The Cacao Journals: Disconnect from the Static

August 25, 2020August 25, 2020 ~ nicole

“I love how disconnected you are to the static,” a dear friend and soul sister shared with me. We had just had a conversation about how some of our spiritually minded friends were in fear, assigning blame or credit to what’s going on right now and attaching theories to them.

This move toward wanting to understand; being certain of something, of anything; finding the culprit “behind” the pandemic, wildfires, and lightning storms is disconcerting, disconnecting and ungrounding. Right now, more than ever we need to feel connected and grounded.

This “need to know” has affected our ability to, as Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron, “be uncomfortable with uncertainty” and “embrace the unknown.” Our rational minds want to make sense of it all and our ego is having a fear-filled field day. And when it all comes down to it, the unknown is, well, unknown.

For those of us on a spiritual path, when we seek certainty, we are not honoring the teachings of our traditions or ourselves. Many of us have let go of ego attachment to our identities, limiting beliefs, assumptions. judgments along with larger belief systems and structures (social, political, economic) that attempt to make sense of, structure and even control.

And here we are, the ones who usually guide others to stay connected and grounded, caught up in the static, the noise, the disruptive, controlling forces that we have worked so hard to see and release attachment to. In fear, we are creating new belief structures to latch onto. Let’s open our eyes and see it for what it is….

In many spiritual traditions and in the Quantum world, all possibilities exist. What if extraterrestrials are trying to save or harm us? What if the conspiracy theories are true? They are only “true” because we make them so. Our energy, thoughts and focus make possibilities more possible. What if we chose to focus on the possibility we want, not the one we fear.

Free yourself of the burden of fear, blame and attachment. Hold a higher possibility in your mind and hearts. Invite in the highest possible outcome, whatever that is. Transform uncertainty into possibility. Live in flow not fear.

Photo by Ron Purdy.

No one and nothing is in control unless we allow them through our own resistance and fear. Disconnect from the static and reconnect to yourself, your inner light and wisdom. Allow that to be your guide in these tumultuous times and be a guide to lead us through. That’s my possibility.

Fueled, connected and inspired by daily cacao….

An expedition to who you truly are, Indiana Jones style

April 18, 2017 ~ nicole

I have found my voice again and the art of using it. – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I went on an expedition looking for my soul gifts and along the way I found my voice.

I love when I hear young parents tell their children, “use your words” or “use your voice.” Encouraging them to use their voice is so unlike what those of us of a certain age were expected do; we were to be seen and not heard. Pair that with being told to “not” do so many things, or that what we did wasn’t “correct,” paralyzed not just our voices but our creativity. It raised “good” girls and boys, who possibly rebelled in more covert ways (I know I did), but it did not build women and men who felt they had something of value to say. At least that was my experience….

So, it’s been a lifelong struggle for me to find my voice, use my words and express myself. And now, after much revealing and healing, I can’t stop sharing my story and what I’ve learned because I know it has a purpose now: to guide, support and heal others.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what needed healing and how did I do it? The two are inextricably intertwined.

I had to question the beliefs (assumptions and opinions) I had formed about not just myself but life itself, and discover what was real and true.
I had to let go of expectations and wanting to control the outcome, which opened me to possibility and accepting uncertainty.
I had to acknowledge and face my fear of being shamed, blamed, unapproved of, rejected or disliked.
I had let go of aspects of my identity, and the persona I had created, that weren’t truly me or who I wanted to be.
I had to feel into what I truly cared about and valued, not what my family, friends or society thought I should value.
I had to move from a fear-based, scarcity mindset to one of abundance, which meant embracing gratitude, humility, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, compassion, and unconditional love.
I had to understand the essence of who I truly am.

From the depths of this inner work–it’s true, you have to do the work, my friends–emerged my true, authentic voice. And much healing, some of which was super subtle requiring just a soft touch.

It was an excavation, almost an anthropological dig, and at the bottom of it was me! I’m not going to say that all that digging and uncovering was easy or not messy; it was, but the result has been absolutely life-changing, life-affirming and life-giving for me.

Know that the excavation is necessary. Know that you don’t have to do all the digging alone. And know that those of us, who have gone on the dig before you, can and will guide you with unconditional love, support and maybe even a bit of wisdom. It’s our mission to do so. Indiana Jones style :).

Your voice is welcome here. So, let me know how this makes you feel.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Free souls club

June 7, 2016 ~ Nicole Gnutzman

Be the change you want to see in the world. – Mahatma Gandhi

I’m going to admit something that I struggle with and am not proud of–I’m pretty hard on myself. I feel responsible for just about everything. And when it comes to blame, I’m spectacularly good at aiming it right at myself. I am a recovering self-blamer. There, I admitted it to myself. That’s the first step, right?

Now there are definitely some good qualities to owning responsibility and even laying blame at my own feet. For instance, I always look to myself first to learn my from mistakes and change what needs changing. Tolstoy once said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Well, I am that “no one.” And I’m sure, despite what Leo says, that there are many more of us out there.

I have never felt like a victim in my life because I thought that if I took responsibility for my actions, how could I possibly be a victim? But what I came to realize was that I was making myself a victim of myself. Pretty twisted, isn’t it?

Over time, I have experienced how taking on all that blame is a huge, lonely burden. I decided I was done with being a victim; I wanted to be free of it. So, I asked myself, “what’s the antidote to that? Plain and simple, it’s forgiveness. And a little bit of courage too.

If I can see with compassion that the one who is doing the attacking or blaming “knows not what [s]he does,” then forgiveness comes more easily. And if I look closely at those times when I blamed myself the most, I now can see that I was indeed blind and unknowing.

If I had only known then what I know now, that all of us, me included, have access to three truths (I’m sure there are more but these are good for now):

We are wise–deep within us is an innate wisdom if we choose to listen to it
We are good–our intentions are good when they come from the right place
We are loved–if we love ourselves first, others will love us too, simply for being us

If I listen deeply to those parts of myself, where these truths reside, then I can choose, as a “free soul,” to act wisely with love, while bringing good into the world, and I can see more clearly with compassionate eyes both my actions and the actions of others. No one is to blame.

We all can be part of the Free Souls Club, while changing ourselves and the world in one fell swoop (hence the need for angel wings).