My happy, shiny giving place

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” – Maya Angelou

I have always been a fairly giving person (well, my older sister might have issues with that; I did take her Teddy Bear when I was one year old after all…). But that was an anomaly. And I’m truly sorry, Michelle!

img_2996When I arrived at our retreat terribly weak after having had the stomach flu (see my earlier post, “Surrendering to what is”), all I had left to give was my heart. Nothing else remained of me. I found myself giving freely, fully and completely. A light within me shone brightly.

I’ve given from my heart before, but this was different…. This time, I realized that I had no expectations whatsoever of receiving anything in return. Now that may sound obvious or even trite, but it’s actually kind of deep.

I always thought I gave without expectation or condition. On the surface, absolutely. But on a deeper level, I realized that sometimes I gave because I wanted to be accepted, loved, and appreciated; other times I felt obligated or that it was the “right” thing to do; or I gave because someone else had expectations of me. Certainly not horrible reasons to do things, but not pure of heart. Not from that happy, shiny place deep within me.

In my weakened state, I was absolutely empty, in a good way. I had no ego left–no pretenses, no armor, no yearning. From this glorious state of emptiness, I didn’t expect anything; I didn’t need anything; I was free of any and all expectations of myself and of others. All I cared about was that those to whom I was giving felt loved and supported. It was fantastically liberating. And what was so delightful and beautiful was the abundance of unconditional love I received from our retreat tribe. I am so grateful to all of you.

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This experience filled me with such joy that I was reminded of when I lie in a hammock and haven’t a care in the world. Just me and the hammock in an energetic exchange expecting nothing of the other, while being fully supported as our energy flows back and forth. I definitely want more of that (no expectations of course)!

The question for me is: “How do I come from that place all the time?” “How do I give without condition or expectation in every moment?” Just knowing that happy, shiny giving place exists is a big realization for me. And sometimes, just knowing something is possible makes it easier to access until it becomes the only place from which giving comes.

Now, I’m off to find me a hammock :)!

img_3204Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Surrendering to what is, or who can argue with the stomach flu?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”  – Sonia Ricotta

I’ve always been a bit of a planner, definitely an over preparer, more comfortable knowing where I’m going, when I’ll arrive, what I’m doing, and having some sense of certainty of the outcome. So, just being in the moment has always been a bit challenging for me.

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One of many suspension bridges at Aitlan Nature Preserve

And the stomach flu put an end to all that…! All plans up in the air and with no strength left, I was as unprepared, wobbly and weak as a newborn, baby doe walking on a suspension bridge. My weakened state forced me to surrender or allowed me to be fully in the moment, depending on how you look at it.

I had planned to arrive 2 1/2 days early for the yoga and Mayan ceremony retreat I was co-leading. That buffer of a few days would have given me time to visit the Nature Preserve where we were holding our first official ceremony (I had never been before); visit a local village to buy a few artisanal pieces for my cacao altar; put together gift bags for our guests; and settle in and center myself. But, alas, Spirit had other plans for me :).

On the very day I was to leave on the red eye, my body rebelled, and I found myself purged and shivering in bed. My husband rebooked my flight for three days later, knowing the length of his own healing since he had just recovered from the flu himself, and I prayed that I could just get myself on the plane.

Weak and exhausted, and sustained only by sparkling water, clear broth and peppermint tea, I boarded the plane. I slept a bit and managed to eat my first solid food on my layover in Houston (oatmeal never tasted so darn good). When I arrived in Guatemala City, to add more uncertainty and delay to my trip, our shuttle to the retreat center was delayed, and we arrived even later than planned with just enough time for me to greet our guests, shower, and eat a very light dinner before scrambling to put together their gifts.

img_3445I arrived late for opening circle (I am never late for anything), but luckily I came bearing gifts, so that smoothed my way. As we opened circle, I shared what was in my heart. Actually, that was all that was left of me. Just my heart. And it was perfect. I didn’t even have the strength to criticize myself afterwards. Note to self: heart-centered giving (with no expectations) weakens an Inner Critic. Good to know.

And I was surrounded by the loving support of my co-leader, Yuval, and the sweet understanding of our retreat guests. Yuval had visited the Nature Preserve for me and we mapped out the ceremony together–boat to Panajachel, Tuk Tuks to the Preserve, begin ceremony at the Butterfly Geodesic Dome, and hike down to the beach for the rest of ceremony and then back up.

However (you just knew there had to be one), the morning of ceremony, the manager at our retreat center helpfully suggested we reverse our plan as the boat could drop us directly on the beach! It would be more direct and we wouldn’t need to retrace our steps and hike back up. It made infinitely more sense, although it meant changing the order of ceremony and improvising even more than I already was. Ha ha! Talk about being fully in the moment. Spirit wasn’t done with me yet….

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The beach at the Nature Preserve

I closed my eyes on the 15-minute boat ride to the Preserve and prayed to Spirit to guide me. And, of course, She did, and our ceremony was beautiful and perfect. Once again, I surrendered and found myself in the flow–open, spacious, allowing, trusting what would arise in the moment, and trusting myself (that’s always the hardest part)–as there was no other path.

There simply is no better teacher than reality and nothing more humbling than the stomach flu. I was truly blessed by both. They were a gift, even beyond what I shared here (more to come in another blog post). I am forever changed by my experience. I will still plan ahead a little to smooth the journey, but in the moment, I will be fully open to whatever arises, I will trust myself and Spirit, and I know it will be perfect just as it is….

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Tree pose by Yuval

BTW, that’s Yuval, our fearless yogi, who is always in the flow as you can see!

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Readings with a shaman

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“The toughest battles are those fought solo, in the deep interiors of the soul…. The more open you are to your own light,the more you trust the blinding power of this inexorable inner light, the sooner you will attain the truths you seek.” – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

I don’t quite know what I expected in my Mayan Day Sign reading with a Mayan shaman in Guatemala. Many of us at the retreat signed up for a private reading after our beautiful and transformative Mayan Fire Ceremony, where we honored each of the 20 naguales/nawales (Day Signs) that comprise the Cholq’ij or Tzolkin Mayan calendar.

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Mayan Fire Ceremony with Shaman Walther Thomas Mendoza Cholotio

We were told gently by our retreat center host that Thomas, the shaman, wasn’t psychic–that he would share with us his in-depth knowledge of our nagual and Mayan Cross (the five naguales that make up our soul’s path and destiny from conception), which might seem eerily true for us.

We were all touched and surprised by our readings. I was told that I am more than a soul’s path guide; I am a teacher of life and death, which I quickly (whew!rose-copy) realized meant metaphorical death. Right now, according to the shaman, I am to teach about death, which is a beautiful flower. I took this to mean that I am to teach about transformation, how in order to grow and evolve in this life, parts of us (sometimes little and sometimes not so little parts of us) need to die, so something new can be created and we can unfold like a flower.

Transformation is something with which I am intimately familiar as parts of me (beliefs, fears, emotional or ego blocks) that no longer served me have been dying as I reinvented myself over the past 10 years. My Mayan Day Sign, E, which actually means the Path, foretold that my life would be a process of constant evolution, ongoing structuring and restructuring. It sure has felt that way to me. At least now I know there was a deep purpose to it all….

The destiny sign on my Mayan Cross is Ajpu or Ahau, the Hunter/Sun, the one who brings Illumination. It is this nagual that I am to live into now. It seems that by finding (or is that finally accepting?) my true soul’s path, I have stepped fully into my destiny, which is about overcoming “death” and passing tests, whether they be physical, mental psychological, or emotional. And now I am to teach others how to do this, how to overcome these obstacles and live into their soul’s path and life itself.

Ahau [Ajpu} is the Lord of Light, embodying the highest potential of all life and illuminating the sacred journeys of evolution of all living things. – Birgitte Rasine

As Ajpu, I am a hunter of souls and spirits, which seems appropriate given my work, and a protector of the seeds of life (I’m pretty sure that’s a cacao tree in the pictograph below, which is rather ironic). Don’t get me started on the scorpion, which is a symbol of death and rebirth. One crawled on to my sacred altar during cacao ceremony on our retreat. We managed to find it a new home….

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From The Book of Destiny: Unlocking the Secrets of the Ancient Myths and Prophecy of 2012 by Carlos Barrios

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Clearly, I have some thinking and gathering of seeds to do. The shaman advised me to “compress, center myself, and fade away” for awhile to gather my strength, so I can “illuminate others.” The image of a sunflower came to my mind’s eye, a flower that opens with life-affirming vibrancy in late summer and early fall in California.

Having just returned from holding space for others on retreat, I am retreating ever so gently into my own sacred space to contemplate, write and begin designing this unfolding.

It’s humbling to contemplate as I am become increasingly aware of the power of giving fully from my heart (another of my blog posts will delve into that realization) and offering my own deep experience.  I will continue to share with you what I discover as I explore these depths, so I may find ways to illuminate your path and ease your journey of transformation. This is both my mission and my promise to you.

If you are intrigued and wish to know your own Mayan Day Sign and Mayan Cross, visit http://www.tokenrock.com/mayan/tzolkin-calculator/. May it light your own path.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The gift of retreating

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“There is nothing more natural than for Life to align with Light in a sacred dance of co-existence and co-creation.”  – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

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The Lake (Lake Atitlan) called me back and I returned, not alone this time as on my first solo retreat, but with 10 beautiful and brave souls, who were open to whatever awaited them there. And what awaited was more than any of us imagined.

As we opened to our retreat, we left the bustling world behind and immersed ourselves in a new energy, an interplay of quiet solitude and tribal community, relaxation and movement, restoration and revitalization, and receiving and giving.

img_2981We closed ourselves off to the world as we knew it and entered a cocoon, a sanctuary, to emerge from our chrysalis more vibrant and alive, and with bright wings that allowed us to rise above ourselves and the world and see with new eyes.

We lived into the spiral of life, the intertwining energies of the four elements: creation and destruction (fire), nourishment and growth (earth), deepening and flow (water), inspiration and clarity (air). And we yearned to take that emergence and transformation home with us, back into the world.

Re-entry into that world is always challenging after retreat as it seems less real or even unreal, an alternate reality of frenzied, ungrounded energy, disconnected from our own deeply felt experience while on retreat.

Retreating brings us back to our true selves, and we want to bring that radiant energy and truth back with us. It can feel like a burden as the world does not always welcome truth and radiance, but it’s a gift we must give to the world, knowing that everything we give will return to us perhaps not in that moment, but in time.

Our inclination may be to protect what we experienced, shielding it from the unremitting, relentless darkness of the world. If that helps us to keep the light within us alive, then let us hide it for awhile, but know, to hide it for too long, weakens it; it needs to be given to others, so they may shine too, and in their shining, their energy comes back to us. It is the energy of life, the spiral on its return journey, the law of attraction, flow.

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If we have one mission in this life it is to rediscover who we truly are, so we can offer our light and our gifts to the world as we walk on our soul’s path. Retreating from the world for just a little while to deepen that connection to ourselves and to life itself allows us the spaciousness we need to restore that light. And then we, and others we touch with our light, can shine.

Many of us will return again to Atitlan. Our retreat may become an annual celebration of the transformative power of the Lake and our own transformation….

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

What makes you weep?

~ Nicole Gnutzman

P1000133Yesterday, I was contemplating what to write for my blog post. Usually, ideas just come to me and they flow. A couple came to mind, but they felt flat, there was no flow, my energy did not rise with them. And if my energy does not rise as I write, then my reader’s energy certainly isn’t going to either….

So, when does my energy rise? When I care deeply about something or someone. When I feel joy or even sorrow. When I weep. And that’s when I remembered what made me weep last week.

I primarily coach women who are looking to find their soul’s path. And, as I do that, I discovered that after we’ve explored their gifts and what they love, moved on to addressing their fears and limiting beliefs, and created the confidence to begin living into their new soul-fulfilling beliefs, inevitably, romantic relationship comes up.

My clients want to know how to heal and grow their current relationship or how to create a healthy, loving supportive relationship if they don’t have a partner. In either case, they recognize deep in their beautiful soul that their relationship needs to support the whole, healthy, vibrant person they are becoming. I weep with joy for them as that come to that level of clarity.

And what I hear, when my clients share their worries and concerns about their current partner or the people they are meeting, is that they are not being met, their soul is not being lifted up or nourished, and they know in their heart that something more is possible. And that is what they truly want.

In the past, we often looked to our romantic partner for certain needs, be they financial or familial or sexual, and that is no longer the case. We don’t “need” partners in the way we traditionally did. We need them at a much deeper level. And that is when I wept again. I felt deeply for all partners, who want deep connection too.

To allow our partners to feel true connection, we have to find a way to express our deepest need for them, not from a place of neediness, but rather one of strength. To see and understand their gifts, to know what gives them true nourishment, and to be able to say with love and curiosity, “I need you,” or ” I need your help,” in such a way that they can respond with their gift or knowledge or strength. Deep connection follows the recognition of being truly seen.

Be curious. Express your appreciation. Ask for help that only your partner (or your prospective partner) can fulfill using their gifts. Create a sense of deep belonging. And watch what happens….

As we lift up and nourish our own soul and the soul of our partners, we all become whole. We live in alignment with our soul’s path. We love. We weep with joy.

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Accept or decline the mission

~ Nicole Gnutzman
You may think you have no resistance to finding your purpose, but if that were true you would probably already know it. – Tim Kelley

IMG_1545Finding our purpose in life can be terrifying and sometimes perplexing. I know. As I was first exploring mine, I received a guided message saying I should make a documentary about ceremonial cacao. It came as a total surprise.

While I know a little something about cacao ceremony and am fascinated by the history of cacao, I know absolutely nothing about making a documentary. I, being the “doer” that I am, starting wondering how I could fulfill this “mission.”

My sister has an MFA, has taught film production and now heads the Media Studies program at a community college, and made a documentary film (a very long time ago), so I thought, she can help me! I even took the step of approaching her and she was mildly enthusiastic (she’s Canadian and still lives in Canada, so maybe I should have taken that mild enthusiasm more seriously :)).

Anyway, I soon realized that I actually didn’t want the responsibility of making a documentary. There are far better, more qualified people who could do it, and I had an inkling that my path lay elsewhere. It would have been a fun diversion, but documentaries need to be passion projects, they can take forever to be realized, and I just didn’t have quite enough passion or time.

Plus, to be honest, the thought of traipsing through the rain forest looking for indigenous shamans; the depth of relationship needed to gain their trust, so they would allow us to film them; and the time required to do this away from home and my husband, scared me. It was so far away from my current experience and I felt it put things I valued at risk.

I know now, and I even knew then, that what our soul wants for us is not always on the easy path. Could I actually say, “no,” to this?

So, I asked myself, why did Spirit give this to me? And then I just happened upon Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic, in which she reveals that “inspiration will always try its best to work with you–but if you are not ready or available, it may indeed choose to leave you and to search for a different human collaborator.” So, I was off the hook…. I could leave this for someone else to take on as their mission and continue to look for my soul’s true purpose. Which is exactly what I did.

Just recently, not that I was looking for further confirmation, I read Tim Kelley’s True Purpose: 12 Strategies for Discovering the Difference You Are Meant to Make, in which he shares that “you can accept [your mission] or decline it” and “your soul can give you a new instruction that is at a higher level.” That’s what keeps happening to Tim, and that’s exactly what happened to me. I declined one mission only to have another one be revealed to me, one that fully supported what he calls my “blessing,” or what I like to refer to as my gifts, the things for which I am a “catalyst, a facilitator of some process.”

The reason that I like to talk about being on your “soul’s path” is that, while our purpose and gifts are foundational, our mission or “highest level instruction” continues to evolve and grow, building on that foundation. Our soul’s path is an unfolding, one which is revealed to us as we walk forward with trust.

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Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching.

What’s in your way…?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Turn your wounds into wisdom and your stumbling blocks into stepping stones. – Robin Sharma

IMG_2814Some of us have blocks; some have walls and others have fences. Whatever you call yours, they are the unconscious beliefs we hold, or emotional wounds not yet healed, often developed at a very young age, that stop us from moving forward or making a change that would benefit us.

They are hard and unyielding, and imprison us. They trip us up and spiral us down emotionally. They stand in our way and divert us from our true path and what we truly desire.

 

And it’s hard to heal them because often we don’t even realize they are there. I’ve come to know that when the only thing standing in my way is me and my negative thoughts, then that’s a block my tired, old beliefs put there.

Finding your block and understanding it is fundamental to keeping it from showing up again and again, quietly infiltrating every part of your life. Because after all, life is an interconnected web. You know those goals you have for your work, your relationship, your health, your spirituality, and your joy? While they seem distant cousins, they are interrelated, and all of them will be thwarted by that little old block at some point. It’s that powerful, relentless and insidious.

What if you could step over your block or use it as a stepping stone? What if you could envision a beautiful gate in your fence or a wall with a secret opening?

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What becomes possible when you truly see the block, disempower it by naming it (I see you!), and transmute it by finding a way through it? You step onto your path, you walk through the gate of possibility, and you see with clarity what your future holds. To see, name, and transform what’s holding you back is both calming and liberating. The power that was in it, is now in you….

Change can either challenge or threaten us. Your beliefs pave your way to success or block you. – Marsha Sinetar

When you come up against a block or fence or wall in your life, look within. Be curious. Understand why it’s there without falling into the death spiral of blaming someone else or yourself for it being there. It just is. Name it (why that’s, “I’m not enough,” “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m afraid I’ll fail”). Feel your power as you recognize your belief for what it is. While at one point it may have protected you, now it’s no longer serving you, and it is in your way.

IMG_0844Come to see your block as a stone on a path in a beautiful Japanese garden; your fence with a curved wooden door, opening onto a gorgeous courtyard; your wall with a secret cavern opening to the sea. Your new beliefs are beautiful and spacious and they support you.

Take a step on the path. Open the door. Feel your burden lighten. See the possibilities before you. Walk on and through to where you truly want to be.

 

 

 

Postscript. As I was finishing this post, I came across a wonderful resource by Mary O’Malley, What’s in the Way, is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking up to Life. You may think I named my post after it, but it was actually the other way around. I named the post first and then it just showed up. That’s the way life can be when we fully open to it. 

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.
 

Effort or surrender?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender. – Danielle Orner

IMG_2357I’m with Danielle. I too am learning to live in the liminal space between effort and surrender, and some days I’m better at it than others…. I see this same struggle in many of my friends and clients, who have excelled in life by being fully in control, until something told them in no uncertain terms that they actually weren’t.

When we experience a loss or a longing that cannot be filled by ordinary measures of effort, it can cause us to question our beliefs about life and ourselves. Few of us want to accept life as uncertain; we want certainty and guarantees, and safe risk (if that’s even possible). Uncertainty, unpredictability and ambiguity make us very uncomfortable.

When we realize that our belief about life has been mistaken, we find ourselves at a loss of what to go do, so we keep doing the same thing over and over again–and that’s like doing more of the same and expecting a different result. It’s an infinite loop that never ends or a wall we keep running into. Effort, although it feels safer and more familiar, may not be the place to go to find resolution.

When we’ve exhausted ourselves and our options, we come to the realization that we have to let go of something, whether it’s a belief, pattern, or issue, that’s holding us back from what we truly want (more joy, connection, purpose, etc.). That letting go is what is called in spiritual terms, “surrender,” and it doesn’t feel either safe or familiar to those of us who have relied solely on effort.

 

Finding the sweet spot between effort and surrender just may be the key to our frustration and discomfort. Seeing with new eyes that surrender and effort can be complementary–a “both/and” rather than an “or.” What if we surrendered to surrendering? And then acted from there?

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Two resources that came to me as I was looking for guidance in this realm have beautiful ways of navigating this liminal space. The process in each, even though they come to it from very different healing perspectives, is strikingly similar. Each has tremendous value and power in itself, and I also found in working with both that blending the two is a truly powerful combination.

The first resource by Michael Mirdad, a spiritual healer, is, Healing the Heart & Soul: A Five-Step, Soul-Level Healing Process for Transforming your Life, which takes a more spiritual approach based on his work with A Course in Miracles. His healing method follows this path:

  1. Recognizing the issue: the courageous step of recognizing the need for healing and choosing to make a significant change in your life
  2. Accepting: taking responsibility for identifying the cause(s) of the issue and acknowledging the deeper emotions behind it
  3. Surrendering: surrendering all issues, emotions, people, events unconditionally by giving them to a higher power for healing
  4. Refilling: consciously calling in guidance and healing from a higher power and receiving the message
  5. Giving Thanks: releasing the issue, showing gratitude for the healing and acknowledging your readiness to move on.

The second resource, which I mentioned in an earlier post, by Leslie Davenport, a family therapist and ordained minister, is Healing and Transformation through Self-Guided Imagery, which walks us through self-guided meditation to access our heart’s guidance. Her path to healing and transformation is:

  1. Asking what you need guidance about: one word or phrase that encapsulates the issue
  2. Accessing your heart: bringing attention to your breathing by breathing in “Clarity” and breathing out “Peace”
  3. Discovering your inner sanctuary: allowing an image to arise of a place where you feel most at peace
  4. Bringing your issue to heart: holding your issue up to receive guidance (surrender)
  5. Receiving your heart’s guidance: asking your heart for “a wise and loving response”
  6. Thanking your heart: thanking your heart for its message and integrating its wisdom into your daily life through action.

What’s so amazing is that each process only takes about 20 minutes to complete, and you can do them all on your own. With both, I’ve found writing in a journal helps with the discovery process and integrating the healing guidance into my life.

Surrender all that no longer serves you. Let all that remains buried in your heart come to the surface and be healed. Let there be space for new energies to enter. A new beginning transforms darkness to light. – Anonymous

For those of us who are used to efforting, these powerful, transformative processes provide us with the steps to find our way to surrender and access our inner knowing, which then guides us to right action. We live in that space where both surrender and effort reside.
 

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Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

 

Finding your spirit animal

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Warriors believed that a particular animal would represent the power in their heart. They would put that animal on their shield, and the power of the spirit would protect them. – Dale Carson

A friend asked me the other week, “How do I get a spirit animal?” Well, I explained, “You don’t quite ‘get’ them, they come to you. They come in many different ways and forms, and what’s so beautiful, is that you actually already have one.”

In the Native American tradition, we are all born with a spirit animal totem, one that stays with us for life. Others come to us as we need them to balance our energies, bring us guidance and protection, and reveal aspects of our selves we didn’t know we had.

My birth totem in the Native American tradition is the deer. Deer people are “gentle peacemakers, who move softly but swiftly through tumultuous times” (whatismyspiritanimal.com). When I discovered this, I knew it to be true as it felt like my foundation, my essence, my core; and yet I also knew that I had grown into other aspects of myself that were far from doe-like :).

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The first step is to find your birth totem. Visit a site like whatismyspiritanimal.com , look for your birth date, and discover the spirit animal that is at your core or essence. It will tell you the qualities that you embody, and also the aspects of yourself that you need to protect and live into.

Noticing animals that show up suddenly and with intention in your life are also ways that spirit animals make their presence known to you. They have a message they are trying to deliver, so it’s best to take note, look up their symbolism, and see how it relates to you in the moment. If you are open to it, the teaching they bring you will be clear.

My favorite sites for animal symbolism are:

http://www.whats-your-sign.com

http://www.shamanicjourney.com/category/power-animals-totems-spirit-guides

IMG_2768Dreams are also deep messengers for animal spirits. This method of delivery comes with a double whammy, not only do you have to interpret the symbolism of the dream, you have to understand the relevance of the spirit animal within it. It’s like a puzzle or riddle, which can be fascinating. You may want to check out my dream guide (posted on my Facebook page) and look up previous posts of mine about dreams to detangle the mystery.

And I feel that I have to share this, so you aren’t disappointed in your spirit animal. Not every animal or creature that shows up for you will be adorable or seem powerful; some will look pretty ordinary, some will be nasty looking, and others will seem just plain silly. They only seem that way because we make associations that we have been taught (spiders are scary or snakes are creepy) or through experience (we were stung by a bee or bitten by a dog once).

IMG_2086Just so you know, the spider is now one of my spirit animals because it kept showing up: in my hair, on my clothes, under pillows (and I was deathly afraid of them), and finally in a dream. When it came to me in my dream (it was huge and was weaving a web on top of my head), I surrendered to it (after looking up its symbolism) and made it one of my many spirit animals. The spider is all about the web of life and creativity, a message I needed to hear in that moment…

 

Each and every animal, insect, fish, and crustacean has an energetic quality to it, something that makes it special in the world, and it is these qualities that are its power (and yours).

Being given your spirit animal by a teacher or guide is another beautiful way that spirit animals come to you. I was given the white swan by my teacher, from whom I learned about cacao ceremony, and I immediately looked up the symbolism of the swan and bought a white swan feather smudging wand for my altar. The feather reminds me every day of my aspiration to live into the qualities of inner grace, balance and commitment.

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Cacao ceremony is another way that spirit animals come to, and communicate with, us. The teachings of these animals, because of the communication channel (cacao), is often profound and transformative. Many of my spirit animals have joined me in this way and I now take them into ceremony with me as guides and protectors, and I even call them in before I fall asleep. I joke with friends that I now have a whole “zoo” of animal spirits. And I never feel lonely :).

And so, I want to take us back to the beginning, to our animal birth totem as our foundation, as the essence of who we are. Start there, acknowledge and honor who you truly are, and follow that energy and what arises…. Other spirit animals will come.

“Deer as a Totem animal belongs to those who shine the light so others may find their way home”( whatismyspiritanimal.com). Today, I am honoring my deer birth totem as I live into my true path guiding others to find theirs.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The gift of curiosity

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Curiosity only does one thing, and that is to give. And what it gives you are clues on the incredible scavenger hunt of your life. – Elizabeth Gilbert

IMG_2638Curiosity gave me the clues to a powerful way of self healing and a way to access my heart wisdom.  I’m definitely feeling the love for curiosity!

I have been suffering from recurring headaches, which run their mind-dulling course over a period of five days, for a few years now, but I hit my limit when I had two almost back to back with just one brain clearing, pain free day in between. I was desperate for some relief.

And that’s when synchronicity came calling and curiosity followed closely behind. Not long after my back-to-back headaches, my husband and I were watching a sports documentary about the 85 Chicago Bears–that’s the year they won the Super Bowl. While we both love an inspiring story, coming across this particular story was a bit random, which makes the mysterious duo of synchronicity and curiosity all the more compelling.

One of the players they interviewed during the film was Jim McMahon, the Bears’ infamous quarterback, who was now suffering from dementia, vision problems and chronic headaches from the head trauma he had suffered while playing. In the documentary, they show him having an MRI of his neck, which revealed that the vertebrae in his neck were badly out of alignment, causing fluid build up in his brain; once they adjusted his neck, he was out of pain.

Our curiosity was piqued. Maybe just maybe, that car accident I had over 25 years ago, had caused some damage to my neck that was only showing its symptoms now…. I made an appointment with a chiropractor, who specializes in cranial cervical adjustments, and within a few visits to him, and after one hypnotherapy session (another case of synchronicity and following my curiosity), I was headache free. For over two months. Curiosity had indeed cured my headaches.

Curiosity is the most powerful thing you own. – Anonymous

And then, the headaches suddenly returned out of nowhere. But the strange thing was, my neck was fine. So, with my newfound love of being irrepressibly curious, I looked for clues and a pattern. These headaches appeared after I spent time with a particular kind of person in a particular kind of situation (I won’t go into details here). Let’s just call them stressful.

Aha! I realized then that my typical coping strategies clearly weren’t working and I was letting their negative energy into my head space :(. Ouch.

So, where did my insatiable curiosity lead me next? To the healing nature of guided meditation. How exactly did I get to there from a headache? I felt into when I most feel filled by a radiant light, which is the exact opposite of the dull, weak energy I feel with a headache. And the guided meditation I experienced in hypnotherapy flashed into my awareness.

IMG_2785What if I could guide myself in this way, so I could access it whenever I needed it most? What if there was a resource out there that would teach me how to do this? And that’s when I was “gifted” a powerful book, Healing and Transformation through Self-Guided Imagery, by Leslie Davenport, a therapist and ordained minister, who uses guided imagery in her own practice and at the Institute for Health and Healing in collaboration with California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco. Thank you, curiosity!

I devoured the case studies with fascination, and, when I felt ready, I practiced her self-guided imagery process. My experience was both profound and healing, far beyond even what I imagined was possible. It truly was, as Leslie Davenport writes, “a journey to the wisdom of the heart.”

Oh, and Liz Gilbert just happens to be featured on Krista Tippett’s podcast, On Being, this week. Her talk is entitled “Choosing Curiosity over Fear.” I highly recommend it.

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