gratitude

The Cacao Journals: Holding space

~ nicole
The blessing of letting go is creating and holding sacred space for healing. – Debra L. Reble

In my own personal work with cacao, I found this to be true, that it was in letting go of my mind, my need to be in control, and my disbelief that I created sacred space (an emptiness) within that held me, so I could begin to heal and feel whole.

This is what holding sacred space is:  creating a safe receptacle or container where things can fall apart, disintegrate, and dissolve, and then come back together again more whole than before.

When I hold sacred space in group ceremony, the process is similar. While each participant must create their own container to receive the wisdom, guidance or medicine that they most need in that moment, I hold the energy of the entire space, so that each person can trust that they will feel held and supported on their journey.

To do this well, I have to create with devotion and intention, and be completely present in the moment.

When I co-create ceremony with Spirit, I often receive a “download” of a theme. Sometimes it feels more like an “upload” as it emerges from the ground of my being. I might at first just receive one word such as “Grace” or “Gratitude” and then it starts to flow. My opening words and guided meditations often just arrive, although I do write them down (you can’t take the writer or editor out of me).

The music playlist is the same. It all just comes together in perfect harmony. If at any point, I begin to think too much about it, that’s when it becomes a struggle. And that’s when walk away for a little while….

My presence on the day of ceremony starts with grinding the cacao while I listen to the sacred music. It is both devotional and intentional as I honor and bless the cacao.

On my way to ceremony, I select flowers for the altar that reflect the theme of the day and reflect on what can grace the altar in addition to my sacred “always” pieces.

When I arrive at the studio to set up, I am fully present with each action–unpacking, checking the sound, setting up the altar, making the cacao elixir and greeting the guests–and the act of being fully present with each begins to create sacred space and fills the space with light energy.

By the time ceremony begins, I am fully there, both in my body and out of it; an embodied presencing, connected to spirit through the ground of my being.

It’s rare that an outside thought intrudes and when it does, I notice, laugh to myself and send it away. The music keeps me quite present and in the moment I often dance (while seated) as I hold space for everyone’s journeys. Clearly, I am as nourished by the experience as they are….

Sacred space brings us such clarity, nourishment and healing when we create it for ourselves and others. It asks us to be intentional, devotional, and present. It’s in the noticing of what we receive from it that we can answer the call. Begin by simply noticing.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

The Cacao Journals: from Gratitude comes Abundance

~ nicole
The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see. – Dr. Robert Holden

If grace is ever present in our lives, just waiting patiently to be noticed, then once we do see and acknowledge it, what arises naturally is a feeling of gratitude. Grace is the unexpected gift for which we wish to give thanks.

Now granted, sometimes the gift may not be exactly what you asked for, but in the case of Spirit, it’s exactly what you need in the moment; it just may take a while to see it….

In indigenous cultures, giving thanks to Spirit and showing gratitude is integral to their way of being, expressed in their daily rituals, ceremonies and prayer. The indigenous peoples understand that we achieve nothing without the aid of the Spirit and that we must be humble enough to ask for assistance and be grateful for what we receive.

We of so-called “modern” cultures have lost this connection, this daily giving of thanks. It can take but a moment, and the benefits are beyond measure.

Gratitude is the open door to abundance. – Harbhajan Singh Yogi

Each day before I meditate while chanting a mantra, I share an intention, a prayer if you will, for what I would like to receive. Some days my prayer is for clarity on an issue I’m facing; on others I ask for financial abundance, so I may keep being of service with my work; and sometimes I ask for grace on someone else’s behalf. I allow the intention to rise from deep within me, write it in my journal and then let go.

Not being attached to the outcome, and allowing Spirit to bring what’s most needed, requires deep trust. It can shake you to the core of your being this trust piece. With trust comes abundance; with fear, scarcity.

Abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive. – Bryant H. McGill

Before I begin each meditation, I pause, reflect on how grace has shown up, and give thanks for what I have received. There’s a beautiful sense of reciprocity about the acts of asking, letting go, receiving and giving thanks. It is from, and into, this place of emptiness that abundance comes.

When we define abundance from a “modern” perspective, we most often think of financial or outer abundance; it’s rare that we think of inner abundance, the state of being connected to self and source in a reciprocal relationship.

To create a state of inner abundance in your life, find a way to give thanks each day. Start a gratitude journal and write something you are grateful for every day for 41 days (that’s the time needed to create a new habit that begins to “inhabit” us, changing our mindset and behavior).

Believe me, some days you will be challenged to find anything for which to be grateful. On those days, be grateful for the smallest thing: the clean water you drink, the nutritious food you eat, or the flowers that you see growing through some chains or through a crack in a rock.

When I did my own practice, I took an unbelievable amount of pictures of flowers growing through things, flowers growing freely, trees, the sun, the moon, water, the beach, and animals. I was grateful for them all and I began to see the world differently; it was more vibrant, more alive and more loving than I ever imagined. Eventually, you begin to notice more and more of the grace that surrounds you. And life feels and becomes more abundant.

To live in gratitude allows fear to fall away and abundance to appear. From gratitude comes abundance.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Grace Ever Present

~ nicole
I do not understand the mystery of grace–only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. – Anne Lamott

I’m writing this post at the tail of end of 2017. It was one hell of a year, one that many of us would choose to forget. And, yet, for some, and I include myself among them, it has opened us up to grace. I for one, never conceived that I would not just acknowledge the existence of grace, but bow to it. As I am now….

Profound change, if you recall from one of my previous Cacao Journals, comes in three ways, according to Arkan Lushwala, an indigenous spiritual and ceremony leader: 1) a gift from spirit, or what we might call, grace; 2) the mystery of the black jaguar, who “destroys the prisons where we feel safe and comfortable so we wake up;” and 3) the will of the heart or Munay, which has us “constantly seeking encounters with the sacred sources that support our awakening.”

2017 was the year of the black jaguar to be sure; its claws lashing out and its tail sweeping everything clear, forcing us to accept change and transform ourselves. This clearing out awakened our hearts actively like a lightning bolt asking more of us and reconnecting us to who we truly are. For many, we sought out sacred experiences by coming together in community and in ceremony, and through inner reconnection. We began the journey home.

And, at some point along the way, you may have asked yourself like I did, “Where were the moments of grace?” Perhaps they still surrounded us, but we could not notice them until we had fully surrendered to what is and to who we truly are.

Grace is ever present. All that is necessary is that you surrender to it. – Ramana Maharshi

After much inner struggle, I surrendered and found myself in that place where grace is ever present. It took my breath away. While I still stumble on the path home, hit my head and forget about grace for a moment, I come back to its presence, and it gives me strength to continue the journey.

I believe that 2018 will be a year of grace. It will require seeing the gifts, the blessings of it, everywhere. It will require gratitude. It will require devotion. This may feel like a heavy responsibility, but it’s actually the opposite. It is a lightening, not of responsibility, but of the feeling that we are somehow carrying a burden and can’t quite make it home.

It’s in the letting go that we find our burdens lifted. It’s in the letting go that we find the light and the lightness of grace. It’s in the letting go that we find ourselves home again. Wishing you all a Happy New Year, full of endless grace.

Copyright © 2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Full of Wonder

~ nicole
We had the experience, but missed the meaning. – T.S. Eliot

Most of us have experienced wonder at some point in our lives. It shows up as a peak moment of aliveness or awareness when we let go of all thoughts and are overcome with joy in the moment. We might be riding a horse at a full gallop, lying under a night sky full of stars, standing in a majestic redwood grove or participating in ceremony honoring the sacred.

Some call this state of wonder, a sacred, spiritual experience; and see life through these eyes. Others see and forget, or even suppress, the experience in a blink of an eye and return to a life preoccupied with other matters.

For a moment we touched a live spark, but did not fan it into fire, we let it go out. – Brother David Stendl-Rast

According to Brother David Stendl-Rast in his foreword to Meister Eckhart’s from Whom God Hid Nothing, the flash of this experience challenges us to embody, remember, and endure. He shares that “those brave ones who rise to the challenge endure the blinding vision, remember it in whatever they do, and so embody vision in action.” This “experience of communion with the Ultimate” provides them with a “sense of ultimate belonging.”

This sense of ultimate belonging is a foreign concept to many of us. We live such autonomous, fragmented lives. We have become disconnected from our inner selves and we feel as if we don’t truly belong. That inner fragmentation, disconnection, and sense of rejection (as that is what not belonging is at its core) is reflected in our outer lives. And this makes us feel very alone.

Autonomy is simply looking at life as though we are a world unto ourselves. As though we did it all by ourselves…. But the reality is, we are connected. The opposite of autonomy is gratitude. – Michael McKinney

How do we recapture this sense of wonder? How do we feel gratitude for this fleeting experience? How do we begin to embody it, so we then become the expression of wonder, of the sacred?

We start by noticing its presence. We acknowledge it. We remember it. We begin to allow it to guide us. And as we express our gratitude for it, it shows up again and again. As we attune to this, we begin to embody it; and as we embody it fully, we cannot but feel more connected to ourselves and life itself. We become the expression of it, which creates even more wonder.

Feel into how your life would be if you walked around in a perpetual state of wonder and gratitude. The word “sweet” comes to mind for me. Now feel into how others might respond to you as you express the very thing for which you are grateful. They might just see someone full of wonder and light, someone who IS gratitude.

As wonder would have it, in my inbox this morning was a post by Michael McKinney, who writes the Leadership Now blog, titled, Unconditional Gratitude.

He shares in his post, “Real gratitude doesn’t appear at moments in our life, but it is a disposition we have towards life. Real gratitude is unconditional.” And it endures, well beyond Thanksgiving.

I am grateful for my life; my work, which allows me to touch the sacred every day; my family and friends; and for you, dear reader as you grace me with your presence here.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

An expedition to who you truly are, Indiana Jones style

~ nicole
I have found my voice again and the art of using it. – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I went on an expedition looking for my soul gifts and along the way I found my voice.

I love when I hear young parents tell their children, “use your words” or “use your voice.” Encouraging them to use their voice is so unlike what those of us of a certain age were expected do; we were to be seen and not heard. Pair that with being told to “not” do so many things, or that what we did wasn’t “correct,” paralyzed not just our voices but our creativity. It raised “good” girls and boys, who possibly rebelled in more covert ways (I know I did), but it did not build women and men who felt they had something of value to say. At least that was my experience….

So, it’s been a lifelong struggle for me to find my voice, use my words and express myself. And now, after much revealing and healing, I can’t stop sharing my story and what I’ve learned because I know it has a purpose now: to guide, support and heal others.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what needed healing and how did I do it? The two are inextricably intertwined.

  1. I had to question the beliefs (assumptions and opinions) I had formed about not just myself but life itself, and discover what was real and true.
  2. I had to let go of expectations and wanting to control the outcome, which opened me to possibility and accepting uncertainty.
  3. I had to acknowledge and face my fear of being shamed, blamed, unapproved of, rejected or disliked.
  4. I had let go of aspects of my identity, and the persona I had created, that weren’t truly me or who I wanted to be.
  5. I had to feel into what I truly cared about and valued, not what my family, friends or society thought I should value.
  6. I had to move from a fear-based, scarcity mindset to one of abundance, which meant embracing gratitude, humility, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, compassion, and unconditional love.
  7. I had to understand the essence of who I truly am.

From the depths of this inner work–it’s true, you have to do the work, my friends–emerged my true, authentic voice. And much healing, some of which was super subtle requiring just a soft touch.

It was an excavation, almost an anthropological dig, and at the bottom of it was me! I’m not going to say that all that digging and uncovering was easy or not messy; it was, but the result has been absolutely life-changing, life-affirming and life-giving for me.

Know that the excavation is necessary. Know that you don’t have to do all the digging alone. And know that those of us, who have gone on the dig before you, can and will guide you with unconditional love, support and maybe even a bit of wisdom. It’s our mission to do so. Indiana Jones style :).

Your voice is welcome here. So, let me know how this makes you feel.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Intention plus gratitude: some kind of powerful

~ nicole
The real gift of gratitude is that the more grateful you are, the more present you become. – Robert Holden

As you know, I have this tendency to follow the slender threads of synchronicity that show up in my life because they always lead to something good (even if sometimes I don’t see it at first). The other week, I was on a webinar and the presenter happened to mention a private Facebook group, the Gratitude Circle, which has over 22,000 members. Intrigued, especially after noticing the transformative effects of setting gentle intentions every morning, I joined the circle and began sharing what I was grateful for each day. It was a beautiful complement to my intention setting.

As I drank my morning tea, I would pause and feel into my intention, allowing it to gently emerge and capture it on my laptop. Then I would turn my attention inward again to ask what I was grateful for that day, make my way to the Gratitude Circle and share my thoughts with a group of positive, supportive and loving people. I truly felt blessed each day; it took just a few minutes out of my day; and the benefits were tremendous. I was clear, confident, and more resilient when I set my intentions for the day. I was more open, heart-centered and compassionate when I declared my gratitude. I don’t know if you noticed, but the two balance each other beautifully, and together make for heart-centered inspiration!

Often, what I expressed gratitude for is what showed up for me after releasing my gentle intention for the day. Now that is some kind of powerful!

And what’s really fascinating is that I found myself slightly addicted (in a good way) to setting my intentions and expressing my gratitude. On the mornings when I tried to come up with an excuse (usually a lame one) not to do them, I felt strangely guilty, so I’d find a way to make time and space for them. The key to making them happen was including them in my morning routine, being disciplined, and not allowing myself any excuse (except maybe if the house was on fire).

“Cultivating gratitude has been scientifically linked to better health, less anxiety and depression,  a higher satisfaction with life, and a greater sense of joy. – Julie Santiago, The Gratitude Circle

If you are one of the brave souls who is setting gentle intentions for yourself each day, add this to your day and commit to it for one week (notice I did not say “try” this as there is no try, there’s just doing or not doing). The Gratitude Circle asks members to express gratitude every day for 60 days because we all know it takes a good while for a new habit to form, so if it feels good after the first week keep on going. I know I am….

Please share how it goes for you and if you feel different. I’d love to hear from you.

PS: Today I am grateful for everyone who reads my blog posts and is touched by them in some way. Thank you! Sending you love and light.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

The warrior way–the path from fear to possibility

~ nicole

Sometimes I forget I’m a warrior on my own path of self-realization. So, when I come up against a formidable foe like fear, I have to force myself to look deeply inside and find my courage.

Fear is a gargantuan roiling force feeding on its own energy, a many headed dragon that keeps growing new heads when you chop one off. It takes fierce strength and self awareness to defeat it.

I have my own dragon–a fear of failure–that has been an ever present fear for me since childhood when being perfect was very valued.  It’s been a constant companion, stalking and sabotaging me, holding me back from doing the things I most need to do. And just when I believe I’ve conquered it, it comes back in another form.

Recently I launched a marketing campaign for my first online course. I procrastinated, I perfected, I despaired at the technology, I lost belief in myself–all self-sabotaging behaviors. When I felt such deep sadness about my loss of belief, it was only then that I was able to push the button and send out the campaign. I knew then that the many headed dragon of fear was rearing another of its ugly heads and was destroying me from the inside out. And that I had to stop it. I had to find the source of my fear.

So what lay under my fear? I was afraid that if I sent my offering out into the world, no one would want it, and that somehow that would be a rejection of me, of who I am at my core. That’s the fear of annihilation. Yup, it’s heavy stuff, but very real at an unconscious level.

Now I know that nothing and no one can touch my soul, my essence, who I am at my core (I’ve done a lot of work on this), but I have to remind myself of that over and over again….

Nothing can touch my soul

But there was something even more to my fear…. I was creating an apocalyptic what-if scenario. What if I put all this effort into creating something that no one wanted? What if no one signed up for my course? That’s devastating on so many levels, including financially. Annihilation all over the place. Very messy.

And then I realized that my mind was fabricating my own mess. I was so attached to a particular outcome, to people signing up, that if it didn’t happen, it would be catastrophic. But what if there were other possible outcomes I couldn’t even imagine? Aha.

So I looked at what was showing up for me: the very first day, I received beautiful well wishes and intentions to forward my offer to friends; thumbs up and hearts for sharing my feelings and fears; and heartfelt gratitude for inspiring people to face their own fears and put something of theirs out there too. Maybe, just maybe the outcome I so desired–of having people take my course–was not be the point of it after all….

  • What if my offering was to inspire others to share their gifts with the world?
  • What if other opportunities would show up for me that would allow me to share my gifts in other ways?
  • What if something else was waiting for me that I wouldn’t see or be open to unless my desired outcome didn’t happen?

Letting go opens up possibility

What I know deeply now is that it’s in the letting go of the outcome that the dragon of fear is neutralized. I can’t possibly know what Spirit (or the Universe) has in mind for me. Only She knows what I most need to learn or experience or how best to share my gifts. And that’s why we’re really here, isn’t it? To evolve into our wholeness, into our highest potential, and to live into our soul gifts.

Of course, I very much want people to take my course. Psst, click here if you’re curious. That is the intention I am putting out into the world and to Spirit. But I am not holding onto it in fear. I am letting it go and allowing other possible, amazing outcomes to show up. When I do this, I am fearless, open to possibility. That’s the warrior way.

How are you living into the warrior way? What becomes possible for you when you do?

My happy, shiny giving place

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” – Maya Angelou

I have always been a fairly giving person (well, my older sister might have issues with that; I did take her Teddy Bear when I was one year old after all…). But that was an anomaly. And I’m truly sorry, Michelle!

img_2996When I arrived at our retreat terribly weak after having had the stomach flu (see my earlier post, “Surrendering to what is”), all I had left to give was my heart. Nothing else remained of me. I found myself giving freely, fully and completely. A light within me shone brightly.

I’ve given from my heart before, but this was different…. This time, I realized that I had no expectations whatsoever of receiving anything in return. Now that may sound obvious or even trite, but it’s actually kind of deep.

I always thought I gave without expectation or condition. On the surface, absolutely. But on a deeper level, I realized that sometimes I gave because I wanted to be accepted, loved, and appreciated; other times I felt obligated or that it was the “right” thing to do; or I gave because someone else had expectations of me. Certainly not horrible reasons to do things, but not pure of heart. Not from that happy, shiny place deep within me.

In my weakened state, I was absolutely empty, in a good way. I had no ego left–no pretenses, no armor, no yearning. From this glorious state of emptiness, I didn’t expect anything; I didn’t need anything; I was free of any and all expectations of myself and of others. All I cared about was that those to whom I was giving felt loved and supported. It was fantastically liberating. And what was so delightful and beautiful was the abundance of unconditional love I received from our retreat tribe. I am so grateful to all of you.

img_2928

This experience filled me with such joy that I was reminded of when I lie in a hammock and haven’t a care in the world. Just me and the hammock in an energetic exchange expecting nothing of the other, while being fully supported as our energy flows back and forth. I definitely want more of that (no expectations of course)!

The question for me is: “How do I come from that place all the time?” “How do I give without condition or expectation in every moment?” Just knowing that happy, shiny giving place exists is a big realization for me. And sometimes, just knowing something is possible makes it easier to access until it becomes the only place from which giving comes.

Now, I’m off to find me a hammock :)!

img_3204Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Effort or surrender?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender. – Danielle Orner

IMG_2357I’m with Danielle. I too am learning to live in the liminal space between effort and surrender, and some days I’m better at it than others…. I see this same struggle in many of my friends and clients, who have excelled in life by being fully in control, until something told them in no uncertain terms that they actually weren’t.

When we experience a loss or a longing that cannot be filled by ordinary measures of effort, it can cause us to question our beliefs about life and ourselves. Few of us want to accept life as uncertain; we want certainty and guarantees, and safe risk (if that’s even possible). Uncertainty, unpredictability and ambiguity make us very uncomfortable.

When we realize that our belief about life has been mistaken, we find ourselves at a loss of what to go do, so we keep doing the same thing over and over again–and that’s like doing more of the same and expecting a different result. It’s an infinite loop that never ends or a wall we keep running into. Effort, although it feels safer and more familiar, may not be the place to go to find resolution.

When we’ve exhausted ourselves and our options, we come to the realization that we have to let go of something, whether it’s a belief, pattern, or issue, that’s holding us back from what we truly want (more joy, connection, purpose, etc.). That letting go is what is called in spiritual terms, “surrender,” and it doesn’t feel either safe or familiar to those of us who have relied solely on effort.

 

Finding the sweet spot between effort and surrender just may be the key to our frustration and discomfort. Seeing with new eyes that surrender and effort can be complementary–a “both/and” rather than an “or.” What if we surrendered to surrendering? And then acted from there?

IMG_2800

Two resources that came to me as I was looking for guidance in this realm have beautiful ways of navigating this liminal space. The process in each, even though they come to it from very different healing perspectives, is strikingly similar. Each has tremendous value and power in itself, and I also found in working with both that blending the two is a truly powerful combination.

The first resource by Michael Mirdad, a spiritual healer, is, Healing the Heart & Soul: A Five-Step, Soul-Level Healing Process for Transforming your Life, which takes a more spiritual approach based on his work with A Course in Miracles. His healing method follows this path:

  1. Recognizing the issue: the courageous step of recognizing the need for healing and choosing to make a significant change in your life
  2. Accepting: taking responsibility for identifying the cause(s) of the issue and acknowledging the deeper emotions behind it
  3. Surrendering: surrendering all issues, emotions, people, events unconditionally by giving them to a higher power for healing
  4. Refilling: consciously calling in guidance and healing from a higher power and receiving the message
  5. Giving Thanks: releasing the issue, showing gratitude for the healing and acknowledging your readiness to move on.

The second resource, which I mentioned in an earlier post, by Leslie Davenport, a family therapist and ordained minister, is Healing and Transformation through Self-Guided Imagery, which walks us through self-guided meditation to access our heart’s guidance. Her path to healing and transformation is:

  1. Asking what you need guidance about: one word or phrase that encapsulates the issue
  2. Accessing your heart: bringing attention to your breathing by breathing in “Clarity” and breathing out “Peace”
  3. Discovering your inner sanctuary: allowing an image to arise of a place where you feel most at peace
  4. Bringing your issue to heart: holding your issue up to receive guidance (surrender)
  5. Receiving your heart’s guidance: asking your heart for “a wise and loving response”
  6. Thanking your heart: thanking your heart for its message and integrating its wisdom into your daily life through action.

What’s so amazing is that each process only takes about 20 minutes to complete, and you can do them all on your own. With both, I’ve found writing in a journal helps with the discovery process and integrating the healing guidance into my life.

Surrender all that no longer serves you. Let all that remains buried in your heart come to the surface and be healed. Let there be space for new energies to enter. A new beginning transforms darkness to light. – Anonymous

For those of us who are used to efforting, these powerful, transformative processes provide us with the steps to find our way to surrender and access our inner knowing, which then guides us to right action. We live in that space where both surrender and effort reside.
 

IMG_2797

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.