Alignment

The Cacao Journals: Polishing the edges

~ nicole

Beneath my hard edges…there is a love song. – Robert M. Drake

The other day I received a message in meditation that said, “Remember to be tender.” I teared up when I felt into that. My tenderness was something that I had embraced like a long lost lover, and recently I had felt it slipping away replaced by a frustrated edginess.

In the past few weeks, I barked at my dog when she wasn’t responding to my invitation to go for a pee more quickly. I yelled in frustration at being delayed in traffic. I said something insensitive to a friend. My usual equanimity was gone. Something was definitely amiss.

So often, we get through by having an edge–sharp, prickly or crispy (as one friend describes hers)–that cuts away or deflects things we don’t want to feel or take in. We act out this edginess; we impose it on others; we walk through the world with an invisible sword in our hands. God help those who get in our way. Whatever form our edges take, they are not loving, to ourselves or to others.

So, what can we do to smooth and soften our edges? It’s not by “taking the “edge off” as they say. That just mutes and muffles the edge until it raises its ugly head again. My way of taking the edge off (when I was still in the corporate world) was having a glass of wine after work, getting “comfortably numb.” When I began to experience severe migraines after even a few sips of alcohol, I gave it up entirely, and suddenly, my edge-taker-offer was gone. No muting and muffling for me.

Fortunately, when the migraines arrived, I was meditating daily and had discovered cacao, both of which smoothed my edges without dulling my senses. These practices allowed me to feel and acknowledge my feelings instead of suppressing them. As I became more aware, I could be more open, compassionate and loving towards myself and others. Tenderness with healthy boundaries replaced the edginess.

As I witnessed the re-emergence of my edges recently, I realized that they arise when I don’t stay true to my tenderness and unconsciously allow my ego to begin building walls around it. My tenderness doesn’t need the protection of my ego.

I broke up with my ego five years ago when I fell in love with cacao, meditation and shamanic journeys. These practices allowed me to dissolve my ego (without it knowing), gently stripping away limiting beliefs, negative self-talk and unneeded defenses until what was left was just tender ol’ me. A me that is vulnerable and yet strong in knowing who I am and what I care about. A me that can share and accept love unconditionally. A me, I like and love.

My original edges came from being what one friend called, “too porous.” I was like a sponge; I soaked everything in until I felt like I was drowning, so I froze all that wateriness and created a protective iciness. Sharp and yet shiny.

I feel as though I have a membrane now rather than an edge. It lets things in and out, allowing feelings to flow and not get stuck. It doesn’t judge, but it does filter and discriminate. If it doesn’t align with an energy, it either doesn’t let it in or filters it out. It has no need for defensive, protective edges. It’s smooth and self-healing.

The same friend with the “crispy” edges recently expressed gratitude to her partner for helping “polish” her edges. My own polishing allows me to come back to my softer, gentler, tender self, to the one I love. I can still be fierce and fearless, but always in service to my tenderness, my compassion, my love for others and self.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Wo-Manifestation

~ nicole

Unlocking your intuition means that you can stop chasing your desires and allow them to freely flow to you. – The Alchemy of Miracles

Last December, I was sitting in meditation and suddenly a “voice” dropped into my awareness out of nowhere that said, “You need to go to the Modern Elder Academy.” I paused and wondered why this message was coming to me now. I first had heard about MEA when an acquaintance mentioned it in the spring after she had attended their beta program. At the time, she said, “Nicole, you would absolutely love it there and you could offer cacao ceremony.” I was intrigued, looked up MEA and the founder, Chip Conley, and was impressed; and then pretty much forgot about it until my meditation many months later.

Surprised by the message, I checked in that I actually wanted to go, and then said, “Okay, Spirit, I would love to go, and I need your help financially. If you want me to go, then help make it happen.” I’m not even sure if I said “Please.” I gave it over to spirit and released any expectation. Two days later, I received an email from a women’s co-working space where I’m a member saying that they had been approached by MEA, which wanted to offer a full scholarship to one of its members. A written application and 5-minute video on why I wanted to attend had to be submitted by the NEXT day! I jumped on it. Long story short, I was accepted and was invited to share cacao ceremony (without me even asking). I was overjoyed and so grateful, especially to spirit for her guidance and assistance.

I told this story to a friend, an intuitive and clairvoyant, and she said, “That’s how manifestation is showing up now. It’s more feminine, a more receptive way of manifesting.” This way of manifesting requires opening to intuitive guidance, acknowledging the message that comes into our awareness, asking for help, releasing any expectation of how it might show up and acting when something does. It feels softer and more guided than conscious, intentional manifestation.

When I shared this miracle of manifestation at one of my cacao medicine journeys, one of the conscious men, who had bravely joined a room full of soul sisters, coined it, “wo-manifestation.” Everyone laughed and loved it (and him). Manifestation has gone all feminine on us….

Since then, my wo-manifestation powers seem heightened. In my most recent experience, again in meditation, I felt guided and found myself saying, “I’d really like to work for that company in some capacity.” Two days later, their business manager contacted me and asked me to join their team on a part-time contract basis, which was in perfect alignment.

When we open to the “suggestions” of our intuition and higher guidance, we become co-creators of our lives and come into alignment with our highest self. We always have the option to say “No, thank you” if the suggestion is too far beyond where we are or what we want to bring into our lives. Or we can say, “Yes, I trust that this is meant to come through me.” It doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges along the way to test our commitment and faith.

Eventually, the more we come into full alignment with our higher self, manifestation begins to takes on a whole other evolutionary design, but that’s for another post…. In the meantime, what wants to come through you into the world?

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC.