compassion

The Cacao Journals: Polishing the edges

~ nicole

Beneath my hard edges…there is a love song. – Robert M. Drake

The other day I received a message in meditation that said, “Remember to be tender.” I teared up when I felt into that. My tenderness was something that I had embraced like a long lost lover, and recently I had felt it slipping away replaced by a frustrated edginess.

In the past few weeks, I barked at my dog when she wasn’t responding to my invitation to go for a pee more quickly. I yelled in frustration at being delayed in traffic. I said something insensitive to a friend. My usual equanimity was gone. Something was definitely amiss.

So often, we get through by having an edge–sharp, prickly or crispy (as one friend describes hers)–that cuts away or deflects things we don’t want to feel or take in. We act out this edginess; we impose it on others; we walk through the world with an invisible sword in our hands. God help those who get in our way. Whatever form our edges take, they are not loving, to ourselves or to others.

So, what can we do to smooth and soften our edges? It’s not by “taking the “edge off” as they say. That just mutes and muffles the edge until it raises its ugly head again. My way of taking the edge off (when I was still in the corporate world) was having a glass of wine after work, getting “comfortably numb.” When I began to experience severe migraines after even a few sips of alcohol, I gave it up entirely, and suddenly, my edge-taker-offer was gone. No muting and muffling for me.

Fortunately, when the migraines arrived, I was meditating daily and had discovered cacao, both of which smoothed my edges without dulling my senses. These practices allowed me to feel and acknowledge my feelings instead of suppressing them. As I became more aware, I could be more open, compassionate and loving towards myself and others. Tenderness with healthy boundaries replaced the edginess.

As I witnessed the re-emergence of my edges recently, I realized that they arise when I don’t stay true to my tenderness and unconsciously allow my ego to begin building walls around it. My tenderness doesn’t need the protection of my ego.

I broke up with my ego five years ago when I fell in love with cacao, meditation and shamanic journeys. These practices allowed me to dissolve my ego (without it knowing), gently stripping away limiting beliefs, negative self-talk and unneeded defenses until what was left was just tender ol’ me. A me that is vulnerable and yet strong in knowing who I am and what I care about. A me that can share and accept love unconditionally. A me, I like and love.

My original edges came from being what one friend called, “too porous.” I was like a sponge; I soaked everything in until I felt like I was drowning, so I froze all that wateriness and created a protective iciness. Sharp and yet shiny.

I feel as though I have a membrane now rather than an edge. It lets things in and out, allowing feelings to flow and not get stuck. It doesn’t judge, but it does filter and discriminate. If it doesn’t align with an energy, it either doesn’t let it in or filters it out. It has no need for defensive, protective edges. It’s smooth and self-healing.

The same friend with the “crispy” edges recently expressed gratitude to her partner for helping “polish” her edges. My own polishing allows me to come back to my softer, gentler, tender self, to the one I love. I can still be fierce and fearless, but always in service to my tenderness, my compassion, my love for others and self.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: The Five Elements

~ nicole

If you even have a little mastery over the five elements within you, life will happen the way you want it to. – Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev

The five elements are energies, not things. – Stefan Emunds, visionary author

When I began working with cacao several years ago, I created an altar for my personal cacao medicine journeys in the loft of our cabin in the redwoods. Enveloped in nature and feeling called to honor it, I was drawn to the elements: earth, water, air, fire and spirit/ether. Each direction of the altar represented an element and I found, purchased or made sacred treasures (crystals and stones, shells and a bowl of water, feathers, candles, a mala and medicine pouch) to honor them. In creating my altar with intention, love and beauty, I honored the elements and myself; it was nourishing, healing and exquisite.

In indigenous cultures, the elements are what everything in the universe is made of; they are all of creation; they are the circle of life. In yoga teachings, the elements help us understand the laws of nature and higher awareness. In Ayurveda, the elements are energies within the body-mind and are guides for our health. In paganism, we are made of all elements: earth our bodies; water our blood; air our breath; fire our spirit. In each of these traditions, when the elements are in balance life force flows positively.

In each of my ceremonies, I call in the elements as representations of the energies and qualities that, when in balance, make us whole and luminous. I created my own form for this, a universal honoring as I call in

  • Earth as Abundance, Nourishment, Love & Compassion
  • Water as Intuition, Flow & Messages from our Dreams and Soul
  • Air as Clarity, Illumination, Inspiration & Vision
  • Fire as Transformation, Life Force Energy & Creativity

The elements can also be identified as feminine and masculine aspects of ourselves: Earth and Water as the feminine; Air and Fire as the masculine. When they are in balanced relationship, we have integrated our masculine and feminine.

We are all whole and luminous in our deepest self and soul; our true purpose is to remember. Remembering comes when we give ourselves the space to drop into the ground of our being, that place of stillness and silence deep inside. No thought lays in wait here to hijack us, no emotion to be triggered, nothing to distract us. To find this place, we have to give ourselves over to it. Not easy at first, but it gets easier with practice; the mere act of intention, helps us to get there.

Ceremony, when done with intention, is the practice of giving ourselves over to the stillness, the silence where our wholeness resides. As Vanda Marlow, a wise soul sister, coach and facilitator, shared during her Soul Journey retreat at the Modern Elder Academy, “Ceremony is the intentional doorway into a wider world, a way to still oneself, the mind, and drop deeper into self. It all starts with a seed of intention.”

Ceremony drops us into this space, allowing us to honor each part, aspect and energy of ourselves and drop into the space of remembering who we truly are. Through this honoring, acceptance and integration, we walk in the world in our wholeness; we embody its truth.

In future blog posts (interspersed with other topics), I’ll be sharing more about each of the elements. I also have plans to honor them in a series of day retreats here in Northern California over the coming months and again next year in a week-long retreat to Guatemala. I’d be honored if you joined me in some way even if it just means reading my posts…..

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: our Mother Wound

~ nicole
“Every Mother contains her daughter in herself and every daughter her mother and every mother extends backwards into her mother and forwards into her daughter.” – C.G. Jung

It was my Mother’s birthday on the 21st of February. She passed from this world last year, and I’m writing this in honor of her. Her light remains bright in my life.

And we had our issues and wounds as many mothers and daughters do. We loved each other, respected each other’s choices, and we had our wounds. Those wounds certainly were not gaping and festering, but they kept us from truly understanding one another and being close.

Through reflection and inner work, I came to see and accept that my mother had her own wounds that had been handed down from generation to generation. Our wounds were ancestral and even collective.

When I first began working with cacao in personal ceremony, I encountered the whole, deep feminine, which was profoundly healing for me. The more I worked with IxCacao, who I came to call Mama Cacao, the more my mother wound was healed at all levels: personal, ancestral and collective.

In cacao ceremony at two beautiful spiritual gatherings this past weekend, I expressed how I had received the first of many healings of my mother wound in my very first personal cacao ceremony.

In my first of many ceremonies, I found myself inexplicably crying, rocking myself, and releasing an emotional burden that I wasn’t fully aware I had been carrying for a very long time. Spent and exhausted, I lay down, wrapped myself in a blanket and curled into a fetus position.

My original intention for personal ceremony had been to invite in and open to IxCacao, the spirit of cacao. It was only after I broke fully open, or She broke me open, that She appeared to me. I found myself sharing with Her how exhausted She must be from healing everyone (I do not know where that came from) and invited Her to come sit in my lap and rest.

She merged into me and I felt Her in my whole body, especially in my heart. My heart got tighter and tighter, and was so constricting that I asked why She was holding on so tightly. She responded, “I am not the one holding on.” She then said, “I will always be there for you,” which struck my heart like a lightning bolt of unconditional love. I felt loved for the first time in my life and I was able to truly love and accept myself.

I realized then that I needed to let go of Her. I birthed Her out of my womb and felt my heart open completely (and, yes, I know, this is beyond all rational explanation).

In this first experience with cacao, I was both mothered and mother. It healed my mother wound on such a deep level that my own relationship with my biological mother, who was still alive at the time, became more healthy and whole.

After working with cacao, I was able to tell my Mom, “I love you,” which was not something that our family did, and I was able to be all of me in her presence regardless of her expectations or wishes or beliefs. She would say what she had been “programmed” to say, and it didn’t bother me in the least. In fact, I was able to laugh to myself, see the Truth and love her.

When my mother fell ill last year, and I was at her bedside when she died, I became the mother, showing a tenderness toward her that I did not know I had (never having had biological children of my own). This tenderness came from healing that deep, core wound through the feminine plant medicine of cacao.

In sacred ceremony, IxCacao becomes our surrogate mother, unconditionally loving us, showing us her deepest compassion, and sharing her infinite wisdom. She is our healer, teacher, guide, and mother. She comes from the earth and reconnects us to Mother Earth, to ourselves, to our mothers, and to all of our relations. She heals the original wound, which we all have; the wound of our disconnection from Mother Earth.

There’s a deep wound in people–that they have been so cut off from the source of their being, their mother, their Earth Mother. – Francis Story Talbott II

I’ve been blessed to witness how many women attending my cacao ceremonies have reconnected with their mothers, who have passed, and healed their relationships during their journeys. Their gratitude for this healing and their radiance is so beautiful to witness.

Cacao is healing heart medicine for the mother wound in us all. I share Her love, so that we may all reconnect to the source of our being, to the mothers who have come before us, and to Mother Earth, who bore us all.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

The Cacao Journals: Wisdom of the Heart

~ nicole
The wisdom of the heart outshines the knowledge of the mind. – Harold W. Becker

Not one of us would ever say that our hearts aren’t open. To say they’re closed would be akin to saying we had psychopathic tendencies. And yet, I’m not sure we really know what having an open heart full of compassion is. We may be able to cite people in history (Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa), who we believe did, but somehow that kind of compassion seems beyond us and unattainable. Their compassion has a wisdom, willfulness and otherworldly (some might say, spiritual) quality to it. And that is precisely what the world needs now from all of us.

A dear friend recently gave me a copy of Arkan Lushwala’s, The Time of the Black Jaguar, and to say I devoured and savored every word would be a huge understatement. It fed my heart and explains so beautifully why I feel called to share cacao ceremony. Arkan, who is a shamanic healer from Peru, shares in his own language what he regards as the most important power we all have: Munay or the will of the heart.

Now those two words, “will” and “heart” don’t quite seem to go together in our western culture. When he writes about the compassion of the heart, it is an active rather than a passive compassion, a “willpower that makes us enact our love with courage and deep desire to serve another.”

To do this, Arkan shares that we must first awaken our own Munay, our own will of the heart, so we can help ourselves. Then, after doing our Work, a stronger power, the power of Spirit, comes to our aid. It is through spiritual practices, through sacred ceremony, and through teachings of spiritual masters that the sacred fire in our heart is awakened. It is through this awakening that we realize that the Earth is truly our Mother.

“To be struck by the love of Mother Earth is like being struck by lightning.” – Arkan Lushwala

When the will of our heart is awakened, this is how the wisdom of the heart and Spirit comes to and through us.

This is how I felt about cacao when I first engaged with her; she embraced me with such love and compassion, it took my breath away. It was like being struck by lightning, and it lit a fire within me. There’s a reason I now call her Mama Cacao….

People who have activated the Munay in their heart are good medicine for everyone. – Arkan Lushwala

Information is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom. In this fast-paced, information technology-driven society we live in, we so easily forget that. And it consumes us and distracts us and fragments us. It’s time to activate our Munay, live, act from and speak the wisdom of the heart in collaboration with Spirit and the Jaguar and be whole. More on the Jaguar next time, dear readers….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Postscript: I’d like to dedicate this Cacao Journal post to my dear friend, Munay, who changed her name to fully embody this spiritual quality of compassion after spending time in Peru; moved to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala with her dog, Sheba; met the love of her life, Oscar, there; and lives with this sacred fire in her heart everyday. Much love and cacao bliss to you, Munay!

The Cacao Journals: Letting Go

~ nicole
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. – Sonia Ricotti

Being with my Mom as she was dying made me see how important it is to be able to let go in life and in death. True compassion lives in the act of letting go, and yet it one of the hardest things we have to do in life. Far too often we have to learn the hard way to let go of that to which we have become attached.

Life’s not-so-subtle attachments usually come first: not feeling so attached to our material possessions or all our physical “stuff;” letting go of relationships and friendships that no longer feel right or good or true; not identifying solely with our role as mother, daughter, caregiver or business leader; and letting the armor or masks we wear to protect ourselves fall away. These are all big, tough things to let go of. I’ve had to let go of more than a few of these as I discovered the truth of who I am….

The more-subtle ones are our emotional body attachments, which are based in fear. Our ego-based fears take the form of not feeling worthy, blaming or shaming ourselves or others, and the need to be in control–this is a big, juicy one, which I’ll get to in a moment. We all suffer from these fears and yet letting go of them is challenging because we’ve lived with them most of our lives. They’re like barnacles; we don’t really want them on our boat, but they’ve been there a long while and are stuck, and it’s really hard to scrape them off. Plus then we might have to repaint the boat :).

The most subtle of all often take time to surface because we let usually go of the less subtle ones first. Control is both. It can be so sneaky and crafty as it hides in the tiniest places. Wanting someone else to change; not accepting when things don’t go “our” way; and not listening to our intuition or spiritual guidance are all ways that our ego tries to controls us. So, just when you think you’re done letting go of being in control, there’s always a little bit more….

And what’s left, after all that letting go, is the most beautiful, luminous crystal made from all that pressure and molten fire. It’s you, all shiny and purified, and so much wiser and stronger.

It’s only in the letting go that we can open to something new; it’s only in the letting go that we can find our inner crystalline light; it’s only in the letting go that we rediscover the essence of who we truly are. And it’s hard because it’s the not knowing or the gap between the known and the unknown that terrifies and paralyzes us. We’re just not good with the unknown. We so want to be in control.

People have a heard time letting of of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. – Thich Nhat Hanh

What the unknown requires is curiosity, a sense of wonder and belief. Curiosity about what’s possible; wonder in not just the beauty of life, but in the suffering; trusting in ourselves that we know if we listen deeply, and believing in something greater than ourselves, in the mystery.

To let go we more than often need a catalyst of some kind. Some catalysts come out of nowhere and sideswipe us; and others we choose willingly. Some are fast and others are slow–I chose cacao as my catalyst and teacher because I wanted a fast route that came with GPS.

When we open to our catalyst, we are curious, we are in a natural state of wonder, and we believe. And when we fully embrace the catalytic experience, it changes and transforms us so we become that beautiful, luminescent crystal.

One of the amazing palliative care nurses, who looked after my Mom, shared with us that it’s good to let the dying know that they can let go and that their loved ones, who have already passed, are waiting for them. She encouraged us to tell Mom, that our Dad, John, was waiting for her. So, we did. My sister, Michelle, said, “Mom, it’s ok to let go. John is waiting for you. Oma is waiting for you.” When she said, “Oma,” which means grandmother in German, my Mom’s face lit up and she beamed from ear to ear. It was so incredible to witness her light, joy, and peace.

I then shared with my Mom, “Michelle and I are at peace with your leaving. We love you and will miss you, and we’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” You see, my Mom was a worrier as many Mom’s are. She always wanted to make sure we were okay, so this allowed her to let go.

Choose your catalyst (or embrace the one that comes to you), stay curious, stand in awe of the wonder and mystery of life, and know and believe that what you are opening to is exactly what you need. Give yourself permission to let go of whatever is holding you back, standing in your way, or keeping you from the joy and peace that’s on the other side. Let go, so that what’s meant to be reveals itself.

Letting go is on the path to surrendering to what is. To fully surrender (there’s no halfway or part of the way as I discovered), we have to let go of the struggle that we don’t even know we are holding on to; it’s that subtle.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Inner Peace

~ nicole ~ 2 Comments
Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. ~ Ian Maclaren

As I sat at my Mom’s bedside in palliative care, I heard the suffering of the other women patients close by. I felt deeply for each of them, sharing their pain in different ways. I know nothing of their lives and yet I became intimately aware of their frustrations, fears and pain. I was not always comfortable with this knowledge, and at the same time I knew that discomfort, when we don’t push it away and instead sit with it, can deepen our understanding of ourselves, and, in this case, our relationship with life and death.

I have three perspectives to offer about life and death: one is based on my experience with cacao (but, of course!), the second on my understanding of the ancient Maya’s view of death, and another is based on my recent reading of Tibetan Buddhist teachings as I sought solace during my mother’s last days. Each is unique and yet beautifully resonant. May they bring some wisdom to guide you.

In my own cacao journeys and that of others, the inner voices of negativity, self-doubt, and self-blame are simply gone. Spirit only communicates through love and compassion (if you hear another voice, it’s not spirit…). When I first experienced her unconditional love, it was in that moment that I began to love myself. One of the many messages I received from her was this: “It is only self-love that can make you whole.”

Loving, and having compassion for, myself meant that I could no longer allow for negative self-talk. When I became painfully aware of the “talk,” I was able to witness it as false and hurtful and call it out. I didn’t blame it or shame it, I just said to it, “I see you and am letting you go.” It still arises from time to time, but I almost always catch it in action and am able to laugh and say, “Oh, there’s my old frenemy again.” It’s become powerless over me. The voice that now speaks from within me is the one of spirit: unconditionally loving and fiercely compassionate. She’s my inner jaguar. This is where my sense of peace and fearlessness about life and death comes from.

In ancient Mayan times, a ball game, called the Great Ballcourt, connected the people to spirit and taught them about unconditional love, compassion and peace in the face of death as they witnessed the fearlessness of the players who played the game. In this game, the captain of the winning team “won” the prize of dying. Yes, you read that correctly, he died for playing without fear.

The Maya understood that to play fearlessly and with absolute freedom players needed to be able to accept their own death and resolve all unfinished business before entering the court. According to Elle Harrison in Wild Courage: A Journey of Transformation for You and Your Business, players “could not afford to be distracted in the critical moment by regrets, unresolved feelings or things left unsaid.” Once they agreed and took what was called, the Decision Road, the next phase of their journey, the Death Lodge, allowed the player to ask for and give forgiveness, express gratitude for the life he had lived so far and share his love with the people who had made it meaningful. How beautiful is that?

The final night before the game the players entered the third stage of preparation, the Purpose Circle: “The Purpose Circle was an all-night vigil spent along on the edge of a pit filled with the skulls of previous Ballcourt winners, literally looking death in the face…. In the Death Lodge he made good his relationship with others; in the Purpose Circle he made good with his relationship with himself….and made peace with himself, his life, with all its beauty and failings. Only then could he surrender fully into the game the next day.”

I love the concept of the Purpose Circle because it gives life deep meaning through self-acceptance and self-love. So much of what we battle in life and even as we are dying are our inner voices of negativity, self-blame and criticism, which hold us back from truly living life or dying a peaceful death. What becomes possible when we let go of those voices is inner peace and acceptance.

The Buddhists have a deep understanding of death and rebirth. They believe that the last thought we have when we are dying will determine our next life, so meditating on Buddha or praying to God may well ensure that your last thought is a good (or godly) one. Cultivating the inner voice of stillness through meditation and simply noticing and witnessing thoughts that arise is the path to a peaceful mind and Buddha-like thoughts.

If we take the wisdom of all three perspectives–accepting and loving who we are, identifying and witnessing our inner voices and thoughts, forgiving ourselves and others, and building inner practices to find stillness–we will find inner peace.

It was these understandings that guided me as I sat in witness to the pain being expressed by the women surrounding me.  For one, her expression took the form of endless complaining and restlessness; for another, the quiet lament of “I’m so tired” repeated over and over again until she changed the refrain to “I’m so ashamed.” It was almost unbearable to feel their pain and shame. Not being fully in control of our lives and even our death is a great fear we all have.

There were days when I almost lost my mind, listening to the open and raw expression of pain and fear. To stay centered and sane, I had the presence of mind to walk down to the courtyard garden, with my Mom in a wheelchair when she was still able or alone when she wasn’t; or say my own pain-lifting mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, while counting mala beads by her bed; or read Sogyal Rinpoche’s, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying as I sought peace and consolation.  It made me realize just how important having a relationship with death is. And not just my mother’s passing, but my own. Death reminds us that so much of life is fleeting and changeable. How we accept what the Buddhists call impermanence may well reveal how we accept death itself.

My mother and I did not talk about her death at any great length, as she was an intensely private person to the end. What she did share was that she had had a good, long life and was ready to go. While she was not a religious person, she did have a secret spiritual side, sending money away and receiving crystals, stones, amulets, and spirit dolls that brought her hope. Since I couldn’t know what her last thought was going to be (hopefully, one of spirit), I said this Buddhist prayer for myself and then for her each day to ease her passage and my mind, and for the both of us to face death fearlessly. May it bring you peace.

Phowa Prayer

Through your blessing, grace, and guidance, through the power of the light that streams from you:

May all my negative karma, destructive emotions, obscurations, and blockages be purified and removed,

May I know myself forgiven for all the harm I may have thought and done,

May I accomplish this profound practice of phowa, and die a good and peaceful death,

And through the triumph of my death, may I be able to benefit all other beings, living or dead.

~ Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

How cacao found me….

~ nicole
All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Anonymous

Cacao found me. And she was gently relentless in her quest.

My journey with cacao–the raw ingredient in what we know and love as chocolate–began with the movie, Chocolat, the one with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. Seems a bit cliche, perhaps, but that’s how it all began for me….

In the movie, there’s a tiny scene, which no one ever remembers, where Viane’s father, a pharmacist, is sent to Central America to research herbal, ancient remedies, and in his explorations, he drinks cacao in a ceremony around a fire and falls in love with an indigenous woman, who becomes Viane’s mother. In the world of the Maya, “chocolate unlocks hidden desires and reveals destinies.” That was my “You got me at hello….”

Something unlocked deep inside of me. I suddenly had the unquenchable desire to not only experience cacao ceremony, but to learn how to hold ceremony. So, I went to the source of all things, Google, and searched the web for cacao ceremonies. At that time (6 years ago now), all I could find was Keith, nicknamed the Chocolate Shaman, living in Guatemala, who was called by the Spirit of Cacao to bring cacao out of the rainforest to the people and open their hearts. He lives there to this day offering cacao ceremonies on his rustic front porch and works with a local indigenous shaman and people to source, bless, minimally process and package raw cacao for ceremonial purposes. This is the sacred cacao I work with. Just last year, I finally was able to travel to Guatemala and drink cacao with Keith and his merry band on Lake Atitlan, a sacred, transformational place.

And as things beautifully unfold when we open to possibility,  I found a teacher (or did she find me?) who led an online course in cacao ceremony and created a private Facebook forum where her students gathered to share experiences and receive wise guidance as we practiced on ourselves, family, friends and ever-widening circles of the curious and spiritually minded.

Cacao, along with deep inner work, has revealed who I truly am, which has awakened a fierce sense of compassion not only for others but for myself. It has opened me to new levels of creativity and clarity; provided me with a sense of deep contentment in my life; and revealed my soul’s path and destiny. And I have personally witnessed its transformative effect on others in group and private ceremony. If that’s the gift of cacao, who doesn’t need a little more of that in their life?

 

I know it may seem hard to believe that this delicious tree and its fruit have such gifts to bestow on us. The Maya have known for a long time that it is one powerful plant, full of heart-opening medicine. I like to think of it as Rescue Remedy* for our souls.

Over the next few weeks, I’d love to share more of my story with cacao here. Join me on this sacred journey with cacao or, better yet, come experience cacao ceremony yourself. Allow it to open your heart and reveal your desires, spark your creativity, and guide your life path. It’s lusciously good medicine for your heart and soul….

Copyright 2017 © Soulscape Coaching LLC.

*Rescue Remedy is an herbal remedy made from flower essences that naturally reduces stress.

An expedition to who you truly are, Indiana Jones style

~ nicole
I have found my voice again and the art of using it. – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I went on an expedition looking for my soul gifts and along the way I found my voice.

I love when I hear young parents tell their children, “use your words” or “use your voice.” Encouraging them to use their voice is so unlike what those of us of a certain age were expected do; we were to be seen and not heard. Pair that with being told to “not” do so many things, or that what we did wasn’t “correct,” paralyzed not just our voices but our creativity. It raised “good” girls and boys, who possibly rebelled in more covert ways (I know I did), but it did not build women and men who felt they had something of value to say. At least that was my experience….

So, it’s been a lifelong struggle for me to find my voice, use my words and express myself. And now, after much revealing and healing, I can’t stop sharing my story and what I’ve learned because I know it has a purpose now: to guide, support and heal others.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what needed healing and how did I do it? The two are inextricably intertwined.

  1. I had to question the beliefs (assumptions and opinions) I had formed about not just myself but life itself, and discover what was real and true.
  2. I had to let go of expectations and wanting to control the outcome, which opened me to possibility and accepting uncertainty.
  3. I had to acknowledge and face my fear of being shamed, blamed, unapproved of, rejected or disliked.
  4. I had let go of aspects of my identity, and the persona I had created, that weren’t truly me or who I wanted to be.
  5. I had to feel into what I truly cared about and valued, not what my family, friends or society thought I should value.
  6. I had to move from a fear-based, scarcity mindset to one of abundance, which meant embracing gratitude, humility, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, compassion, and unconditional love.
  7. I had to understand the essence of who I truly am.

From the depths of this inner work–it’s true, you have to do the work, my friends–emerged my true, authentic voice. And much healing, some of which was super subtle requiring just a soft touch.

It was an excavation, almost an anthropological dig, and at the bottom of it was me! I’m not going to say that all that digging and uncovering was easy or not messy; it was, but the result has been absolutely life-changing, life-affirming and life-giving for me.

Know that the excavation is necessary. Know that you don’t have to do all the digging alone. And know that those of us, who have gone on the dig before you, can and will guide you with unconditional love, support and maybe even a bit of wisdom. It’s our mission to do so. Indiana Jones style :).

Your voice is welcome here. So, let me know how this makes you feel.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Intention plus gratitude: some kind of powerful

~ nicole
The real gift of gratitude is that the more grateful you are, the more present you become. – Robert Holden

As you know, I have this tendency to follow the slender threads of synchronicity that show up in my life because they always lead to something good (even if sometimes I don’t see it at first). The other week, I was on a webinar and the presenter happened to mention a private Facebook group, the Gratitude Circle, which has over 22,000 members. Intrigued, especially after noticing the transformative effects of setting gentle intentions every morning, I joined the circle and began sharing what I was grateful for each day. It was a beautiful complement to my intention setting.

As I drank my morning tea, I would pause and feel into my intention, allowing it to gently emerge and capture it on my laptop. Then I would turn my attention inward again to ask what I was grateful for that day, make my way to the Gratitude Circle and share my thoughts with a group of positive, supportive and loving people. I truly felt blessed each day; it took just a few minutes out of my day; and the benefits were tremendous. I was clear, confident, and more resilient when I set my intentions for the day. I was more open, heart-centered and compassionate when I declared my gratitude. I don’t know if you noticed, but the two balance each other beautifully, and together make for heart-centered inspiration!

Often, what I expressed gratitude for is what showed up for me after releasing my gentle intention for the day. Now that is some kind of powerful!

And what’s really fascinating is that I found myself slightly addicted (in a good way) to setting my intentions and expressing my gratitude. On the mornings when I tried to come up with an excuse (usually a lame one) not to do them, I felt strangely guilty, so I’d find a way to make time and space for them. The key to making them happen was including them in my morning routine, being disciplined, and not allowing myself any excuse (except maybe if the house was on fire).

“Cultivating gratitude has been scientifically linked to better health, less anxiety and depression,  a higher satisfaction with life, and a greater sense of joy. – Julie Santiago, The Gratitude Circle

If you are one of the brave souls who is setting gentle intentions for yourself each day, add this to your day and commit to it for one week (notice I did not say “try” this as there is no try, there’s just doing or not doing). The Gratitude Circle asks members to express gratitude every day for 60 days because we all know it takes a good while for a new habit to form, so if it feels good after the first week keep on going. I know I am….

Please share how it goes for you and if you feel different. I’d love to hear from you.

PS: Today I am grateful for everyone who reads my blog posts and is touched by them in some way. Thank you! Sending you love and light.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

Happy Valentine’s to the Eagle & the Condor, may they be one again

~ Nicole Gnutzman
I honor myself…As the divine feminine blends with the masculine. I now come into balance. – Trudy Vesotsky
When the sacred masculine is combined with the sacred feminine inside each of us, we create the “sacred marriage”of compassion and passion in ourselves. –Matthew Fox

img_2816This past Saturday, I held cacao ceremony for a women’s group and their partners in a gorgeous yurt nestled in the redwoods. To honor their coming together as couples in ceremony, which is a rare and beautiful thing, I created a theme that called on western astrology, Mayan cosmology and Amazon prophecy to reflect the energy of the divine feminine and masculine. I knew it would be a wild ride full of potentiality, which in itself is such a luscious word full of rich, nuanced meaning, that I simply had to share the experience here with you.

This past New Moon on January 28th was in Aquarius, an Air sign, that is independent, innovative, rebellious, evolutionary and brings the winds of change and inspiration. It is full of spirit energy, symbolizing “the eternal giving of life and spiritual food of the world.” * Aquarius brings the gift of expanded consciousness, a paradigm shift towards “love, inclusion and integrity”* while balancing intellect and insight, intuitive energy and integrated, transformative power. It is a powerhouse of the most inspired qualities of the divine masculine and the divine feminine.

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Right now we are all being called to awaken together to use our voices and power to defend and protect our rights, the planet and all people–we are rising into our truth. This is our vision and our inspiration, and one we need to embrace together to attain.

From the stars and planets of western astrology, we reached across time to Mayan cosmology and the day sign of February 4th, 2017: Kame, which means death, the cycle of life, and transformation. It is a time of profound change, soul level choice and higher expression. It asks us to face and release our fears, so we can relax into our soul’s true purpose and potential. The number 2, associated with this day, signifies duality and choice, relationship and self-sacrifice; it is the number of lovers, of course.

img_3720From the Mayan world, we entered the Amazon rainforests to honor the prophecy of the Eagle and the Condor, which foretold that human societies would split into two paths: one of the Eagle, which symbolizes the path of the mind, the material and the masculine; and the other, the Condor, which is the path of the heart, intuition and the feminine. The prophecy also foretells that the potential exists within all of us for the Eagle and the Condor to come together and fly in the same sky when we create a new level of consciousness and live in balance with nature and within ourselves. It is up to us to activate the potential.***

Each of these reflections of energy–from the prophecy of the Amazon to Mayan cosmology to western astrology–show us the path of where we are being asked to go, towards a higher expression of ourselves, the balancing and integration of masculine and feminine energies.

As the supine couples emerged from their cacao journey, each was transformed. The men in circle expressed their gratitude for the powerful feminine energy they felt in the room, and within themselves, while they had tears streaming down their faces. The glowing women shared how fearless they felt connecting to their divine masculine. Their tears and their joy at being reconnected with themselves, their partners and life itself was testament to what’s possible when we live into our fully conscious potential. It was truly divine.

I echo what one of the women of light shared as we closed the beautiful and powerful ceremony by wishing you a “Happy Valentine’s Day.” May it be a day of the divine expression of the power of love and reconnection.

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Copyright © 2017 by Soulscape Coaching LLC.
*from Aquarian Styles: http://aquarianstyles.tumblr.com/post/100854962887/the-water-bearer-symbolizes-an-eternal-giving-of
**from Mystic Mamma: http://www.mysticmamma.com/new-moon-in-aquarius-january-27-28th-2017/
***from Pachamama.org: https://www.pachamama.org/blog/the-eagle-and-the-condor-prophecy