catalyst

The Cacao Journals: Catalysts and the Unknown

~ nicole
We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we think we know about the unknown. – Teal Scott

So, what awaits after surrender…? The unknown. Scary stuff for those of us who always want to know; for those who need to be fully in control; for those who struggle to have faith in themselves or in life itself. At some point in my life, all those control scenarios were me….

I’ve had my own fears of the unknown, and what I discovered as I surrendered is that the unknown is simply a path I have not taken, something I haven’t yet opened myself up to, or an aspect of myself and life that I did not yet know, but came to know and embrace. It’s a place of truth and trust and mystery, and nothing to be afraid of.

In The Book of Truth, there’s a beautiful passage that captures it completely:

To lift to the unknown, to the unpredictable, to what may be but cannot be seen is a challenge for the small self….The True Self abides there, not in uncertainty but the unchosen–the unchosen, that which was not chosen in prior time but may be chosen in the moment you sing. – Paul Selig

Being curious about the unknown is a big, first step. That’s how I began with cacao, I simply wanted to know what it was all about. It reached out and called me to get to know it. That’s what certain kinds of catalysts do: they start a conversation with you, then they introduce you to the unknown, and then you get to see what the fuss is all about.

Some of us only need gentle catalysts like cacao; others need stronger plant medicines like ayahuasca (I like to call it the two-by-four of plant medicines :)) or other entheogens (which literally means “generating the divine within”).; and still others need nothing at all except sitting on a park bench like Eckhart Tolle (mind you, he did this for a whole year) or a deeply, devoted meditation practice. Heck, life itself is a path too, just a long, arduous one.

All these catalysts can give you a glimpse of the divine within and of your connection to life. It’s there and always has been, we’ve just somehow forgotten. Once we’ve had that glimpse, we want more and that’s the beginning of a beautiful inner journey.

Each catalyst we choose, or that is chosen for us, can lead us to this state of inner and outer connectedness (what some call oneness) and all paths are valid. It’s easy to remain unconscious in this disconnected world of ours. It’s only when we integrate and embody the message of the catalyst and its medicine that we are truly transformed. We become its message.

To be free means to open your heart and your being to the fullness of who you are, because only when you are resting in the place of unity can you truly honor and appreciate others and the incredible diversity of the universe. – Ram Dass

The unknown shows us who we truly are. It teaches us to be adaptive, creative, resilient; to be accepting and forgiving of ourselves and others; to be at peace and to love unconditionally; and it allows us to experience the pure joy of being in a constant state of wonder. We can ask from this place of unknowing: I wonder what’s going to happen next? I wonder who’s going to come into my life? I wonder what my clarity and light will attract?

Notice what comes into your life when you are curious about the unknown. Drop your expectations. Let go of “controlling” life for a moment. Trust what comes and that you will know how to respond. There’s such beauty there.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

The Cacao Journals: Letting Go

~ nicole
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. – Sonia Ricotti

Being with my Mom as she was dying made me see how important it is to be able to let go in life and in death. True compassion lives in the act of letting go, and yet it one of the hardest things we have to do in life. Far too often we have to learn the hard way to let go of that to which we have become attached.

Life’s not-so-subtle attachments usually come first: not feeling so attached to our material possessions or all our physical “stuff;” letting go of relationships and friendships that no longer feel right or good or true; not identifying solely with our role as mother, daughter, caregiver or business leader; and letting the armor or masks we wear to protect ourselves fall away. These are all big, tough things to let go of. I’ve had to let go of more than a few of these as I discovered the truth of who I am….

The more-subtle ones are our emotional body attachments, which are based in fear. Our ego-based fears take the form of not feeling worthy, blaming or shaming ourselves or others, and the need to be in control–this is a big, juicy one, which I’ll get to in a moment. We all suffer from these fears and yet letting go of them is challenging because we’ve lived with them most of our lives. They’re like barnacles; we don’t really want them on our boat, but they’ve been there a long while and are stuck, and it’s really hard to scrape them off. Plus then we might have to repaint the boat :).

The most subtle of all often take time to surface because we let usually go of the less subtle ones first. Control is both. It can be so sneaky and crafty as it hides in the tiniest places. Wanting someone else to change; not accepting when things don’t go “our” way; and not listening to our intuition or spiritual guidance are all ways that our ego tries to controls us. So, just when you think you’re done letting go of being in control, there’s always a little bit more….

And what’s left, after all that letting go, is the most beautiful, luminous crystal made from all that pressure and molten fire. It’s you, all shiny and purified, and so much wiser and stronger.

It’s only in the letting go that we can open to something new; it’s only in the letting go that we can find our inner crystalline light; it’s only in the letting go that we rediscover the essence of who we truly are. And it’s hard because it’s the not knowing or the gap between the known and the unknown that terrifies and paralyzes us. We’re just not good with the unknown. We so want to be in control.

People have a heard time letting of of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. – Thich Nhat Hanh

What the unknown requires is curiosity, a sense of wonder and belief. Curiosity about what’s possible; wonder in not just the beauty of life, but in the suffering; trusting in ourselves that we know if we listen deeply, and believing in something greater than ourselves, in the mystery.

To let go we more than often need a catalyst of some kind. Some catalysts come out of nowhere and sideswipe us; and others we choose willingly. Some are fast and others are slow–I chose cacao as my catalyst and teacher because I wanted a fast route that came with GPS.

When we open to our catalyst, we are curious, we are in a natural state of wonder, and we believe. And when we fully embrace the catalytic experience, it changes and transforms us so we become that beautiful, luminescent crystal.

One of the amazing palliative care nurses, who looked after my Mom, shared with us that it’s good to let the dying know that they can let go and that their loved ones, who have already passed, are waiting for them. She encouraged us to tell Mom, that our Dad, John, was waiting for her. So, we did. My sister, Michelle, said, “Mom, it’s ok to let go. John is waiting for you. Oma is waiting for you.” When she said, “Oma,” which means grandmother in German, my Mom’s face lit up and she beamed from ear to ear. It was so incredible to witness her light, joy, and peace.

I then shared with my Mom, “Michelle and I are at peace with your leaving. We love you and will miss you, and we’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” You see, my Mom was a worrier as many Mom’s are. She always wanted to make sure we were okay, so this allowed her to let go.

Choose your catalyst (or embrace the one that comes to you), stay curious, stand in awe of the wonder and mystery of life, and know and believe that what you are opening to is exactly what you need. Give yourself permission to let go of whatever is holding you back, standing in your way, or keeping you from the joy and peace that’s on the other side. Let go, so that what’s meant to be reveals itself.

Letting go is on the path to surrendering to what is. To fully surrender (there’s no halfway or part of the way as I discovered), we have to let go of the struggle that we don’t even know we are holding on to; it’s that subtle.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: my first time…

~ nicole ~ 1 Comment
There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in. –Leonard Cohen

If you haven’t read my first cacao blog–How cacao found me–yet, please do as it will provide you with background on my journey with cacao as my teacher and guide.

In today’s post, I thought I would share my first time with you, no, not that first time! My first time in cacao ceremony…. Just so you know, I was totally new to this when I started. My spiritual journey, up to that point, had involved lots of reading–Pema Chodrin, Eckhart Tolle, don Miguel Ruiz, all the usual suspects–and a little bit of meditation and even less yoga. Heck, for the longest time I hated doing savasana (corpse pose) during yoga. I could not for the life me be still! Being a lifelong runner since my 20’s and someone with an active body and mind, it was torturous for me. Today, it is my absolute favorite yoga pose.

Back to my first time with cacao. My ceremonial cacao materials had arrived from Scotland where my teacher is from–we live in an amazing world when a Scottish plant medicine teacher, who was called to cacao, can teach an online course about a plant that grows in the a tropical rain forest…. I opened the lovely box filled with a block of raw cacao from a shaman in Guatemala, some incense, a candle, and spices to add to my cacao elixir. She also sent an extensive PDF guide, which I consumed with delight, finding sustenance in the history, mythology and practical matters of preparing cacao.

I planned my first ceremony for when I would be at our cabin the redwoods, a perfect sanctuary for going deep and doing inner work. I drove up late on a Friday, exhausted from work, with a blinding headache, and decided to not hold personal ceremony that day and took a nap instead….

Our teacher had given us a gift when we first signed up for the course: our spirit animal, which she intuited from our energetic presence online and our Facebook picture. To be honest, I hadn’t given it much thought other than to research the qualities of my spirit animal, the white swan.

I fell into a deep sleep on the couch and woke a little later from a dream where I had huge wings, which were unfolding. It was a sign, a big one. I knew in that moment that I simply had to hold ceremony that evening.

I lovingly created my ceremonial space in the loft: a small altar with candles; sheepskin rug, pillows and a blanket; a journal and pen; and lots of water. I prepared the cacao elixir–raw cacao from Guatemala, warm water, some spices and raw honey– and retired to my cacao cocoon.

After saying an ancient Mayan prayer, to IxCacao (the Goddess of chocolate), I drank the cacao and lay back on the rug listening to a beautiful guided meditation as the cacao began its work. My teacher had also shared a profound and evocative sacred music playlist to accompany us for the rest of our two-hour long journey.

Well, sometimes to get to bliss, we need to let go of a few things first. In my first cacao ceremony, I cried like a baby almost the whole time! I had been holding on to so much emotionally for so many years, and cacao broke me wide open. As Leonard Cohen says so beautifully, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the the light gets in.” The light definitely got in that day.

It’s hard to describe what happened to me during that ceremony, some of which is so unbelievable, but I experienced something sacred, something that opened me wide to receive what I most needed. I had invited Spirit in, and I felt loved, at peace and at home for the first time in my life.

I so wish I had found cacao earlier. Believe me, I could have used Her guidance when I was in the corporate world. I so needed to be broken open then after years of protecting my heart from what that world was asking of me. I went from protecting to armoring my heart, erecting boundaries and walls, and finally, without even being aware, closing off my heart. It took a brutal 360 review from my direct reports (in sharp and ironic contrast, management loved me); two executive coaches (one at work and one at home in my husband); endless books on leadership and spirituality; and finally leaving the corporate world on my own terms before my heart opened again. If I had known about cacao then, and its catalytic power to open our hearts and access our inner wisdom and guidance, I would have been there in a heartbeat.

Often times, it’s only when we face a “dark night of the soul” that we, in despair, open our hearts; and yet, with the right catalyst we can not only open to that guidance to ease our suffering, we can deepen and accelerate our learning. It isn’t a requirement that we take the slow path to self realization….

We don’t open to that guidance because we’ve forgotten that we can. We’ve gotten so used to being self-reliant and self-sufficient, and dare I say, self-important, because we believe we can do it on our own, which is such a lonely road and one that may never reach its destination. Or we simply don’t believe it’s possible at all, which means living a life in quiet despair.

Not much of what we’ve been told or heard is true. What’s true is in our hearts. And cacao bursts our hearts wide open. And, as frightening as that may sound, because we are rather afraid of our feelings, aren’t we; it’s the path of the heart that will get us to where we actually want to be: at home, at peace, and deeply loved. That’s bliss.

Much love, light & cacao bliss to you all.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.