How cacao found me….

July 14, 2017October 3, 2017 ~ nicole

All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Anonymous

Cacao found me. And she was gently relentless in her quest.

My journey with cacao–the raw ingredient in what we know and love as chocolate–began with the movie, Chocolat, the one with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. Seems a bit cliche, perhaps, but that’s how it all began for me….

In the movie, there’s a tiny scene, which no one ever remembers, where Viane’s father, a pharmacist, is sent to Central America to research herbal, ancient remedies, and in his explorations, he drinks cacao in a ceremony around a fire and falls in love with an indigenous woman, who becomes Viane’s mother. In the world of the Maya, “chocolate unlocks hidden desires and reveals destinies.” That was my “You got me at hello….”

Something unlocked deep inside of me. I suddenly had the unquenchable desire to not only experience cacao ceremony, but to learn how to hold ceremony. So, I went to the source of all things, Google, and searched the web for cacao ceremonies. At that time (6 years ago now), all I could find was Keith, nicknamed the Chocolate Shaman, living in Guatemala, who was called by the Spirit of Cacao to bring cacao out of the rainforest to the people and open their hearts. He lives there to this day offering cacao ceremonies on his rustic front porch and works with a local indigenous shaman and people to source, bless, minimally process and package raw cacao for ceremonial purposes. This is the sacred cacao I work with. Just last year, I finally was able to travel to Guatemala and drink cacao with Keith and his merry band on Lake Atitlan, a sacred, transformational place.

And as things beautifully unfold when we open to possibility, I found a teacher (or did she find me?) who led an online course in cacao ceremony and created a private Facebook forum where her students gathered to share experiences and receive wise guidance as we practiced on ourselves, family, friends and ever-widening circles of the curious and spiritually minded.

Cacao, along with deep inner work, has revealed who I truly am, which has awakened a fierce sense of compassion not only for others but for myself. It has opened me to new levels of creativity and clarity; provided me with a sense of deep contentment in my life; and revealed my soul’s path and destiny. And I have personally witnessed its transformative effect on others in group and private ceremony. If that’s the gift of cacao, who doesn’t need a little more of that in their life?

I know it may seem hard to believe that this delicious tree and its fruit have such gifts to bestow on us. The Maya have known for a long time that it is one powerful plant, full of heart-opening medicine. I like to think of it as Rescue Remedy* for our souls.

Over the next few weeks, I’d love to share more of my story with cacao here. Join me on this sacred journey with cacao or, better yet, come experience cacao ceremony yourself. Allow it to open your heart and reveal your desires, spark your creativity, and guide your life path. It’s lusciously good medicine for your heart and soul….

*Rescue Remedy is an herbal remedy made from flower essences that naturally reduces stress.

An expedition to who you truly are, Indiana Jones style

April 18, 2017 ~ nicole

I have found my voice again and the art of using it. – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I went on an expedition looking for my soul gifts and along the way I found my voice.

I love when I hear young parents tell their children, “use your words” or “use your voice.” Encouraging them to use their voice is so unlike what those of us of a certain age were expected do; we were to be seen and not heard. Pair that with being told to “not” do so many things, or that what we did wasn’t “correct,” paralyzed not just our voices but our creativity. It raised “good” girls and boys, who possibly rebelled in more covert ways (I know I did), but it did not build women and men who felt they had something of value to say. At least that was my experience….

So, it’s been a lifelong struggle for me to find my voice, use my words and express myself. And now, after much revealing and healing, I can’t stop sharing my story and what I’ve learned because I know it has a purpose now: to guide, support and heal others.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what needed healing and how did I do it? The two are inextricably intertwined.

I had to question the beliefs (assumptions and opinions) I had formed about not just myself but life itself, and discover what was real and true.
I had to let go of expectations and wanting to control the outcome, which opened me to possibility and accepting uncertainty.
I had to acknowledge and face my fear of being shamed, blamed, unapproved of, rejected or disliked.
I had let go of aspects of my identity, and the persona I had created, that weren’t truly me or who I wanted to be.
I had to feel into what I truly cared about and valued, not what my family, friends or society thought I should value.
I had to move from a fear-based, scarcity mindset to one of abundance, which meant embracing gratitude, humility, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, compassion, and unconditional love.
I had to understand the essence of who I truly am.

From the depths of this inner work–it’s true, you have to do the work, my friends–emerged my true, authentic voice. And much healing, some of which was super subtle requiring just a soft touch.

It was an excavation, almost an anthropological dig, and at the bottom of it was me! I’m not going to say that all that digging and uncovering was easy or not messy; it was, but the result has been absolutely life-changing, life-affirming and life-giving for me.

Know that the excavation is necessary. Know that you don’t have to do all the digging alone. And know that those of us, who have gone on the dig before you, can and will guide you with unconditional love, support and maybe even a bit of wisdom. It’s our mission to do so. Indiana Jones style :).

Your voice is welcome here. So, let me know how this makes you feel.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Finding the courage to come out of the woods….

January 12, 2017 ~ Nicole Gnutzman

Do not look for a sanctuary inside anyone except yourself. – Buddha

Remember…the entrance to the sanctuary is within you. – Rumi

I am a woodland elf, or at least that’s what my husband affectionately calls me. I must admit that I do look a bit elvish (someone also once called me Cindy Lou Who from Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas), but I digress…. And I do thrive in the woods; there’s just something about the energy of trees and sunshine.

And so, living into my elvish nature, I lived on “retreat” in the redwoods near Mendocino, CA for the past year guiding clients to find their soul’s path and gifts and deepening my own inner transformation. It was the perfect work–life balance and the most nourishing sanctuary I have ever experienced. I could have stayed there forever nibbling on nuts and berries or whatever elves eat.

p1020734 But Life or Spirit or the Universe had another idea in mind. Just when you think you have let go of everything you no longer need, you realize there’s always more, more to let go of and more to live into….. So, you ask, what had I become so attached to, that I didn’t want to let go of? My sanctuary in the woods.

Yup, I was getting a bit too comfortable there, all cozy by the wood fire, holding ceremony in my sacred space in the loft, and working remotely in my pajamas (actually, I wore real clothes, but I could have been in my PJ’s).

And then, the owner of our cabin (we rented), sold it! I was in shock; I was in denial all the way through escrow; I was simply devastated. And I discovered that I was not immune to the effect of change. The rugs that gets pulled out from under us take many forms; mine happened to be made of wood and glass and stone.

So, we found ourselves having to find another sanctuary, something we had done before, so we weren’t too worried. We’d always been pretty good at manifesting beautiful places to live. Only this time, nothing showed up. Or what showed up was so not right for us that we started to question ourselves. Were we not clear about what we wanted, were we sending Spirit mixed messages, or did She have something else in mind for us?

In a moment of deep sadness, I prayed to Spirit and asked why I was losing my home and sanctuary, and She gently told me, “Your sanctuary is within. You carry it everywhere you go. It is all you need.”

Perhaps it was time for me to come out of the woods…. Especially now. Staying in the woods when conscious awareness and activism are so needed at this time would have been my version of running away, an escape from hard reality, a retreat of a whole other kind.

So, here I am, writing this from our sailboat in Sausalito, our tiny home on the water for now, re-engaging with life, old friends and community; finding ways to be of service; and bringing my gifts to guide others to find theirs, so we may heal and be whole, strengthen our resiliency and resolve, and co-create the world we want to see.

We all have our own woods to which we retreat. And we each are our own sanctuary. What’s needed now is for us to find the courage to come out of the woods, find ways to nourish our inner sense of sanctuary, and find ways to share our gifts and be of service.

sun-mask-ceramic

Healing with words

October 2, 2016 ~ Nicole Gnutzman

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18

I have always thought of healers as gifted people who healed with their hands or their energy. And then I realized one day that if words can hurt (we all know that feeling), then they can heal too.

When my coach trainer once said to me, “Oh, you’re a word person,” as I asked for subtle clarification on something she was teaching, I was a bit bemused, until I realized that I actually am! I am a voracious reader, I have a Masters degree in Rhetoric and Professional Writing, I worked in the educational publishing industry for 18 years, and I write a blog, so you could say I am definitely a word person. I LOVE WORDS. Or more precisely, I love the right words.

As I wrote that particular phrase, what came to mind was “right speech,” one of the practices of the Noble Eightfold Path in Buddhism: right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. Sounds like I might just be on the right track, ahem, path :).

I choose both what I say and write with care. What I seek is for my thoughts, words and actions to be in integrity. I don’t always get it right, but it’s what I aspire to do. This intention came as a result of learning as a teenager that words, and even thoughts, can do more than hurt, they can harm; it taught me a huge life lesson. But that’s a story for another day.

Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can hurt your soul.” – Gitte Falkenburg

For a long time, due to that intense learning moment and not feeling free to express myself when I was a child, I brutally self-edited; I edited myself as I spoke, wrote, and, to my and others’ detriment, felt. Letting go of my internal self-editor was a breakthrough for me. Over time and after much self healing, I now have more compassion, both for myself and for others, to be able to speak and write from that place, and I am much more in touch with my feelings.

As a transformation coach, I offer my words only when just the right question or observation arises in me. Silence can be an amazingly powerful healing tool too. I choose to speak the truth only after I have found a loving way to say it. What I share may not always be what someone wants to hear, but I say it with such fierce compassion and love for who they are and want to be that they choose to listen. Somehow, my words find their way through to their heart and open their eyes to a new way of seeing. And that opening is the beginning of healing and transformation. Perspective is everything as they say.

Words can hurt; they can even harm. Choosing words that heal miraculously heals me too. It’s not always easy, but it sure feels right and good and true walking and talking the healing path.

Effort or surrender?

July 18, 2016 ~ Nicole Gnutzman

Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender. – Danielle Orner

I’m with Danielle. I too am learning to live in the liminal space between effort and surrender, and some days I’m better at it than others…. I see this same struggle in many of my friends and clients, who have excelled in life by being fully in control, until something told them in no uncertain terms that they actually weren’t.

When we experience a loss or a longing that cannot be filled by ordinary measures of effort, it can cause us to question our beliefs about life and ourselves. Few of us want to accept life as uncertain; we want certainty and guarantees, and safe risk (if that’s even possible). Uncertainty, unpredictability and ambiguity make us very uncomfortable.

When we realize that our belief about life has been mistaken, we find ourselves at a loss of what to go do, so we keep doing the same thing over and over again–and that’s like doing more of the same and expecting a different result. It’s an infinite loop that never ends or a wall we keep running into. Effort, although it feels safer and more familiar, may not be the place to go to find resolution.

When we’ve exhausted ourselves and our options, we come to the realization that we have to let go of something, whether it’s a belief, pattern, or issue, that’s holding us back from what we truly want (more joy, connection, purpose, etc.). That letting go is what is called in spiritual terms, “surrender,” and it doesn’t feel either safe or familiar to those of us who have relied solely on effort.

Finding the sweet spot between effort and surrender just may be the key to our frustration and discomfort. Seeing with new eyes that surrender and effort can be complementary–a “both/and” rather than an “or.” What if we surrendered to surrendering? And then acted from there?

Two resources that came to me as I was looking for guidance in this realm have beautiful ways of navigating this liminal space. The process in each, even though they come to it from very different healing perspectives, is strikingly similar. Each has tremendous value and power in itself, and I also found in working with both that blending the two is a truly powerful combination.

The first resource by Michael Mirdad, a spiritual healer, is, Healing the Heart & Soul: A Five-Step, Soul-Level Healing Process for Transforming your Life, which takes a more spiritual approach based on his work with A Course in Miracles. His healing method follows this path:

Recognizing the issue: the courageous step of recognizing the need for healing and choosing to make a significant change in your life
Accepting: taking responsibility for identifying the cause(s) of the issue and acknowledging the deeper emotions behind it
Surrendering: surrendering all issues, emotions, people, events unconditionally by giving them to a higher power for healing
Refilling: consciously calling in guidance and healing from a higher power and receiving the message
Giving Thanks: releasing the issue, showing gratitude for the healing and acknowledging your readiness to move on.

The second resource, which I mentioned in an earlier post, by Leslie Davenport, a family therapist and ordained minister, is Healing and Transformation through Self-Guided Imagery, which walks us through self-guided meditation to access our heart’s guidance. Her path to healing and transformation is:

Asking what you need guidance about: one word or phrase that encapsulates the issue
Accessing your heart: bringing attention to your breathing by breathing in “Clarity” and breathing out “Peace”
Discovering your inner sanctuary: allowing an image to arise of a place where you feel most at peace
Bringing your issue to heart: holding your issue up to receive guidance (surrender)
Receiving your heart’s guidance: asking your heart for “a wise and loving response”
Thanking your heart: thanking your heart for its message and integrating its wisdom into your daily life through action.

What’s so amazing is that each process only takes about 20 minutes to complete, and you can do them all on your own. With both, I’ve found writing in a journal helps with the discovery process and integrating the healing guidance into my life.

Surrender all that no longer serves you. Let all that remains buried in your heart come to the surface and be healed. Let there be space for new energies to enter. A new beginning transforms darkness to light. – Anonymous

For those of us who are used to efforting, these powerful, transformative processes provide us with the steps to find our way to surrender and access our inner knowing, which then guides us to right action. We live in that space where both surrender and effort reside.

Soulscape Coaching

be guided to your luminous soul

Healing