compassion

The sacred is even deeper within us

~ Nicole Gnutzman
A [wo]man must go on a quest
to discover the sacred fire
in the sanctuary of [her] own belly
to ignite the flame in [her] heart
to fuel the blaze in the hearth
to rekindle [her] ardor for the earth
– Sam Keen

P1000364I took the liberty of updating Sam Keen’s gorgeous prose about the sacred to include the feminine experience. When he wrote that piece many years ago, he believed that men were in desperate need of connection to the sacred. I would say the same is true of women, especially today, so we can regain and reclaim a deeper connection to ourselves.

The sacred strips us bare of all pretension, beliefs, and assumptions if we let it. It humbles us. Its fire burns away the things we need to let go of. And it is from that fiery, empty place that we can rediscover our inner sanctuary, the sacredness of our soul, and life-affirming connection to ourselves and to the natural world.

My first experience with being stripped bare and made empty by the sacred was in personal cacao ceremony. I cried like a baby while it opened up depths within me that I didn’t know existed.

We all know that chocolate is sacred on our tongues and in our tummies, but in its more raw form (cacao) it has a long tradition of being revered, celebrated, and used in ceremony by indigenous cultures in South and Central America, the place from which it first came.

cacao elixir

Cacao allowed me to find that place inside of myself where the sacred resides, revealing hidden parts of me and my connection to life, and set me on my soul’s path. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have been so intent on finding my soul’s path if I hadn’t opened myself fully to it.

Cacao ceremony became a practice for me, not a daily one (it can, as you might imagine, be quite stimulating), but certainly every few weeks. It brings me back in touch with the sacred like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. I am so enamored of its power to reconnect us to our deeper selves that I offer it in  one-on-one sessions as well as at retreats or when I’m invited to share it at group gatherings.

Many of the beautiful women with whom I have had the honor to share cacao have said that they experienced profound, heart-opening realizations. My own experience has been one of deep insight and wisdom, unconditional love and compassion, and healing. Although, it hasn’t always been all love and light; cacao opens us up to our darkness too, but in a healing way, so we can become whole again.

When I began this work with cacao, my dreams became much more vivid and profound as if I was tapping into the sacred in all aspects of my life, both waking and sleeping. The richness of dream language is astonishing in its ability to cut to the quick of things. It’s as if the picture it paints is made up of tiny puzzle pieces that we have to rearrange into a new, more meaningful picture we can understand and truly see. If we allow it, our dreams change our perspective; they open us more fully to our inner wisdom.

IMG_2609The sacred wisdom of ceremony and dreams reveal that the sacred is even deeper within us. And we have yet to plumb its full depths. As Robert Johnson, the eminent psychotherapist, wrote in his book, Inner Work: Using Dream and Active Imagination for Personal Growth,  “every expression of the unconscious–whether dream, imagination, vision, or ritual–proceeds from the same reservoir deep within. And everything, therefore, works together.”

Learning to work with our deeper selves–our unconscious–through ceremony or dream work, gives us, according to Johnson, “a deep source of renewal, growth, strength, and wisdom. We connect with the source of our evolving character; we cooperate with the process whereby we bring the total self together; we learn to tap that rich lode of energy and intelligence that waits within.”

We touch the sacred fire even deeper within us.

 

 

 

 

Free souls club

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Be the change you want to see in the world. – Mahatma Gandhi

IMG_2459

I’m going to admit something that I struggle with and am not proud of–I’m pretty hard on myself. I feel responsible for just about everything. And when it comes to blame, I’m spectacularly good at aiming it right at myself. I am a recovering self-blamer. There, I admitted it to myself. That’s the first step, right?

Now there are definitely some good qualities to owning responsibility and even laying blame at my own feet. For instance, I always look to myself first to learn my from mistakes and change what needs changing. Tolstoy once said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Well, I am that “no one.” And I’m sure, despite what Leo says, that there are many more of us out there.

I have never felt like a victim in my life because I thought that if I took responsibility for my actions, how could I possibly be a victim? But what I came to realize was that I was making myself a victim of myself. Pretty twisted, isn’t it?

Over time, I have experienced how taking on all that blame is a huge, lonely burden. I decided I was done with being a victim; I wanted to be free of it. So, I asked myself, “what’s the antidote to that? Plain and simple, it’s forgiveness. And a little bit of courage too.

IMG_2481If I can see with compassion that the one who is doing the attacking or blaming “knows not what [s]he does,” then forgiveness comes more easily. And if I look closely at those times when I blamed myself the most, I now can see that I was indeed blind and unknowing.

If I had only known then what I know now, that all of us, me included, have access to three truths (I’m sure there are more but these are good for now):

  • We are wise–deep within us is an innate wisdom if we choose to listen to it
  • We are good–our intentions are good when they come from the right place
  • We are loved–if we love ourselves first, others will love us too, simply for being us

If I listen deeply to those parts of myself, where these truths reside, then I can choose, as a “free soul,” to act wisely with love, while bringing good into the world, and I can see more clearly with compassionate eyes both my actions and the actions of others. No one is to blame.

We all can be part of the Free Souls Club, while changing ourselves and the world in one fell swoop (hence the need for angel wings).

 

The dark night of the soul

~ Nicole Gnutzman
There is no coming to consciousness without pain….One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. – Carl Jung

IMG_2307I was always afraid of the dark. Things going bump in the night (which was usually just my big sister under my bed). Where did that fear of the dark come from? From the uncertainty of it, from not knowing what was behind or within that darkness, or from wanting to avoid the darkness of pain or sadness?

My more spiritually minded friends suggested that I “embrace my darkness,” that I “surrender to it.” At the time, I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Despite their enthusiasm, the darkness–my darkness–still terrified me.

And I had gotten really good at avoiding it. I pretended it simply wasn’t there. I wasn’t angry or sad or in pain (was I?) or at least I didn’t go looking for it or dwell on it. Life was good. Somehow I thought if I worked hard and knew what I wanted, I was in control of my life.

And then IT happened. Everything I thought I wanted for my small business, the big goal I had been working on for over a year with a business partner, collapsed around me. I was left standing in the rubble, choking on the dust.

The darkness came without me asking it to. I was enveloped in it, I struggled against it at first, and then I just surrendered. What now, I asked? It was my dark night of the soul.

The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed. – Joseph Campbell
IMG_1728
I must also have a dark side to be whole. – Carl Jung

I got it. This was the darkness I needed to face, to surrender to. So, I dove into it; I went deep.

I reexamined everything I “knew,” believed, assumed, and thought. I deconstructed myself bit by bit; decoded my dreams, which were full of messages; found a way to laugh at myself; faced and questioned my fears and demons with strength and resolve; made peace with them; and followed the slender threads that appeared before me seemingly showing me the way back to the light.

When I emerged from the dark, I felt like a whole new me. A more loving, compassionate and humble me. One that’s open to possibility, uncertainty and grace. A me that cares deeply about her soul and following its guidance.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have goals and aspirations, but they come from a different place inside of me now–a soul-directed place–and they sure as heck aren’t set in stone. We all know what happens to stone when a bomb goes off. Dust and destruction everywhere.

While I can’t say that I felt like a phoenix rising from the ashes–that was a bit too Icarus-like to me (and we all know what happened to him)–I did feel like a fledgling learning to fly for the first time. My flight was a little precarious and wobbly at first, but the fact that I’m flying again with the jet stream instead of against it is absolutely beautiful and oh, so liberating.

Celebrate the ceremony of your life

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Ceremony creates change. Live your life as a ceremony, and this will lead you to a process of positive change, following a path of spirit, and allowing you to ride a different wave in your life.
~ Sandra Ingerman, Walking in the Light: the Everyday Empowerment of a Shamanic Life

I never was one much for ceremony. Sure, I cried at funerals and weddings, the emotion simply overcoming me, sometimes without warning and almost always surprising me, but pomp and circumstance would leave me dry eyed and even a bit bored. What was all the fuss about? What was missing for me was the meaning behind it all, a deeply felt connection to the true spirit of ceremony.

IMG_1545And then I discovered another kind of ceremony, and it involved chocolate, actually raw cacao. My life and my perception of ceremony changed forever.

I first came across cacao ceremony in the movie, Chocolat, with Johnny Depp (Roux) and Juliette Binoche (Viane)–I’m not sure which character I fell more in love with. In the movie, Viane’s father, a pharmacist, travels to South America to discover new remedies, and is introduced to cacao and seduced both by it and Viane’s eventual mother. I too found myself seduced by its power to “unlock hidden yearnings and reveal destinies.”

I trained as a chocolatier because of that one line in the movie (I truly wanted to find my destiny and thought chocolate was it), and I began to seek out cacao ceremony, which at the time was a hard thing to find. When I found it, and a teacher, I went deep into that world.

Cacao ceremony opened a whole new world to me–one of infinite abundance, connection to spirit, reverence for the earth, compassion for myself and others, and a deeper knowing. It’s hard to believe that all that magic can come from a little cacao bean.

I came to understand that in the indigenous world, ceremony is a part of daily life, honoring the connection we have with the elements (earth, wind, fire and water), life and death, and rites of passage. The meaning and significance of each ceremony is clear and is a way to deeply acknowledge and accept change as a part of life.

Ceremony, in reconnecting us to life itself, allows us to feel compassion for ourselves and others, deepen our connection to our true selves, and understand that we are part of something much bigger and more beautiful. It is then that the change we want to open ourselves to becomes truly possible. Our fears slowly drop away as we realize, as Sandra Ingerman so eloquently shares, that spirit wants to guide us through change and we can ride that wave through life.

What becomes possible when we honor the ceremony in our lives? For me, authentic, meaningful ceremony offers and creates an opening to true connection, compassion and change. And that is a reason to celebrate.

Celebrate the ceremony of life

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Ceremony creates change. Live your life as a ceremony, and this will lead you to a process of positive change, following a path of spirit, and allowing you to ride a different wave in your life.
~ Sandra Ingerman, Walking in the Light: the Everyday Empowerment of a Shamanic Life

I never was one much for ceremony. Sure, I cried at funerals and weddings, the emotion simply overcoming me, sometimes without warning and almost always surprising me, but pomp and circumstance would leave me dry eyed and even a bit bored. What was all the fuss about? What was missing for me was the meaning behind it all, a deeply felt connection to the true spirit of ceremony.

IMG_1545And then I discovered another kind of ceremony, and it involved chocolate, actually raw cacao. My life and my perception of ceremony changed forever.

I first came across cacao ceremony in the movie, Chocolat, with Johnny Depp (Roux) and Juliette Binoche (Viane)–I’m not sure which character I fell more in love with. In the movie, Viane’s father, a pharmacist, travels to South America to discover plant remedies, and is introduced to cacao and seduced both by it and Viane’s eventual mother. I too found myself seduced by its power to “unlock hidden yearnings and reveal destinies.”

I trained as a chocolatier because of that one line in the movie (I truly wanted to find my destiny and thought chocolate was it), and I began to seek out cacao ceremony, which at the time was a hard thing to find. When I found it, and a teacher, I went deep into that world.

Cacao ceremony opened a whole new world to me–one of infinite abundance, connection to spirit, reverence for the earth, compassion for myself and others, and a deeper knowing. It’s hard to believe that all that magic can come from a little cacao bean.

I came to understand that in the indigenous world, ceremony is a part of daily life, honoring the connection we have with the elements (earth, wind, fire and water), life and death, and rites of passage. The meaning and significance of each ceremony is clear and is a way to deeply acknowledge and accept change as a part of life.

Ceremony, in reconnecting us to life itself, allows us to feel compassion for ourselves and others, deepen our connection to our true selves, and understand that we are part of something much bigger and more beautiful. It is then that the change we want to open ourselves to becomes truly possible. Our fears slowly drop away as we realize, as Sandra Ingerman so eloquently shares, that spirit wants to guide us through change and we can ride that wave through life.

What becomes possible when we honor the ceremony in our lives? For me, authentic, meaningful ceremony offers and creates an opening to true connection, compassion and change. And that is a reason to celebrate.