that we can’t have fun anymore. I suspect we don’t even know what fun is anymore.

Fun has no other agenda than that; it’s just fun. It’s not getting a workout in while you’re having “fun;” it’s not learning a new language while you’re having “fun;” it’s not worrying about winning or how you look while you’re having “fun.” If we have to justify it, or it has another agenda, it’s not fun, plain and simple.

I think we’ve largely forgotten how to have fun because we’re so busy over-planning it, manufacturing it, and over-thinking it. We let our heads get in the way of actually having it. Or we’re told we can’t have fun; it’s not allowed. Here’s an example from last weekend.

It was unusually warm here in Marin, CA last weekend after months and months of rain, which has made all the creeks burble with delight and has blessed us with gifts of tiny waterfalls in the redwoods. Sounds blissful, doesn’t it? On a hike last Saturday to Cascade Falls, which has been dry for years, I heard joyful whooping and hollering, and wondered what all the fuss was about…. The path ahead skirted high above a bend in the creek where a series of natural whirlpools collect. When I looked down from above at the sounds emerging from the creek, I saw a young bare chested guy (he may have been naked for all I know) floating and being tossed around in one of the whirlpools. He was grinning from ear and ear, just loving the experience. It sure looked like fun. Cold, but fun.

As I continued on the return leg of my hike, I came across a couple with a young son about five years old walking along where the creek parallels the street in the wooded neighborhood leading to the trail. The boy declared, “I want to go play in the creek.” His parents, immediately, said “No, you can’t,” and, naturally, the boy asked, “Why?” That’s when I overheard the parents tell him three reasons why he couldn’t, which was really a code word for “shouldn’t.” 1) It’s illegal (which is simply not true), 2) It’s dirty (which is also not true as it flows through an affluent neighborhood), and 3) I’ve forgotten the third one, but you get the gist. It broke my heart to hear these “reasons,” and I’m pretty sure it broke the boy’s too.

This is what we do–we talk ourselves out of having fun; we find all the reasons in the world not to do something or let others tell us what we can or can’t do (even when it’s not true), or we externalize fun by expecting someone or something else to provide it for us (if only I had a boyfriend or more money or a better this or that, I would have more fun). We hold ourselves back so much from fun that it’s exhausting just thinking about having it!

So this weekend, I decided to think differently about fun. I declared that fun is not something that I need to think about or plan; it’s not something that someone else can give me. It’s me. I am fun. I come with fun built in. And, you know what, this way of reframing fun totally changed how I felt. I felt freer, I laughed more, I didn’t worry about what might or might not happen. And, you know what, I actually had more fun.

Hmm, I feel like splashing around in a creek barefoot right about now…. How about you?

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

Intention plus gratitude: some kind of powerful

~ nicole
The real gift of gratitude is that the more grateful you are, the more present you become. – Robert Holden

As you know, I have this tendency to follow the slender threads of synchronicity that show up in my life because they always lead to something good (even if sometimes I don’t see it at first). The other week, I was on a webinar and the presenter happened to mention a private Facebook group, the Gratitude Circle, which has over 22,000 members. Intrigued, especially after noticing the transformative effects of setting gentle intentions every morning, I joined the circle and began sharing what I was grateful for each day. It was a beautiful complement to my intention setting.

As I drank my morning tea, I would pause and feel into my intention, allowing it to gently emerge and capture it on my laptop. Then I would turn my attention inward again to ask what I was grateful for that day, make my way to the Gratitude Circle and share my thoughts with a group of positive, supportive and loving people. I truly felt blessed each day; it took just a few minutes out of my day; and the benefits were tremendous. I was clear, confident, and more resilient when I set my intentions for the day. I was more open, heart-centered and compassionate when I declared my gratitude. I don’t know if you noticed, but the two balance each other beautifully, and together make for heart-centered inspiration!

Often, what I expressed gratitude for is what showed up for me after releasing my gentle intention for the day. Now that is some kind of powerful!

And what’s really fascinating is that I found myself slightly addicted (in a good way) to setting my intentions and expressing my gratitude. On the mornings when I tried to come up with an excuse (usually a lame one) not to do them, I felt strangely guilty, so I’d find a way to make time and space for them. The key to making them happen was including them in my morning routine, being disciplined, and not allowing myself any excuse (except maybe if the house was on fire).

“Cultivating gratitude has been scientifically linked to better health, less anxiety and depression,  a higher satisfaction with life, and a greater sense of joy. – Julie Santiago, The Gratitude Circle

If you are one of the brave souls who is setting gentle intentions for yourself each day, add this to your day and commit to it for one week (notice I did not say “try” this as there is no try, there’s just doing or not doing). The Gratitude Circle asks members to express gratitude every day for 60 days because we all know it takes a good while for a new habit to form, so if it feels good after the first week keep on going. I know I am….

Please share how it goes for you and if you feel different. I’d love to hear from you.

PS: Today I am grateful for everyone who reads my blog posts and is touched by them in some way. Thank you! Sending you love and light.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

Gentle intentions–meditation without meditating

~ nicole
Setting intentions means to set a goal that is in alignment with our consciousness. To live intentionally and mindfully we start with a positive intention. – Dr. Romie Mushtaq

Intentions have been on my mind and in my heart ever since I found myself guiding clients to go deep with theirs. If you recall, I shared my experience with intention setting in a previous blog post along with some tips on how to create a positive intention. Here’s a link to the post if you’d like to revisit it.

I was so inspired by setting expansive positive intentions for who my clients are and how I want to be in my work, that I decided to set gentle intentions for myself each day and see what unfolded. And, to make sure I actually followed through, I challenged myself to post an intention each day on my Soulscape Facebook page. So I did….

Each morning over tea, I sat quietly and just allowed an intention to emerge. Each day’s intention was different based on how I was feeling, how I wanted to be or what I wanted to show up that day. After setting my intention for the day, I wrote it down and released it into the world. Sometimes, I would feel as though I was gently carrying a baby bird egg with me all day; and other days, I didn’t think about my intention for the rest of the day.

Setting these gentle intentions each morning was so clarifying for me in so many ways: my mind felt clear and uncluttered, my energy was calm and centered, and my heart was open and spacious. It was if I had meditated without meditating at all!

Having to revisit my intention from the day before as I added my new intention to Facebook each morning was both illuminating and gratifying. It allowed me to see what had shown up for me that day, and what was so amazing is that what and who showed up fully supported my intention for the day. My week was positively full of beautiful synchronicity.

Here are the 7 gentle intentions I set for the week:

Monday: “I set gentle intentions for myself each day that guide my soul.”

Tuesday: “I am grateful for what I have and what is yet to come.”

Wednesday: “I reach out and share my soul gifts in joy and with love.”

Thursday: “I nourish myself with friends, healthy food, walks in nature and meditation each day, so I thrive.

Friday: “I reflect the radiant light and energy of my sister (and fellow) soul-workers by creating, collaborating with, and contributing to our supportive community.”

Saturday: “I trust, listen to, and am guided by my intuition.”

Sunday: “I let go of and release my pain by opening to the wonder and mystery of life.”

And now I’m hooked! I can’t start my day without setting a gentle, positive intention. On the days that I try to convince myself I don’t have time or I don’t really need one, I find I can’t not write one…. I’m pulled towards it as if it has an energetic force or attraction of its own.

What becomes possible for us each day when we set a gentle intention? A more calm, centered,  and openhearted presence. Clarity of mind and intention. Supportive connections and synchronicity. What more lays on this path? That’s the path I want to walk, one where possibility opens up in front of me welcoming and supporting me each step of the way….

So, if you’re up for the challenge, set gentle intentions each day for one week, and let me know how it goes for you. I’d love to hear all about what shows up for you.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Soul gifts–does the Stork bring them?

~ nicole
At 50, I began to know who I was. It was like I was waking up to myself. – Maya Angelou

So, just where do our soul gifts come from? And are they the same as our purpose or our passion? Both are great questions I’m often asked and well worth exploring.

I believe that we’re born into the world with our soul gifts; so, yes, in a way, the stork brings them :). In the indigenous culture of the Maya, those gifts are divined, acknowledged and honored at birth as the local shaman meets with the parents to determine how best to support their child, so she can live into her gifts and path. What a beautiful gift to give your child: the promise and a plan to nurture his gifts as he grows.

Unfortunately, in the western world, we aren’t given this kind of support at our birth, and so often our gifts are diminished, ignored or unsupported, and we lose our connection to them. Without proper nourishment and care, they simply can’t grow and thrive.

What is fortunate is that we can reclaim those gifts and accelerate their evolution (I know because that’s exactly what I did)…. So, all is not lost, dear soul warrior.

Reclaim your soul gifts

The beauty and richness of knowing our soul gifts is why I start my soul path coaching and courses with Mayan Day Sign readings, the ancient practice that Mayan shamans use in their divination work. These readings guide you through the evolving stages of your life; support you in finding your gifts, purpose and path; and show you what will allow you to achieve those goals and live into your destiny. They are an advanced system for understanding the energies that support and awaken your inner knowledge.

In the west, many believe we are a tabula rasa, a blank slate that we can mold into anything we want to be. Undoubtedly, free will and willpower are extremely powerful. However, we tend to use them a bit blindly: we set our sights on getting or being something and we go for it, but what we achieve doesn’t often acknowledge, nurture or cultivate our soul gifts.

When we forget or ignore those gifts, we feel unfulfilled even when we attain our goal. When we leave our soul bereft; it will cry out in anguish at some point–showing up as anger, frustration, depression, and even addiction or dependency–and we ignore its messages at our peril.

When we wisely use our free will and willpower and choose to fully embody and live into our soul gifts and path, we find our voice and our soul power, and we live a life full of meaning, purpose, and joy.

Share your soul gifts and shine.

So where does that leave purpose and passion? Soul gifts lead you to your purpose. Soul gifts are an energetic life force within you made up of specific characteristics, aspects and energies that are seeking realization. To truly understand your life purpose, you must know your soul gifts first.

We’ve all heard inspirational spokespeople say, “Follow your bliss,” or “Follow your passion,” and while that is a beautiful thing, it will not fully satisfy your soul. Your soul desires more. While passion projects may bring you joy, the joy of your soul gifts is deeper. Its joy connects you to your deepest self, the one that seeks meaning, the one that is your highest potential, the one that wants you to be of service to something much larger than yourself. Passions can be a little bit myopic; sometimes we want to keep them all to ourselves. Soul gifts must be shared.

Once you reclaim and start living into your soul gifts, you share your gifts by just being you, who you truly are, not the construct you’ve been trying to live into. Your self realization is their realization. And when you reach this point, and as you release the energy of your soul gifts into the world, your “work” becomes your joy. It’s an unbelievable feeling.

Feel into what it would mean to reclaim and live into your soul gifts. What would become possible for you?

Follow my Blog or Join my Soul Warrior Tribe and be soulful all the time….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The warrior way–the path from fear to possibility

~ nicole

Sometimes I forget I’m a warrior on my own path of self-realization. So, when I come up against a formidable foe like fear, I have to force myself to look deeply inside and find my courage.

Fear is a gargantuan roiling force feeding on its own energy, a many headed dragon that keeps growing new heads when you chop one off. It takes fierce strength and self awareness to defeat it.

I have my own dragon–a fear of failure–that has been an ever present fear for me since childhood when being perfect was very valued.  It’s been a constant companion, stalking and sabotaging me, holding me back from doing the things I most need to do. And just when I believe I’ve conquered it, it comes back in another form.

Recently I launched a marketing campaign for my first online course. I procrastinated, I perfected, I despaired at the technology, I lost belief in myself–all self-sabotaging behaviors. When I felt such deep sadness about my loss of belief, it was only then that I was able to push the button and send out the campaign. I knew then that the many headed dragon of fear was rearing another of its ugly heads and was destroying me from the inside out. And that I had to stop it. I had to find the source of my fear.

So what lay under my fear? I was afraid that if I sent my offering out into the world, no one would want it, and that somehow that would be a rejection of me, of who I am at my core. That’s the fear of annihilation. Yup, it’s heavy stuff, but very real at an unconscious level.

Now I know that nothing and no one can touch my soul, my essence, who I am at my core (I’ve done a lot of work on this), but I have to remind myself of that over and over again….

Nothing can touch my soul

But there was something even more to my fear…. I was creating an apocalyptic what-if scenario. What if I put all this effort into creating something that no one wanted? What if no one signed up for my course? That’s devastating on so many levels, including financially. Annihilation all over the place. Very messy.

And then I realized that my mind was fabricating my own mess. I was so attached to a particular outcome, to people signing up, that if it didn’t happen, it would be catastrophic. But what if there were other possible outcomes I couldn’t even imagine? Aha.

So I looked at what was showing up for me: the very first day, I received beautiful well wishes and intentions to forward my offer to friends; thumbs up and hearts for sharing my feelings and fears; and heartfelt gratitude for inspiring people to face their own fears and put something of theirs out there too. Maybe, just maybe the outcome I so desired–of having people take my course–was not be the point of it after all….

  • What if my offering was to inspire others to share their gifts with the world?
  • What if other opportunities would show up for me that would allow me to share my gifts in other ways?
  • What if something else was waiting for me that I wouldn’t see or be open to unless my desired outcome didn’t happen?

Letting go opens up possibility

What I know deeply now is that it’s in the letting go of the outcome that the dragon of fear is neutralized. I can’t possibly know what Spirit (or the Universe) has in mind for me. Only She knows what I most need to learn or experience or how best to share my gifts. And that’s why we’re really here, isn’t it? To evolve into our wholeness, into our highest potential, and to live into our soul gifts.

Of course, I very much want people to take my course. Psst, click here if you’re curious. That is the intention I am putting out into the world and to Spirit. But I am not holding onto it in fear. I am letting it go and allowing other possible, amazing outcomes to show up. When I do this, I am fearless, open to possibility. That’s the warrior way.

How are you living into the warrior way? What becomes possible for you when you do?

Healing your core wound by living into your soul gifts: how brilliant is that?

~ nicole
Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts. – Rick Warren

Can your core wound be a gift? Some teachers in the Finding your True Purpose/Soul’s Path space believe that it’s our inner core wounds, which we experience as a young child, that become our gifts. While I was (and am still) fascinated by this concept and agree with these teachers, and could see how their own wounding became their gift, I couldn’t quite apply the concept to myself. Often we’re the last to know, aren’t we?

You see, I came to understand my soul gifts through reflection from friends and colleagues; by studying my Mayan Day Sign, which is all about soul gifts and path, and understanding the qualities of my birth animal totem from the Native American tradition; and only then did I take the patterns I saw there and look back into my childhood to see if they were reflected. I certainly saw my soul gifts–the gifts I came into the world with–and I was aware of my core wound, but I didn’t quite see how my wound could be a gift, my gift to the world…. It felt like, just a wound.

So here’s how my realization unfolded for me. As I lived more fully into my soul gifts –my ability to deeply listen and hold space for others, reflect back a whole and healing perspective, and guide others to find their own gifts and path­–I began to share my experience and my story with anyone who would listen.

And here’s what’s fascinating: my core wound was all about not having a voice, about not feeling worthy enough on an unconscious level to share my thoughts and beliefs and even feelings. My voice (and me by association) did not matter.

When I began walking my soul’s path, I discovered that I finally had something to say, something of value to share, something that just had to be said, so I couldn’t stop talking or writing about it. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care if people glanced at me sideways or thought I was crazy or were just humoring me. I knew that what I had learned and experienced was real and true and beautiful, and that I had no choice, but to share.

It was in the sharing that I was healing myself. It was in the sharing that I found purpose and meaning. It was in the sharing that I found joy. It was in the sharing that I was guiding others to their own healing.

Finding my voice was a bright, new shiny gift. How brilliant is that?

So, the questions I find myself asking are: “What do I do with my voice, beyond what I’m already doing?” “How do I amplify my voice for its highest and best use?” “How do I help others find their voice, so they may have more purpose, meaning and joy in their lives?” “How can this gift keep on giving?” Because you know it’s going to be contagious, but in a good way….

How can our gifts keep on giving?

I’m still here in this new territory of voice, feeling my way through it, but it gives me no end of joy to contemplate it. I have opened the door to possibility. And now I have shared it with you.

May my sharing somehow inspire you to find and truly value your own voice, or find your own core wound, which may not be your voice but another, and heal it, so it becomes your bright gift to the world.

Please share your thoughts with me. I’d be honored to hear from you. And that way, I will have the privilege of responding with my voice to you. I need all the practice I can get :).