embodiment

The Cacao Journals: Cacao is for Men too.

~ nicole

Consciousness is the ability to be present in your life in every moment without judgment of you or anyone else; is the ability to receive everything, reject nothing, and create everything you desire in life greater than what you currently have & more than what you can imagine. – Gary Douglas

This post is for men (and women who would love their men to experience the healing medicine of cacao). My cacao medicine journeys are always filled with conscious women; it is the rare man who attends, except when I hold ceremony for a conscious, spiritual community near Mendocino. That phenomenon has made me curious.

Are women more drawn to or affected by the bliss-inducing neurochemicals released by cacao? It seems that way. Are women more open to subtle experiences, more in touch with their emotional body? Perhaps. But what about the men who do come and have a deep experience?

What I have witnessed is that they are what I affectionately call, “shamanic” men: on a conscious path, in touch with their spirituality, or open to the mystery of life, and at the same time, open to its subtler expression. Being open and curious are key to their experience.

Mama Cacao’s medicine is both subtle and profound. She invites you in; she doesn’t storm the gates like some other plant medicines do. Storming has its place as does gentle invitation. I have experienced and benefited greatly from both. Cacao is a gentler path, one that requires subtler perception, awareness and witnessing in support of embodied integration.

At my recent retreat in Guatemala, one brave man joined our group of women. Christian’s intention at the beginning of the retreat was to connect with the spirit of cacao, something he had wanted to experience in other ceremonies and was unable to do. He hoped that a more immersive experience with me would enable a deeper connection.

For me, cacao is a teacher, healer and guide, a gentle plant medicine that reconnects us to our deepest self and soul. I hold the space like a plant medicine journey where participants can open, allow and receive the medicine they most need in that moment. It is immersive and deep.

Christian recently shared this beautiful note after returning home to New York where he continues to work with cacao in his daily life. His lessons from cacao are deeply touching and profound.

“Nicole, your cacao retreat in Guatemala was so much more than a retreat and so much more than cacao. I have been to retreats that have been great in getting me to disconnect and relax and come back home relaxed. This retreat did all that and gave me tools that I began to use during the retreat and still use today. The beauty of the numerous ceremonies during the retreat (which varied between cacao, drums, fire, sweat and being in nature) are designed to get you out of head space and into your heart and soul so that you can integrate these experiences into your entire being in a way that is so profound.

Of the many teachings I experienced during the week long retreat, the following embody the ones that had the greatest impact on me since I have come home (and I write this 5 weeks after the retreat).

PRESENCE: I have definitely seen a huge shift towards being more present in my life on a day-to-day basis (and hour-to-hour basis). I feel that I am constantly bringing subtle things into my conscious awareness. I also notice that so many things that no longer serve me are just losing their grip on me.

JOY: One of the retreat participants raised this so boldly and unapologetically during one of our morning circles. If I recall, she said “How often are we making joy a priority in our lives?” I have to say that this resonated with me SO much that day and even so much more the days and weeks after. I became consciously aware that in the last 5 years of this beautiful journey of healing and transformation that I have grown a lot but did not have a lot of joy. I am now totally committed to making joy a priority. I am taking this in baby steps as I navigate joy vs self indulgence (which also has its place in life).

INTEGRITY: by your example Nicole, you truly inspired me to live in greater integrity in terms of my words and actions with respect to my relationships. I watch my words more carefully and see myself sticking to them and/or consciously aware when I am not . With 3 kids, I have ample opportunity and inspiration to practice this as I am modelling behavior for them.

SELF LOVE: this has always been the tricky one for me and is still the area I struggle with the most. That being said, I take time during the day for myself to just honor and appreciate myself.

STRUGGLES: I still have them and feel them. This past Sunday was a tough one for me for sure. I will say that I am learning that a lot of times, there is energy inside of me (of us) that seriously just wants to leave. On those days, I literally just ground myself either with cacao or just feel myself into a grounded place and observe it with ZERO judgment, meaning or interpretation and just let it leave my being. As crazy as it sounds, I feel this technique to be so much more successful than over analyzing the meaning, finding the message etc.

I thought the group sharing was especially important for me to express myself. As a man, there aren’t many opportunities to share this way and it is so very healing. I definitely would like to see more men participate in future cacao ceremonies and retreats.” – Christian Steiner

I invite men, who are open, curious and seeking more presence, joy, integrity and self-acceptance in their lives to experience a cacao medicine journey. Or more than one because cacao can be like a first date; sometimes you fall madly in love at first sight and other times you need a few more dates to be sure as she works her magic on you in between. Cacao will see you, love you unconditionally and support you well beyond ceremony. She is consciousness raising and embodiment medicine for your heart and soul.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching LLC.


The Cacao Journals: Embodiment Medicine

~ nicole
Soul to me means “embodied essence”….[H]ealing comes through embodiment of the soul. – Marion Woodman

How do we get out of our heads and into our bodies? That’s where true wisdom lies. Wisdom comes from accessing the deep soul inside of you. Everyone has access to this deep soul; we just have to believe and remember, so we can reconnect to it….

You probably invested a lot of time and money in training your mind to excel at whatever it is you do. It has served you well, putting food on the table and a home to keep you warm and safe; allowing you a vacation to an exotic locale to escape, rather ironically, from your mind; and addressing almost every need you have. Then, over time and possibly even quite suddenly, you found it was no longer serving you; it was driving you. The sense of control your mind gave you over your life suddenly turned on you and you realized that you were being controlled by it. Inner mind control run amuck.

Where your motivation once came from–the expectation of others, financial reward and competition (even if you were competing against your own standard)–no longer drives you.  It’s like that romantic relationship that you outgrow or that becomes too controlling. The flame of your desire is gone just like that. You suddenly find yourself unmotivated, joyless, purposeless. It feels excruciating. You desperately want to escape and that’s exactly when you need to go deeper, to look inside.

True purpose, joy and love come from within. Your mind doesn’t create joy, it responds to and recognizes it. Your mind doesn’t determine your true purpose, it engages with it and acts on it. Your joy and purpose are the true drivers and they come from connecting to your inner knowing. Love deserves its own blog post.

We all excel at tuning out–not listening to our bodies, our feelings, our gut. To rediscover and reconnect to our joy and purpose, we have to go inside. How do we do that, and given our propensity for wanting to see results fast, how do we find a way that shows us enough of what’s possible that we commit to it as a practice. Awakening can be spontaneous; it’s sustaining and embodying it that takes commitment.

We need embodiment medicine. Not pharmaceutical grade medicine, but ceremonial grade. This is why I work with ceremonial cacao. Not only is it a facilitator, allowing us to access our feelings and work gently with them; it also is a catalyst, giving us a glimpse of what our soul’s path is; and a healer, healing our inner wounds and removing our protective layers, so we can experience joy again. Through my own personal work with cacao and holding cacao medicine journeys for hundreds of people, I have experienced and witnessed this first hand. I am not alone; cacao medicine practitioners across the globe are sharing this medicine. It’s become a thing, a very good, healing thing.

The results of journeying with ceremonial cacao are both immediate and not. What’s immediate is the feeling experience and the initial glimpse into what’s possible, which can be profound and powerful. The glimpse acts as the motivator to keep you on this healing path. Releasing what no longer works for you, calling in what does, and fully embodying your joy, purpose and love takes time. You spent decades creating protections and benefiting from them; becoming who you truly are will naturally take a little time. Cacao is soul medicine and becomes your teacher, healer and guide. The benefits and beauty are beyond anything your mind could ever imagine.

If you’re in NorCal, come to a cacao medicine journey (see my Events page). If you live far away, reach out and let’s find a way to make cacao a part of your embodiment practice wherever you are. For a deeper immersion into joy and purpose, come to Lake Atitlan, Guatemala in February (click HERE for more details). I’m also available for a conversation about designing a path for you as a mentor and guide.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Crystal Heart Wisdom III: Sovereignty, boundaries and the medicine shield

~ nicole
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. – Henry Cloud

Boundaries are a theme in my life lately. I’m witnessing those who are armored, keeping their hearts so protected against hurt; and then others, myself included, who have allowed ourselves to merge in various degrees with our partners and spouses; we no longer know where we end and they begin…. In either case, whether we need to let our armor down or unmerge, we need to rediscover our sovereignty.

When we honor ourselves by de-armoring or unmerging, we can begin to look closely and understand the essence of who we truly are. When we understand who we are as sovereign beings, we gain clarity about how we need to be in the world; what we need to have in our lives to embody who we are becoming; what we want to feel and experience, and what we need to do  to ensure all that being, becoming, embodying and having.

On this deep, inner journey, we learn what we stand for. Sometimes it’s easier at first to know what we stand against, but the for is so much more powerful and transformative. When we know who we are and what we’re for, this defines us and becomes how we define our boundaries. This is where our inner power comes from.

A happy soul is the best shield for a cruel world. – Atticus

In Native American traditions, medicine shields are symbols of that inner power, those defining boundaries. They are “sacred, symbolic objects reflecting the personal vision and ‘medicine’ or spirit-guided inherent powers” (warpathstopeacepipes.com) of those who make and carry them. They hold the sacred intentions and even the soul’s path of the shield carriers.

A medicine shield is “seen” after retrieving a power animal on a vision quest or drum journey because the power animal is your inner power; its qualities and energies are yours to embody; and after interpreting your dreams, when spirit animals often come to visit. The shield is made of leather stretched around a hoop and then painted and decorated with sacred symbols to honor your spirit and power animals. It becomes a mirror of your highest self.

I know it’s time for me to create my medicine shield, for me to be fully in my sovereignty. May it be yours too…. I am so deeply aware of how we all need to set healthy boundaries; and so taken with the idea of creating a living emblem, a medicine shield, of who we are becoming and what we stand for, so we can be in our power and sovereignty, that I’m committed to creating a workshop series just for this. More on that offering soon….

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

 

The Cacao Journals: Full of Wonder

~ nicole
We had the experience, but missed the meaning. – T.S. Eliot

Most of us have experienced wonder at some point in our lives. It shows up as a peak moment of aliveness or awareness when we let go of all thoughts and are overcome with joy in the moment. We might be riding a horse at a full gallop, lying under a night sky full of stars, standing in a majestic redwood grove or participating in ceremony honoring the sacred.

Some call this state of wonder, a sacred, spiritual experience; and see life through these eyes. Others see and forget, or even suppress, the experience in a blink of an eye and return to a life preoccupied with other matters.

For a moment we touched a live spark, but did not fan it into fire, we let it go out. – Brother David Stendl-Rast

According to Brother David Stendl-Rast in his foreword to Meister Eckhart’s from Whom God Hid Nothing, the flash of this experience challenges us to embody, remember, and endure. He shares that “those brave ones who rise to the challenge endure the blinding vision, remember it in whatever they do, and so embody vision in action.” This “experience of communion with the Ultimate” provides them with a “sense of ultimate belonging.”

This sense of ultimate belonging is a foreign concept to many of us. We live such autonomous, fragmented lives. We have become disconnected from our inner selves and we feel as if we don’t truly belong. That inner fragmentation, disconnection, and sense of rejection (as that is what not belonging is at its core) is reflected in our outer lives. And this makes us feel very alone.

Autonomy is simply looking at life as though we are a world unto ourselves. As though we did it all by ourselves…. But the reality is, we are connected. The opposite of autonomy is gratitude. – Michael McKinney

How do we recapture this sense of wonder? How do we feel gratitude for this fleeting experience? How do we begin to embody it, so we then become the expression of wonder, of the sacred?

We start by noticing its presence. We acknowledge it. We remember it. We begin to allow it to guide us. And as we express our gratitude for it, it shows up again and again. As we attune to this, we begin to embody it; and as we embody it fully, we cannot but feel more connected to ourselves and life itself. We become the expression of it, which creates even more wonder.

Feel into how your life would be if you walked around in a perpetual state of wonder and gratitude. The word “sweet” comes to mind for me. Now feel into how others might respond to you as you express the very thing for which you are grateful. They might just see someone full of wonder and light, someone who IS gratitude.

As wonder would have it, in my inbox this morning was a post by Michael McKinney, who writes the Leadership Now blog, titled, Unconditional Gratitude.

He shares in his post, “Real gratitude doesn’t appear at moments in our life, but it is a disposition we have towards life. Real gratitude is unconditional.” And it endures, well beyond Thanksgiving.

I am grateful for my life; my work, which allows me to touch the sacred every day; my family and friends; and for you, dear reader as you grace me with your presence here.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

The Cacao Journals: Rescue Remedy for the Soul

~ nicole
Final and complete healing will come from within, from the Soul itself, which radiates harmony throughout the personality when allowed to do so. – Dr. Bach, maker of Rescue Remedy

I have come to call cacao ceremony, Rescue Remedy for the Soul, because it naturally and gently heals us from the inside out. Every cacao ceremony brings you just what you need in that moment. There’s no amount of planning that will make your journey what you think it should be; it will just be…. One will bust you wide open; another will fill you with light; others will allow you access to deep wisdom. An infinite variety of experiences are available, and they are always illuminating.

The one thing you can do is set an intention for ceremony. Before each ceremony, I always check in to see where I need guidance or healing and set my intention based on that. Almost always, I receive what I ask for, and when I haven’t it’s only because Spirit has decided She has something even better for me or I’m so caught up in my head that nothing much can get in. Even then, despite my hard headedness (if I’m in my head, then I can’t fully be in my heart, can I?), She still finds a way to deliver a gentle message and lesson, which usually is about “letting go.”

In rereading my journals–wow, that was a trip unto itself–I realized just how much Spirit has not only healed me through cacao, but has transmitted knowledge that I am being called to share with you. And I have little say in this; the more I resist, the more She persists. In a shamanic journeying session (without cacao) that I participated in awhile back, my spirit animal guide, the Jaguar, told me, “Everything cacao.” I laughed about it when I shared it in circle. And believe me, I tried to ignore it, but it has become abundantly clear that I am a cacao guide who coaches, rather than a coach who does cacao ceremony every so often.

Spirit has brought me not just deep, meaningful messages in ceremony, but paths to follow that allow my soul to fully emerge. I must admit that I haven’t always followed her wise counsel as sometimes She has asked me to do something I didn’t feel would be fully embraced by others (at least not yet) or I didn’t feel equipped to make happen like a documentary film about cacao ceremony. And yet, here I am, just a bit farther down the road, bringing those messages to you…. (By the way, if anyone knows a documentary film maker who might want to do this, just let me know. I have a proposal all ready to go :)).

Cacao enabled me to answer the question of “Who (or What) am I?” I brought this particular intention into ceremony wanting to understand my gifts, the ones I am meant to bring to the world. I was tired of not knowing and admitted to myself that “I do not know,” not just this, but so much about the mystery of life. I felt very alone and humble as I entered that ceremony a few years ago.

Almost immediately, I felt myself glowing, my light filled the loft. I realized that I was very much not alone, that I was surrounded by love and my spirit guides and that they are always with me and they know. I felt such a rush of bliss, energy, love, truth, joy and purity that I cried with joy. At the close of ceremony, I captured these powerful words in my journal: “I am without fear; I am luminous; I am.” Right now, I am feeling very vulnerable sharing these words with you. And, at the same time, I’m feeling that you may need to hear them for your own healing.

We are all meant to come to self-realization on our own path, and yet we cannot do it wholly on our own; we need assistance and guidance. That assistance comes in the form of some kind of structure (a practice of some sort), which enables a depth of discovery (being willing to question and receive guidance), which leads to the integration of the lessons (deeply understanding and accepting the guidance), allowing for true embodiment. Cacao ceremony was my deep practice.

So, what is embodiment? It’s living in full integrity. It means that what you practice is what you do. When you leave that yoga class or meditation session or cacao ceremony, the lessons come with you; you don’t get to leave them on the mat or in your cacao cocoon. It means breaking old habituated behaviors that keep us out of alignment with our true selves and allowing new habits to form that heal and fully support us.

Too often, we try a little of this and a little of that, looking for the practice that will feel good to us, when the practice that deconstructs us, that challenges us, and makes us the most uncomfortable is the one that will transform and heal. Or we simply don’t realize that going deep is absolutely necessary to our healing. Or we believe “we’re good” and we don’t have anything that needs healing. We’ve become so disconnected from our feelings and who we are, that we think we know. But we really don’t; we have to learn to feel our way through, literally.

At the end of the day, which is the beginning of your life, you’ve got to do the work. It’s not always all love and light and cacao bliss, but if you allow yourself to open your heart, the light will find you, and fill you, and heal your dark parts until your own light shines radiantly through. I promise, you will glow.

And as this light fills you with its radiance, you will find you depend less and less on those old habits that are not fulfilling you and embrace the new habits that heal your soul and spirit. They are the rescue remedy.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.