Ceremony

The Cacao Journals: Cacao is for Men too.

~ nicole

Consciousness is the ability to be present in your life in every moment without judgment of you or anyone else; is the ability to receive everything, reject nothing, and create everything you desire in life greater than what you currently have & more than what you can imagine. – Gary Douglas

This post is for men (and women who would love their men to experience the healing medicine of cacao). My cacao medicine journeys are always filled with conscious women; it is the rare man who attends, except when I hold ceremony for a conscious, spiritual community near Mendocino. That phenomenon has made me curious.

Are women more drawn to or affected by the bliss-inducing neurochemicals released by cacao? It seems that way. Are women more open to subtle experiences, more in touch with their emotional body? Perhaps. But what about the men who do come and have a deep experience?

What I have witnessed is that they are what I affectionately call, “shamanic” men: on a conscious path, in touch with their spirituality, or open to the mystery of life, and at the same time, open to its subtler expression. Being open and curious are key to their experience.

Mama Cacao’s medicine is both subtle and profound. She invites you in; she doesn’t storm the gates like some other plant medicines do. Storming has its place as does gentle invitation. I have experienced and benefited greatly from both. Cacao is a gentler path, one that requires subtler perception, awareness and witnessing in support of embodied integration.

At my recent retreat in Guatemala, one brave man joined our group of women. Christian’s intention at the beginning of the retreat was to connect with the spirit of cacao, something he had wanted to experience in other ceremonies and was unable to do. He hoped that a more immersive experience with me would enable a deeper connection.

For me, cacao is a teacher, healer and guide, a gentle plant medicine that reconnects us to our deepest self and soul. I hold the space like a plant medicine journey where participants can open, allow and receive the medicine they most need in that moment. It is immersive and deep.

Christian recently shared this beautiful note after returning home to New York where he continues to work with cacao in his daily life. His lessons from cacao are deeply touching and profound.

“Nicole, your cacao retreat in Guatemala was so much more than a retreat and so much more than cacao. I have been to retreats that have been great in getting me to disconnect and relax and come back home relaxed. This retreat did all that and gave me tools that I began to use during the retreat and still use today. The beauty of the numerous ceremonies during the retreat (which varied between cacao, drums, fire, sweat and being in nature) are designed to get you out of head space and into your heart and soul so that you can integrate these experiences into your entire being in a way that is so profound.

Of the many teachings I experienced during the week long retreat, the following embody the ones that had the greatest impact on me since I have come home (and I write this 5 weeks after the retreat).

PRESENCE: I have definitely seen a huge shift towards being more present in my life on a day-to-day basis (and hour-to-hour basis). I feel that I am constantly bringing subtle things into my conscious awareness. I also notice that so many things that no longer serve me are just losing their grip on me.

JOY: One of the retreat participants raised this so boldly and unapologetically during one of our morning circles. If I recall, she said “How often are we making joy a priority in our lives?” I have to say that this resonated with me SO much that day and even so much more the days and weeks after. I became consciously aware that in the last 5 years of this beautiful journey of healing and transformation that I have grown a lot but did not have a lot of joy. I am now totally committed to making joy a priority. I am taking this in baby steps as I navigate joy vs self indulgence (which also has its place in life).

INTEGRITY: by your example Nicole, you truly inspired me to live in greater integrity in terms of my words and actions with respect to my relationships. I watch my words more carefully and see myself sticking to them and/or consciously aware when I am not . With 3 kids, I have ample opportunity and inspiration to practice this as I am modelling behavior for them.

SELF LOVE: this has always been the tricky one for me and is still the area I struggle with the most. That being said, I take time during the day for myself to just honor and appreciate myself.

STRUGGLES: I still have them and feel them. This past Sunday was a tough one for me for sure. I will say that I am learning that a lot of times, there is energy inside of me (of us) that seriously just wants to leave. On those days, I literally just ground myself either with cacao or just feel myself into a grounded place and observe it with ZERO judgment, meaning or interpretation and just let it leave my being. As crazy as it sounds, I feel this technique to be so much more successful than over analyzing the meaning, finding the message etc.

I thought the group sharing was especially important for me to express myself. As a man, there aren’t many opportunities to share this way and it is so very healing. I definitely would like to see more men participate in future cacao ceremonies and retreats.” – Christian Steiner

I invite men, who are open, curious and seeking more presence, joy, integrity and self-acceptance in their lives to experience a cacao medicine journey. Or more than one because cacao can be like a first date; sometimes you fall madly in love at first sight and other times you need a few more dates to be sure as she works her magic on you in between. Cacao will see you, love you unconditionally and support you well beyond ceremony. She is consciousness raising and embodiment medicine for your heart and soul.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC.


The Cacao Journals: Element Earth, a Home Coming

~ nicole

I arise today

In the name of Silence

Womb of the Word,

In the name of Stillness

Home of the Belonging.

John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us

In life, as we take on identities, responsibilities, expectations, attitudes, opinions and defenses, we often lose our truest self, our deep soul. This loss happens slowly over time, so we don’t notice until we find we are “living” a joyless life, one that lacks a sense of wonder and abundance. We become dissatisfied, disillusioned, and ungrateful. We trudge through life and relationships thinking is this all there is?

What remains deep inside of us is a sliver of hope, an untouchable essence that despite hurt or neglect is pure in its light. How do we rekindle that and grow that sliver into a shining, radiant light? We begin by reclaiming who we always have been. That reclamation may look like an archeological dig or even feel like an uprooting as we pull up what took root, shake off the clumps of dirt, and see what’s left to sustain us, which may just be a few spindly, seemingly fragile, tendrils. Those tendrils, while tender hearted, are resilient; they have lasted this long, so they must be.

How do we tend to them, nourish them, give them what they need to grow stronger and push up toward the light? We have to get back to the ground of our being, to the earth of ourselves, to our home. We do this through stillness and silence, dropping deeper into the self by inviting the sacred in.

We begin at the beginning with the element, Earth. Earth as ultimate mother, as nourishment and abundance, as an unconditionally loving and compassionate being, who provides and sustains. Honoring and connecting to the Earth reconnects us to our deep self. This is the indigenous way, the original way of being for us all.

Two questions arise when we look more deeply at our soul loss. The first, “Who am I?” opens us to a sense of rediscovery, curiosity and innocence. Turning our attention to and tending to those spindly roots. The second, “What brings me joy?” allows for exploration, adventure and wonder. The light of joy that nourishes our new/old roots and allows them to flourish. In this space of openness and allowing, we come home to something new and yet familiar, a remembering of who we truly are. Begin by simply asking.

Stilling the mind and dropping into that space through sacred ritual and ceremony, meditative practices, being in solitude or on retreat, contemplative movement, and plant medicine gives us a way to come home to ourselves again and again until home is just where we always are.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: The Five Elements

~ nicole

If you even have a little mastery over the five elements within you, life will happen the way you want it to. – Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev

The five elements are energies, not things. – Stefan Emunds, visionary author

When I began working with cacao several years ago, I created an altar for my personal cacao medicine journeys in the loft of our cabin in the redwoods. Enveloped in nature and feeling called to honor it, I was drawn to the elements: earth, water, air, fire and spirit/ether. Each direction of the altar represented an element and I found, purchased or made sacred treasures (crystals and stones, shells and a bowl of water, feathers, candles, a mala and medicine pouch) to honor them. In creating my altar with intention, love and beauty, I honored the elements and myself; it was nourishing, healing and exquisite.

In indigenous cultures, the elements are what everything in the universe is made of; they are all of creation; they are the circle of life. In yoga teachings, the elements help us understand the laws of nature and higher awareness. In Ayurveda, the elements are energies within the body-mind and are guides for our health. In paganism, we are made of all elements: earth our bodies; water our blood; air our breath; fire our spirit. In each of these traditions, when the elements are in balance life force flows positively.

In each of my ceremonies, I call in the elements as representations of the energies and qualities that, when in balance, make us whole and luminous. I created my own form for this, a universal honoring as I call in

  • Earth as Abundance, Nourishment, Love & Compassion
  • Water as Intuition, Flow & Messages from our Dreams and Soul
  • Air as Clarity, Illumination, Inspiration & Vision
  • Fire as Transformation, Life Force Energy & Creativity

The elements can also be identified as feminine and masculine aspects of ourselves: Earth and Water as the feminine; Air and Fire as the masculine. When they are in balanced relationship, we have integrated our masculine and feminine.

We are all whole and luminous in our deepest self and soul; our true purpose is to remember. Remembering comes when we give ourselves the space to drop into the ground of our being, that place of stillness and silence deep inside. No thought lays in wait here to hijack us, no emotion to be triggered, nothing to distract us. To find this place, we have to give ourselves over to it. Not easy at first, but it gets easier with practice; the mere act of intention, helps us to get there.

Ceremony, when done with intention, is the practice of giving ourselves over to the stillness, the silence where our wholeness resides. As Vanda Marlow, a wise soul sister, coach and facilitator, shared during her Soul Journey retreat at the Modern Elder Academy, “Ceremony is the intentional doorway into a wider world, a way to still oneself, the mind, and drop deeper into self. It all starts with a seed of intention.”

Ceremony drops us into this space, allowing us to honor each part, aspect and energy of ourselves and drop into the space of remembering who we truly are. Through this honoring, acceptance and integration, we walk in the world in our wholeness; we embody its truth.

In future blog posts (interspersed with other topics), I’ll be sharing more about each of the elements. I also have plans to honor them in a series of day retreats here in Northern California over the coming months and again next year in a week-long retreat to Guatemala. I’d be honored if you joined me in some way even if it just means reading my posts…..

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Holding space

~ nicole
The blessing of letting go is creating and holding sacred space for healing. – Debra L. Reble

In my own personal work with cacao, I found this to be true, that it was in letting go of my mind, my need to be in control, and my disbelief that I created sacred space (an emptiness) within that held me, so I could begin to heal and feel whole.

This is what holding sacred space is:  creating a safe receptacle or container where things can fall apart, disintegrate, and dissolve, and then come back together again more whole than before.

When I hold sacred space in group ceremony, the process is similar. While each participant must create their own container to receive the wisdom, guidance or medicine that they most need in that moment, I hold the energy of the entire space, so that each person can trust that they will feel held and supported on their journey.

To do this well, I have to create with devotion and intention, and be completely present in the moment.

When I co-create ceremony with Spirit, I often receive a “download” of a theme. Sometimes it feels more like an “upload” as it emerges from the ground of my being. I might at first just receive one word such as “Grace” or “Gratitude” and then it starts to flow. My opening words and guided meditations often just arrive, although I do write them down (you can’t take the writer or editor out of me).

The music playlist is the same. It all just comes together in perfect harmony. If at any point, I begin to think too much about it, that’s when it becomes a struggle. And that’s when walk away for a little while….

My presence on the day of ceremony starts with grinding the cacao while I listen to the sacred music. It is both devotional and intentional as I honor and bless the cacao.

On my way to ceremony, I select flowers for the altar that reflect the theme of the day and reflect on what can grace the altar in addition to my sacred “always” pieces.

When I arrive at the studio to set up, I am fully present with each action–unpacking, checking the sound, setting up the altar, making the cacao elixir and greeting the guests–and the act of being fully present with each begins to create sacred space and fills the space with light energy.

By the time ceremony begins, I am fully there, both in my body and out of it; an embodied presencing, connected to spirit through the ground of my being.

It’s rare that an outside thought intrudes and when it does, I notice, laugh to myself and send it away. The music keeps me quite present and in the moment I often dance (while seated) as I hold space for everyone’s journeys. Clearly, I am as nourished by the experience as they are….

Sacred space brings us such clarity, nourishment and healing when we create it for ourselves and others. It asks us to be intentional, devotional, and present. It’s in the noticing of what we receive from it that we can answer the call. Begin by simply noticing.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

The Cacao Journals: Meditation while lying down…?

~ nicole
Each journey is considered sacred…. [T]he ancestors and helping allies reveal to us what is needed for our current healing and guidance. – Angeles Arrien

I love meditating while sitting up and lying down. Yes, you read that correctly, lying down. My lying down meditative practice began when I started working with cacao in personal ceremony.

My teacher provided us with a beautiful, guided meditation where we lay on the floor to relax our bodies for the journey with cacao; and then sacred music accompanied us on the rest of our journey, which almost always meant more lying down (or we could dance or sit or write or draw, whatever we felt most called to do).

I lay on the ground a lot, opening, allowing and receiving messages, guidance and healing as that was what I most needed. It became a healing, meditative practice for me.

This posture of “lying meditation” is actually an ancient shamanic practice according to Dr. Angeles Arrien, an anthropologist who studied ancient shamanic cultures and shared her learnings in the book, The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary.

“The lying posture is the most healing posture that the body can assume. The body equates this posture with rest and the nourishment that comes from receiving and giving love. It is the posture of surrender and openness. The lying posture assumed in the journey is way of placing the body…in order to open to guidance and to receive healing.” – Angeles Arrien

This was certainly my experience with cacao journeys, and it became even more evident as I began my work with drum journeys. Drum journeys are another shamanic form of lying meditation, one that allows for direct connection with spirit guides to receive healing and guidance. In this form, you can ask a direct question of your helping spirits and receive an answer while listening and journeying to shamanic drumming. My journeys with the drum for myself and on behalf of others tapped us into a wisdom beyond our minds.

We usually think of meditation as a practice of witnessing the mind and accessing a deeper state of awareness; as a sitting posture with specific positions for spine, hands, legs, chin and gaze; and as a practice that connects us to our breath. There is a meditation form called Yoga Nidra, where the savasana (corpse) pose is held while being led through a guided meditation. All forms are calming and clarifying.

Lying meditation with cacao or the drum embodies those same qualities, but what’s received is qualitatively different based on my experience with both forms. In order to explain it beyond my own experience, I Googled it, of course.

Scientific studies have been conducted to understand the difference between “regular” meditation and shamanic journeying. Here’s what those studies found, according to Sara Violante, a Shamanic Practitioner, Journey Meditation Instructor, & Reiki Master: “During ‘regular’ meditation the brain slips into a Delta state, but during Shamanic Journey meditation, the brain slips into Theta state.”

It’s the drumming at a certain rhythm or the ceremonial cacao that allows us to access this Theta state. Sara shares on her blog post: “Theta brainwave state is known to foster creativity. It is that space between being awake and being asleep…the state where there are no barriers between the spirit world and our brains. Entering into a theta state the mind is open, aware but at rest; there are no pesky barriers of consciousness throwing up “rational” road blocks for what presents itself….[W]e connect to spirit in this state and then the mind interprets this connection and translates it via imagery formed through the imagination – we receive imagery.” Thank you, Sara, for explaining it so well.

Both sitting and lying meditation are each beneficial and complementary. I practice both (not at the same time, of course) depending on what I need in that moment. While I have received clear messages while sitting in contemplative meditation, when I’m looking for a boost in imaginal creativity, deep inner healing where what’s being healed is beyond my awareness or direct messages from spirit, I lie down :).

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

 

The Cacao Journals: Grace Ever Present

~ nicole
I do not understand the mystery of grace–only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. – Anne Lamott

I’m writing this post at the tail of end of 2017. It was one hell of a year, one that many of us would choose to forget. And, yet, for some, and I include myself among them, it has opened us up to grace. I for one, never conceived that I would not just acknowledge the existence of grace, but bow to it. As I am now….

Profound change, if you recall from one of my previous Cacao Journals, comes in three ways, according to Arkan Lushwala, an indigenous spiritual and ceremony leader: 1) a gift from spirit, or what we might call, grace; 2) the mystery of the black jaguar, who “destroys the prisons where we feel safe and comfortable so we wake up;” and 3) the will of the heart or Munay, which has us “constantly seeking encounters with the sacred sources that support our awakening.”

2017 was the year of the black jaguar to be sure; its claws lashing out and its tail sweeping everything clear, forcing us to accept change and transform ourselves. This clearing out awakened our hearts actively like a lightning bolt asking more of us and reconnecting us to who we truly are. For many, we sought out sacred experiences by coming together in community and in ceremony, and through inner reconnection. We began the journey home.

And, at some point along the way, you may have asked yourself like I did, “Where were the moments of grace?” Perhaps they still surrounded us, but we could not notice them until we had fully surrendered to what is and to who we truly are.

Grace is ever present. All that is necessary is that you surrender to it. – Ramana Maharshi

After much inner struggle, I surrendered and found myself in that place where grace is ever present. It took my breath away. While I still stumble on the path home, hit my head and forget about grace for a moment, I come back to its presence, and it gives me strength to continue the journey.

I believe that 2018 will be a year of grace. It will require seeing the gifts, the blessings of it, everywhere. It will require gratitude. It will require devotion. This may feel like a heavy responsibility, but it’s actually the opposite. It is a lightening, not of responsibility, but of the feeling that we are somehow carrying a burden and can’t quite make it home.

It’s in the letting go that we find our burdens lifted. It’s in the letting go that we find the light and the lightness of grace. It’s in the letting go that we find ourselves home again. Wishing you all a Happy New Year, full of endless grace.

Copyright © 2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Cacao Journals: Opening to Synchronicity

~ nicole
I am open to the guidance of synchronicity and do not let expectations hinder my path. –Dalai Lama

After I shared my last Cacao Journal post about the Eagle and the Condor, a friend, who read it, reached out and said she had something sacred to share with me for the cacao altar that simply was too synchronistic to pass up.

Then another friend, who had not read my blog (!), called and said I needed to come to an event with her the night before cacao ceremony. She didn’t know why it was coming through to her, but it was. That event was the final ceremony, after three days of workshops and luncheons, of the Pachamama Alliance, which, you got it, is all about fulfilling the prophesy of the Eagle and Condor and dreaming a new world.

In shamanic cultures, synchronicities are recognized as signs that you are on the right path. – Daniel Pinchbeck

You see what I mean about synchronicity? This is how cacao works beyond ceremony. She brings you beautiful and meaningful coincidences that only require that you accept and follow them. When I shared this story in cacao ceremony the next day, those who had journeyed with cacao with me before, nodded their heads vigorously. Clearly, this had happened to them too.

Spirit wants to support us on our journey in this life. She wants to bring us exactly what and who we need. She wants our lives to flow with more ease. Synchronicity is always there; we just don’t always allow ourselves to open to it, to see it, to follow it. We fly right by it in our rush to beat time, in forcing things to happen, not realizing that the key to flow and ease is in slowing down, opening and receiving.

Synchronicity happens when you align with the flow of the universe rather than insisting the universe flow your way. – Akemi G

Opening to synchronicity requires the following: 1) remembering you have an internal compass called your intuition, 2) actually listening to your intuition  and acting on it, and 3) if you’re attuned spiritually, asking your guides a simple “yes” or “no” question. The key is listening.

I’ll give you an example. A few weeks ago, a friend was holding a free yoga class in a park close to my home. Now, I’m not the biggest yoga devotee, but I wanted to support her and it was free after all…. However, there was some other reason I was being called, so I checked in with spirit. She said, “Yes!” which surprised me. I went because I trusted that spirit had something waiting for me there….

And sure enough, I met a lovely friend of the yoga instructor there, who asked what I did. When I mentioned cacao ceremony, she smiled and said, “I just heard of that the other day at Soulstice, and I really want to go, but I’m away the day it’s happening.” I smiled knowingly, and said, “Oh, that’s me. That’s my cacao ceremony. And I’m offering it at another studio this weekend.” Of course, she came to that one, and then another, and is deepening beautifully into this medicine.

She too wasn’t sure why she was being called to that particular yoga class because she only was able to stay for 20 minutes, but came anyway. She listened to the call and received what she needed too.

Listen to what’s calling you. Deepen your relationship with your intuition and with spirit. And your life will flow with more ease and grace.

Oh, and come do cacao with me! It’s the mama of all openers to synchronicity….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Surrendering to what is, or who can argue with the stomach flu?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”  – Sonia Ricotta

I’ve always been a bit of a planner, definitely an over preparer, more comfortable knowing where I’m going, when I’ll arrive, what I’m doing, and having some sense of certainty of the outcome. So, just being in the moment has always been a bit challenging for me.

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One of many suspension bridges at Aitlan Nature Preserve

And the stomach flu put an end to all that…! All plans up in the air and with no strength left, I was as unprepared, wobbly and weak as a newborn, baby doe walking on a suspension bridge. My weakened state forced me to surrender or allowed me to be fully in the moment, depending on how you look at it.

I had planned to arrive 2 1/2 days early for the yoga and Mayan ceremony retreat I was co-leading. That buffer of a few days would have given me time to visit the Nature Preserve where we were holding our first official ceremony (I had never been before); visit a local village to buy a few artisanal pieces for my cacao altar; put together gift bags for our guests; and settle in and center myself. But, alas, Spirit had other plans for me :).

On the very day I was to leave on the red eye, my body rebelled, and I found myself purged and shivering in bed. My husband rebooked my flight for three days later, knowing the length of his own healing since he had just recovered from the flu himself, and I prayed that I could just get myself on the plane.

Weak and exhausted, and sustained only by sparkling water, clear broth and peppermint tea, I boarded the plane. I slept a bit and managed to eat my first solid food on my layover in Houston (oatmeal never tasted so darn good). When I arrived in Guatemala City, to add more uncertainty and delay to my trip, our shuttle to the retreat center was delayed, and we arrived even later than planned with just enough time for me to greet our guests, shower, and eat a very light dinner before scrambling to put together their gifts.

img_3445I arrived late for opening circle (I am never late for anything), but luckily I came bearing gifts, so that smoothed my way. As we opened circle, I shared what was in my heart. Actually, that was all that was left of me. Just my heart. And it was perfect. I didn’t even have the strength to criticize myself afterwards. Note to self: heart-centered giving (with no expectations) weakens an Inner Critic. Good to know.

And I was surrounded by the loving support of my co-leader, Yuval, and the sweet understanding of our retreat guests. Yuval had visited the Nature Preserve for me and we mapped out the ceremony together–boat to Panajachel, Tuk Tuks to the Preserve, begin ceremony at the Butterfly Geodesic Dome, and hike down to the beach for the rest of ceremony and then back up.

However (you just knew there had to be one), the morning of ceremony, the manager at our retreat center helpfully suggested we reverse our plan as the boat could drop us directly on the beach! It would be more direct and we wouldn’t need to retrace our steps and hike back up. It made infinitely more sense, although it meant changing the order of ceremony and improvising even more than I already was. Ha ha! Talk about being fully in the moment. Spirit wasn’t done with me yet….

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The beach at the Nature Preserve

I closed my eyes on the 15-minute boat ride to the Preserve and prayed to Spirit to guide me. And, of course, She did, and our ceremony was beautiful and perfect. Once again, I surrendered and found myself in the flow–open, spacious, allowing, trusting what would arise in the moment, and trusting myself (that’s always the hardest part)–as there was no other path.

There simply is no better teacher than reality and nothing more humbling than the stomach flu. I was truly blessed by both. They were a gift, even beyond what I shared here (more to come in another blog post). I am forever changed by my experience. I will still plan ahead a little to smooth the journey, but in the moment, I will be fully open to whatever arises, I will trust myself and Spirit, and I know it will be perfect just as it is….

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Tree pose by Yuval

BTW, that’s Yuval, our fearless yogi, who is always in the flow as you can see!

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Readings with a shaman

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“The toughest battles are those fought solo, in the deep interiors of the soul…. The more open you are to your own light,the more you trust the blinding power of this inexorable inner light, the sooner you will attain the truths you seek.” – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

I don’t quite know what I expected in my Mayan Day Sign reading with a Mayan shaman in Guatemala. Many of us at the retreat signed up for a private reading after our beautiful and transformative Mayan Fire Ceremony, where we honored each of the 20 naguales/nawales (Day Signs) that comprise the Cholq’ij or Tzolkin Mayan calendar.

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Mayan Fire Ceremony with Shaman Walther Thomas Mendoza Cholotio

We were told gently by our retreat center host that Thomas, the shaman, wasn’t psychic–that he would share with us his in-depth knowledge of our nagual and Mayan Cross (the five naguales that make up our soul’s path and destiny from conception), which might seem eerily true for us.

We were all touched and surprised by our readings. I was told that I am more than a soul’s path guide; I am a teacher of life and death, which I quickly (whew!rose-copy) realized meant metaphorical death. Right now, according to the shaman, I am to teach about death, which is a beautiful flower. I took this to mean that I am to teach about transformation, how in order to grow and evolve in this life, parts of us (sometimes little and sometimes not so little parts of us) need to die, so something new can be created and we can unfold like a flower.

Transformation is something with which I am intimately familiar as parts of me (beliefs, fears, emotional or ego blocks) that no longer served me have been dying as I reinvented myself over the past 10 years. My Mayan Day Sign, E, which actually means the Path, foretold that my life would be a process of constant evolution, ongoing structuring and restructuring. It sure has felt that way to me. At least now I know there was a deep purpose to it all….

The destiny sign on my Mayan Cross is Ajpu or Ahau, the Hunter/Sun, the one who brings Illumination. It is this nagual that I am to live into now. It seems that by finding (or is that finally accepting?) my true soul’s path, I have stepped fully into my destiny, which is about overcoming “death” and passing tests, whether they be physical, mental psychological, or emotional. And now I am to teach others how to do this, how to overcome these obstacles and live into their soul’s path and life itself.

Ahau [Ajpu} is the Lord of Light, embodying the highest potential of all life and illuminating the sacred journeys of evolution of all living things. – Birgitte Rasine

As Ajpu, I am a hunter of souls and spirits, which seems appropriate given my work, and a protector of the seeds of life (I’m pretty sure that’s a cacao tree in the pictograph below, which is rather ironic). Don’t get me started on the scorpion, which is a symbol of death and rebirth. One crawled on to my sacred altar during cacao ceremony on our retreat. We managed to find it a new home….

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From The Book of Destiny: Unlocking the Secrets of the Ancient Myths and Prophecy of 2012 by Carlos Barrios

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Clearly, I have some thinking and gathering of seeds to do. The shaman advised me to “compress, center myself, and fade away” for awhile to gather my strength, so I can “illuminate others.” The image of a sunflower came to my mind’s eye, a flower that opens with life-affirming vibrancy in late summer and early fall in California.

Having just returned from holding space for others on retreat, I am retreating ever so gently into my own sacred space to contemplate, write and begin designing this unfolding.

It’s humbling to contemplate as I am become increasingly aware of the power of giving fully from my heart (another of my blog posts will delve into that realization) and offering my own deep experience.  I will continue to share with you what I discover as I explore these depths, so I may find ways to illuminate your path and ease your journey of transformation. This is both my mission and my promise to you.

If you are intrigued and wish to know your own Mayan Day Sign and Mayan Cross, visit http://www.tokenrock.com/mayan/tzolkin-calculator/. May it light your own path.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The sacred is even deeper within us

~ Nicole Gnutzman
A [wo]man must go on a quest
to discover the sacred fire
in the sanctuary of [her] own belly
to ignite the flame in [her] heart
to fuel the blaze in the hearth
to rekindle [her] ardor for the earth
– Sam Keen

P1000364I took the liberty of updating Sam Keen’s gorgeous prose about the sacred to include the feminine experience. When he wrote that piece many years ago, he believed that men were in desperate need of connection to the sacred. I would say the same is true of women, especially today, so we can regain and reclaim a deeper connection to ourselves.

The sacred strips us bare of all pretension, beliefs, and assumptions if we let it. It humbles us. Its fire burns away the things we need to let go of. And it is from that fiery, empty place that we can rediscover our inner sanctuary, the sacredness of our soul, and life-affirming connection to ourselves and to the natural world.

My first experience with being stripped bare and made empty by the sacred was in personal cacao ceremony. I cried like a baby while it opened up depths within me that I didn’t know existed.

We all know that chocolate is sacred on our tongues and in our tummies, but in its more raw form (cacao) it has a long tradition of being revered, celebrated, and used in ceremony by indigenous cultures in South and Central America, the place from which it first came.

cacao elixir

Cacao allowed me to find that place inside of myself where the sacred resides, revealing hidden parts of me and my connection to life, and set me on my soul’s path. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have been so intent on finding my soul’s path if I hadn’t opened myself fully to it.

Cacao ceremony became a practice for me, not a daily one (it can, as you might imagine, be quite stimulating), but certainly every few weeks. It brings me back in touch with the sacred like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. I am so enamored of its power to reconnect us to our deeper selves that I offer it in  one-on-one sessions as well as at retreats or when I’m invited to share it at group gatherings.

Many of the beautiful women with whom I have had the honor to share cacao have said that they experienced profound, heart-opening realizations. My own experience has been one of deep insight and wisdom, unconditional love and compassion, and healing. Although, it hasn’t always been all love and light; cacao opens us up to our darkness too, but in a healing way, so we can become whole again.

When I began this work with cacao, my dreams became much more vivid and profound as if I was tapping into the sacred in all aspects of my life, both waking and sleeping. The richness of dream language is astonishing in its ability to cut to the quick of things. It’s as if the picture it paints is made up of tiny puzzle pieces that we have to rearrange into a new, more meaningful picture we can understand and truly see. If we allow it, our dreams change our perspective; they open us more fully to our inner wisdom.

IMG_2609The sacred wisdom of ceremony and dreams reveal that the sacred is even deeper within us. And we have yet to plumb its full depths. As Robert Johnson, the eminent psychotherapist, wrote in his book, Inner Work: Using Dream and Active Imagination for Personal Growth,  “every expression of the unconscious–whether dream, imagination, vision, or ritual–proceeds from the same reservoir deep within. And everything, therefore, works together.”

Learning to work with our deeper selves–our unconscious–through ceremony or dream work, gives us, according to Johnson, “a deep source of renewal, growth, strength, and wisdom. We connect with the source of our evolving character; we cooperate with the process whereby we bring the total self together; we learn to tap that rich lode of energy and intelligence that waits within.”

We touch the sacred fire even deeper within us.