spirit

Finding the courage to come out of the woods….

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Do not look for a sanctuary inside anyone except yourself. – Buddha
Remember…the entrance to the sanctuary is within you. – Rumi

I am a woodland elf, or at least that’s what my husband affectionately calls me. I must admit that I do look a bit elvish (someone also once called me Cindy Lou Who from Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas), but I digress…. And I do thrive in the woods; there’s just something about the energy of trees and sunshine.

img_3462

And so, living into my elvish nature, I lived on “retreat” in the redwoods near Mendocino, CA for the past year guiding clients to find their soul’s path and gifts and deepening my own inner transformation. It was the perfect work–life balance and the most nourishing sanctuary I have ever experienced. I could have stayed there forever nibbling on nuts and berries or whatever elves eat.

p1020734But Life or Spirit or the Universe had another idea in mind. Just when you think you have let go of everything you no longer need, you realize there’s always more, more to let go of and more to live into….. So, you ask, what had I become so attached to, that I didn’t want to let go of? My sanctuary in the woods.

Yup, I was getting a bit too comfortable there, all cozy by the wood fire, holding ceremony in my sacred space in the loft, and working remotely in my pajamas (actually, I wore real clothes, but I could have been in my PJ’s).

And then, the owner of our cabin (we rented), sold it! I was in shock; I was in denial all the way through escrow; I was simply devastated. And I discovered that I was not immune to the effect of change. The rugs that gets pulled out from under us take many forms; mine happened to be made of wood and glass and stone.

So, we found ourselves having to find another sanctuary, something we had done before, so we weren’t too worried. We’d always been pretty good at manifesting beautiful places to live. Only this time, nothing showed up. Or what showed up was so not right for us that we started to question ourselves. Were we not clear about what we wanted, were we sending Spirit mixed messages, or did She have something else in mind for us?

In a moment of deep sadness, I prayed to Spirit and asked why I was losing my home and sanctuary, and She gently told me, “Your sanctuary is within. You carry it everywhere you go. It is all you need.”

Perhaps it was time for me to come out of the woods…. Especially now. Staying in the woods when conscious awareness and activism are so needed at this time would have been my version of running away, an escape from hard reality, a retreat of a whole other kind.

So, here I am, writing this from our sailboat in Sausalito, our tiny home on the water for now, re-engaging with life, old friends and community; finding ways to be of service; and bringing my gifts to guide others to find theirs, so we may heal and be whole, strengthen our resiliency and resolve, and co-create the world we want to see.

We all have our own woods to which we retreat. And we each are our own sanctuary. What’s needed now is for us to find the courage to come out of the woods, find ways to nourish our inner sense of sanctuary, and find ways to share our gifts and be of service.

sun-mask-ceramic

 

 

 

 

Surrendering to what is, or who can argue with the stomach flu?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”  – Sonia Ricotta

I’ve always been a bit of a planner, definitely an over preparer, more comfortable knowing where I’m going, when I’ll arrive, what I’m doing, and having some sense of certainty of the outcome. So, just being in the moment has always been a bit challenging for me.

img_2967
One of many suspension bridges at Aitlan Nature Preserve

And the stomach flu put an end to all that…! All plans up in the air and with no strength left, I was as unprepared, wobbly and weak as a newborn, baby doe walking on a suspension bridge. My weakened state forced me to surrender or allowed me to be fully in the moment, depending on how you look at it.

I had planned to arrive 2 1/2 days early for the yoga and Mayan ceremony retreat I was co-leading. That buffer of a few days would have given me time to visit the Nature Preserve where we were holding our first official ceremony (I had never been before); visit a local village to buy a few artisanal pieces for my cacao altar; put together gift bags for our guests; and settle in and center myself. But, alas, Spirit had other plans for me :).

On the very day I was to leave on the red eye, my body rebelled, and I found myself purged and shivering in bed. My husband rebooked my flight for three days later, knowing the length of his own healing since he had just recovered from the flu himself, and I prayed that I could just get myself on the plane.

Weak and exhausted, and sustained only by sparkling water, clear broth and peppermint tea, I boarded the plane. I slept a bit and managed to eat my first solid food on my layover in Houston (oatmeal never tasted so darn good). When I arrived in Guatemala City, to add more uncertainty and delay to my trip, our shuttle to the retreat center was delayed, and we arrived even later than planned with just enough time for me to greet our guests, shower, and eat a very light dinner before scrambling to put together their gifts.

img_3445I arrived late for opening circle (I am never late for anything), but luckily I came bearing gifts, so that smoothed my way. As we opened circle, I shared what was in my heart. Actually, that was all that was left of me. Just my heart. And it was perfect. I didn’t even have the strength to criticize myself afterwards. Note to self: heart-centered giving (with no expectations) weakens an Inner Critic. Good to know.

And I was surrounded by the loving support of my co-leader, Yuval, and the sweet understanding of our retreat guests. Yuval had visited the Nature Preserve for me and we mapped out the ceremony together–boat to Panajachel, Tuk Tuks to the Preserve, begin ceremony at the Butterfly Geodesic Dome, and hike down to the beach for the rest of ceremony and then back up.

However (you just knew there had to be one), the morning of ceremony, the manager at our retreat center helpfully suggested we reverse our plan as the boat could drop us directly on the beach! It would be more direct and we wouldn’t need to retrace our steps and hike back up. It made infinitely more sense, although it meant changing the order of ceremony and improvising even more than I already was. Ha ha! Talk about being fully in the moment. Spirit wasn’t done with me yet….

img_2936
The beach at the Nature Preserve

I closed my eyes on the 15-minute boat ride to the Preserve and prayed to Spirit to guide me. And, of course, She did, and our ceremony was beautiful and perfect. Once again, I surrendered and found myself in the flow–open, spacious, allowing, trusting what would arise in the moment, and trusting myself (that’s always the hardest part)–as there was no other path.

There simply is no better teacher than reality and nothing more humbling than the stomach flu. I was truly blessed by both. They were a gift, even beyond what I shared here (more to come in another blog post). I am forever changed by my experience. I will still plan ahead a little to smooth the journey, but in the moment, I will be fully open to whatever arises, I will trust myself and Spirit, and I know it will be perfect just as it is….

img_2959
Tree pose by Yuval

BTW, that’s Yuval, our fearless yogi, who is always in the flow as you can see!

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Readings with a shaman

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“The toughest battles are those fought solo, in the deep interiors of the soul…. The more open you are to your own light,the more you trust the blinding power of this inexorable inner light, the sooner you will attain the truths you seek.” – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

I don’t quite know what I expected in my Mayan Day Sign reading with a Mayan shaman in Guatemala. Many of us at the retreat signed up for a private reading after our beautiful and transformative Mayan Fire Ceremony, where we honored each of the 20 naguales/nawales (Day Signs) that comprise the Cholq’ij or Tzolkin Mayan calendar.

img_3179
Mayan Fire Ceremony with Shaman Walther Thomas Mendoza Cholotio

We were told gently by our retreat center host that Thomas, the shaman, wasn’t psychic–that he would share with us his in-depth knowledge of our nagual and Mayan Cross (the five naguales that make up our soul’s path and destiny from conception), which might seem eerily true for us.

We were all touched and surprised by our readings. I was told that I am more than a soul’s path guide; I am a teacher of life and death, which I quickly (whew!rose-copy) realized meant metaphorical death. Right now, according to the shaman, I am to teach about death, which is a beautiful flower. I took this to mean that I am to teach about transformation, how in order to grow and evolve in this life, parts of us (sometimes little and sometimes not so little parts of us) need to die, so something new can be created and we can unfold like a flower.

Transformation is something with which I am intimately familiar as parts of me (beliefs, fears, emotional or ego blocks) that no longer served me have been dying as I reinvented myself over the past 10 years. My Mayan Day Sign, E, which actually means the Path, foretold that my life would be a process of constant evolution, ongoing structuring and restructuring. It sure has felt that way to me. At least now I know there was a deep purpose to it all….

The destiny sign on my Mayan Cross is Ajpu or Ahau, the Hunter/Sun, the one who brings Illumination. It is this nagual that I am to live into now. It seems that by finding (or is that finally accepting?) my true soul’s path, I have stepped fully into my destiny, which is about overcoming “death” and passing tests, whether they be physical, mental psychological, or emotional. And now I am to teach others how to do this, how to overcome these obstacles and live into their soul’s path and life itself.

Ahau [Ajpu} is the Lord of Light, embodying the highest potential of all life and illuminating the sacred journeys of evolution of all living things. – Birgitte Rasine

As Ajpu, I am a hunter of souls and spirits, which seems appropriate given my work, and a protector of the seeds of life (I’m pretty sure that’s a cacao tree in the pictograph below, which is rather ironic). Don’t get me started on the scorpion, which is a symbol of death and rebirth. One crawled on to my sacred altar during cacao ceremony on our retreat. We managed to find it a new home….

img_3439
From The Book of Destiny: Unlocking the Secrets of the Ancient Myths and Prophecy of 2012 by Carlos Barrios

img_3395

Clearly, I have some thinking and gathering of seeds to do. The shaman advised me to “compress, center myself, and fade away” for awhile to gather my strength, so I can “illuminate others.” The image of a sunflower came to my mind’s eye, a flower that opens with life-affirming vibrancy in late summer and early fall in California.

Having just returned from holding space for others on retreat, I am retreating ever so gently into my own sacred space to contemplate, write and begin designing this unfolding.

It’s humbling to contemplate as I am become increasingly aware of the power of giving fully from my heart (another of my blog posts will delve into that realization) and offering my own deep experience.  I will continue to share with you what I discover as I explore these depths, so I may find ways to illuminate your path and ease your journey of transformation. This is both my mission and my promise to you.

If you are intrigued and wish to know your own Mayan Day Sign and Mayan Cross, visit http://www.tokenrock.com/mayan/tzolkin-calculator/. May it light your own path.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Celebrate the ceremony of your life

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Ceremony creates change. Live your life as a ceremony, and this will lead you to a process of positive change, following a path of spirit, and allowing you to ride a different wave in your life.
~ Sandra Ingerman, Walking in the Light: the Everyday Empowerment of a Shamanic Life

I never was one much for ceremony. Sure, I cried at funerals and weddings, the emotion simply overcoming me, sometimes without warning and almost always surprising me, but pomp and circumstance would leave me dry eyed and even a bit bored. What was all the fuss about? What was missing for me was the meaning behind it all, a deeply felt connection to the true spirit of ceremony.

IMG_1545And then I discovered another kind of ceremony, and it involved chocolate, actually raw cacao. My life and my perception of ceremony changed forever.

I first came across cacao ceremony in the movie, Chocolat, with Johnny Depp (Roux) and Juliette Binoche (Viane)–I’m not sure which character I fell more in love with. In the movie, Viane’s father, a pharmacist, travels to South America to discover new remedies, and is introduced to cacao and seduced both by it and Viane’s eventual mother. I too found myself seduced by its power to “unlock hidden yearnings and reveal destinies.”

I trained as a chocolatier because of that one line in the movie (I truly wanted to find my destiny and thought chocolate was it), and I began to seek out cacao ceremony, which at the time was a hard thing to find. When I found it, and a teacher, I went deep into that world.

Cacao ceremony opened a whole new world to me–one of infinite abundance, connection to spirit, reverence for the earth, compassion for myself and others, and a deeper knowing. It’s hard to believe that all that magic can come from a little cacao bean.

I came to understand that in the indigenous world, ceremony is a part of daily life, honoring the connection we have with the elements (earth, wind, fire and water), life and death, and rites of passage. The meaning and significance of each ceremony is clear and is a way to deeply acknowledge and accept change as a part of life.

Ceremony, in reconnecting us to life itself, allows us to feel compassion for ourselves and others, deepen our connection to our true selves, and understand that we are part of something much bigger and more beautiful. It is then that the change we want to open ourselves to becomes truly possible. Our fears slowly drop away as we realize, as Sandra Ingerman so eloquently shares, that spirit wants to guide us through change and we can ride that wave through life.

What becomes possible when we honor the ceremony in our lives? For me, authentic, meaningful ceremony offers and creates an opening to true connection, compassion and change. And that is a reason to celebrate.

Celebrate the ceremony of life

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Ceremony creates change. Live your life as a ceremony, and this will lead you to a process of positive change, following a path of spirit, and allowing you to ride a different wave in your life.
~ Sandra Ingerman, Walking in the Light: the Everyday Empowerment of a Shamanic Life

I never was one much for ceremony. Sure, I cried at funerals and weddings, the emotion simply overcoming me, sometimes without warning and almost always surprising me, but pomp and circumstance would leave me dry eyed and even a bit bored. What was all the fuss about? What was missing for me was the meaning behind it all, a deeply felt connection to the true spirit of ceremony.

IMG_1545And then I discovered another kind of ceremony, and it involved chocolate, actually raw cacao. My life and my perception of ceremony changed forever.

I first came across cacao ceremony in the movie, Chocolat, with Johnny Depp (Roux) and Juliette Binoche (Viane)–I’m not sure which character I fell more in love with. In the movie, Viane’s father, a pharmacist, travels to South America to discover plant remedies, and is introduced to cacao and seduced both by it and Viane’s eventual mother. I too found myself seduced by its power to “unlock hidden yearnings and reveal destinies.”

I trained as a chocolatier because of that one line in the movie (I truly wanted to find my destiny and thought chocolate was it), and I began to seek out cacao ceremony, which at the time was a hard thing to find. When I found it, and a teacher, I went deep into that world.

Cacao ceremony opened a whole new world to me–one of infinite abundance, connection to spirit, reverence for the earth, compassion for myself and others, and a deeper knowing. It’s hard to believe that all that magic can come from a little cacao bean.

I came to understand that in the indigenous world, ceremony is a part of daily life, honoring the connection we have with the elements (earth, wind, fire and water), life and death, and rites of passage. The meaning and significance of each ceremony is clear and is a way to deeply acknowledge and accept change as a part of life.

Ceremony, in reconnecting us to life itself, allows us to feel compassion for ourselves and others, deepen our connection to our true selves, and understand that we are part of something much bigger and more beautiful. It is then that the change we want to open ourselves to becomes truly possible. Our fears slowly drop away as we realize, as Sandra Ingerman so eloquently shares, that spirit wants to guide us through change and we can ride that wave through life.

What becomes possible when we honor the ceremony in our lives? For me, authentic, meaningful ceremony offers and creates an opening to true connection, compassion and change. And that is a reason to celebrate.