Heart

The Cacao Journals: Appreciative Inquiry

~ nicole

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. – Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman philosopher

I just love the name, “appreciative inquiry.” It conjures up warm thoughts of “appreciation” and “inquisitiveness,” with overtones of deep listening and caring. It’s listening and relating vs. assessing and advising, a lost skill in our culture where advice giving dominates.

I share this having just returned from the Modern Elder Academy (MEA) where we practiced holding space for each other and the art of appreciative inquiry. We modeled the behavior we each want for each other. We felt seen, heard, understood and supported. We often became clear and knew what to go do just by being listened to, and when we didn’t, we felt comfortable asking for support or advice when we were ready, knowing what we would receive came from a place of engaged listening and deep understanding. True wisdom comes from this place.

As Chip Conley, founder of MEA, shared, modern elders have the emotional intelligence to listen, understand and “describe, not prescribe.” This appreciative practice is similar to coaching, where the coach asks questions that empowers the client to find a solution that inspires self-determined action. And it’s not just for wise elders…. Everyone can practice this.

Advice giving is easy and even a bit lazy. While it may seem faster to just tell someone what to do, it isn’t faster for them unless they actually take action. People take action when the solution “resonates” for them, when it’s attuned to where they are. Someone else’s perfectly good solution may not be theirs because it doesn’t fit them.

I have been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice many times on something I “should” do. Just so you know, as soon as the word “should” is uttered either by a friend or colleague or even by me to me, I run the other way. I banished the words “should” and “try” from my vocabulary a long time ago because they are warning signs of a lack of fit and commitment. In other words, my heart was not in it, which is absolutely essential for change or action to happen.

Advice without any inquiry about where I am, what I’ve done or where I want to go is likely advice that won’t fit me. When it’s given and I’m not seen, the result is almost always mutual frustration. I’m busy saying to myself, “She doesn’t understand me/my work/my life,” while the other person is saying to themselves, “Why won’t she do what worked for me/others?” Truly seeing and hearing the other person by asking positive, appreciative questions without judgment and not leading them to what you really want for them is the way of the wise counselor. The act of listening goes both ways.

At the end of the day, Cicero is right. No one can give you better advice than yourself, but sometimes a wise person can help you by seeing, listening and reflecting back to you the brightness of you. How can you be that wise counsel for others? You might just be surprised what you receive in return.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Cacao is for Men too.

~ nicole

Consciousness is the ability to be present in your life in every moment without judgment of you or anyone else; is the ability to receive everything, reject nothing, and create everything you desire in life greater than what you currently have & more than what you can imagine. – Gary Douglas

This post is for men (and women who would love their men to experience the healing medicine of cacao). My cacao medicine journeys are always filled with conscious women; it is the rare man who attends, except when I hold ceremony for a conscious, spiritual community near Mendocino. That phenomenon has made me curious.

Are women more drawn to or affected by the bliss-inducing neurochemicals released by cacao? It seems that way. Are women more open to subtle experiences, more in touch with their emotional body? Perhaps. But what about the men who do come and have a deep experience?

What I have witnessed is that they are what I affectionately call, “shamanic” men: on a conscious path, in touch with their spirituality, or open to the mystery of life, and at the same time, open to its subtler expression. Being open and curious are key to their experience.

Mama Cacao’s medicine is both subtle and profound. She invites you in; she doesn’t storm the gates like some other plant medicines do. Storming has its place as does gentle invitation. I have experienced and benefited greatly from both. Cacao is a gentler path, one that requires subtler perception, awareness and witnessing in support of embodied integration.

At my recent retreat in Guatemala, one brave man joined our group of women. Christian’s intention at the beginning of the retreat was to connect with the spirit of cacao, something he had wanted to experience in other ceremonies and was unable to do. He hoped that a more immersive experience with me would enable a deeper connection.

For me, cacao is a teacher, healer and guide, a gentle plant medicine that reconnects us to our deepest self and soul. I hold the space like a plant medicine journey where participants can open, allow and receive the medicine they most need in that moment. It is immersive and deep.

Christian recently shared this beautiful note after returning home to New York where he continues to work with cacao in his daily life. His lessons from cacao are deeply touching and profound.

“Nicole, your cacao retreat in Guatemala was so much more than a retreat and so much more than cacao. I have been to retreats that have been great in getting me to disconnect and relax and come back home relaxed. This retreat did all that and gave me tools that I began to use during the retreat and still use today. The beauty of the numerous ceremonies during the retreat (which varied between cacao, drums, fire, sweat and being in nature) are designed to get you out of head space and into your heart and soul so that you can integrate these experiences into your entire being in a way that is so profound.

Of the many teachings I experienced during the week long retreat, the following embody the ones that had the greatest impact on me since I have come home (and I write this 5 weeks after the retreat).

PRESENCE: I have definitely seen a huge shift towards being more present in my life on a day-to-day basis (and hour-to-hour basis). I feel that I am constantly bringing subtle things into my conscious awareness. I also notice that so many things that no longer serve me are just losing their grip on me.

JOY: One of the retreat participants raised this so boldly and unapologetically during one of our morning circles. If I recall, she said “How often are we making joy a priority in our lives?” I have to say that this resonated with me SO much that day and even so much more the days and weeks after. I became consciously aware that in the last 5 years of this beautiful journey of healing and transformation that I have grown a lot but did not have a lot of joy. I am now totally committed to making joy a priority. I am taking this in baby steps as I navigate joy vs self indulgence (which also has its place in life).

INTEGRITY: by your example Nicole, you truly inspired me to live in greater integrity in terms of my words and actions with respect to my relationships. I watch my words more carefully and see myself sticking to them and/or consciously aware when I am not . With 3 kids, I have ample opportunity and inspiration to practice this as I am modelling behavior for them.

SELF LOVE: this has always been the tricky one for me and is still the area I struggle with the most. That being said, I take time during the day for myself to just honor and appreciate myself.

STRUGGLES: I still have them and feel them. This past Sunday was a tough one for me for sure. I will say that I am learning that a lot of times, there is energy inside of me (of us) that seriously just wants to leave. On those days, I literally just ground myself either with cacao or just feel myself into a grounded place and observe it with ZERO judgment, meaning or interpretation and just let it leave my being. As crazy as it sounds, I feel this technique to be so much more successful than over analyzing the meaning, finding the message etc.

I thought the group sharing was especially important for me to express myself. As a man, there aren’t many opportunities to share this way and it is so very healing. I definitely would like to see more men participate in future cacao ceremonies and retreats.” – Christian Steiner

I invite men, who are open, curious and seeking more presence, joy, integrity and self-acceptance in their lives to experience a cacao medicine journey. Or more than one because cacao can be like a first date; sometimes you fall madly in love at first sight and other times you need a few more dates to be sure as she works her magic on you in between. Cacao will see you, love you unconditionally and support you well beyond ceremony. She is consciousness raising and embodiment medicine for your heart and soul.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC.


Crystal Heart Wisdom II: Take the plunge and carry bubble wrap

~ nicole
Every person has the truth in his heart. No matter how complicated his circumstances, no matter how others look at him from the outside, and no matter how deep or shallow the truth dwells in his heart, once his heart is pierced with a crystal needle, the truth will gush forth like a geyser.
– Che Guevara

Once we have named our armor and pierce it with our inward gaze, we see with such clarity that it is what’s holding us back from the very thing we most want from life and love. We inadvertently hurt ourselves as we attempt to protect ourselves from being hurt. That’s some bad logic.

So, how do we begin to take our armor off without shocking our system? Let’s explore a few techniques: 1) slow or fast immersion, and 2) luminous egg creation/ bubble wrapping.

With the immersion technique, picture yourself walking into a lake: you let the water first swirl around your ankles, then your knees, your thighs and your belly (the most vulnerable spot of all to the cold) before you let it surround your whole body (and touch your heart center). You slowly introduce those vulnerable spots to the water until they acclimatize.

Being aware that you have armor on at all, is the water around your ankles. Naming it without judgment (and giving it a nickname), is the water around your knees. Witnessing it in action consciously and catching yourself when you put it on again, is thigh-high, more vulnerable water. When you can consciously walk into a room or a situation without it, that’s belly-level water, which sometimes takes your breath away.

Leading with your heart and your light is the ultimate water baby and may require a flotation system in the beginning (I’ll get to that in a moment). And then, there is always leaping into the water to shock your system just once (full armor off, skinny dipping style). Know that in any moment you can always step back to “safer” waters….

The technique you choose depends on how badly you want to feel again and have the life you truly want…. Slowly and cautiously or fast and ferociously. Each is a conscious act. The prick of the crystal needle, whether it’s once or many times, will reveal the truth.

As you venture into the water (at what ever level you are comfortable), you can create a luminous energy field around you that allows your light and truth out while protecting you from negative or intrusive energy.

You begin building a luminous egg of protective energy by bringing in white light through the top of your head (your crown chakra); surrounding yourself with light; creating a soft, but impenetrable, shell around you; and then closing it off at the top of your head.

In a workshop I recently hosted, a participant shared her “Bubble and Zip” technique, which is similar to the luminous egg:

“When you know you are going into a situation where you may get triggered and feel the need for armor, you bring in light energy and then wrap yourself around and around in bubble wrap and zip it up so it is impenetrable. Your light still shines through and you are protected!” – Katie Morell

Be luminous (and carry bubble wrap). It builds your crystal heart wisdom.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

The Cacao Journals: our Mother Wound

~ nicole
“Every Mother contains her daughter in herself and every daughter her mother and every mother extends backwards into her mother and forwards into her daughter.” – C.G. Jung

It was my Mother’s birthday on the 21st of February. She passed from this world last year, and I’m writing this in honor of her. Her light remains bright in my life.

And we had our issues and wounds as many mothers and daughters do. We loved each other, respected each other’s choices, and we had our wounds. Those wounds certainly were not gaping and festering, but they kept us from truly understanding one another and being close.

Through reflection and inner work, I came to see and accept that my mother had her own wounds that had been handed down from generation to generation. Our wounds were ancestral and even collective.

When I first began working with cacao in personal ceremony, I encountered the whole, deep feminine, which was profoundly healing for me. The more I worked with IxCacao, who I came to call Mama Cacao, the more my mother wound was healed at all levels: personal, ancestral and collective.

In cacao ceremony at two beautiful spiritual gatherings this past weekend, I expressed how I had received the first of many healings of my mother wound in my very first personal cacao ceremony.

In my first of many ceremonies, I found myself inexplicably crying, rocking myself, and releasing an emotional burden that I wasn’t fully aware I had been carrying for a very long time. Spent and exhausted, I lay down, wrapped myself in a blanket and curled into a fetus position.

My original intention for personal ceremony had been to invite in and open to IxCacao, the spirit of cacao. It was only after I broke fully open, or She broke me open, that She appeared to me. I found myself sharing with Her how exhausted She must be from healing everyone (I do not know where that came from) and invited Her to come sit in my lap and rest.

She merged into me and I felt Her in my whole body, especially in my heart. My heart got tighter and tighter, and was so constricting that I asked why She was holding on so tightly. She responded, “I am not the one holding on.” She then said, “I will always be there for you,” which struck my heart like a lightning bolt of unconditional love. I felt loved for the first time in my life and I was able to truly love and accept myself.

I realized then that I needed to let go of Her. I birthed Her out of my womb and felt my heart open completely (and, yes, I know, this is beyond all rational explanation).

In this first experience with cacao, I was both mothered and mother. It healed my mother wound on such a deep level that my own relationship with my biological mother, who was still alive at the time, became more healthy and whole.

After working with cacao, I was able to tell my Mom, “I love you,” which was not something that our family did, and I was able to be all of me in her presence regardless of her expectations or wishes or beliefs. She would say what she had been “programmed” to say, and it didn’t bother me in the least. In fact, I was able to laugh to myself, see the Truth and love her.

When my mother fell ill last year, and I was at her bedside when she died, I became the mother, showing a tenderness toward her that I did not know I had (never having had biological children of my own). This tenderness came from healing that deep, core wound through the feminine plant medicine of cacao.

In sacred ceremony, IxCacao becomes our surrogate mother, unconditionally loving us, showing us her deepest compassion, and sharing her infinite wisdom. She is our healer, teacher, guide, and mother. She comes from the earth and reconnects us to Mother Earth, to ourselves, to our mothers, and to all of our relations. She heals the original wound, which we all have; the wound of our disconnection from Mother Earth.

There’s a deep wound in people–that they have been so cut off from the source of their being, their mother, their Earth Mother. – Francis Story Talbott II

I’ve been blessed to witness how many women attending my cacao ceremonies have reconnected with their mothers, who have passed, and healed their relationships during their journeys. Their gratitude for this healing and their radiance is so beautiful to witness.

Cacao is healing heart medicine for the mother wound in us all. I share Her love, so that we may all reconnect to the source of our being, to the mothers who have come before us, and to Mother Earth, who bore us all.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

The Cacao Journals: Integrating our Masculine & Feminine

~ nicole
When the Condor of the South flies with the Eagle of the North, a new day for Earth will awaken. – Inca Prophecy

Before each cacao ceremony, I always look into the significance of the day in the Mayan Calendar and allow the energy associated with it to inform ceremony. Some days are more auspicious than others; some are feisty and need to be balanced; and others provide deep reflection or spiritual connection. When we align ourselves with these energies and allow them to guide us, our days flow more easily.

So, in preparation for my upcoming Elemental Cacao Ceremony at FLOW Studio on November 4, I looked up the Day Sign, which is 2 Kawoq. The numeral 2 (of 13) represents the galactic tone energy of the day; and Kawoq (1 of 20 signs) is the Day Sign energy, spirit or essence of that day in this year. Together they are a system of astrology and divination that is celebrated in daily ritual and sacred ceremony.

Two is the symbol of duality: birth and death, joy and sadness, night and day, darkness and light, and male and female; while Kawoq is the divine feminine, which can bring a certain wild storminess, while supporting spiritual connection and communication. The combination of the two requires directing this wild feminine energy toward positive desires, and to do so means seeing “very, very far down the road you are traveling…so you may see a clearer, deeper, purer truth (Mayan Calendar Portal).”

Art by Brady Wedman and Maya Jensen

As part of my Elemental Cacao series, I had chosen the element, Air, to be honored in this ceremony. Air symbolizes clarity of vision, inspiration and the ability to see expansively like the eagle, which soars above the land seeing far and wide. The clarity of the eagle, balanced by our inner desires and intentions, brings us to a deeper truth than either would on its own.

Many indigenous prophecies foretold that human societies would split into two paths: one of the Eagle, which symbolizes the path of the mind, the material and the masculine; and the other, the Condor, which is the path of the heart, intuition and the feminine.

The prophecies also foretold that the potential exists within all of us for the Eagle and the Condor to come together and fly in the same sky when we create a new level of consciousness and live in balance with nature and within ourselves. It is up to us to activate this potential.

When the sacred masculine is combined with the sacred feminine inside each of us, we create the “sacred marriage” of compassion and passion in ourselves. –Matthew Fox

The path we are being asked to take now, in these times of crisis and chaos, is towards a higher expression of ourselves, to balance and integrate our masculine and feminine energies. We’ve gotten off center, out of alignment, either too much in one or too much in the other, which throws us and society out of balance.

It is the will of our hearts that allows these energies to come together again, to be in balance. This deep truth and heart wisdom will heal us and allow us to be whole again. Integrating the positive aspects of our masculine and feminine energies is an absolute requirement on our journey to wholeness.

Having spent 18 years in the corporate world, I had developed a strong, masculine side and had to relearn how to be vulnerable, trust my intuition, be comfortable with uncertainty, and open myself to the flow of life. What I found as I integrated my feminine side was a lightness of being, loving acceptance and a deeper trust of myself, and infinite joy.

Being aware that this integration of the masculine and feminine is necessary and critical to our wellbeing is the first step. Opening to the positive aspects that we have not embraced in ourselves (and that we often look to others to fill) is next. What’s missing in our lives is found within ourselves….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Wisdom of the Heart

~ nicole
The wisdom of the heart outshines the knowledge of the mind. – Harold W. Becker

Not one of us would ever say that our hearts aren’t open. To say they’re closed would be akin to saying we had psychopathic tendencies. And yet, I’m not sure we really know what having an open heart full of compassion is. We may be able to cite people in history (Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa), who we believe did, but somehow that kind of compassion seems beyond us and unattainable. Their compassion has a wisdom, willfulness and otherworldly (some might say, spiritual) quality to it. And that is precisely what the world needs now from all of us.

A dear friend recently gave me a copy of Arkan Lushwala’s, The Time of the Black Jaguar, and to say I devoured and savored every word would be a huge understatement. It fed my heart and explains so beautifully why I feel called to share cacao ceremony. Arkan, who is a shamanic healer from Peru, shares in his own language what he regards as the most important power we all have: Munay or the will of the heart.

Now those two words, “will” and “heart” don’t quite seem to go together in our western culture. When he writes about the compassion of the heart, it is an active rather than a passive compassion, a “willpower that makes us enact our love with courage and deep desire to serve another.”

To do this, Arkan shares that we must first awaken our own Munay, our own will of the heart, so we can help ourselves. Then, after doing our Work, a stronger power, the power of Spirit, comes to our aid. It is through spiritual practices, through sacred ceremony, and through teachings of spiritual masters that the sacred fire in our heart is awakened. It is through this awakening that we realize that the Earth is truly our Mother.

“To be struck by the love of Mother Earth is like being struck by lightning.” – Arkan Lushwala

When the will of our heart is awakened, this is how the wisdom of the heart and Spirit comes to and through us.

This is how I felt about cacao when I first engaged with her; she embraced me with such love and compassion, it took my breath away. It was like being struck by lightning, and it lit a fire within me. There’s a reason I now call her Mama Cacao….

People who have activated the Munay in their heart are good medicine for everyone. – Arkan Lushwala

Information is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom. In this fast-paced, information technology-driven society we live in, we so easily forget that. And it consumes us and distracts us and fragments us. It’s time to activate our Munay, live, act from and speak the wisdom of the heart in collaboration with Spirit and the Jaguar and be whole. More on the Jaguar next time, dear readers….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Postscript: I’d like to dedicate this Cacao Journal post to my dear friend, Munay, who changed her name to fully embody this spiritual quality of compassion after spending time in Peru; moved to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala with her dog, Sheba; met the love of her life, Oscar, there; and lives with this sacred fire in her heart everyday. Much love and cacao bliss to you, Munay!

The Cacao Journals: Rescue Remedy for the Soul

~ nicole
Final and complete healing will come from within, from the Soul itself, which radiates harmony throughout the personality when allowed to do so. – Dr. Bach, maker of Rescue Remedy

I have come to call cacao ceremony, Rescue Remedy for the Soul, because it naturally and gently heals us from the inside out. Every cacao ceremony brings you just what you need in that moment. There’s no amount of planning that will make your journey what you think it should be; it will just be…. One will bust you wide open; another will fill you with light; others will allow you access to deep wisdom. An infinite variety of experiences are available, and they are always illuminating.

The one thing you can do is set an intention for ceremony. Before each ceremony, I always check in to see where I need guidance or healing and set my intention based on that. Almost always, I receive what I ask for, and when I haven’t it’s only because Spirit has decided She has something even better for me or I’m so caught up in my head that nothing much can get in. Even then, despite my hard headedness (if I’m in my head, then I can’t fully be in my heart, can I?), She still finds a way to deliver a gentle message and lesson, which usually is about “letting go.”

In rereading my journals–wow, that was a trip unto itself–I realized just how much Spirit has not only healed me through cacao, but has transmitted knowledge that I am being called to share with you. And I have little say in this; the more I resist, the more She persists. In a shamanic journeying session (without cacao) that I participated in awhile back, my spirit animal guide, the Jaguar, told me, “Everything cacao.” I laughed about it when I shared it in circle. And believe me, I tried to ignore it, but it has become abundantly clear that I am a cacao guide who coaches, rather than a coach who does cacao ceremony every so often.

Spirit has brought me not just deep, meaningful messages in ceremony, but paths to follow that allow my soul to fully emerge. I must admit that I haven’t always followed her wise counsel as sometimes She has asked me to do something I didn’t feel would be fully embraced by others (at least not yet) or I didn’t feel equipped to make happen like a documentary film about cacao ceremony. And yet, here I am, just a bit farther down the road, bringing those messages to you…. (By the way, if anyone knows a documentary film maker who might want to do this, just let me know. I have a proposal all ready to go :)).

Cacao enabled me to answer the question of “Who (or What) am I?” I brought this particular intention into ceremony wanting to understand my gifts, the ones I am meant to bring to the world. I was tired of not knowing and admitted to myself that “I do not know,” not just this, but so much about the mystery of life. I felt very alone and humble as I entered that ceremony a few years ago.

Almost immediately, I felt myself glowing, my light filled the loft. I realized that I was very much not alone, that I was surrounded by love and my spirit guides and that they are always with me and they know. I felt such a rush of bliss, energy, love, truth, joy and purity that I cried with joy. At the close of ceremony, I captured these powerful words in my journal: “I am without fear; I am luminous; I am.” Right now, I am feeling very vulnerable sharing these words with you. And, at the same time, I’m feeling that you may need to hear them for your own healing.

We are all meant to come to self-realization on our own path, and yet we cannot do it wholly on our own; we need assistance and guidance. That assistance comes in the form of some kind of structure (a practice of some sort), which enables a depth of discovery (being willing to question and receive guidance), which leads to the integration of the lessons (deeply understanding and accepting the guidance), allowing for true embodiment. Cacao ceremony was my deep practice.

So, what is embodiment? It’s living in full integrity. It means that what you practice is what you do. When you leave that yoga class or meditation session or cacao ceremony, the lessons come with you; you don’t get to leave them on the mat or in your cacao cocoon. It means breaking old habituated behaviors that keep us out of alignment with our true selves and allowing new habits to form that heal and fully support us.

Too often, we try a little of this and a little of that, looking for the practice that will feel good to us, when the practice that deconstructs us, that challenges us, and makes us the most uncomfortable is the one that will transform and heal. Or we simply don’t realize that going deep is absolutely necessary to our healing. Or we believe “we’re good” and we don’t have anything that needs healing. We’ve become so disconnected from our feelings and who we are, that we think we know. But we really don’t; we have to learn to feel our way through, literally.

At the end of the day, which is the beginning of your life, you’ve got to do the work. It’s not always all love and light and cacao bliss, but if you allow yourself to open your heart, the light will find you, and fill you, and heal your dark parts until your own light shines radiantly through. I promise, you will glow.

And as this light fills you with its radiance, you will find you depend less and less on those old habits that are not fulfilling you and embrace the new habits that heal your soul and spirit. They are the rescue remedy.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: my first time…

~ nicole ~ 1 Comment
There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in. –Leonard Cohen

If you haven’t read my first cacao blog–How cacao found me–yet, please do as it will provide you with background on my journey with cacao as my teacher and guide.

In today’s post, I thought I would share my first time with you, no, not that first time! My first time in cacao ceremony…. Just so you know, I was totally new to this when I started. My spiritual journey, up to that point, had involved lots of reading–Pema Chodrin, Eckhart Tolle, don Miguel Ruiz, all the usual suspects–and a little bit of meditation and even less yoga. Heck, for the longest time I hated doing savasana (corpse pose) during yoga. I could not for the life me be still! Being a lifelong runner since my 20’s and someone with an active body and mind, it was torturous for me. Today, it is my absolute favorite yoga pose.

Back to my first time with cacao. My ceremonial cacao materials had arrived from Scotland where my teacher is from–we live in an amazing world when a Scottish plant medicine teacher, who was called to cacao, can teach an online course about a plant that grows in the a tropical rain forest…. I opened the lovely box filled with a block of raw cacao from a shaman in Guatemala, some incense, a candle, and spices to add to my cacao elixir. She also sent an extensive PDF guide, which I consumed with delight, finding sustenance in the history, mythology and practical matters of preparing cacao.

I planned my first ceremony for when I would be at our cabin the redwoods, a perfect sanctuary for going deep and doing inner work. I drove up late on a Friday, exhausted from work, with a blinding headache, and decided to not hold personal ceremony that day and took a nap instead….

Our teacher had given us a gift when we first signed up for the course: our spirit animal, which she intuited from our energetic presence online and our Facebook picture. To be honest, I hadn’t given it much thought other than to research the qualities of my spirit animal, the white swan.

I fell into a deep sleep on the couch and woke a little later from a dream where I had huge wings, which were unfolding. It was a sign, a big one. I knew in that moment that I simply had to hold ceremony that evening.

I lovingly created my ceremonial space in the loft: a small altar with candles; sheepskin rug, pillows and a blanket; a journal and pen; and lots of water. I prepared the cacao elixir–raw cacao from Guatemala, warm water, some spices and raw honey– and retired to my cacao cocoon.

After saying an ancient Mayan prayer, to IxCacao (the Goddess of chocolate), I drank the cacao and lay back on the rug listening to a beautiful guided meditation as the cacao began its work. My teacher had also shared a profound and evocative sacred music playlist to accompany us for the rest of our two-hour long journey.

Well, sometimes to get to bliss, we need to let go of a few things first. In my first cacao ceremony, I cried like a baby almost the whole time! I had been holding on to so much emotionally for so many years, and cacao broke me wide open. As Leonard Cohen says so beautifully, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the the light gets in.” The light definitely got in that day.

It’s hard to describe what happened to me during that ceremony, some of which is so unbelievable, but I experienced something sacred, something that opened me wide to receive what I most needed. I had invited Spirit in, and I felt loved, at peace and at home for the first time in my life.

I so wish I had found cacao earlier. Believe me, I could have used Her guidance when I was in the corporate world. I so needed to be broken open then after years of protecting my heart from what that world was asking of me. I went from protecting to armoring my heart, erecting boundaries and walls, and finally, without even being aware, closing off my heart. It took a brutal 360 review from my direct reports (in sharp and ironic contrast, management loved me); two executive coaches (one at work and one at home in my husband); endless books on leadership and spirituality; and finally leaving the corporate world on my own terms before my heart opened again. If I had known about cacao then, and its catalytic power to open our hearts and access our inner wisdom and guidance, I would have been there in a heartbeat.

Often times, it’s only when we face a “dark night of the soul” that we, in despair, open our hearts; and yet, with the right catalyst we can not only open to that guidance to ease our suffering, we can deepen and accelerate our learning. It isn’t a requirement that we take the slow path to self realization….

We don’t open to that guidance because we’ve forgotten that we can. We’ve gotten so used to being self-reliant and self-sufficient, and dare I say, self-important, because we believe we can do it on our own, which is such a lonely road and one that may never reach its destination. Or we simply don’t believe it’s possible at all, which means living a life in quiet despair.

Not much of what we’ve been told or heard is true. What’s true is in our hearts. And cacao bursts our hearts wide open. And, as frightening as that may sound, because we are rather afraid of our feelings, aren’t we; it’s the path of the heart that will get us to where we actually want to be: at home, at peace, and deeply loved. That’s bliss.

Much love, light & cacao bliss to you all.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.