Come back to the stillness of the love within and know your heart light to be what it is—reliable and true—showing you the way even now, in peace and stillness. —Alana Fairchild
I arrived a few days early at Lake Atitlan, Guatemala to share some sacred medicine with a small courageous group before the cacao retreat. I found myself caught in a swirl of uncertainty and unpredictability with things not going quite as originally planned, trying my best to go with the flow, which at times felt more like a whirlpool. Resisting, even ever so slightly, and not giving myself completely over to the flow, can be exhausting. So, I simply allowed everything to be as it was.
Unpredictability can be Trickster energy, keeping us off balance, so we can free ourselves of attachment to old patterns, behaviors and desires. On the way to the Lake, I lost a hiking boot, the right foot to be exact. I’m not sure how; it just disappeared out of my backpack. The right side is the masculine aspect, our rational, logical, analytical, planning side. Hmmm, I’ve come to learn that everything in my world is a message. I had noticed on recent hikes that my feet were sore, which is always a sign that my boots were getting old and they also strangely felt too small. Time for new, more expansive boots on this path!
During the opening ceremony of the retreat, we were led in a guided meditation to look inside a tree and see what was there. Now, I am one of those folks who never seem able to follow the directions of a guided meditation because my guides always want to take me somewhere else, lol! This is why I let people know they can go wherever they are guided when I lead my meditations.
All I saw was a clear, blue ball. Hmmm, I thought, what does that signify? Is it the Lake? Or the ocean? Both symbolizing the deep feminine. It was almost like a globe, as if I was looking down on the world from above. In that moment, it wasn’t clear to me. I trusted it would make itself known.
There is a way forward on the path that needs to be seen by you. It will be helpful for you to have that clarity and that certainty. You might have already caught a glimpse of it but be doubting your vision or yourself….What you are feeling, deep within the passionate love of your heart light, is true. It is real. You are being led into it by the progress of life itself. —Alana Fairchild
Later that day, I went to the Lake to sit by the water and come into relationship with its energy, which is very powerful and transformational. I decided to sit on a stone wall and because it was uneven, lay my turquoise and cream-colored (so me), Turkish towel on the wall.
The next morning as I was getting ready to go to the Lake for a morning ritual with the retreat group, I realized I had left my towel on the wall. So, at 6:45am I made my way to the wall hoping it was still there. It wasn’t, but in its place was a clear, pale blue marble with a green, blue and white line through it. I started to laugh as it was exactly what I had seen in the guided meditation! A magic marble in exchange for my “so me” towel. More trickster energy. The universe certainly has a sense of humor. Perhaps it was saying in that moment, “What part of ‘you’ do you need to let go of to allow yourself to receive the magic?”
During the morning ritual, we were given flowers to offer to the Lake. I held one in the palm of my hand and closed my eyes to meditate. When I opened them, there on my thumb was a tiny, red dragonfly, a symbol of transformation and magic, which has been guiding me for 2 years now. It first revealed itself to me on a sacred mushroom journey in Huautla de Jimenez, MX and continued to show up in “real life” on my nomadic travels. This particular “real one” rested so long on my hand that a soul sister was able to capture a gorgeous picture. The dragonfly for me also symbolized flying around sharing my work on my travels and landing every so often in magical and sacred sanctuaries to restore my energy. More on that later….
I wove the story about the magic marble into the cacao ceremony I led later that day, which was entitled the Alchemy of Grief and Grace, sharing how we need to grieve our losses to open to grace. The lost towel and marble became symbols of loss and possibility. Many of us were grieving the passing of Keith Wilson, the founder of Keith’s Cacao and our teacher. We remembered him with love; cried and laughed and grieved; and felt his loving spirit with us because we allowed ourselves to feel it all. We realized that many of us, as Cacao Practitioners, were being asked to step into new possibilities of carrying Keith’s vision and mission forward. One of his sayings was “Bring on your magic!”
I took the magic marble everywhere with me that week and bought a leather medicine pouch just for it. When I held it, it felt like I held the world in the palm of my hand; the world was literally at my fingertips. And, as one retreat participant shared, the world is inside me. My inner world reflects my outer world. Another shared it was like a crystal ball, so I could see into the future. So many powerful messages in such a tiny magical ball.
At another beautiful cacao ceremony in a private garden where Keith is interred, there was an altar honoring him with flowers and a photo. As I sat in front of the altar, I realized his clear blue eyes, which always saw the magic, reminded me of my blue marble. Perhaps Keith in his own magical ways was asking me to look at the world with the eyes of magic and possibility, and allow myself to trust again.
Life operates according to a genius that is beyond a linear approach. It is to be trusted rather than understood….You do not have to also create or control the terrain, nor determine the map for the journey. You simply need to take each step that presents itself to you in each moment.” —Alana Fairchild
In the past, with the guidance and support of cacao, I had come to see the world as magical and the messages, guidance and lessons were so clear; and yet in the last year, as I was struggling with health issues and not able to find true sanctuary, that vision and way of perceiving diminished. I had lost my way and the ability to see the magic. Perhaps it was time to see that way again, to open my eyes and follow my “heart light.”
I am still remembering how to see and trust that way again; it really is like looking at the world with the eyes of a child, filtered and enhanced by the wisdom of life experience. Wise and yet innocent at the same time. I am returning to trusting completely in the path laid out by life and the universe. I am coming back to the “stillness of love”, trusting my “heart light” is showing me the way and taking the step presented in each moment.
As I embrace the message of dragonfly medicine, I find myself about to fly off again. I need to leave my sacred sanctuary in Northern California for the summer and have been invited by my soul family in Southern California to come there. So, I am accepting the invitation and following my heart light. I trust that it knows….
As you sit with what I have shared, you may want to reflect on these questions: How are you perceiving your world? What’s lighting your path? What’s the next step your heart light wants you to take?
May we open to the magic that is always there for us!
©Soulscape Coaching LLC
I can still be astonished by the healing power of Mama Cacao. I’m so close to the healing I received from her that sometimes I lose perspective. I still marvel at it, but most of the time, I’m just walking around in me all day, so I’m used to wearing my soul on the outside. When someone else experiences her healing power, my ears perk up and my perspective shifts. I see the soul healing before my very eyes; I feel it in my heart and soul.
How do we get out of our heads and into our bodies? That’s where true wisdom lies. Wisdom comes from accessing the deep soul inside of you. Everyone has access to this deep soul; we just have to believe and remember, so we can reconnect to it….
What do I mean by fully? Let me start by defining what it doesn’t mean; it’s not partially or somewhat or sort of. That’s neither fully in nor fully out. To put it bluntly, it’s not half-assed, not that I have anything against donkeys; they’re actually kind of cute, but rather stubborn. Fully means completely.
Sanctuary is vital to me. Where I live, how I live and who I share my life with must be in alignment with that. I love the energy of the natural world, as you know, so my recent move marks a return to living in nature, surrounded by trees, a pond, wildlife and the sound of the ocean in the distance (and a cacophony of tree frogs when I go to sleep :)). I feel a sense of peace and tranquility here that I simply don’t in the city with its energetic human hum and traffic noise.
In my own personal work with cacao, I found this to be true, that it was in letting go of my mind, my need to be in control, and my disbelief that I created sacred space (an emptiness) within that held me, so I could begin to heal and feel whole.
The music playlist is the same. It all just comes together in perfect harmony. If at any point, I begin to think too much about it, that’s when it becomes a struggle. And that’s when walk away for a little while….
When I arrive at the studio to set up, I am fully present with each action–unpacking, checking the sound, setting up the altar, making the cacao elixir and greeting the guests–and the act of being fully present with each begins to create sacred space and fills the space with light energy.
We usually think of meditation as a practice of witnessing the mind and accessing a deeper state of awareness; as a sitting posture with specific positions for spine, hands, legs, chin and gaze; and as a practice that connects us to our breath. There is a meditation form called Yoga Nidra, where the savasana (corpse) pose is held while being led through a guided meditation. All forms are calming and clarifying.
It’s the drumming at a certain rhythm or the ceremonial cacao that allows us to access this Theta state. Sara shares on her 
I always set an intention for personal cacao ceremony as it informs Spirit of what I would like to receive. Mind you, I don’t always get what I ask for, but I always receive something and it’s always the medicine I need in that moment. And there are times it is so profoundly transforming, I just marvel at the message.
Seeing a glimmer of your own light is crucial as it’s what will inspire and motivate you to not be afraid, to heal the hurt, and become whole again.
After I shared my last Cacao Journal post about the Eagle and the Condor, a friend, who read it, reached out and said she had something sacred to share with me for the cacao altar that simply was too synchronistic to pass up.
Spirit wants to support us on our journey in this life. She wants to bring us exactly what and who we need. She wants our lives to flow with more ease. Synchronicity is always there; we just don’t always allow ourselves to open to it, to see it, to follow it. We fly right by it in our rush to beat time, in forcing things to happen, not realizing that the key to flow and ease is in slowing down, opening and receiving.