awareness

The Cacao Journals: Personal Truth

~ nicole

“The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.” —Anais Nin

In my work, I witness people, who, in shedding identities, negative self-talk, beliefs and expectations, come to the place where they reconnect to the essence of who they truly are. And from this place, they find they need to speak their personal truth. I honor and commend them. Having the courage to speak your truth is a very very good thing.

And I see and hear these same people “not giving a sh*t about what other people think or feel.” To let go of the need for approval or being liked for what you say or look like or feel is another level of bravery.

And…. We all want to seen and heard. The double edge of personal truth is that when we share our personal truth and don’t give a sh*t how it lands, there’s a good chance people won’t actually see or hear us. Why is that?

When you find your truth, you are like a toddler learning to walk for the first time. You’re going to wobble and stumble and fall on your bum a lot. What comes out of your mouth as your ‘truth’ may come out all awkward or unintelligible, and is not really what you want to say. Being aware and ok with that helps you keep on sharing. And reflecting on your truth helps too….

Your personal truth is coming from a place inside of you that hasn’t spoken in a long long while. It may even be coming from an outraged place inside you. One that’s angry and jaded and judgy because not only hasn’t it spoken for a while, it wasn’t listened to when it actually did.

That angry place inside doesn’t care that other people, including those who disagree with its truth or historically haven’t seen it, have their own truth (often hidden by woundedness). Feel into that for a moment. We all have our own personal truth. Every single one of us.

When we speak our truth, we want to be seen. If we want to be seen; we have to see others. If we don’t want to be judged for ours; we cannot judge others. If we want to feel the compassion of others; we must feel compassion. Personal truth is a mirror. See and be seen.

Personal truth is a mirror. See and be seen.

Once we let go of judgment, our compassion grows. Both for ourselves and others. We find there truly is no separation. Differences in preference, in belief, in opinion, yes, but under it all, we each have a human soul that wants to be seen.

Take time and space to reflect on your personal truth. In there you will find values, what you care about, what brings you joy, personal boundaries, and even some wisdom. Share it with vulnerability, openness and your heart, and see how it is received. Share it with anger, defensiveness and from your angry hurt self, and see how that lands. You may just find the difference in response is stunning.

Keep sharing your truth and build your awareness. Say it so you are seen.

Personal truth is not yet wisdom, but it is on the path. Wisdom comes from deep reflection and embodied experience. Wisdom does not need to be seen. It is beyond that, being of service to something greater than itself. It is heard, perceived and received as Truth.

Stay on the path of truth and you may find Truth too. In there, lies even greater peace.

Copyright ©2020 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Transforming Disappointment

~ nicole

Awareness is inherently whole, complete and fulfilled in itself…..[I]t’s nature is happiness itself—not a happiness that depends upon the condition of the mind, body or world, but from a causeless joy that is prior to and independent of all states, circumstances and conditions. —Rupert Spira

This past week I believe I disappointed a friend when I cancelled plans because I wasn’t feeling well. I say, believe, rather than know for sure, because she isn’t returning my texts and calls. She could be super busy or maybe she’s working through her disappointment, but I suspect she’s just upset with me. I understand and have compassion. And I feel inspired to write this for all of us who have faced disappointment, so that we can redefine our relationship with it. 

Just this morning, as I was reflecting on this over my tea, I opened Rupert Spira’s book, Being Aware of Being Aware, to the page where I had left off reading it weeks ago. The above quote was waiting for me. No chance that. 

I have a deep and long history with disappointment as I’m sure many of us do. I still feel twinges of disappointment every so often, but I now know that when I acknowledge and release it in that moment, I open myself up to something even more beautiful. Often, the divine has had other plans for me…. I have found a way to transform my relationship with disappointment by being aware.

Several years ago I kept “being disappointed” by a family member. Every time we showed up to visit, she had other plans and would tell little white lies to hide behind. It infuriated me. I felt disrespected. And I realized it was making me miserable and I wanted my suffering to end.  

Reluctant to visit, we made another trip anyway. This time I was perfectly aware of my expectations and possible disappointment. I had begun to change my relationship with it. When, true to form, she disappeared, I actually sighed with relief and may even have laughed out loud because I saw it coming. In that moment, I received many gifts from my awareness—possibility, choice, freedom and joy. 

By letting go of my disappointment, which I had become rather attached to in a self-righteous way, I opened myself to possibility. That afternoon was blissful. I sat in the sun reading a book (two of my favorite things); spent sweet time with other family members; and when she finally reappeared, I transformed my relationship with her and with disappointment. If I had stayed in my disappointment and fury, I would have had a miserable time; instead I was in my joy. I was free of my suffering.

“I don’t mind what happens.” —J. Krishnamurti

This freedom opened my eyes. I realized that disappointment shows up when we are attached to and want to control a person or outcome: “It/she/he must be this way or I will be disappointed.” In trying to control, we seek to dominate; in being disappointed, we become the victim of our own failed domination. We inadvertently cause our own disappointment and suffering. Perhaps not an easy lesson to hear, but it is truth.

When we accept what is and let go of control, our disappointment lessens and transmutes. New possibilities emerge. We are at choice. That is freedom. That is “causeless joy.” All by simply being aware.

Copyright © 2020 Soulscape Coaching LLC. 

The Cacao Journals: Energy & Awareness

~ nicole

Consciousness = Energy = Love = Awareness = Light = Wisdom = Beauty = Truth = Purity. It’s all the same trip. – Ram Dass

True awareness comes from a place of witnessing where we are aware of our thoughts and remain detached. Being aware energetically is the ability to be aware of our own energy and the energy of others, and not take on energy that isn’t ours. As an empath, I used to find myself unconsciously internalizing others’ feelings and energy, which took its toll on my physical and emotional health. Becoming aware allowed me to let go and heal.

This profound experience showed me we are energy. We can be dense heavy energy or negative toxic energy or high vibrational, clear light energy. We have the power to clear our own energetic field simply by being aware and choosing to let go. The process of clearing goes like this. First, become aware of your own energy and the effect it has and notice the energy of others you take on. Witness this from a place of non-judgment.

Second, choose to clear and lighten your energetic load, so you can be light energy. Some people subconsciously believe dense or negative energy serves them (it ultimately doesn’t), so they choose to hold on. This energy allows them to hold on to their story as the victim and brings them attention or gives them control and power from a place of subtle manipulation. Over time, it becomes toxic to them and others, and it shows up in their lives in negative ways. There is no escaping the effects of energy.

Third, let go and release the old, dense or negative energy through conscious effort. Energy healers (there are many kinds) are great resources for clearing. You can also do clearing on your own by sitting quietly and sending the energy into the earth or to your guides. Taking a purifying bath or cleansing shower afterwards supports clearing. Cacao, for me, is the ultimate purifier and brings with it such deep clarity. I have a powerful cacao elixir that does it every time! When in need, there’s always cacao.

So, that’s how to clear the energy when you take it on. What about not taking it on in the first place? The key is energetic awareness. When our energy is a clear light, we notice when other peoples’ is not. Sometimes, we know right away and can stay in witness mode; other times, the energy is harder to read because it’s veiled by charisma and subtle manipulation. We let our witness down.

Instead, our bodies respond after engaging with the negative energy, telling us something is not right. We feel intense discomfort; may shake uncontrollably or feel sick; our mind races, questioning why we’re feeling this way; and we can’t sleep. All these symptoms occur because our body’s wisdom knows and is responding to that energy. The same techniques that I shared above hold true here. In this case, you may need all of them to clear this more toxic energy.

As more and more of us clear our energy, those who want attention, control and power are attracted to us, not realizing that they actually can access their own clear light energy if they let go of their old conditioning and story. Clear energy is limitless and available to all.

When they do try, in subtle manipulative ways, to take your energy, often by making you wrong or blaming you, simply witness it. As they try to shift and spin the situation, even making themselves the victim, know this energy of blame is theirs, not yours. Stay as the witness. Be in your light.

As Ram Dass says, Awareness is Energy, Love, Light, Wisdom, Beauty, Truth, Purity and Consciousness. It’s all one. And you, in your clear light, are all of that. I celebrate you.

If you find yourself in a situation or relationship with a friend or loved one and the energy is feeling dense, heavy or toxic, please reach out for support. I’d be happy to have a 10-minute, no-cost session with you about how to release that energy, so you can be in your clear light. Send an email to nicole@soulscapecoaching.com and we’ll find a time.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Intention & the Soul of the Universe

~ nicole

You are what your deepest desire is. As your desire is, so is your intention. As your intention is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny. – Upanishads

With the new year almost upon us, intention setting is everywhere. Intentions are the new resolutions. Resolutions tend to come with a state of doing: striving, wanting, and forcing. Intentions come with a state of being: listening deeply, allowing clarity to arise and making conscious choices. Sometimes we mix the two and can make a right mess of it, thinking our way into an intention, forcing the outcome, and being terribly disappointed. Familiar past terrain for me.

Setting an intention that comes from the ground of our being (the place that connects head and heart) is the first key to creating what we desire. A beautiful way to set mindful and heartful intentions is to allow them to arise into our awareness from a place of stillness and silence.

A few weeks ago, I was meditating and an intention arose into my awareness. It came out of (almost) nowhere and surprised me. It told me that I was to attend a retreat I had first learned about in the spring from a friend. She had attended a beta test of a new program at a retreat center just south of Todos Santos, Baja MX and thought the program would be perfect for me. She also knew how much I loved Todos Santos, where I have vacationed many times.

I was intrigued and filed it away, not quite dismissing it but not knowing when or how I would be able to attend. During that meditation, it popped back into my awareness with such crystal clarity. My intention setting in the past tended to be less specific, more of a suggestion than an intention. In this case, my intention was glaringly specific and I declared it out loud: “I am going to the retreat. I don’t know how or when, but I am going.” Just saying it felt powerful. I let go without expectation or attachment, trusting that the universe would conspire on my behalf.

The following Sunday, I received an email from an online community board, of which I am a member, sharing that the retreat center was offering a scholarship for an upcoming two-week immersive retreat, but we had to apply online by Monday. I was astounded, overjoyed and inspired. I jumped on it! I submitted my application and the next day was contacted by one of the facilitators, who had attended one of my cacao medicine journeys and recognized my name. What are the chances of that?

At the end of the week, I found out that I was accepted for a full scholarship. It’s amazing when we get clear and ask, what we can manifest…. I have to admit that my manifestation powers are not always exactly “powerful.” When I am clear, they are. When I have no expectations of when or how what I am wanting to manifest shows up, they are. When I am unattached to outcome, they are.

This New Year’s, or better yet whenever you can, take a moment to sit in silence and allow a desired intention to come into your awareness. What arises may seem to come out of nowhere, but trust it. Give it power and strength by declaring it and then let it go. Have faith that it will come. Watch for the signs and act on them when you need to. Tell me when it shows up. I would so love to hear from you….

For the holidays, I picked up a few books from the library to read while snuggled up by the fire. One of them was The Alchemist, which even though I read it many years ago, I felt compelled to reread. I leave you with two quotes from the book that seem designed just for this post:

“[W]hen you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth…. And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”

“[T]ry to make your own decisions…. don’t forget the language of the omens. And, above all, don’t forget to follow your Personal Legend through to its conclusion.”

On New Year’s Eve from 6:00-7:30pm join me at Harmonia in Sausalito or on January 5th at Soulstice Mind + Body Spa to allow your intention for the new year to emerge with the assistance of cacao medicine. To practice your manifestation powers, set an intention to come to my You are Luminous retreat, February 16-23 at Lake Atitlan, Guatemala. Just two spots left.

Many blessings and much joy to you this holiday season!

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching.


The Cacao Journals: Meditation while lying down…?

~ nicole
Each journey is considered sacred…. [T]he ancestors and helping allies reveal to us what is needed for our current healing and guidance. – Angeles Arrien

I love meditating while sitting up and lying down. Yes, you read that correctly, lying down. My lying down meditative practice began when I started working with cacao in personal ceremony.

My teacher provided us with a beautiful, guided meditation where we lay on the floor to relax our bodies for the journey with cacao; and then sacred music accompanied us on the rest of our journey, which almost always meant more lying down (or we could dance or sit or write or draw, whatever we felt most called to do).

I lay on the ground a lot, opening, allowing and receiving messages, guidance and healing as that was what I most needed. It became a healing, meditative practice for me.

This posture of “lying meditation” is actually an ancient shamanic practice according to Dr. Angeles Arrien, an anthropologist who studied ancient shamanic cultures and shared her learnings in the book, The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary.

“The lying posture is the most healing posture that the body can assume. The body equates this posture with rest and the nourishment that comes from receiving and giving love. It is the posture of surrender and openness. The lying posture assumed in the journey is way of placing the body…in order to open to guidance and to receive healing.” – Angeles Arrien

This was certainly my experience with cacao journeys, and it became even more evident as I began my work with drum journeys. Drum journeys are another shamanic form of lying meditation, one that allows for direct connection with spirit guides to receive healing and guidance. In this form, you can ask a direct question of your helping spirits and receive an answer while listening and journeying to shamanic drumming. My journeys with the drum for myself and on behalf of others tapped us into a wisdom beyond our minds.

We usually think of meditation as a practice of witnessing the mind and accessing a deeper state of awareness; as a sitting posture with specific positions for spine, hands, legs, chin and gaze; and as a practice that connects us to our breath. There is a meditation form called Yoga Nidra, where the savasana (corpse) pose is held while being led through a guided meditation. All forms are calming and clarifying.

Lying meditation with cacao or the drum embodies those same qualities, but what’s received is qualitatively different based on my experience with both forms. In order to explain it beyond my own experience, I Googled it, of course.

Scientific studies have been conducted to understand the difference between “regular” meditation and shamanic journeying. Here’s what those studies found, according to Sara Violante, a Shamanic Practitioner, Journey Meditation Instructor, & Reiki Master: “During ‘regular’ meditation the brain slips into a Delta state, but during Shamanic Journey meditation, the brain slips into Theta state.”

It’s the drumming at a certain rhythm or the ceremonial cacao that allows us to access this Theta state. Sara shares on her blog post: “Theta brainwave state is known to foster creativity. It is that space between being awake and being asleep…the state where there are no barriers between the spirit world and our brains. Entering into a theta state the mind is open, aware but at rest; there are no pesky barriers of consciousness throwing up “rational” road blocks for what presents itself….[W]e connect to spirit in this state and then the mind interprets this connection and translates it via imagery formed through the imagination – we receive imagery.” Thank you, Sara, for explaining it so well.

Both sitting and lying meditation are each beneficial and complementary. I practice both (not at the same time, of course) depending on what I need in that moment. While I have received clear messages while sitting in contemplative meditation, when I’m looking for a boost in imaginal creativity, deep inner healing where what’s being healed is beyond my awareness or direct messages from spirit, I lie down :).

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC