Witnessing

The Cacao Journals: Polishing the edges

~ nicole

Beneath my hard edges…there is a love song. – Robert M. Drake

The other day I received a message in meditation that said, “Remember to be tender.” I teared up when I felt into that. My tenderness was something that I had embraced like a long lost lover, and recently I had felt it slipping away replaced by a frustrated edginess.

In the past few weeks, I barked at my dog when she wasn’t responding to my invitation to go for a pee more quickly. I yelled in frustration at being delayed in traffic. I said something insensitive to a friend. My usual equanimity was gone. Something was definitely amiss.

So often, we get through by having an edge–sharp, prickly or crispy (as one friend describes hers)–that cuts away or deflects things we don’t want to feel or take in. We act out this edginess; we impose it on others; we walk through the world with an invisible sword in our hands. God help those who get in our way. Whatever form our edges take, they are not loving, to ourselves or to others.

So, what can we do to smooth and soften our edges? It’s not by “taking the “edge off” as they say. That just mutes and muffles the edge until it raises its ugly head again. My way of taking the edge off (when I was still in the corporate world) was having a glass of wine after work, getting “comfortably numb.” When I began to experience severe migraines after even a few sips of alcohol, I gave it up entirely, and suddenly, my edge-taker-offer was gone. No muting and muffling for me.

Fortunately, when the migraines arrived, I was meditating daily and had discovered cacao, both of which smoothed my edges without dulling my senses. These practices allowed me to feel and acknowledge my feelings instead of suppressing them. As I became more aware, I could be more open, compassionate and loving towards myself and others. Tenderness with healthy boundaries replaced the edginess.

As I witnessed the re-emergence of my edges recently, I realized that they arise when I don’t stay true to my tenderness and unconsciously allow my ego to begin building walls around it. My tenderness doesn’t need the protection of my ego.

I broke up with my ego five years ago when I fell in love with cacao, meditation and shamanic journeys. These practices allowed me to dissolve my ego (without it knowing), gently stripping away limiting beliefs, negative self-talk and unneeded defenses until what was left was just tender ol’ me. A me that is vulnerable and yet strong in knowing who I am and what I care about. A me that can share and accept love unconditionally. A me, I like and love.

My original edges came from being what one friend called, “too porous.” I was like a sponge; I soaked everything in until I felt like I was drowning, so I froze all that wateriness and created a protective iciness. Sharp and yet shiny.

I feel as though I have a membrane now rather than an edge. It lets things in and out, allowing feelings to flow and not get stuck. It doesn’t judge, but it does filter and discriminate. If it doesn’t align with an energy, it either doesn’t let it in or filters it out. It has no need for defensive, protective edges. It’s smooth and self-healing.

The same friend with the “crispy” edges recently expressed gratitude to her partner for helping “polish” her edges. My own polishing allows me to come back to my softer, gentler, tender self, to the one I love. I can still be fierce and fearless, but always in service to my tenderness, my compassion, my love for others and self.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Energy & Awareness

~ nicole

Consciousness = Energy = Love = Awareness = Light = Wisdom = Beauty = Truth = Purity. It’s all the same trip. – Ram Dass

True awareness comes from a place of witnessing where we are aware of our thoughts and remain detached. Being aware energetically is the ability to be aware of our own energy and the energy of others, and not take on energy that isn’t ours. As an empath, I used to find myself unconsciously internalizing others’ feelings and energy, which took its toll on my physical and emotional health. Becoming aware allowed me to let go and heal.

This profound experience showed me we are energy. We can be dense heavy energy or negative toxic energy or high vibrational, clear light energy. We have the power to clear our own energetic field simply by being aware and choosing to let go. The process of clearing goes like this. First, become aware of your own energy and the effect it has and notice the energy of others you take on. Witness this from a place of non-judgment.

Second, choose to clear and lighten your energetic load, so you can be light energy. Some people subconsciously believe dense or negative energy serves them (it ultimately doesn’t), so they choose to hold on. This energy allows them to hold on to their story as the victim and brings them attention or gives them control and power from a place of subtle manipulation. Over time, it becomes toxic to them and others, and it shows up in their lives in negative ways. There is no escaping the effects of energy.

Third, let go and release the old, dense or negative energy through conscious effort. Energy healers (there are many kinds) are great resources for clearing. You can also do clearing on your own by sitting quietly and sending the energy into the earth or to your guides. Taking a purifying bath or cleansing shower afterwards supports clearing. Cacao, for me, is the ultimate purifier and brings with it such deep clarity. I have a powerful cacao elixir that does it every time! When in need, there’s always cacao.

So, that’s how to clear the energy when you take it on. What about not taking it on in the first place? The key is energetic awareness. When our energy is a clear light, we notice when other peoples’ is not. Sometimes, we know right away and can stay in witness mode; other times, the energy is harder to read because it’s veiled by charisma and subtle manipulation. We let our witness down.

Instead, our bodies respond after engaging with the negative energy, telling us something is not right. We feel intense discomfort; may shake uncontrollably or feel sick; our mind races, questioning why we’re feeling this way; and we can’t sleep. All these symptoms occur because our body’s wisdom knows and is responding to that energy. The same techniques that I shared above hold true here. In this case, you may need all of them to clear this more toxic energy.

As more and more of us clear our energy, those who want attention, control and power are attracted to us, not realizing that they actually can access their own clear light energy if they let go of their old conditioning and story. Clear energy is limitless and available to all.

When they do try, in subtle manipulative ways, to take your energy, often by making you wrong or blaming you, simply witness it. As they try to shift and spin the situation, even making themselves the victim, know this energy of blame is theirs, not yours. Stay as the witness. Be in your light.

As Ram Dass says, Awareness is Energy, Love, Light, Wisdom, Beauty, Truth, Purity and Consciousness. It’s all one. And you, in your clear light, are all of that. I celebrate you.

If you find yourself in a situation or relationship with a friend or loved one and the energy is feeling dense, heavy or toxic, please reach out for support. I’d be happy to have a 10-minute, no-cost session with you about how to release that energy, so you can be in your clear light. Send an email to nicole@soulscapecoaching.com and we’ll find a time.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC