Soul

How cacao found me….

~ nicole
All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Anonymous

Cacao found me. And she was gently relentless in her quest.

My journey with cacao–the raw ingredient in what we know and love as chocolate–began with the movie, Chocolat, the one with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. Seems a bit cliche, perhaps, but that’s how it all began for me….

In the movie, there’s a tiny scene, which no one ever remembers, where Viane’s father, a pharmacist, is sent to Central America to research herbal, ancient remedies, and in his explorations, he drinks cacao in a ceremony around a fire and falls in love with an indigenous woman, who becomes Viane’s mother. In the world of the Maya, “chocolate unlocks hidden desires and reveals destinies.” That was my “You got me at hello….”

Something unlocked deep inside of me. I suddenly had the unquenchable desire to not only experience cacao ceremony, but to learn how to hold ceremony. So, I went to the source of all things, Google, and searched the web for cacao ceremonies. At that time (6 years ago now), all I could find was Keith, nicknamed the Chocolate Shaman, living in Guatemala, who was called by the Spirit of Cacao to bring cacao out of the rainforest to the people and open their hearts. He lives there to this day offering cacao ceremonies on his rustic front porch and works with a local indigenous shaman and people to source, bless, minimally process and package raw cacao for ceremonial purposes. This is the sacred cacao I work with. Just last year, I finally was able to travel to Guatemala and drink cacao with Keith and his merry band on Lake Atitlan, a sacred, transformational place.

And as things beautifully unfold when we open to possibility,  I found a teacher (or did she find me?) who led an online course in cacao ceremony and created a private Facebook forum where her students gathered to share experiences and receive wise guidance as we practiced on ourselves, family, friends and ever-widening circles of the curious and spiritually minded.

Cacao, along with deep inner work, has revealed who I truly am, which has awakened a fierce sense of compassion not only for others but for myself. It has opened me to new levels of creativity and clarity; provided me with a sense of deep contentment in my life; and revealed my soul’s path and destiny. And I have personally witnessed its transformative effect on others in group and private ceremony. If that’s the gift of cacao, who doesn’t need a little more of that in their life?

 

I know it may seem hard to believe that this delicious tree and its fruit have such gifts to bestow on us. The Maya have known for a long time that it is one powerful plant, full of heart-opening medicine. I like to think of it as Rescue Remedy* for our souls.

Over the next few weeks, I’d love to share more of my story with cacao here. Join me on this sacred journey with cacao or, better yet, come experience cacao ceremony yourself. Allow it to open your heart and reveal your desires, spark your creativity, and guide your life path. It’s lusciously good medicine for your heart and soul….

Copyright 2017 © Soulscape Coaching LLC.

*Rescue Remedy is an herbal remedy made from flower essences that naturally reduces stress.

An expedition to who you truly are, Indiana Jones style

~ nicole
I have found my voice again and the art of using it. – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I went on an expedition looking for my soul gifts and along the way I found my voice.

I love when I hear young parents tell their children, “use your words” or “use your voice.” Encouraging them to use their voice is so unlike what those of us of a certain age were expected do; we were to be seen and not heard. Pair that with being told to “not” do so many things, or that what we did wasn’t “correct,” paralyzed not just our voices but our creativity. It raised “good” girls and boys, who possibly rebelled in more covert ways (I know I did), but it did not build women and men who felt they had something of value to say. At least that was my experience….

So, it’s been a lifelong struggle for me to find my voice, use my words and express myself. And now, after much revealing and healing, I can’t stop sharing my story and what I’ve learned because I know it has a purpose now: to guide, support and heal others.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what needed healing and how did I do it? The two are inextricably intertwined.

  1. I had to question the beliefs (assumptions and opinions) I had formed about not just myself but life itself, and discover what was real and true.
  2. I had to let go of expectations and wanting to control the outcome, which opened me to possibility and accepting uncertainty.
  3. I had to acknowledge and face my fear of being shamed, blamed, unapproved of, rejected or disliked.
  4. I had let go of aspects of my identity, and the persona I had created, that weren’t truly me or who I wanted to be.
  5. I had to feel into what I truly cared about and valued, not what my family, friends or society thought I should value.
  6. I had to move from a fear-based, scarcity mindset to one of abundance, which meant embracing gratitude, humility, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, compassion, and unconditional love.
  7. I had to understand the essence of who I truly am.

From the depths of this inner work–it’s true, you have to do the work, my friends–emerged my true, authentic voice. And much healing, some of which was super subtle requiring just a soft touch.

It was an excavation, almost an anthropological dig, and at the bottom of it was me! I’m not going to say that all that digging and uncovering was easy or not messy; it was, but the result has been absolutely life-changing, life-affirming and life-giving for me.

Know that the excavation is necessary. Know that you don’t have to do all the digging alone. And know that those of us, who have gone on the dig before you, can and will guide you with unconditional love, support and maybe even a bit of wisdom. It’s our mission to do so. Indiana Jones style :).

Your voice is welcome here. So, let me know how this makes you feel.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The warrior way–the path from fear to possibility

~ nicole

Sometimes I forget I’m a warrior on my own path of self-realization. So, when I come up against a formidable foe like fear, I have to force myself to look deeply inside and find my courage.

Fear is a gargantuan roiling force feeding on its own energy, a many headed dragon that keeps growing new heads when you chop one off. It takes fierce strength and self awareness to defeat it.

I have my own dragon–a fear of failure–that has been an ever present fear for me since childhood when being perfect was very valued.  It’s been a constant companion, stalking and sabotaging me, holding me back from doing the things I most need to do. And just when I believe I’ve conquered it, it comes back in another form.

Recently I launched a marketing campaign for my first online course. I procrastinated, I perfected, I despaired at the technology, I lost belief in myself–all self-sabotaging behaviors. When I felt such deep sadness about my loss of belief, it was only then that I was able to push the button and send out the campaign. I knew then that the many headed dragon of fear was rearing another of its ugly heads and was destroying me from the inside out. And that I had to stop it. I had to find the source of my fear.

So what lay under my fear? I was afraid that if I sent my offering out into the world, no one would want it, and that somehow that would be a rejection of me, of who I am at my core. That’s the fear of annihilation. Yup, it’s heavy stuff, but very real at an unconscious level.

Now I know that nothing and no one can touch my soul, my essence, who I am at my core (I’ve done a lot of work on this), but I have to remind myself of that over and over again….

Nothing can touch my soul

But there was something even more to my fear…. I was creating an apocalyptic what-if scenario. What if I put all this effort into creating something that no one wanted? What if no one signed up for my course? That’s devastating on so many levels, including financially. Annihilation all over the place. Very messy.

And then I realized that my mind was fabricating my own mess. I was so attached to a particular outcome, to people signing up, that if it didn’t happen, it would be catastrophic. But what if there were other possible outcomes I couldn’t even imagine? Aha.

So I looked at what was showing up for me: the very first day, I received beautiful well wishes and intentions to forward my offer to friends; thumbs up and hearts for sharing my feelings and fears; and heartfelt gratitude for inspiring people to face their own fears and put something of theirs out there too. Maybe, just maybe the outcome I so desired–of having people take my course–was not be the point of it after all….

  • What if my offering was to inspire others to share their gifts with the world?
  • What if other opportunities would show up for me that would allow me to share my gifts in other ways?
  • What if something else was waiting for me that I wouldn’t see or be open to unless my desired outcome didn’t happen?

Letting go opens up possibility

What I know deeply now is that it’s in the letting go of the outcome that the dragon of fear is neutralized. I can’t possibly know what Spirit (or the Universe) has in mind for me. Only She knows what I most need to learn or experience or how best to share my gifts. And that’s why we’re really here, isn’t it? To evolve into our wholeness, into our highest potential, and to live into our soul gifts.

Of course, I very much want people to take my course. Psst, click here if you’re curious. That is the intention I am putting out into the world and to Spirit. But I am not holding onto it in fear. I am letting it go and allowing other possible, amazing outcomes to show up. When I do this, I am fearless, open to possibility. That’s the warrior way.

How are you living into the warrior way? What becomes possible for you when you do?

Healing your core wound by living into your soul gifts: how brilliant is that?

~ nicole
Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts. – Rick Warren

Can your core wound be a gift? Some teachers in the Finding your True Purpose/Soul’s Path space believe that it’s our inner core wounds, which we experience as a young child, that become our gifts. While I was (and am still) fascinated by this concept and agree with these teachers, and could see how their own wounding became their gift, I couldn’t quite apply the concept to myself. Often we’re the last to know, aren’t we?

You see, I came to understand my soul gifts through reflection from friends and colleagues; by studying my Mayan Day Sign, which is all about soul gifts and path, and understanding the qualities of my birth animal totem from the Native American tradition; and only then did I take the patterns I saw there and look back into my childhood to see if they were reflected. I certainly saw my soul gifts–the gifts I came into the world with–and I was aware of my core wound, but I didn’t quite see how my wound could be a gift, my gift to the world…. It felt like, just a wound.

So here’s how my realization unfolded for me. As I lived more fully into my soul gifts –my ability to deeply listen and hold space for others, reflect back a whole and healing perspective, and guide others to find their own gifts and path­–I began to share my experience and my story with anyone who would listen.

And here’s what’s fascinating: my core wound was all about not having a voice, about not feeling worthy enough on an unconscious level to share my thoughts and beliefs and even feelings. My voice (and me by association) did not matter.

When I began walking my soul’s path, I discovered that I finally had something to say, something of value to share, something that just had to be said, so I couldn’t stop talking or writing about it. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care if people glanced at me sideways or thought I was crazy or were just humoring me. I knew that what I had learned and experienced was real and true and beautiful, and that I had no choice, but to share.

It was in the sharing that I was healing myself. It was in the sharing that I found purpose and meaning. It was in the sharing that I found joy. It was in the sharing that I was guiding others to their own healing.

Finding my voice was a bright, new shiny gift. How brilliant is that?

So, the questions I find myself asking are: “What do I do with my voice, beyond what I’m already doing?” “How do I amplify my voice for its highest and best use?” “How do I help others find their voice, so they may have more purpose, meaning and joy in their lives?” “How can this gift keep on giving?” Because you know it’s going to be contagious, but in a good way….

How can our gifts keep on giving?

I’m still here in this new territory of voice, feeling my way through it, but it gives me no end of joy to contemplate it. I have opened the door to possibility. And now I have shared it with you.

May my sharing somehow inspire you to find and truly value your own voice, or find your own core wound, which may not be your voice but another, and heal it, so it becomes your bright gift to the world.

Please share your thoughts with me. I’d be honored to hear from you. And that way, I will have the privilege of responding with my voice to you. I need all the practice I can get :).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding the courage to come out of the woods….

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Do not look for a sanctuary inside anyone except yourself. – Buddha
Remember…the entrance to the sanctuary is within you. – Rumi

I am a woodland elf, or at least that’s what my husband affectionately calls me. I must admit that I do look a bit elvish (someone also once called me Cindy Lou Who from Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas), but I digress…. And I do thrive in the woods; there’s just something about the energy of trees and sunshine.

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And so, living into my elvish nature, I lived on “retreat” in the redwoods near Mendocino, CA for the past year guiding clients to find their soul’s path and gifts and deepening my own inner transformation. It was the perfect work–life balance and the most nourishing sanctuary I have ever experienced. I could have stayed there forever nibbling on nuts and berries or whatever elves eat.

p1020734But Life or Spirit or the Universe had another idea in mind. Just when you think you have let go of everything you no longer need, you realize there’s always more, more to let go of and more to live into….. So, you ask, what had I become so attached to, that I didn’t want to let go of? My sanctuary in the woods.

Yup, I was getting a bit too comfortable there, all cozy by the wood fire, holding ceremony in my sacred space in the loft, and working remotely in my pajamas (actually, I wore real clothes, but I could have been in my PJ’s).

And then, the owner of our cabin (we rented), sold it! I was in shock; I was in denial all the way through escrow; I was simply devastated. And I discovered that I was not immune to the effect of change. The rugs that gets pulled out from under us take many forms; mine happened to be made of wood and glass and stone.

So, we found ourselves having to find another sanctuary, something we had done before, so we weren’t too worried. We’d always been pretty good at manifesting beautiful places to live. Only this time, nothing showed up. Or what showed up was so not right for us that we started to question ourselves. Were we not clear about what we wanted, were we sending Spirit mixed messages, or did She have something else in mind for us?

In a moment of deep sadness, I prayed to Spirit and asked why I was losing my home and sanctuary, and She gently told me, “Your sanctuary is within. You carry it everywhere you go. It is all you need.”

Perhaps it was time for me to come out of the woods…. Especially now. Staying in the woods when conscious awareness and activism are so needed at this time would have been my version of running away, an escape from hard reality, a retreat of a whole other kind.

So, here I am, writing this from our sailboat in Sausalito, our tiny home on the water for now, re-engaging with life, old friends and community; finding ways to be of service; and bringing my gifts to guide others to find theirs, so we may heal and be whole, strengthen our resiliency and resolve, and co-create the world we want to see.

We all have our own woods to which we retreat. And we each are our own sanctuary. What’s needed now is for us to find the courage to come out of the woods, find ways to nourish our inner sense of sanctuary, and find ways to share our gifts and be of service.

sun-mask-ceramic

 

 

 

 

Our shy souls: approach with trust

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Separated from our own souls. We end up living divided lives, so far removed from the truth we hold within that we cannot know the “integrity that comes from being what you are” – Parker Palmer citing Douglas Wood

img_3340The soul is shy” shares Parker Palmer in his book, A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward and Undivided Life, and rare are those places where it feels safe and supported and seen.

Many of us who care about, and have faith in, the soul believe we came into this world with a pure and perfect one, and that, over time, it hides in fear as the “powers of deformation from within as well as from without” distort it. Gosh, I would hide too if I was being tormented endlessly.

Fortunately, the soul is a resilient little (or not so little) thing, and it bides its time waiting for when it’s safe to come out “toward the light of [its] own wholeness.”

So, what makes for a safe haven for the soul? According to Palmer, it’s “a circle of trust” of supportive and loving acceptance, where we can finally hear our inner truth and listen to the guidance of our inner teacher. It’s where we can talk to the soul through a “third thing”: through poetry, story,  music or a work of art that explores a topic the soul wants to approach ever so gingerly.

Gently approaching the soul can take other forms–through transformation coaching, where the coach builds a container of trust to approach the soul indirectly; through ceremony and ritual where we honor the wholeness and interconnectedness of life; through working with our dreams, which are messages from our soul; and through soul path work, which guides us to and through archetypal energies. The soul loves nothing more than beauty, metaphor, imagery, deep meaning, and purpose held lovingly in a sacred container. They are gentle and yet powerful ways to touch and heal the soul.

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When approached too directly and before trust has been established, the soul runs away and hides, “afraid that [its] inner light will be extinguished or [its] inner darkness exposed.” So we must tread carefully toward it, honoring its shy nature, its innocence and its light.

My own journey with my soul has been a circuitous one. I could always feels its presence, its “still, small voice”and yet I tuned it out, wanting, and sometimes pretending, to be something that I wasn’t. Extrovert wannabe, who denied the beautiful gifts of her introversion; ‘perfect’ daughter, who hid her wild partying on weekends and got straight A’s during the week (until Calculus came along); and calm, cool, and collected corporate warrior, who was nicknamed the Ice Princess.

I chipped away at the ice for a long time, and as I got closer to my soul, my approach became less direct. My soul, in its small voice, insisted on it. So, through ceremony and my dreams, and opening myself to the slender threads she left for me to follow, I found a warm soul huddling deep within me.

ice-and-snow

Apparently, it’s not so little after all: it’s big and bright and yet gentle and sweet. It can be insistent and a wee bit demanding (I would be too if I hadn’t been listened to for decades), but it always knows what I most need.

I am now a proud, self-proclaimed introvert, who lusciously revels in her alone time, names her imperfections with glee (and laughs), and whose inner light has finally melted all vestiges of that ice…. Hmmm, maybe that’s why I had to move to California from Canada :).

Parker Palmer’s own journey to wholeness has taken a similar path, and I share with deep respect some of his wisdom: being divided from our soul “often seems like the easier choice” but “we pay a steep price” when living a divided life, “feeling fraudulent, anxious about being found out, and depressed” about denying our own selfhood. “A fault line runs down the middle of [our] life…divorcing [our] words and actions from the truth [we] hold in. That’s when things “get shaky and start to fall apart.”

His words touched my soul. May they touch yours in such a way that your soul peeks out from whatever it is hiding behind, and it says, “Hi there, I’m here, can you help me find my way back home?”

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

 

Remembering who you are–the joy of strawberry shortcake & whipped cream

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Old Souls are usually childlike in many ways, having the playfulness and simplicity of children, while maintaining a certain world-weariness and insight. – don Mateo Sol

What people see in me now and hear in my voice and read in my blog posts, is the real me, the true essence of who I am. I’m done with hiding, folks.

hello-sunshineWhen I was a little girl, I was shy, introverted, loved books and animals of all kinds (lions, especially). I saw the goodness in people. I giggled a lot. And some people (particularly dentists and doctors for some reason) called me “sunshine.” I guess it was all that blond hair and innocence.

And then, as I grew up, I learned that being innocent wasn’t all it was cracked up to be (the world could be such a cruel place), and I started to hide my sunshiny nature.

Then I began to take on and distort (what else can a little mind do?) the beliefs and expectations of my parents, society and my friends in my desire to be loved and feel a sense of belonging.

Here’s a short list (there’s more, but I’ll run out of space and your patience):

My parents wanted me to excel in school and in life, so I thought I had to be perfect. Trying to be perfect meant I wasn’t being me; I was trying to be what I thought they wanted, and then this extended to my friends and boyfriends, school and work, and so on…. Lots of me trying to be something that I wasn’t.

My Dad got really sick, which changed everything, so I had to grow up really fast and learn to look after myself. Life was harder than I thought. It wasn’t all picking cherries in my grandmother’s garden and eating strawberry shortcake and whipped cream. I stopped giggling and started crying, and I felt very alone.

Being strong, independent and productive were my family’s most sought after values. Being weak, dependent and unproductive meant you were vulnerable (or at least that was my interpretation at the time). So, I had to be strong in everything I did and the tears had to stop. With that went most of my emotional life.

I found and stayed in the neutral zone; it was comfortable and easy. Nothing much bothered me, but nothing really gave me joy either (not even strawberry shortcake and whipped cream).

So, you can imagine what my need to be perfect, act like an adult, and not show my vulnerability created: a very sad little girl, and then woman, who pretended she was happy (actually, she was so numb to her feelings, she didn’t feel much of anything). Poor thing.

And then as I tried to control and manage my world so it stayed perfectly neutral, I started to have my doubts. A little voice in me began to say, “I don’t much like this life I have.”

Then it elaborated a bit more: “It seems I am ‘living’ a life in which I don’t say what I feel or need and because of that I get what I don’t want over and over again.” Hmmm. What if I did the exact opposite of what I’ve been doing:

What if I stop trying to be perfect and instead remember who I am (because truth be told I’d kind of forgotten) and what my gifts are?

What if I do some silly things, and don’t worry about how I look to others or criticize myself so much, and maybe, just maybe, find the joy in my life again?

What if being vulnerable and open, and knowing how I feel and saying out loud what I want will actually create the life I want?

What if behind all that armor of perfection, adulthood, and invulnerability, is the essence of me, my inner and outer sunshine?

Well, guess what? As I gently tore down my protective armor (these are some of the symbolic deaths that happen when we transform ourselves), what was behind it was me: my intact soul, the beautiful, sunshiny one I came into this world with that was just a bit wiser, but still innocent in its sense of not knowing, of being open to the mysteries and wonder of the world. The one who wants strawberry shortcake and whipped cream.

And from there I learned that over time, as I laid layers of armor down (believe me, there were a lot and the burden was a heavy one), my true self unfolded like the petals of a lotus flower. It was amazing to behold: “Oh, there’s a little bit of me, and oh, there’s a little bit more, and wow, that was a big piece of me.” As I unfolded, my light, my sunshine, began to emerge. When a Mayan shaman tells you that “you shine,” well, I’m going to take his word for it.

lotus-flower

Now, this story isn’t really about me; I’m just the “vessel for the message.” Here’s what I know based on my own experience: beneath all that protective armor we put in place to keep us safe and secure is our true, beautiful self. Reveal her and you will shine bright.

Of course, if it were easy, we would all have done it long ago. It takes courage to lay down that first piece of armor, and second, and third. All that gorgeous dismantling and unfolding takes patience, a little bit of grit and determination, and compassion (mostly for yourself); and it is one of the most important journeys you will take in your life. But you have to choose it; no one will choose it or do it for you. And you don’t have to do it alone (there are professionals who can help you with that).

Now, some of you will choose to stay comfortably in neutral because it’s safe there. And that’s perfectly ok. Just know that neutral means more of the same. Change will happen to you, not through you if you stay in the neutral zone.

So, if the “blahs” of being in neutral start getting to you, or if you’ve moved beyond blah to the pain of recognition of what you’re missing, which is yourself, you are on the path to remembering who you truly are (and the pure joy of strawberry shortcake and whipped cream).

strawberries-and-cream

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Readings with a shaman

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“The toughest battles are those fought solo, in the deep interiors of the soul…. The more open you are to your own light,the more you trust the blinding power of this inexorable inner light, the sooner you will attain the truths you seek.” – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

I don’t quite know what I expected in my Mayan Day Sign reading with a Mayan shaman in Guatemala. Many of us at the retreat signed up for a private reading after our beautiful and transformative Mayan Fire Ceremony, where we honored each of the 20 naguales/nawales (Day Signs) that comprise the Cholq’ij or Tzolkin Mayan calendar.

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Mayan Fire Ceremony with Shaman Walther Thomas Mendoza Cholotio

We were told gently by our retreat center host that Thomas, the shaman, wasn’t psychic–that he would share with us his in-depth knowledge of our nagual and Mayan Cross (the five naguales that make up our soul’s path and destiny from conception), which might seem eerily true for us.

We were all touched and surprised by our readings. I was told that I am more than a soul’s path guide; I am a teacher of life and death, which I quickly (whew!rose-copy) realized meant metaphorical death. Right now, according to the shaman, I am to teach about death, which is a beautiful flower. I took this to mean that I am to teach about transformation, how in order to grow and evolve in this life, parts of us (sometimes little and sometimes not so little parts of us) need to die, so something new can be created and we can unfold like a flower.

Transformation is something with which I am intimately familiar as parts of me (beliefs, fears, emotional or ego blocks) that no longer served me have been dying as I reinvented myself over the past 10 years. My Mayan Day Sign, E, which actually means the Path, foretold that my life would be a process of constant evolution, ongoing structuring and restructuring. It sure has felt that way to me. At least now I know there was a deep purpose to it all….

The destiny sign on my Mayan Cross is Ajpu or Ahau, the Hunter/Sun, the one who brings Illumination. It is this nagual that I am to live into now. It seems that by finding (or is that finally accepting?) my true soul’s path, I have stepped fully into my destiny, which is about overcoming “death” and passing tests, whether they be physical, mental psychological, or emotional. And now I am to teach others how to do this, how to overcome these obstacles and live into their soul’s path and life itself.

Ahau [Ajpu} is the Lord of Light, embodying the highest potential of all life and illuminating the sacred journeys of evolution of all living things. – Birgitte Rasine

As Ajpu, I am a hunter of souls and spirits, which seems appropriate given my work, and a protector of the seeds of life (I’m pretty sure that’s a cacao tree in the pictograph below, which is rather ironic). Don’t get me started on the scorpion, which is a symbol of death and rebirth. One crawled on to my sacred altar during cacao ceremony on our retreat. We managed to find it a new home….

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From The Book of Destiny: Unlocking the Secrets of the Ancient Myths and Prophecy of 2012 by Carlos Barrios

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Clearly, I have some thinking and gathering of seeds to do. The shaman advised me to “compress, center myself, and fade away” for awhile to gather my strength, so I can “illuminate others.” The image of a sunflower came to my mind’s eye, a flower that opens with life-affirming vibrancy in late summer and early fall in California.

Having just returned from holding space for others on retreat, I am retreating ever so gently into my own sacred space to contemplate, write and begin designing this unfolding.

It’s humbling to contemplate as I am become increasingly aware of the power of giving fully from my heart (another of my blog posts will delve into that realization) and offering my own deep experience.  I will continue to share with you what I discover as I explore these depths, so I may find ways to illuminate your path and ease your journey of transformation. This is both my mission and my promise to you.

If you are intrigued and wish to know your own Mayan Day Sign and Mayan Cross, visit http://www.tokenrock.com/mayan/tzolkin-calculator/. May it light your own path.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The gift of retreating

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“There is nothing more natural than for Life to align with Light in a sacred dance of co-existence and co-creation.”  – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

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The Lake (Lake Atitlan) called me back and I returned, not alone this time as on my first solo retreat, but with 10 beautiful and brave souls, who were open to whatever awaited them there. And what awaited was more than any of us imagined.

As we opened to our retreat, we left the bustling world behind and immersed ourselves in a new energy, an interplay of quiet solitude and tribal community, relaxation and movement, restoration and revitalization, and receiving and giving.

img_2981We closed ourselves off to the world as we knew it and entered a cocoon, a sanctuary, to emerge from our chrysalis more vibrant and alive, and with bright wings that allowed us to rise above ourselves and the world and see with new eyes.

We lived into the spiral of life, the intertwining energies of the four elements: creation and destruction (fire), nourishment and growth (earth), deepening and flow (water), inspiration and clarity (air). And we yearned to take that emergence and transformation home with us, back into the world.

Re-entry into that world is always challenging after retreat as it seems less real or even unreal, an alternate reality of frenzied, ungrounded energy, disconnected from our own deeply felt experience while on retreat.

Retreating brings us back to our true selves, and we want to bring that radiant energy and truth back with us. It can feel like a burden as the world does not always welcome truth and radiance, but it’s a gift we must give to the world, knowing that everything we give will return to us perhaps not in that moment, but in time.

Our inclination may be to protect what we experienced, shielding it from the unremitting, relentless darkness of the world. If that helps us to keep the light within us alive, then let us hide it for awhile, but know, to hide it for too long, weakens it; it needs to be given to others, so they may shine too, and in their shining, their energy comes back to us. It is the energy of life, the spiral on its return journey, the law of attraction, flow.

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If we have one mission in this life it is to rediscover who we truly are, so we can offer our light and our gifts to the world as we walk on our soul’s path. Retreating from the world for just a little while to deepen that connection to ourselves and to life itself allows us the spaciousness we need to restore that light. And then we, and others we touch with our light, can shine.

Many of us will return again to Atitlan. Our retreat may become an annual celebration of the transformative power of the Lake and our own transformation….

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

What makes you weep?

~ Nicole Gnutzman

P1000133Yesterday, I was contemplating what to write for my blog post. Usually, ideas just come to me and they flow. A couple came to mind, but they felt flat, there was no flow, my energy did not rise with them. And if my energy does not rise as I write, then my reader’s energy certainly isn’t going to either….

So, when does my energy rise? When I care deeply about something or someone. When I feel joy or even sorrow. When I weep. And that’s when I remembered what made me weep last week.

I primarily coach women who are looking to find their soul’s path. And, as I do that, I discovered that after we’ve explored their gifts and what they love, moved on to addressing their fears and limiting beliefs, and created the confidence to begin living into their new soul-fulfilling beliefs, inevitably, romantic relationship comes up.

My clients want to know how to heal and grow their current relationship or how to create a healthy, loving supportive relationship if they don’t have a partner. In either case, they recognize deep in their beautiful soul that their relationship needs to support the whole, healthy, vibrant person they are becoming. I weep with joy for them as that come to that level of clarity.

And what I hear, when my clients share their worries and concerns about their current partner or the people they are meeting, is that they are not being met, their soul is not being lifted up or nourished, and they know in their heart that something more is possible. And that is what they truly want.

In the past, we often looked to our romantic partner for certain needs, be they financial or familial or sexual, and that is no longer the case. We don’t “need” partners in the way we traditionally did. We need them at a much deeper level. And that is when I wept again. I felt deeply for all partners, who want deep connection too.

To allow our partners to feel true connection, we have to find a way to express our deepest need for them, not from a place of neediness, but rather one of strength. To see and understand their gifts, to know what gives them true nourishment, and to be able to say with love and curiosity, “I need you,” or ” I need your help,” in such a way that they can respond with their gift or knowledge or strength. Deep connection follows the recognition of being truly seen.

Be curious. Express your appreciation. Ask for help that only your partner (or your prospective partner) can fulfill using their gifts. Create a sense of deep belonging. And watch what happens….

As we lift up and nourish our own soul and the soul of our partners, we all become whole. We live in alignment with our soul’s path. We love. We weep with joy.

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