compassion

The Cacao Journals: Personal Truth

~ nicole

“The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.” —Anais Nin

In my work, I witness people, who, in shedding identities, negative self-talk, beliefs and expectations, come to the place where they reconnect to the essence of who they truly are. And from this place, they find they need to speak their personal truth. I honor and commend them. Having the courage to speak your truth is a very very good thing.

And I see and hear these same people “not giving a sh*t about what other people think or feel.” To let go of the need for approval or being liked for what you say or look like or feel is another level of bravery.

And…. We all want to seen and heard. The double edge of personal truth is that when we share our personal truth and don’t give a sh*t how it lands, there’s a good chance people won’t actually see or hear us. Why is that?

When you find your truth, you are like a toddler learning to walk for the first time. You’re going to wobble and stumble and fall on your bum a lot. What comes out of your mouth as your ‘truth’ may come out all awkward or unintelligible, and is not really what you want to say. Being aware and ok with that helps you keep on sharing. And reflecting on your truth helps too….

Your personal truth is coming from a place inside of you that hasn’t spoken in a long long while. It may even be coming from an outraged place inside you. One that’s angry and jaded and judgy because not only hasn’t it spoken for a while, it wasn’t listened to when it actually did.

That angry place inside doesn’t care that other people, including those who disagree with its truth or historically haven’t seen it, have their own truth (often hidden by woundedness). Feel into that for a moment. We all have our own personal truth. Every single one of us.

When we speak our truth, we want to be seen. If we want to be seen; we have to see others. If we don’t want to be judged for ours; we cannot judge others. If we want to feel the compassion of others; we must feel compassion. Personal truth is a mirror. See and be seen.

Personal truth is a mirror. See and be seen.

Once we let go of judgment, our compassion grows. Both for ourselves and others. We find there truly is no separation. Differences in preference, in belief, in opinion, yes, but under it all, we each have a human soul that wants to be seen.

Take time and space to reflect on your personal truth. In there you will find values, what you care about, what brings you joy, personal boundaries, and even some wisdom. Share it with vulnerability, openness and your heart, and see how it is received. Share it with anger, defensiveness and from your angry hurt self, and see how that lands. You may just find the difference in response is stunning.

Keep sharing your truth and build your awareness. Say it so you are seen.

Personal truth is not yet wisdom, but it is on the path. Wisdom comes from deep reflection and embodied experience. Wisdom does not need to be seen. It is beyond that, being of service to something greater than itself. It is heard, perceived and received as Truth.

Stay on the path of truth and you may find Truth too. In there, lies even greater peace.

Copyright ©2020 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Polishing the edges

~ nicole

Beneath my hard edges…there is a love song. – Robert M. Drake

The other day I received a message in meditation that said, “Remember to be tender.” I teared up when I felt into that. My tenderness was something that I had embraced like a long lost lover, and recently I had felt it slipping away replaced by a frustrated edginess.

In the past few weeks, I barked at my dog when she wasn’t responding to my invitation to go for a pee more quickly. I yelled in frustration at being delayed in traffic. I said something insensitive to a friend. My usual equanimity was gone. Something was definitely amiss.

So often, we get through by having an edge–sharp, prickly or crispy (as one friend describes hers)–that cuts away or deflects things we don’t want to feel or take in. We act out this edginess; we impose it on others; we walk through the world with an invisible sword in our hands. God help those who get in our way. Whatever form our edges take, they are not loving, to ourselves or to others.

So, what can we do to smooth and soften our edges? It’s not by “taking the “edge off” as they say. That just mutes and muffles the edge until it raises its ugly head again. My way of taking the edge off (when I was still in the corporate world) was having a glass of wine after work, getting “comfortably numb.” When I began to experience severe migraines after even a few sips of alcohol, I gave it up entirely, and suddenly, my edge-taker-offer was gone. No muting and muffling for me.

Fortunately, when the migraines arrived, I was meditating daily and had discovered cacao, both of which smoothed my edges without dulling my senses. These practices allowed me to feel and acknowledge my feelings instead of suppressing them. As I became more aware, I could be more open, compassionate and loving towards myself and others. Tenderness with healthy boundaries replaced the edginess.

As I witnessed the re-emergence of my edges recently, I realized that they arise when I don’t stay true to my tenderness and unconsciously allow my ego to begin building walls around it. My tenderness doesn’t need the protection of my ego.

I broke up with my ego five years ago when I fell in love with cacao, meditation and shamanic journeys. These practices allowed me to dissolve my ego (without it knowing), gently stripping away limiting beliefs, negative self-talk and unneeded defenses until what was left was just tender ol’ me. A me that is vulnerable and yet strong in knowing who I am and what I care about. A me that can share and accept love unconditionally. A me, I like and love.

My original edges came from being what one friend called, “too porous.” I was like a sponge; I soaked everything in until I felt like I was drowning, so I froze all that wateriness and created a protective iciness. Sharp and yet shiny.

I feel as though I have a membrane now rather than an edge. It lets things in and out, allowing feelings to flow and not get stuck. It doesn’t judge, but it does filter and discriminate. If it doesn’t align with an energy, it either doesn’t let it in or filters it out. It has no need for defensive, protective edges. It’s smooth and self-healing.

The same friend with the “crispy” edges recently expressed gratitude to her partner for helping “polish” her edges. My own polishing allows me to come back to my softer, gentler, tender self, to the one I love. I can still be fierce and fearless, but always in service to my tenderness, my compassion, my love for others and self.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Wisdom of the Heart

~ nicole
The wisdom of the heart outshines the knowledge of the mind. – Harold W. Becker

Not one of us would ever say that our hearts aren’t open. To say they’re closed would be akin to saying we had psychopathic tendencies. And yet, I’m not sure we really know what having an open heart full of compassion is. We may be able to cite people in history (Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa), who we believe did, but somehow that kind of compassion seems beyond us and unattainable. Their compassion has a wisdom, willfulness and otherworldly (some might say, spiritual) quality to it. And that is precisely what the world needs now from all of us.

A dear friend recently gave me a copy of Arkan Lushwala’s, The Time of the Black Jaguar, and to say I devoured and savored every word would be a huge understatement. It fed my heart and explains so beautifully why I feel called to share cacao ceremony. Arkan, who is a shamanic healer from Peru, shares in his own language what he regards as the most important power we all have: Munay or the will of the heart.

Now those two words, “will” and “heart” don’t quite seem to go together in our western culture. When he writes about the compassion of the heart, it is an active rather than a passive compassion, a “willpower that makes us enact our love with courage and deep desire to serve another.”

To do this, Arkan shares that we must first awaken our own Munay, our own will of the heart, so we can help ourselves. Then, after doing our Work, a stronger power, the power of Spirit, comes to our aid. It is through spiritual practices, through sacred ceremony, and through teachings of spiritual masters that the sacred fire in our heart is awakened. It is through this awakening that we realize that the Earth is truly our Mother.

“To be struck by the love of Mother Earth is like being struck by lightning.” – Arkan Lushwala

When the will of our heart is awakened, this is how the wisdom of the heart and Spirit comes to and through us.

This is how I felt about cacao when I first engaged with her; she embraced me with such love and compassion, it took my breath away. It was like being struck by lightning, and it lit a fire within me. There’s a reason I now call her Mama Cacao….

People who have activated the Munay in their heart are good medicine for everyone. – Arkan Lushwala

Information is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom. In this fast-paced, information technology-driven society we live in, we so easily forget that. And it consumes us and distracts us and fragments us. It’s time to activate our Munay, live, act from and speak the wisdom of the heart in collaboration with Spirit and the Jaguar and be whole. More on the Jaguar next time, dear readers….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Postscript: I’d like to dedicate this Cacao Journal post to my dear friend, Munay, who changed her name to fully embody this spiritual quality of compassion after spending time in Peru; moved to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala with her dog, Sheba; met the love of her life, Oscar, there; and lives with this sacred fire in her heart everyday. Much love and cacao bliss to you, Munay!

The Cacao Journals: Letting Go

~ nicole
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. – Sonia Ricotti

Being with my Mom as she was dying made me see how important it is to be able to let go in life and in death. True compassion lives in the act of letting go, and yet it one of the hardest things we have to do in life. Far too often we have to learn the hard way to let go of that to which we have become attached.

Life’s not-so-subtle attachments usually come first: not feeling so attached to our material possessions or all our physical “stuff;” letting go of relationships and friendships that no longer feel right or good or true; not identifying solely with our role as mother, daughter, caregiver or business leader; and letting the armor or masks we wear to protect ourselves fall away. These are all big, tough things to let go of. I’ve had to let go of more than a few of these as I discovered the truth of who I am….

The more-subtle ones are our emotional body attachments, which are based in fear. Our ego-based fears take the form of not feeling worthy, blaming or shaming ourselves or others, and the need to be in control–this is a big, juicy one, which I’ll get to in a moment. We all suffer from these fears and yet letting go of them is challenging because we’ve lived with them most of our lives. They’re like barnacles; we don’t really want them on our boat, but they’ve been there a long while and are stuck, and it’s really hard to scrape them off. Plus then we might have to repaint the boat :).

The most subtle of all often take time to surface because we let usually go of the less subtle ones first. Control is both. It can be so sneaky and crafty as it hides in the tiniest places. Wanting someone else to change; not accepting when things don’t go “our” way; and not listening to our intuition or spiritual guidance are all ways that our ego tries to controls us. So, just when you think you’re done letting go of being in control, there’s always a little bit more….

And what’s left, after all that letting go, is the most beautiful, luminous crystal made from all that pressure and molten fire. It’s you, all shiny and purified, and so much wiser and stronger.

It’s only in the letting go that we can open to something new; it’s only in the letting go that we can find our inner crystalline light; it’s only in the letting go that we rediscover the essence of who we truly are. And it’s hard because it’s the not knowing or the gap between the known and the unknown that terrifies and paralyzes us. We’re just not good with the unknown. We so want to be in control.

People have a heard time letting of of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. – Thich Nhat Hanh

What the unknown requires is curiosity, a sense of wonder and belief. Curiosity about what’s possible; wonder in not just the beauty of life, but in the suffering; trusting in ourselves that we know if we listen deeply, and believing in something greater than ourselves, in the mystery.

To let go we more than often need a catalyst of some kind. Some catalysts come out of nowhere and sideswipe us; and others we choose willingly. Some are fast and others are slow–I chose cacao as my catalyst and teacher because I wanted a fast route that came with GPS.

When we open to our catalyst, we are curious, we are in a natural state of wonder, and we believe. And when we fully embrace the catalytic experience, it changes and transforms us so we become that beautiful, luminescent crystal.

One of the amazing palliative care nurses, who looked after my Mom, shared with us that it’s good to let the dying know that they can let go and that their loved ones, who have already passed, are waiting for them. She encouraged us to tell Mom, that our Dad, John, was waiting for her. So, we did. My sister, Michelle, said, “Mom, it’s ok to let go. John is waiting for you. Oma is waiting for you.” When she said, “Oma,” which means grandmother in German, my Mom’s face lit up and she beamed from ear to ear. It was so incredible to witness her light, joy, and peace.

I then shared with my Mom, “Michelle and I are at peace with your leaving. We love you and will miss you, and we’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” You see, my Mom was a worrier as many Mom’s are. She always wanted to make sure we were okay, so this allowed her to let go.

Choose your catalyst (or embrace the one that comes to you), stay curious, stand in awe of the wonder and mystery of life, and know and believe that what you are opening to is exactly what you need. Give yourself permission to let go of whatever is holding you back, standing in your way, or keeping you from the joy and peace that’s on the other side. Let go, so that what’s meant to be reveals itself.

Letting go is on the path to surrendering to what is. To fully surrender (there’s no halfway or part of the way as I discovered), we have to let go of the struggle that we don’t even know we are holding on to; it’s that subtle.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Inner Peace

~ nicole ~ 2 Comments
Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. ~ Ian Maclaren

As I sat at my Mom’s bedside in palliative care, I heard the suffering of the other women patients close by. I felt deeply for each of them, sharing their pain in different ways. I know nothing of their lives and yet I became intimately aware of their frustrations, fears and pain. I was not always comfortable with this knowledge, and at the same time I knew that discomfort, when we don’t push it away and instead sit with it, can deepen our understanding of ourselves, and, in this case, our relationship with life and death.

I have three perspectives to offer about life and death: one is based on my experience with cacao (but, of course!), the second on my understanding of the ancient Maya’s view of death, and another is based on my recent reading of Tibetan Buddhist teachings as I sought solace during my mother’s last days. Each is unique and yet beautifully resonant. May they bring some wisdom to guide you.

In my own cacao journeys and that of others, the inner voices of negativity, self-doubt, and self-blame are simply gone. Spirit only communicates through love and compassion (if you hear another voice, it’s not spirit…). When I first experienced her unconditional love, it was in that moment that I began to love myself. One of the many messages I received from her was this: “It is only self-love that can make you whole.”

Loving, and having compassion for, myself meant that I could no longer allow for negative self-talk. When I became painfully aware of the “talk,” I was able to witness it as false and hurtful and call it out. I didn’t blame it or shame it, I just said to it, “I see you and am letting you go.” It still arises from time to time, but I almost always catch it in action and am able to laugh and say, “Oh, there’s my old frenemy again.” It’s become powerless over me. The voice that now speaks from within me is the one of spirit: unconditionally loving and fiercely compassionate. She’s my inner jaguar. This is where my sense of peace and fearlessness about life and death comes from.

In ancient Mayan times, a ball game, called the Great Ballcourt, connected the people to spirit and taught them about unconditional love, compassion and peace in the face of death as they witnessed the fearlessness of the players who played the game. In this game, the captain of the winning team “won” the prize of dying. Yes, you read that correctly, he died for playing without fear.

The Maya understood that to play fearlessly and with absolute freedom players needed to be able to accept their own death and resolve all unfinished business before entering the court. According to Elle Harrison in Wild Courage: A Journey of Transformation for You and Your Business, players “could not afford to be distracted in the critical moment by regrets, unresolved feelings or things left unsaid.” Once they agreed and took what was called, the Decision Road, the next phase of their journey, the Death Lodge, allowed the player to ask for and give forgiveness, express gratitude for the life he had lived so far and share his love with the people who had made it meaningful. How beautiful is that?

The final night before the game the players entered the third stage of preparation, the Purpose Circle: “The Purpose Circle was an all-night vigil spent along on the edge of a pit filled with the skulls of previous Ballcourt winners, literally looking death in the face…. In the Death Lodge he made good his relationship with others; in the Purpose Circle he made good with his relationship with himself….and made peace with himself, his life, with all its beauty and failings. Only then could he surrender fully into the game the next day.”

I love the concept of the Purpose Circle because it gives life deep meaning through self-acceptance and self-love. So much of what we battle in life and even as we are dying are our inner voices of negativity, self-blame and criticism, which hold us back from truly living life or dying a peaceful death. What becomes possible when we let go of those voices is inner peace and acceptance.

The Buddhists have a deep understanding of death and rebirth. They believe that the last thought we have when we are dying will determine our next life, so meditating on Buddha or praying to God may well ensure that your last thought is a good (or godly) one. Cultivating the inner voice of stillness through meditation and simply noticing and witnessing thoughts that arise is the path to a peaceful mind and Buddha-like thoughts.

If we take the wisdom of all three perspectives–accepting and loving who we are, identifying and witnessing our inner voices and thoughts, forgiving ourselves and others, and building inner practices to find stillness–we will find inner peace.

It was these understandings that guided me as I sat in witness to the pain being expressed by the women surrounding me.  For one, her expression took the form of endless complaining and restlessness; for another, the quiet lament of “I’m so tired” repeated over and over again until she changed the refrain to “I’m so ashamed.” It was almost unbearable to feel their pain and shame. Not being fully in control of our lives and even our death is a great fear we all have.

There were days when I almost lost my mind, listening to the open and raw expression of pain and fear. To stay centered and sane, I had the presence of mind to walk down to the courtyard garden, with my Mom in a wheelchair when she was still able or alone when she wasn’t; or say my own pain-lifting mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, while counting mala beads by her bed; or read Sogyal Rinpoche’s, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying as I sought peace and consolation.  It made me realize just how important having a relationship with death is. And not just my mother’s passing, but my own. Death reminds us that so much of life is fleeting and changeable. How we accept what the Buddhists call impermanence may well reveal how we accept death itself.

My mother and I did not talk about her death at any great length, as she was an intensely private person to the end. What she did share was that she had had a good, long life and was ready to go. While she was not a religious person, she did have a secret spiritual side, sending money away and receiving crystals, stones, amulets, and spirit dolls that brought her hope. Since I couldn’t know what her last thought was going to be (hopefully, one of spirit), I said this Buddhist prayer for myself and then for her each day to ease her passage and my mind, and for the both of us to face death fearlessly. May it bring you peace.

Phowa Prayer

Through your blessing, grace, and guidance, through the power of the light that streams from you:

May all my negative karma, destructive emotions, obscurations, and blockages be purified and removed,

May I know myself forgiven for all the harm I may have thought and done,

May I accomplish this profound practice of phowa, and die a good and peaceful death,

And through the triumph of my death, may I be able to benefit all other beings, living or dead.

~ Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Loving Kindness

~ nicole
Loving kindness and compassion are the basis for wise, powerful, sometimes gentle, sometimes fierce actions that can really make a difference–in our own lives and those of others. ~ Sharon Salzberg

As I write this from my 91-year-old mother’s palliative care room in Canada, where she is resting before she passes from this world, I am at her bedside, giving her the only medicine I can give: the light of loving kindness. I hold her in my heart radiating healing light, so she may be free of suffering and pain.

 This post is in dedication to my Mom, Trudy, who has lived through so much, and, despite all that she has endured, has always chosen the path of goodness and selflessness.

And I am at peace. How am I at peace as I face the death of my dear mother? I am in that place because of the support I have from my meditation practice, my cacao journeys, and the deep inner work that has over time allowed me to integrate and then embody the lessons from both practices (at least some of the time :)). This too has been a journey, an ever deepening one.

What brings me peace is knowing that I am loved, that I am not alone, and that I have access to sources of infinite love, wisdom and guidance. Much of this comes to me through my spirit guides, who are always guiding me, nudging me, and bringing me messages and good medicine.

If you read my first cacao journal entry, you’ll remember one of my spirit animal guides, the white swan, which symbolizes inner grace, purity and tranquility. She inspired me to begin my cacao journey and visited me in ceremony to share her sacred power. In the Lakota tradition, the swan acts as a messenger of faith. In ancient Greece, the swan was thought to sing a sweet and beautiful song as people died. The swan is a powerful and sacred totem among many cultures and demonstrates the intricate balance of living in three elemental realms–on the earth, which grounds her; on the water, which allows her access to her intuitive and emotional depths; and in the air, where she sees life with an expansive and all-encompassing view. All she embodies is what I aspire to be.

In cacao ceremony, I call in the four elements–fire, earth, water and air–and the four directions–east, south, west and north–as well as our Spirit Animals, Ancestors and Star People to guide us through our journey and to support us when we leave our cacao cocoons so we can integrate their guidance and wisdom into our daily lives.

Fire is life force creative energy; Earth is grounding energy; Water is emotional, intuitive energy; and Air is the energy of insight and clarity. When we balance these elemental energies within us, we live harmoniously in alignment with who we truly are. Our spirit guides bring us messages that tell us where we are out of balance energetically and what “medicine” will heal us.

The Jaguar and the Serpent, long associated with cacao and sacred Mayan ritual, have shared their guidance with me and brought me medicine in many of my journeys with cacao. I immediately felt drawn to the Jaguar, and, me being curious and just a little bit cheeky, asked if I could run with her during one journey; she graciously allowed me to shape shift into her form and run as her. As you can imagine, it was incredible to feel her (and my) raw power, supple elegance, and fierce sense of knowing. I gave myself over to it fully. It was like being one of the Na’vi in Avatar, the movie, only this was a big cat and I was her…. I now know what feline feminine power feels like and it brings me great strength.  I know all of this sounds terribly farfetched, and I can’t explain the how or the why; what I have is faith in is that she brought me what I needed in that moment.

The Jaguar came to me many, many more times in ceremony, sometimes curling up against me and purring; other times pacing around me in circles, advising me to “watch, wait and act with power” or to “be patient and all will reveal itself.”  She became part of my spirit animal pack and now watches over me and even through me. There are times, especially when I hold ceremony, that I feel as though I am looking through her eyes. I see the world with a fiercer compassion than before…. And this brings me strength and inner peace.

The Serpent has been more elusive, as you would suspect, only revealing itself a few times and transmitting its life force knowledge by “feeding” knowledge to me, telling me to “Let go of this world, the ways of this world, and be the way.” Its messages are direct and unequivocal, including “Heal myself and then others.” And when a Serpent tells you what to go do, you do it….

The messages and wisdom of our spirit guides are undeniably clear, and this knowledge is available and accessible to us all. When we recognize, accept and integrate their medicine, we are more balanced, which allows us to be at peace when life hits us hard. And it is from that place that we can access our inner light, feel fierce compassion and send loving kindness to ourselves and then to others. It is good medicine.

So, I am sending loving kindness to my Mom to ease her suffering and pain, and, inspired by the white swan, I will sing a sweet and beautiful song to her as she leaves this world. I love you, Mom.

My Mom 4 weeks ago enjoying her favorites: coffee and a sweet pastry

I share this loving kindness meditation, so you may find peace, harmony and balance in your life, and send loving kindness out to your loved ones, who are in need.

May I be safe from harm.
May I be happy just as I am.
May I be peaceful with whatever is happening.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I care for myself in this ever-changing world graciously, joyously.
~ from the CMind, the center for Contemplative Mind in Society

Much love & light,

Nicole

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

How cacao found me….

~ nicole
All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Anonymous

Cacao found me. And she was gently relentless in her quest.

My journey with cacao–the raw ingredient in what we know and love as chocolate–began with the movie, Chocolat, the one with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. Seems a bit cliche, perhaps, but that’s how it all began for me….

In the movie, there’s a tiny scene, which no one ever remembers, where Viane’s father, a pharmacist, is sent to Central America to research herbal, ancient remedies, and in his explorations, he drinks cacao in a ceremony around a fire and falls in love with an indigenous woman, who becomes Viane’s mother. In the world of the Maya, “chocolate unlocks hidden desires and reveals destinies.” That was my “You got me at hello….”

Something unlocked deep inside of me. I suddenly had the unquenchable desire to not only experience cacao ceremony, but to learn how to hold ceremony. So, I went to the source of all things, Google, and searched the web for cacao ceremonies. At that time (6 years ago now), all I could find was Keith, nicknamed the Chocolate Shaman, living in Guatemala, who was called by the Spirit of Cacao to bring cacao out of the rainforest to the people and open their hearts. He lives there to this day offering cacao ceremonies on his rustic front porch and works with a local indigenous shaman and people to source, bless, minimally process and package raw cacao for ceremonial purposes. This is the sacred cacao I work with. Just last year, I finally was able to travel to Guatemala and drink cacao with Keith and his merry band on Lake Atitlan, a sacred, transformational place.

And as things beautifully unfold when we open to possibility,  I found a teacher (or did she find me?) who led an online course in cacao ceremony and created a private Facebook forum where her students gathered to share experiences and receive wise guidance as we practiced on ourselves, family, friends and ever-widening circles of the curious and spiritually minded.

Cacao, along with deep inner work, has revealed who I truly am, which has awakened a fierce sense of compassion not only for others but for myself. It has opened me to new levels of creativity and clarity; provided me with a sense of deep contentment in my life; and revealed my soul’s path and destiny. And I have personally witnessed its transformative effect on others in group and private ceremony. If that’s the gift of cacao, who doesn’t need a little more of that in their life?

 

I know it may seem hard to believe that this delicious tree and its fruit have such gifts to bestow on us. The Maya have known for a long time that it is one powerful plant, full of heart-opening medicine. I like to think of it as Rescue Remedy* for our souls.

Over the next few weeks, I’d love to share more of my story with cacao here. Join me on this sacred journey with cacao or, better yet, come experience cacao ceremony yourself. Allow it to open your heart and reveal your desires, spark your creativity, and guide your life path. It’s lusciously good medicine for your heart and soul….

Copyright 2017 © Soulscape Coaching LLC.

*Rescue Remedy is an herbal remedy made from flower essences that naturally reduces stress.

An expedition to who you truly are, Indiana Jones style

~ nicole
I have found my voice again and the art of using it. – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I went on an expedition looking for my soul gifts and along the way I found my voice.

I love when I hear young parents tell their children, “use your words” or “use your voice.” Encouraging them to use their voice is so unlike what those of us of a certain age were expected do; we were to be seen and not heard. Pair that with being told to “not” do so many things, or that what we did wasn’t “correct,” paralyzed not just our voices but our creativity. It raised “good” girls and boys, who possibly rebelled in more covert ways (I know I did), but it did not build women and men who felt they had something of value to say. At least that was my experience….

So, it’s been a lifelong struggle for me to find my voice, use my words and express myself. And now, after much revealing and healing, I can’t stop sharing my story and what I’ve learned because I know it has a purpose now: to guide, support and heal others.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what needed healing and how did I do it? The two are inextricably intertwined.

  1. I had to question the beliefs (assumptions and opinions) I had formed about not just myself but life itself, and discover what was real and true.
  2. I had to let go of expectations and wanting to control the outcome, which opened me to possibility and accepting uncertainty.
  3. I had to acknowledge and face my fear of being shamed, blamed, unapproved of, rejected or disliked.
  4. I had let go of aspects of my identity, and the persona I had created, that weren’t truly me or who I wanted to be.
  5. I had to feel into what I truly cared about and valued, not what my family, friends or society thought I should value.
  6. I had to move from a fear-based, scarcity mindset to one of abundance, which meant embracing gratitude, humility, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, compassion, and unconditional love.
  7. I had to understand the essence of who I truly am.

From the depths of this inner work–it’s true, you have to do the work, my friends–emerged my true, authentic voice. And much healing, some of which was super subtle requiring just a soft touch.

It was an excavation, almost an anthropological dig, and at the bottom of it was me! I’m not going to say that all that digging and uncovering was easy or not messy; it was, but the result has been absolutely life-changing, life-affirming and life-giving for me.

Know that the excavation is necessary. Know that you don’t have to do all the digging alone. And know that those of us, who have gone on the dig before you, can and will guide you with unconditional love, support and maybe even a bit of wisdom. It’s our mission to do so. Indiana Jones style :).

Your voice is welcome here. So, let me know how this makes you feel.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Fiercely compassionate, warrior heart

~ Nicole Gnutzman
A warrior’s strength is measured by the size of her heart. She shows love, honor and respect. She will stand and fight in the face of adversity for the ones she loves. She will be their voice. She will be their shield. She leads by example. Always remembering who she is.~ Hiwoxuuniis – Two Elk

I’ve been avoiding writing my blog since the election. What could I possibly write about that wouldn’t seem trite or ignore and diminish the impact that the election had on all of us? How can I express my fierce compassion? When I mentioned my dilemma to a friend, she said wisely, “well, then that’s exactly what you should write about.”

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People everywhere, not just in the US, are taking the results of the US election very seriously. My friends in Canada, on the morning after the election, asked on Facebook, “What do I tell my children now that the bully won? The bully isn’t supposed to win.” Such touching words on behalf of our little ones, who have been taught that bullying isn’t okay, and that we have to speak up to protect ourselves.

My 14-year-old stepson and his friends decided to speak up and make their voices heard when they and their entire high school marched in protest in San Francisco after Trump’s win. Others needed time to grieve before deciding what to go do and make their voices heard. But don’t ever assume, like some Trump supporters have, that the children of this world won’t take action or are soft because they needed time to grieve. They know exactly what matters and what they stand for. They are an example to us all.

 

I am also heartened by the women and men (3.7M strong and growing) that I see on a private Facebook group of which I am proud to be a part. Every day, they share stories of how their children are voicing their support for equality, how they themselves have stood up for someone in need to ensure they are safe, how they are writing and calling their congress representatives, how they are donating to Planned Parenthood and the ACLU, and more. Every day, they share how the stories are giving them the strength to stand up for what they believe in and speak without fear. Every day, I am emboldened by these stories.

Some may say that it’s about time we woke up and spoke up, and they would be right. Others would say it’s not enough, but it’s a start and there is huge momentum behind this. And still others would try to dismiss it by saying, “just get over it.” Sorry, folks that’s an old story line. We don’t tell our children that anymore because it robs them of their voice.

We’re not going to be get over it; we’re not going to be silent; and we aren’t going to go away. This is a movement and it is going to build and strengthen. We compassionate folk are fierce. We chose love over hate and will keep on choosing it over and over again.

You see, we are for something now, not against. We are for the rights of minorities, immigrants, indigenous peoples, women, the LGBT community, disabled peoples, and veterans. We are sharing our compassion and love with impact. We are ensuring that our children can grow up in a world that respects their choices and their voices. We are fierce and compassionate.

And I choose those words–fierce and compassionate–carefully and deliberately. Do not underestimate those who walk with fierce compassion. We are motivated and moved into action by our compassion and by our “insight into mutual belonging” (Joanna Macy). We are warriors of the heart.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

Healing with words

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18

I have always thought of healers as gifted people who healed with their hands or their energy. And then I realized one day that if words can hurt (we all know that feeling), then they can heal too.

img_2851When my coach trainer once said to me, “Oh, you’re a word person,” as I asked for subtle clarification on something she was teaching, I was a bit bemused, until I realized that I actually am! I am a voracious reader, I have a Masters degree in Rhetoric and Professional Writing, I worked in the educational publishing industry for 18 years, and I write a blog, so you could say I am definitely a word person. I LOVE WORDS. Or more precisely, I love the right words.

As I wrote that particular phrase, what came to mind was “right speech,” one of the practices of the Noble Eightfold Path in Buddhism: right view, right aspiration, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. Sounds like I might just be on the right track, ahem, path :).

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I choose both what I say and write with care. What I seek is for my thoughts, words and actions to be in integrity. I don’t always get it right, but it’s what I aspire to do. This intention came as a result of learning as a teenager that words, and even thoughts, can do more than hurt, they can harm; it taught me a huge life lesson. But that’s a story for another day.

Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can hurt your soul.” – Gitte Falkenburg

For a long time, due to that intense learning moment and not feeling free to express myself when I was a child, I brutally self-edited; I edited myself as I spoke, wrote, and, to my and others’ detriment, felt. Letting go of my internal self-editor was a breakthrough for me. Over time and after much self healing, I now have more compassion, both for myself and for others, to be able to speak and write from that place, and I am much more in touch with my feelings.

As a transformation coach, I offer my words only when just the right question or observation arises in me. Silence can be an amazingly powerful healing tool too. I choose to speak the truth only after I have found a loving way to say it. What I share may not always be what someone wants to hear, but I say it with such fierce compassion and love for who they are and want to be that they choose to listen. Somehow, my words find their way through to their heart and open their eyes to a new way of seeing. And that opening is the beginning of healing and transformation. Perspective is everything as they say.

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Words can hurt; they can even harm. Choosing words that heal miraculously heals me too. It’s not always easy, but it sure feels right and good and true walking and talking the healing path.

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC