Readings with a shaman

September 13, 2016 ~ Nicole Gnutzman

“The toughest battles are those fought solo, in the deep interiors of the soul…. The more open you are to your own light,the more you trust the blinding power of this inexorable inner light, the sooner you will attain the truths you seek.” – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

I don’t quite know what I expected in my Mayan Day Sign reading with a Mayan shaman in Guatemala. Many of us at the retreat signed up for a private reading after our beautiful and transformative Mayan Fire Ceremony, where we honored each of the 20 naguales/nawales (Day Signs) that comprise the Cholq’ij or Tzolkin Mayan calendar.

Mayan Fire Ceremony with Shaman Walther Thomas Mendoza Cholotio

We were told gently by our retreat center host that Thomas, the shaman, wasn’t psychic–that he would share with us his in-depth knowledge of our nagual and Mayan Cross (the five naguales that make up our soul’s path and destiny from conception), which might seem eerily true for us.

We were all touched and surprised by our readings. I was told that I am more than a soul’s path guide; I am a teacher of life and death, which I quickly (whew! rose-copy ) realized meant metaphorical death. Right now, according to the shaman, I am to teach about death, which is a beautiful flower. I took this to mean that I am to teach about transformation, how in order to grow and evolve in this life, parts of us (sometimes little and sometimes not so little parts of us) need to die, so something new can be created and we can unfold like a flower.

Transformation is something with which I am intimately familiar as parts of me (beliefs, fears, emotional or ego blocks) that no longer served me have been dying as I reinvented myself over the past 10 years. My Mayan Day Sign, E, which actually means the Path, foretold that my life would be a process of constant evolution, ongoing structuring and restructuring. It sure has felt that way to me. At least now I know there was a deep purpose to it all….

The destiny sign on my Mayan Cross is Ajpu or Ahau, the Hunter/Sun, the one who brings Illumination. It is this nagual that I am to live into now. It seems that by finding (or is that finally accepting?) my true soul’s path, I have stepped fully into my destiny, which is about overcoming “death” and passing tests, whether they be physical, mental psychological, or emotional. And now I am to teach others how to do this, how to overcome these obstacles and live into their soul’s path and life itself.

Ahau [Ajpu} is the Lord of Light, embodying the highest potential of all life and illuminating the sacred journeys of evolution of all living things. – Birgitte Rasine

As Ajpu, I am a hunter of souls and spirits, which seems appropriate given my work, and a protector of the seeds of life (I’m pretty sure that’s a cacao tree in the pictograph below, which is rather ironic). Don’t get me started on the scorpion, which is a symbol of death and rebirth. One crawled on to my sacred altar during cacao ceremony on our retreat. We managed to find it a new home….

From *The Book of Destiny: Unlocking the Secrets of the Ancient Myths and Prophecy of 2012* by Carlos Barrios

Clearly, I have some thinking and gathering of seeds to do. The shaman advised me to “compress, center myself, and fade away” for awhile to gather my strength, so I can “illuminate others.” The image of a sunflower came to my mind’s eye, a flower that opens with life-affirming vibrancy in late summer and early fall in California.

Having just returned from holding space for others on retreat, I am retreating ever so gently into my own sacred space to contemplate, write and begin designing this unfolding.

It’s humbling to contemplate as I am become increasingly aware of the power of giving fully from my heart (another of my blog posts will delve into that realization) and offering my own deep experience. I will continue to share with you what I discover as I explore these depths, so I may find ways to illuminate your path and ease your journey of transformation. This is both my mission and my promise to you.

If you are intrigued and wish to know your own Mayan Day Sign and Mayan Cross, visit http://www.tokenrock.com/mayan/tzolkin-calculator/. May it light your own path.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The gift of retreating

September 11, 2016 ~ Nicole Gnutzman

“There is nothing more natural than for Life to align with Light in a sacred dance of co-existence and co-creation.” – Birgitte Rasine, The Serpent and the Jaguar: Living in Sacred Time

The Lake (Lake Atitlan) called me back and I returned, not alone this time as on my first solo retreat, but with 10 beautiful and brave souls, who were open to whatever awaited them there. And what awaited was more than any of us imagined.

As we opened to our retreat, we left the bustling world behind and immersed ourselves in a new energy, an interplay of quiet solitude and tribal community, relaxation and movement, restoration and revitalization, and receiving and giving.

We closed ourselves off to the world as we knew it and entered a cocoon, a sanctuary, to emerge from our chrysalis more vibrant and alive, and with bright wings that allowed us to rise above ourselves and the world and see with new eyes.

We lived into the spiral of life, the intertwining energies of the four elements: creation and destruction (fire), nourishment and growth (earth), deepening and flow (water), inspiration and clarity (air). And we yearned to take that emergence and transformation home with us, back into the world.

Re-entry into that world is always challenging after retreat as it seems less real or even unreal, an alternate reality of frenzied, ungrounded energy, disconnected from our own deeply felt experience while on retreat.

Retreating brings us back to our true selves, and we want to bring that radiant energy and truth back with us. It can feel like a burden as the world does not always welcome truth and radiance, but it’s a gift we must give to the world, knowing that everything we give will return to us perhaps not in that moment, but in time.

Our inclination may be to protect what we experienced, shielding it from the unremitting, relentless darkness of the world. If that helps us to keep the light within us alive, then let us hide it for awhile, but know, to hide it for too long, weakens it; it needs to be given to others, so they may shine too, and in their shining, their energy comes back to us. It is the energy of life, the spiral on its return journey, the law of attraction, flow.

If we have one mission in this life it is to rediscover who we truly are, so we can offer our light and our gifts to the world as we walk on our soul’s path. Retreating from the world for just a little while to deepen that connection to ourselves and to life itself allows us the spaciousness we need to restore that light. And then we, and others we touch with our light, can shine.

Many of us will return again to Atitlan. Our retreat may become an annual celebration of the transformative power of the Lake and our own transformation….

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Effort or surrender?

July 18, 2016 ~ Nicole Gnutzman

Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender. – Danielle Orner

I’m with Danielle. I too am learning to live in the liminal space between effort and surrender, and some days I’m better at it than others…. I see this same struggle in many of my friends and clients, who have excelled in life by being fully in control, until something told them in no uncertain terms that they actually weren’t.

When we experience a loss or a longing that cannot be filled by ordinary measures of effort, it can cause us to question our beliefs about life and ourselves. Few of us want to accept life as uncertain; we want certainty and guarantees, and safe risk (if that’s even possible). Uncertainty, unpredictability and ambiguity make us very uncomfortable.

When we realize that our belief about life has been mistaken, we find ourselves at a loss of what to go do, so we keep doing the same thing over and over again–and that’s like doing more of the same and expecting a different result. It’s an infinite loop that never ends or a wall we keep running into. Effort, although it feels safer and more familiar, may not be the place to go to find resolution.

When we’ve exhausted ourselves and our options, we come to the realization that we have to let go of something, whether it’s a belief, pattern, or issue, that’s holding us back from what we truly want (more joy, connection, purpose, etc.). That letting go is what is called in spiritual terms, “surrender,” and it doesn’t feel either safe or familiar to those of us who have relied solely on effort.

Finding the sweet spot between effort and surrender just may be the key to our frustration and discomfort. Seeing with new eyes that surrender and effort can be complementary–a “both/and” rather than an “or.” What if we surrendered to surrendering? And then acted from there?

Two resources that came to me as I was looking for guidance in this realm have beautiful ways of navigating this liminal space. The process in each, even though they come to it from very different healing perspectives, is strikingly similar. Each has tremendous value and power in itself, and I also found in working with both that blending the two is a truly powerful combination.

The first resource by Michael Mirdad, a spiritual healer, is, Healing the Heart & Soul: A Five-Step, Soul-Level Healing Process for Transforming your Life, which takes a more spiritual approach based on his work with A Course in Miracles. His healing method follows this path:

Recognizing the issue: the courageous step of recognizing the need for healing and choosing to make a significant change in your life
Accepting: taking responsibility for identifying the cause(s) of the issue and acknowledging the deeper emotions behind it
Surrendering: surrendering all issues, emotions, people, events unconditionally by giving them to a higher power for healing
Refilling: consciously calling in guidance and healing from a higher power and receiving the message
Giving Thanks: releasing the issue, showing gratitude for the healing and acknowledging your readiness to move on.

The second resource, which I mentioned in an earlier post, by Leslie Davenport, a family therapist and ordained minister, is Healing and Transformation through Self-Guided Imagery, which walks us through self-guided meditation to access our heart’s guidance. Her path to healing and transformation is:

Asking what you need guidance about: one word or phrase that encapsulates the issue
Accessing your heart: bringing attention to your breathing by breathing in “Clarity” and breathing out “Peace”
Discovering your inner sanctuary: allowing an image to arise of a place where you feel most at peace
Bringing your issue to heart: holding your issue up to receive guidance (surrender)
Receiving your heart’s guidance: asking your heart for “a wise and loving response”
Thanking your heart: thanking your heart for its message and integrating its wisdom into your daily life through action.

What’s so amazing is that each process only takes about 20 minutes to complete, and you can do them all on your own. With both, I’ve found writing in a journal helps with the discovery process and integrating the healing guidance into my life.

Surrender all that no longer serves you. Let all that remains buried in your heart come to the surface and be healed. Let there be space for new energies to enter. A new beginning transforms darkness to light. – Anonymous

For those of us who are used to efforting, these powerful, transformative processes provide us with the steps to find our way to surrender and access our inner knowing, which then guides us to right action. We live in that space where both surrender and effort reside.