Truth

The Cacao Journals: Personal Truth

~ nicole

“The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.” —Anais Nin

In my work, I witness people, who, in shedding identities, negative self-talk, beliefs and expectations, come to the place where they reconnect to the essence of who they truly are. And from this place, they find they need to speak their personal truth. I honor and commend them. Having the courage to speak your truth is a very very good thing.

And I see and hear these same people “not giving a sh*t about what other people think or feel.” To let go of the need for approval or being liked for what you say or look like or feel is another level of bravery.

And…. We all want to seen and heard. The double edge of personal truth is that when we share our personal truth and don’t give a sh*t how it lands, there’s a good chance people won’t actually see or hear us. Why is that?

When you find your truth, you are like a toddler learning to walk for the first time. You’re going to wobble and stumble and fall on your bum a lot. What comes out of your mouth as your ‘truth’ may come out all awkward or unintelligible, and is not really what you want to say. Being aware and ok with that helps you keep on sharing. And reflecting on your truth helps too….

Your personal truth is coming from a place inside of you that hasn’t spoken in a long long while. It may even be coming from an outraged place inside you. One that’s angry and jaded and judgy because not only hasn’t it spoken for a while, it wasn’t listened to when it actually did.

That angry place inside doesn’t care that other people, including those who disagree with its truth or historically haven’t seen it, have their own truth (often hidden by woundedness). Feel into that for a moment. We all have our own personal truth. Every single one of us.

When we speak our truth, we want to be seen. If we want to be seen; we have to see others. If we don’t want to be judged for ours; we cannot judge others. If we want to feel the compassion of others; we must feel compassion. Personal truth is a mirror. See and be seen.

Personal truth is a mirror. See and be seen.

Once we let go of judgment, our compassion grows. Both for ourselves and others. We find there truly is no separation. Differences in preference, in belief, in opinion, yes, but under it all, we each have a human soul that wants to be seen.

Take time and space to reflect on your personal truth. In there you will find values, what you care about, what brings you joy, personal boundaries, and even some wisdom. Share it with vulnerability, openness and your heart, and see how it is received. Share it with anger, defensiveness and from your angry hurt self, and see how that lands. You may just find the difference in response is stunning.

Keep sharing your truth and build your awareness. Say it so you are seen.

Personal truth is not yet wisdom, but it is on the path. Wisdom comes from deep reflection and embodied experience. Wisdom does not need to be seen. It is beyond that, being of service to something greater than itself. It is heard, perceived and received as Truth.

Stay on the path of truth and you may find Truth too. In there, lies even greater peace.

Copyright ©2020 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Water, a Deepening

~ nicole

Water: voice of grief,

Cry of love,

In the flowing tear.

Water: vehicle and idiom

Of all the inner voyaging

That keeps us alive.

Blessed be water,

Our first mother.

John O’Donohue, from “In Praise of Water” in To Bless the Space Between Us

The tender-hearted tendrils of our earthly soul need water to grow and flourish. While the earth as element brings us abundance and foundational grounding, water brings us into relationship and connection with deep soul nourishment that replenishes and cleanses us.

As we begin to look at and embrace who we truly are, we may unearth deep, raw feelings, feelings we have repressed, suppressed, and even “managed.” Denying and ignoring our emotions may seem to have served us, but over time, numbs us to everything, not just the emotions we choose not to feel.

We cannot only experience the feelings we like without the others. When there is no space for all our feelings, there can be no joy (and we all want more of that). Embracing the polarity, the duality, the paradox of sadness and joy needing to co-exist gives richness to life itself. Once we begin to feel again, we feel it all; life suddenly feels wonderful and shitty at the same time. It gets real again. Wisdom and freedom lie in the discomfort.

From this very real place, we are invited to face our deeper feelings, the grief and sadness of what we have left unsaid, undone, unfulfilled; what we have yet to leave, discard, and let go of, so we can dive down into the watery depths toward the messages from our soul. To access the deeper truths, we must open, allow and receive.

Water symbolizes our emotional center, our bodily intuition, the deep feminine, our subconscious and unconscious; and offers purification and cleansing of our soul. Deep and murky, in those shadows true treasure lies. Dipping a toe in or wading in up to our ankles, will do nothing for our soul. Riches don’t float to the surface unless they are tethered to the mud below.

To heal and nourish our neglected soul is deep, immersive work and yet can be held with gentle tenderness. Cacao became that gentle therapist for me, never taking me deeper than I could handle. She gently peeled back the layers of all I had taken on and assumed over time, so I could look at it all (and myself) with compassion and love. Cacao slowly raised things from my subconscious and unconscious during medicine journeys and in the dreamtime for me to examine in the gentle light of day. She invited me to be my own witness and healer.

Our soul wants us to feel again, not by wallowing, dramatizing or getting stuck in our emotions, but rather by witnessing them. How do we witness our emotions? By acknowledging them (“I feel sad” or “I feel afraid” or “I feel joyful”) and being grateful (thanking the emotion for how it has served you); understanding just enough of why it is showing up in that moment (you may want to connect to your inner child and then ask what she/he needs); and then fully accepting and integrating the feeling, allowing it to move through you. This is the path to healing and wholeness. We remember how to feel without being overwhelmed.

The lotus or water lily is a symbol of enlightenment because of the beautiful bloom that emerges from the mud. It is a symbol of purity, spontaneous generation and divine birth. – hunker.com

Allowing our feelings to be met in this gentle way tends to our tendrils, transforming the parched ground of our being into a lush, fertile inner garden with a pond of inner reflection and gorgeous water lilies emerging from the mud.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: A Call to Wholeness

~ nicole
Dare to wear your soul on the outside…. Respond to the call: the call to passion and wholeness, the call to joy and fulfillment, the call to claim the magnificence and bounty of your own true voice. – Gloria Burgess

I can still be astonished by the healing power of Mama Cacao. I’m so close to the healing I received from her that sometimes I lose perspective. I still marvel at it, but most of the time, I’m just walking around in me all day, so I’m used to wearing my soul on the outside. When someone else experiences her healing power, my ears perk up and my perspective shifts. I see the soul healing before my very eyes; I feel it in my heart and soul.

In previous posts, I’ve mentioned that a cacao medicine journey or ceremony is a practice where your relationship with the spirit of cacao deepens over time with each ceremony. And sometimes she calls you to a further deepening, a deeper immersion.

A cacao dieta (diet) is that immersive practice. It’s a 10- or 14-day daily practice with cacao as healer and me as your guide. It begins with intention-setting, then a group or private cacao ceremony (this can be done virtually), followed by daily self- practice (as short or as long as you wish) with cacao either in the form of a bliss ball or a half serving of the cacao drink I share in ceremony. At the mid point of the dieta is a check in session to see how your deepening is progressing and if any adjustments need to be made. The dieta concludes with another cacao medicine journey, followed by a closing integration session. It can be profoundly and deeply healing.

A dear client and friend, who has experienced several cacao medicine journeys with me, recently felt called to complete a cacao dieta after she received a message in ceremony. She set her intention for her dieta as one of self-love to heal her inner wounds. At our mid point check in, she and I found ourselves in a state of absolute astonishment. I share her own words with you as a testament to her healing:

“I thought I had all this work to do and found it wasn’t about that at all…. Wholeness is always there. It’s learning about letting go, a 56-year process in the lightness of being. Embodying all I am is all I had to do. I am loving life.”

She felt herself opening to self-love and understanding that forgiveness does not require rehashing everything. There was none of “doing that to her.” She learned she just needs to be and when she does she feels luminescent. She has never felt more grounded in her life.

It makes me tear up as I write this because I know that all of us are whole in our deep soul. The truth of that is such a beautiful remembering.

Feel and follow your call to wholeness…. xoxo

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: The Paradox of Surrender

~ nicole ~ 4 Comments
The important thing is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become. – Charles Dubois

Photo by Laura Reoch of September-Days Photography.

You may have noticed that I took a little break from my blog. I’ve been focusing on other writing projects and designing classes to teach Cacao Ceremony both as a personal practice and for group offerings. I’d been asked many times to teach and always resisted it for various reasons (all of them quite lame). When I recently decided to commit to “everything cacao,” which was a message I received on a drum journey over two years ago, it made perfect sense to surrender to this too….

The beautiful thing about surrender is that when you finally do, that’s when things actually show up. Giving up the struggle allows the struggle to end. It’s so simple and obvious, and yet so hard for us to do. Surrender is not giving up or retreating; it’s both release and commitment, letting go and moving toward. It’s truly a paradox.

Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elemental truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. – W.H. Murray

Releasing and letting go means being honest with yourself about what’s not moving with ease and flow in your life, work or relationship. It shouldn’t have to be so hard. I’m declaring that one out loud. If we aren’t fully in alignment with who we are,  haven’t fully embraced our gifts, and aren’t fully reading, accepting and acting on the signs that spirit brings us, then, life is hard.

What do I mean by fully? Let me start by defining what it doesn’t mean; it’s not partially or somewhat or sort of. That’s neither fully in nor fully out. To put it bluntly, it’s not half-assed, not that I have anything against donkeys; they’re actually kind of cute, but rather stubborn. Fully means completely.

Life feels hard because we live in a state of resistance, ashamed of or not fully embracing our uniqueness, and not willing to wave our “freak flag high” (I borrowed that phrase from a friend who does it every day). When you’re being a donkey instead of a unicorn, it’s soul destroying.

Commitment and moving toward something means allowing for its unfolding: encouraging, revealing and responding to something in stages at the appropriate moment. Some cynics and critics claim “unfolding” is too passive and even wishful thinking. I beg to differ. An unfolding requires active engagement. A flower just doesn’t sit there and wait for the grand unfolding to happen; it grows up and out, responding to cues from the sun, the rain and the moon. It is engaged in its own glorious unfolding.

The process of unfolding is always evolving and changing. Instead of waiting for a magical unfolding or grasping at and forcing the unfolding, both of which are full of internal and external struggle (I can feel the tearing), we must find ways to be adaptable and resilient, weathering the elements, but first we have to give up the struggle. If we don’t let go, the struggle tears us apart.

I had been resisting the “everything cacao” message I received. While cacao was a big, powerful and beautiful part of my work, it was not my “everything.” Without that commitment, my work was unfocused, leaving me exhausted and feeling torn apart. I decided to give up the struggle and fully embrace and commit to cacao as my everything. I still don’t quite know where it’s going to take me or how it will all unfold, but I feel lighter and life doesn’t feel so hard. I’m following the signs that are showing up with full attention and intention. I decided to be a unicorn. What’s your everything?

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Crystal Heart Wisdom II: Take the plunge and carry bubble wrap

~ nicole
Every person has the truth in his heart. No matter how complicated his circumstances, no matter how others look at him from the outside, and no matter how deep or shallow the truth dwells in his heart, once his heart is pierced with a crystal needle, the truth will gush forth like a geyser.
– Che Guevara

Once we have named our armor and pierce it with our inward gaze, we see with such clarity that it is what’s holding us back from the very thing we most want from life and love. We inadvertently hurt ourselves as we attempt to protect ourselves from being hurt. That’s some bad logic.

So, how do we begin to take our armor off without shocking our system? Let’s explore a few techniques: 1) slow or fast immersion, and 2) luminous egg creation/ bubble wrapping.

With the immersion technique, picture yourself walking into a lake: you let the water first swirl around your ankles, then your knees, your thighs and your belly (the most vulnerable spot of all to the cold) before you let it surround your whole body (and touch your heart center). You slowly introduce those vulnerable spots to the water until they acclimatize.

Being aware that you have armor on at all, is the water around your ankles. Naming it without judgment (and giving it a nickname), is the water around your knees. Witnessing it in action consciously and catching yourself when you put it on again, is thigh-high, more vulnerable water. When you can consciously walk into a room or a situation without it, that’s belly-level water, which sometimes takes your breath away.

Leading with your heart and your light is the ultimate water baby and may require a flotation system in the beginning (I’ll get to that in a moment). And then, there is always leaping into the water to shock your system just once (full armor off, skinny dipping style). Know that in any moment you can always step back to “safer” waters….

The technique you choose depends on how badly you want to feel again and have the life you truly want…. Slowly and cautiously or fast and ferociously. Each is a conscious act. The prick of the crystal needle, whether it’s once or many times, will reveal the truth.

As you venture into the water (at what ever level you are comfortable), you can create a luminous energy field around you that allows your light and truth out while protecting you from negative or intrusive energy.

You begin building a luminous egg of protective energy by bringing in white light through the top of your head (your crown chakra); surrounding yourself with light; creating a soft, but impenetrable, shell around you; and then closing it off at the top of your head.

In a workshop I recently hosted, a participant shared her “Bubble and Zip” technique, which is similar to the luminous egg:

“When you know you are going into a situation where you may get triggered and feel the need for armor, you bring in light energy and then wrap yourself around and around in bubble wrap and zip it up so it is impenetrable. Your light still shines through and you are protected!” – Katie Morell

Be luminous (and carry bubble wrap). It builds your crystal heart wisdom.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC