Healing

Enhanced Cacao Journals: Bad Trip or Hard Journey?

~ Nicole Gnutzman

Every once in a while someone asks about “bad trips” or shares they have experienced one in the past–always without a guide and usually in a discordant environment–and is a bit fearful of a deep journey. I always share that I personally don’t believe in bad trips, only in bad preparation and intention.

The first rule for a safe journey (I prefer that word over trip, which has a certain connotation) is that set and setting and the sacred matter. Second, sitting with an experienced guide matters. Third, having an inward, closed-eye journey with curated music, matters. Fourth, the medicine you take matters. Fifth, having an intention matters. And lastly, knowing (and using) the empowering techniques that can support you when it gets hard matters.

Journeys are not meant to be easy. Sorry, if you’re looking for a quick fix. When held as a sacred, inward journey, they illuminate, clarify, release, resolve and heal. When a client has done the work to prepare, is open and curious, and comes with a pure intention, the journey can be joyful, healing and profound. Deep journeys allow for cathartic release, radical clarity and deep healing, all of which are necessary and can be a bit messy. When held as sacred and safe, with an experienced guide, the journey may be hard, but it will never be bad.

Let’s go a bit deeper on each requirement for a positive, healing journey and outcomes.

Set and Setting

Michael Pollan in his book, How to Change Your Mind, echoes and emphasizes the importance of set and setting, which other researchers and writers before and since have called out as critical to a positive healing outcome. Set means mindset. How you go into the journey with your mind matters. Are you curious and open or skeptical and closed? You must be able to suspend your disbelief and see the experience with eyes of wonder, not cynicism. Have you done research to inform yourself and ease your mind with creating unrealistic expectations? Remember you will receive what you need not what you want to what someone else has experienced. Has your guide provided an orientation session to answer questions and share how they hold the space, so your mind can rest? The mind is powerful and wants to control the experience and get its own way, but it will only get in the way. Prepare yourself, so it won’t. And if it still does, then there’s more work to do….

Setting is about comfort, feeling safe physically and being held in the sacred. Is the setting warm, inviting and comfortable? Do you feel safe there? Is it private? Are you away from distractions and interruptions? Do you have everything you need: extra blankets, water, eye mask, comfort items? Your journey space should feel like a retreat from the world. Sacred space feels different; it’s as if you have crossed a threshold and entered another world where the energy feels clear and clean and safe. You feel held in the sacred. To support that feeling, your guide may create an altar designating and honoring sacred space and clear the space energetically. Set, setting and the sacred matter.

A Guided Journey

Going on a journey alone, even if you have sat with a guide before, is not recommended unless you are very experienced or are a guide yourself. A deep journey is not an out-in-nature or at-a-concert or with-friends-at-a-party experience; it is an inward-looking experience, which may be and feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. It is a new, unknown, inner terrain to be explored, not feared.

Ultimately, a guide is not just there to make you feel comfortable; they are there to hold the space, so you can go deep safely. If they have embodied wisdom, deep listening skills and compassion (you will feel it), trust that your guide knows this world well. This deep embodied presence only comes from deep self-healing, direct experience and supporting clients through their own.

I hold space so safely that I have even had former clients share that they called me in virtually and energetically to be “with” them on a journey where I was not present, and in which they felt fearful. One is a psychotherapist and was on a solo journey without a guide and thought he was “dying” (thankfully only metaphorically); and the other was in a large group experience, but had been given such powerful medicine, he lost all sense of himself. My “presence” was able to support both of them during their hard journey. A guide with whom you feel safe matters.

Inward Journey

Clinical studies have proven that positive and sustained healing and therapeutic outcomes are directly related to two conditions for the journey: 1) a closed eye experience, and 2) curated music with a journey arc.

A deep, inward journey with eyes closed allows for interoception–where you have access to and awareness of your inner state of being. Studies reveal that interoception may be deeply connected to consciousness. It’s the ultimate mind-body reconnection. A psychedelic journey may even be able to resolve interoceptive imbalances such as anxiety. An eyes open experience–exteroception–does not allow for this awareness as it is a different form of perception acting on different brain receptors. Closing your eyes matters deeply.

Music on your journey is also critical to the experience and not just any music. An inward journey has an arc–a descent as obstacles are faced and emotions are felt and released, and then an emergence from the depths with new wisdom and insight–and the music follows this arc deliberately. It echoes the mythological hero’s journey as described by Joseph Campbell. The music that is most supportive is sacred–indigenous songs and native instruments, chanting and mantra, not heavy metal or electronica.

Most clients love my music playlists and every once in a while one doesn’t like a particular song. I share that they aren’t meant to “like” the songs; the music has a purpose beyond their own preferences and there may a deeper message in them not liking it. If they are focused on the music or taken out of their journey because of it, then their awareness isn’t on their inward journey and they may be avoiding going deeper. I gently suggest they bring their awareness back to the journey. An inward focus and music matter.

The Medicine

Not every sacred medicine is the same. With psilocybin, like other earth and plant medicines, there are strains or varieties. Some strains are great for a purely psychedelic experience and good for recreational, eyes open experiences; others are good for micro-dosing; and some are more embodied, which is perfect to support emotional release, energy clearing and healing outcomes. Some strains are super powerful and can support breakthrough experiences, which should only be shared with more experienced clients, who are familiar with inner work and integration. The strain matters. Dosage matters. The consciousness of the growers matters. The wrong medicine in the wrong context and with the wrong dosage is how “bad” trips came to be labeled as such. The medicine matters.

Intention Setting

Entering a journey experience without an intention is like saying “bring everything you have,” which can simply be overwhelming or tells the medicine you aren’t serious about healing and holding the experience as sacred. The medicine is wise and knows your underlying intention. If all you are looking for is an experience, then perhaps a healing journey is not for you.

If you are serious and true, it’s best to have a focused intention that asks to release whatever is in the way of healing and to receive what you want to live into. This focus acts as a map or a guidepost and allows you to more fully receive, understand and integrate the message. Now, as I’ve shared before, the medicine brings you what you most need, not necessarily what you want, which can be two very different things. While it’s important to have an intention as it provides direction and focus, it’s equally as important to let go of the expectation of how it shows up or of the outcomes. Letting go of expectation helps in avoiding disappointment. Intention truly matters.

Empowerment Techniques

In a previous post, I shared that plant medicine has a consciousness and is trying to find a way to communicate with you. A journey does not have to be a passive experience where you only receive; it can be an active conversation that empowers you in your own healing.

If the messages are coming in too fast, then ask the medicine to slow down. If the messages are coming in a form you cannot understand or are too dark, then say, “I want to receive the message, can you bring it in another form?” It’s almost like changing a TV channel; it’s pretty amazing how responsive the medicine is. And you can always open your eyes to pause the inward journey (like a commercial break). The world will look pretty normal once you open your eyes. But remember, the healing outcomes come from looking inside. Empowered communication matters.

A healing journey requires being courageous and brave; open and willing; curious, engaged and empowered. Your journey may be deep, even a bit dark, and most certainly hard, but it never has to be a bad trip if you hold it and perceive it as safe and sacred. If you truly want to change or open your mind, or at least your perception, that starts even before the journey begins….

©Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Healing through Loss

~ nicole ~ 1 Comment

A dear friend passed away this week. I’m devastated, reflective and humbled, all at the same time. Her illness was unexpected, her decline precipitous, and her death sudden. Given the gift of sharing my love for her over the phone by her family and friends, I said goodbye. And then I was just there, standing in the kitchen with my grief.

One of my friend’s favorite sayings was “good grief!” which she often exclaimed when I shared something she found dismaying or alarming. Given the adventures I’ve lived and shared, she said it more frequently than perhaps she or I would have liked! The term always felt somehow quaint and old fashioned, and was classically her.

Curious about its origins and meaning, I looked up the definition–”used to express surprise or annoyance” (Merriam Webster)–and then came across this organization–goodgrief.org, which is “a free informational resource to assist individuals and families in finding the wellsprings of renewal in the grieving process.”

This post was born because of both: the memory of her words and the resource that found me because of them. I dedicate this to my dear friend, Robin, who loved my writing and joked that she read my posts in search of punctuation errors, which she claimed she never found. May she be reading this now and find one or two. In my grieving has come that glimpse of renewal (and a brief smile as I write this).

In reflecting on her death, I came to the realization just how much I would miss her, the uniqueness of her. We had worked together for just one year, eight years ago, and had become “fast friends.” After I left the organization, we stayed close, saw each other a few times a year, and due to our schedules, filled the gaps with long, deep telephone conversations, a rarity in this day and age.

I could share anything with her because of the love and trust we had for one another. My increasingly unconventional life was an unending source of amusement and fascination for her, and while she may not have always understood or agreed with it, she accepted me and it unconditionally; and I her with her ordered closets, martini dinners, and wicked sense of humor. We made each other laugh and we cried together too. She even indulged me by allowing me to share a private cacao ceremony with her, which she, rather surprisingly to us both, loved.

To allow myself to feel fully and grieve, I found myself at the beach, where I often go to release my pain. There, I built a tiny altar of stones and shells in honor of her. As the tide rose, I wept, said goodbye and watched the waves envelop and wash away the altar. I kept one shell, a perfect spiral of a shell, as a beautiful memory of the ritual and of her. I have been carrying it (and her) in my pocket everywhere I go and it gives me such solace. I know she is with me always.

In reflecting on my grief, I came across this wonderful passage, which so eloquently expresses my experience of loss and healing:

“[W]e don’t get past the pain. We must go through it. We can’t go around it or over it or under it either. The path to healing through loss, which means the path to wholeness, requires that we incorporate our pain. To incorporate means to literally take the pain into our body (corps). We get to that place where joy and grief can live together by becoming whole. The process of healing, whether from a physical illness or from a catastrophic life disturbance is a transformational journey. We are changed in the process. The goal is not to be the ‘way we were’ once again, the goal is to be more than we were before, to include more of life. Ultimately the goal is to include loss in our love and trust of life.” – goodgrief.org

Good grief, Robin, I will miss you so, my darling friend! You will always and forever have a special place in my heart and soul. You are my soul sister.

Copyright ©2019 Soulscape Coaching.

The Cacao Journals: A Call to Wholeness

~ nicole
Dare to wear your soul on the outside…. Respond to the call: the call to passion and wholeness, the call to joy and fulfillment, the call to claim the magnificence and bounty of your own true voice. – Gloria Burgess

I can still be astonished by the healing power of Mama Cacao. I’m so close to the healing I received from her that sometimes I lose perspective. I still marvel at it, but most of the time, I’m just walking around in me all day, so I’m used to wearing my soul on the outside. When someone else experiences her healing power, my ears perk up and my perspective shifts. I see the soul healing before my very eyes; I feel it in my heart and soul.

In previous posts, I’ve mentioned that a cacao medicine journey or ceremony is a practice where your relationship with the spirit of cacao deepens over time with each ceremony. And sometimes she calls you to a further deepening, a deeper immersion.

A cacao dieta (diet) is that immersive practice. It’s a 10- or 14-day daily practice with cacao as healer and me as your guide. It begins with intention-setting, then a group or private cacao ceremony (this can be done virtually), followed by daily self- practice (as short or as long as you wish) with cacao either in the form of a bliss ball or a half serving of the cacao drink I share in ceremony. At the mid point of the dieta is a check in session to see how your deepening is progressing and if any adjustments need to be made. The dieta concludes with another cacao medicine journey, followed by a closing integration session. It can be profoundly and deeply healing.

A dear client and friend, who has experienced several cacao medicine journeys with me, recently felt called to complete a cacao dieta after she received a message in ceremony. She set her intention for her dieta as one of self-love to heal her inner wounds. At our mid point check in, she and I found ourselves in a state of absolute astonishment. I share her own words with you as a testament to her healing:

“I thought I had all this work to do and found it wasn’t about that at all…. Wholeness is always there. It’s learning about letting go, a 56-year process in the lightness of being. Embodying all I am is all I had to do. I am loving life.”

She felt herself opening to self-love and understanding that forgiveness does not require rehashing everything. There was none of “doing that to her.” She learned she just needs to be and when she does she feels luminescent. She has never felt more grounded in her life.

It makes me tear up as I write this because I know that all of us are whole in our deep soul. The truth of that is such a beautiful remembering.

Feel and follow your call to wholeness…. xoxo

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Embodiment Medicine

~ nicole
Soul to me means “embodied essence”….[H]ealing comes through embodiment of the soul. – Marion Woodman

How do we get out of our heads and into our bodies? That’s where true wisdom lies. Wisdom comes from accessing the deep soul inside of you. Everyone has access to this deep soul; we just have to believe and remember, so we can reconnect to it….

You probably invested a lot of time and money in training your mind to excel at whatever it is you do. It has served you well, putting food on the table and a home to keep you warm and safe; allowing you a vacation to an exotic locale to escape, rather ironically, from your mind; and addressing almost every need you have. Then, over time and possibly even quite suddenly, you found it was no longer serving you; it was driving you. The sense of control your mind gave you over your life suddenly turned on you and you realized that you were being controlled by it. Inner mind control run amuck.

Where your motivation once came from–the expectation of others, financial reward and competition (even if you were competing against your own standard)–no longer drives you.  It’s like that romantic relationship that you outgrow or that becomes too controlling. The flame of your desire is gone just like that. You suddenly find yourself unmotivated, joyless, purposeless. It feels excruciating. You desperately want to escape and that’s exactly when you need to go deeper, to look inside.

True purpose, joy and love come from within. Your mind doesn’t create joy, it responds to and recognizes it. Your mind doesn’t determine your true purpose, it engages with it and acts on it. Your joy and purpose are the true drivers and they come from connecting to your inner knowing. Love deserves its own blog post.

We all excel at tuning out–not listening to our bodies, our feelings, our gut. To rediscover and reconnect to our joy and purpose, we have to go inside. How do we do that, and given our propensity for wanting to see results fast, how do we find a way that shows us enough of what’s possible that we commit to it as a practice. Awakening can be spontaneous; it’s sustaining and embodying it that takes commitment.

We need embodiment medicine. Not pharmaceutical grade medicine, but ceremonial grade. This is why I work with ceremonial cacao. Not only is it a facilitator, allowing us to access our feelings and work gently with them; it also is a catalyst, giving us a glimpse of what our soul’s path is; and a healer, healing our inner wounds and removing our protective layers, so we can experience joy again. Through my own personal work with cacao and holding cacao medicine journeys for hundreds of people, I have experienced and witnessed this first hand. I am not alone; cacao medicine practitioners across the globe are sharing this medicine. It’s become a thing, a very good, healing thing.

The results of journeying with ceremonial cacao are both immediate and not. What’s immediate is the feeling experience and the initial glimpse into what’s possible, which can be profound and powerful. The glimpse acts as the motivator to keep you on this healing path. Releasing what no longer works for you, calling in what does, and fully embodying your joy, purpose and love takes time. You spent decades creating protections and benefiting from them; becoming who you truly are will naturally take a little time. Cacao is soul medicine and becomes your teacher, healer and guide. The benefits and beauty are beyond anything your mind could ever imagine.

If you’re in NorCal, come to a cacao medicine journey (see my Events page). If you live far away, reach out and let’s find a way to make cacao a part of your embodiment practice wherever you are. For a deeper immersion into joy and purpose, come to Lake Atitlan, Guatemala in February (click HERE for more details). I’m also available for a conversation about designing a path for you as a mentor and guide.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Journeying with the Drum

~ nicole
Pray with me before we start, we’ll journey deep into your heart, invoking trance, awake the soul, We drum as one, until you’re whole. – Barbara Meiklejohn-Free & Flavia Kate Peters

My first journeys were with ceremonial cacao, and as I deepened into those journeys and encountered my spirit animal, the black Jaguar, again and again, I found myself becoming curious about shamanism and shamanic journeying with the drum. What I was most curious about was finding out who my Power Spirit Animal really was….

Your Power Animal, or any spirit animal for that matter, always chooses you; you don’t get to choose it. So, while I knew that the Jaguar was one of my  many spirit animals, who bring the medicine we need in that moment, I wasn’t sure if it was my Power Spirit Animal.

At a shamanic workshop, I learned how to journey with the drum to reconnect with my Power Animal and then my Higher Guide or Teacher. Once I had successfully reconnected with both I was then able to journey and ask questions to which I wanted answers, and I also could journey to my guides on another’s behalf, receive and bring back an answer for a vital question in their life that they had been struggling to answer.

The voice of the drum is a spirit thing. – Mickey Hart

Not only did I confirm that the black Jaguar was my Power Animal–believe me I let go of any attachment to that outcome–I also met my Teacher for the first time. Let me share a bit of each journey with you.

In my Power Animal journey, I went to my place of entry into the Lower World, which is always a real place such as a hollowed out tree or cave or  contained body of water like a lake or pond, and journeyed on the beat of the drum to meet my Power Animal.

When I arrived at an underwater cavern, I looked up and saw bats. Really, I thought? My Power Animal is a bat? Strangely I was open to it because I knew that the bat in shamanic cultures symbolizes rebirth and transformation, which is so much of what my work is about. And then I sensed something behind me and heard a swishing noise. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a big black cat’s tail going back and forth on the cavern floor. I turned and the black Jaguar was there. Her sense of humor and playfulness have been such a delight every time I journey with her.

My journey to meet my Teacher was stunningly beautiful. When we journey to the Upper World, it is via a tree, a staircase, the smoke of a fire, anything real that we have experienced in life that takes us upwards. I emerged into a beautiful garden and my Teacher was sitting on a bench near a Chinese pagoda. He had a long white beard and was wearing a white robe, which I thought a bit cliché, but again, who I am to decide? He has been the most wonderful, kind and gentle master.

Both were powerful, affirming journeys for me, and my journeys with my guides since them have been nothing short of profound. My questions are always answered more deeply than I thought possible. I now offer group and private 1:1 journeys as a way for you to reconnect with and develop a relationship your guides, who can guide, problem solve and heal you on this sometimes messy, Middle World (Earth) journey.

In my next blog post, I’ll share a few almost unbelievable experiences I’ve had journeying on behalf of my clients. I offer these both as private in-person sessions and as virtual sessions (we talk on the phone about your question, I journey offline, and then I share what I’ve received with you on the phone or via video conference so we can record it). The messages are always so spot on. Come journey with me….

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Holding space

~ nicole
The blessing of letting go is creating and holding sacred space for healing. – Debra L. Reble

In my own personal work with cacao, I found this to be true, that it was in letting go of my mind, my need to be in control, and my disbelief that I created sacred space (an emptiness) within that held me, so I could begin to heal and feel whole.

This is what holding sacred space is:  creating a safe receptacle or container where things can fall apart, disintegrate, and dissolve, and then come back together again more whole than before.

When I hold sacred space in group ceremony, the process is similar. While each participant must create their own container to receive the wisdom, guidance or medicine that they most need in that moment, I hold the energy of the entire space, so that each person can trust that they will feel held and supported on their journey.

To do this well, I have to create with devotion and intention, and be completely present in the moment.

When I co-create ceremony with Spirit, I often receive a “download” of a theme. Sometimes it feels more like an “upload” as it emerges from the ground of my being. I might at first just receive one word such as “Grace” or “Gratitude” and then it starts to flow. My opening words and guided meditations often just arrive, although I do write them down (you can’t take the writer or editor out of me).

The music playlist is the same. It all just comes together in perfect harmony. If at any point, I begin to think too much about it, that’s when it becomes a struggle. And that’s when walk away for a little while….

My presence on the day of ceremony starts with grinding the cacao while I listen to the sacred music. It is both devotional and intentional as I honor and bless the cacao.

On my way to ceremony, I select flowers for the altar that reflect the theme of the day and reflect on what can grace the altar in addition to my sacred “always” pieces.

When I arrive at the studio to set up, I am fully present with each action–unpacking, checking the sound, setting up the altar, making the cacao elixir and greeting the guests–and the act of being fully present with each begins to create sacred space and fills the space with light energy.

By the time ceremony begins, I am fully there, both in my body and out of it; an embodied presencing, connected to spirit through the ground of my being.

It’s rare that an outside thought intrudes and when it does, I notice, laugh to myself and send it away. The music keeps me quite present and in the moment I often dance (while seated) as I hold space for everyone’s journeys. Clearly, I am as nourished by the experience as they are….

Sacred space brings us such clarity, nourishment and healing when we create it for ourselves and others. It asks us to be intentional, devotional, and present. It’s in the noticing of what we receive from it that we can answer the call. Begin by simply noticing.

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

The Cacao Journals: Meditation while lying down…?

~ nicole
Each journey is considered sacred…. [T]he ancestors and helping allies reveal to us what is needed for our current healing and guidance. – Angeles Arrien

I love meditating while sitting up and lying down. Yes, you read that correctly, lying down. My lying down meditative practice began when I started working with cacao in personal ceremony.

My teacher provided us with a beautiful, guided meditation where we lay on the floor to relax our bodies for the journey with cacao; and then sacred music accompanied us on the rest of our journey, which almost always meant more lying down (or we could dance or sit or write or draw, whatever we felt most called to do).

I lay on the ground a lot, opening, allowing and receiving messages, guidance and healing as that was what I most needed. It became a healing, meditative practice for me.

This posture of “lying meditation” is actually an ancient shamanic practice according to Dr. Angeles Arrien, an anthropologist who studied ancient shamanic cultures and shared her learnings in the book, The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary.

“The lying posture is the most healing posture that the body can assume. The body equates this posture with rest and the nourishment that comes from receiving and giving love. It is the posture of surrender and openness. The lying posture assumed in the journey is way of placing the body…in order to open to guidance and to receive healing.” – Angeles Arrien

This was certainly my experience with cacao journeys, and it became even more evident as I began my work with drum journeys. Drum journeys are another shamanic form of lying meditation, one that allows for direct connection with spirit guides to receive healing and guidance. In this form, you can ask a direct question of your helping spirits and receive an answer while listening and journeying to shamanic drumming. My journeys with the drum for myself and on behalf of others tapped us into a wisdom beyond our minds.

We usually think of meditation as a practice of witnessing the mind and accessing a deeper state of awareness; as a sitting posture with specific positions for spine, hands, legs, chin and gaze; and as a practice that connects us to our breath. There is a meditation form called Yoga Nidra, where the savasana (corpse) pose is held while being led through a guided meditation. All forms are calming and clarifying.

Lying meditation with cacao or the drum embodies those same qualities, but what’s received is qualitatively different based on my experience with both forms. In order to explain it beyond my own experience, I Googled it, of course.

Scientific studies have been conducted to understand the difference between “regular” meditation and shamanic journeying. Here’s what those studies found, according to Sara Violante, a Shamanic Practitioner, Journey Meditation Instructor, & Reiki Master: “During ‘regular’ meditation the brain slips into a Delta state, but during Shamanic Journey meditation, the brain slips into Theta state.”

It’s the drumming at a certain rhythm or the ceremonial cacao that allows us to access this Theta state. Sara shares on her blog post: “Theta brainwave state is known to foster creativity. It is that space between being awake and being asleep…the state where there are no barriers between the spirit world and our brains. Entering into a theta state the mind is open, aware but at rest; there are no pesky barriers of consciousness throwing up “rational” road blocks for what presents itself….[W]e connect to spirit in this state and then the mind interprets this connection and translates it via imagery formed through the imagination – we receive imagery.” Thank you, Sara, for explaining it so well.

Both sitting and lying meditation are each beneficial and complementary. I practice both (not at the same time, of course) depending on what I need in that moment. While I have received clear messages while sitting in contemplative meditation, when I’m looking for a boost in imaginal creativity, deep inner healing where what’s being healed is beyond my awareness or direct messages from spirit, I lie down :).

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

 

The Cacao Journals: Jaguar Medicine

~ nicole
In times of renewal, it is the Black Jaguar who rules. – Arkan Lushwalla

Have you ever held onto something or someone too long out of habit or comfort or even fear of change, and then suddenly the decision is made for you? That’s black jaguar medicine. She brings you just what you need, even when it hurts.

My encounters with the black jaguar in cacao ceremony showed me the range of her sacred power: her love (lots of purring and cuddles), her force and grace (running as her was the most ecstatic experience I have ever had) and her fierce compassion (like a mama cat swats her kittens for their own good). Her power is a sacred one that awakens, purifies and renews life when it becomes stuck or sick.

Real, profound change according to Arkan Lushwalla in his book, The Time of the Black Jaguar, happens in three ways: 1) through a gift of grace or Spirit, 2) by connecting to our Munay, the will of the heart, and 3) when the black jaguar says, “Enough!” and makes the decision to protect and keep life in balance. These are black jaguar times….

…be like the graceful jaguar, the balancing force of the rainforest who serves as the internediary between the seen and unseen worlds…. –Alberto Villoldo

The black jaguar sees beyond this world as she walks between all three: the middle world (what we know as earth), the lower world (where plant and animal spirits reside), and the upper world (where our ancestors and spirit guides live). Her power is often associated with shamans, who are able to walk among these worlds, and bring knowledge and wisdom back from these realms to heal. She brings us her medicine, her “fast healing.”

When we aren’t “seeing” life with her eyes and making the necessary changes fast enough, she’s going to make them for us. It’s what we know as having the rug pulled out from under us. Only now there are rugs upon rugs upon rugs. The floor beneath us is pretty bare and slippery, isn’t it?

When the black jaguar gets to this point, there’s no turning back, no negotiation. It’s all about living in alignment with who we truly are at the deepest level–believe me, it’s way deeper than you think and can even imagine. She will adjust you and adjust you and adjust you until you are there. Resistance in any form–whether it’s procrastinating or struggling–is futile against her.

So, what are the necessary changes we need to make? Letting go of old, unhealthy patterns in our minds and our behaviors; looking deeply at old wounds that are keeping us stuck; shedding things, people, titles, opinions, beliefs that are not in alignment with truth; trusting our inner guidance and our wisdom guides and bravely walking into the unknown.

None of this is easy. But it can be done. Be your own witness. Catch yourself when you say something that doesn’t feel right and ask yourself, “where did that come from?” More than likely you are speaking with someone else’s voice, not your own inner one. The only way to trust yourself and your response is to connect to your inner voice, which means you first need to recognize it. It takes practice and persistence, and forgiveness when you slip.

Resource yourself with your spirit team. Wisdom lies in those who have gone before us. Through journeying with cacao or other plant medicines or with shamanic drumming you can connect to your animal spirit guides, who have so much deep knowledge to share; and with our ancestors and spirit guides, who are wise beyond this world. Find someone to lead you through a journey process. Once you have developed a relationship with your guides, they will always be there for you and will bring you answers based in Truth. Trust them to guide you.

It may be hard to see and accept, but the black jaguar is taking us through a time of purifying chaos into a time of renewal where life will be based on truth. If we wake up and do the Work now, we can dance and co-create with her and with Spirit.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

The Cacao Journals: Loving Kindness

~ nicole
Loving kindness and compassion are the basis for wise, powerful, sometimes gentle, sometimes fierce actions that can really make a difference–in our own lives and those of others. ~ Sharon Salzberg

As I write this from my 91-year-old mother’s palliative care room in Canada, where she is resting before she passes from this world, I am at her bedside, giving her the only medicine I can give: the light of loving kindness. I hold her in my heart radiating healing light, so she may be free of suffering and pain.

 This post is in dedication to my Mom, Trudy, who has lived through so much, and, despite all that she has endured, has always chosen the path of goodness and selflessness.

And I am at peace. How am I at peace as I face the death of my dear mother? I am in that place because of the support I have from my meditation practice, my cacao journeys, and the deep inner work that has over time allowed me to integrate and then embody the lessons from both practices (at least some of the time :)). This too has been a journey, an ever deepening one.

What brings me peace is knowing that I am loved, that I am not alone, and that I have access to sources of infinite love, wisdom and guidance. Much of this comes to me through my spirit guides, who are always guiding me, nudging me, and bringing me messages and good medicine.

If you read my first cacao journal entry, you’ll remember one of my spirit animal guides, the white swan, which symbolizes inner grace, purity and tranquility. She inspired me to begin my cacao journey and visited me in ceremony to share her sacred power. In the Lakota tradition, the swan acts as a messenger of faith. In ancient Greece, the swan was thought to sing a sweet and beautiful song as people died. The swan is a powerful and sacred totem among many cultures and demonstrates the intricate balance of living in three elemental realms–on the earth, which grounds her; on the water, which allows her access to her intuitive and emotional depths; and in the air, where she sees life with an expansive and all-encompassing view. All she embodies is what I aspire to be.

In cacao ceremony, I call in the four elements–fire, earth, water and air–and the four directions–east, south, west and north–as well as our Spirit Animals, Ancestors and Star People to guide us through our journey and to support us when we leave our cacao cocoons so we can integrate their guidance and wisdom into our daily lives.

Fire is life force creative energy; Earth is grounding energy; Water is emotional, intuitive energy; and Air is the energy of insight and clarity. When we balance these elemental energies within us, we live harmoniously in alignment with who we truly are. Our spirit guides bring us messages that tell us where we are out of balance energetically and what “medicine” will heal us.

The Jaguar and the Serpent, long associated with cacao and sacred Mayan ritual, have shared their guidance with me and brought me medicine in many of my journeys with cacao. I immediately felt drawn to the Jaguar, and, me being curious and just a little bit cheeky, asked if I could run with her during one journey; she graciously allowed me to shape shift into her form and run as her. As you can imagine, it was incredible to feel her (and my) raw power, supple elegance, and fierce sense of knowing. I gave myself over to it fully. It was like being one of the Na’vi in Avatar, the movie, only this was a big cat and I was her…. I now know what feline feminine power feels like and it brings me great strength.  I know all of this sounds terribly farfetched, and I can’t explain the how or the why; what I have is faith in is that she brought me what I needed in that moment.

The Jaguar came to me many, many more times in ceremony, sometimes curling up against me and purring; other times pacing around me in circles, advising me to “watch, wait and act with power” or to “be patient and all will reveal itself.”  She became part of my spirit animal pack and now watches over me and even through me. There are times, especially when I hold ceremony, that I feel as though I am looking through her eyes. I see the world with a fiercer compassion than before…. And this brings me strength and inner peace.

The Serpent has been more elusive, as you would suspect, only revealing itself a few times and transmitting its life force knowledge by “feeding” knowledge to me, telling me to “Let go of this world, the ways of this world, and be the way.” Its messages are direct and unequivocal, including “Heal myself and then others.” And when a Serpent tells you what to go do, you do it….

The messages and wisdom of our spirit guides are undeniably clear, and this knowledge is available and accessible to us all. When we recognize, accept and integrate their medicine, we are more balanced, which allows us to be at peace when life hits us hard. And it is from that place that we can access our inner light, feel fierce compassion and send loving kindness to ourselves and then to others. It is good medicine.

So, I am sending loving kindness to my Mom to ease her suffering and pain, and, inspired by the white swan, I will sing a sweet and beautiful song to her as she leaves this world. I love you, Mom.

My Mom 4 weeks ago enjoying her favorites: coffee and a sweet pastry

I share this loving kindness meditation, so you may find peace, harmony and balance in your life, and send loving kindness out to your loved ones, who are in need.

May I be safe from harm.
May I be happy just as I am.
May I be peaceful with whatever is happening.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I care for myself in this ever-changing world graciously, joyously.
~ from the CMind, the center for Contemplative Mind in Society

Much love & light,

Nicole

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Rescue Remedy for the Soul

~ nicole
Final and complete healing will come from within, from the Soul itself, which radiates harmony throughout the personality when allowed to do so. – Dr. Bach, maker of Rescue Remedy

I have come to call cacao ceremony, Rescue Remedy for the Soul, because it naturally and gently heals us from the inside out. Every cacao ceremony brings you just what you need in that moment. There’s no amount of planning that will make your journey what you think it should be; it will just be…. One will bust you wide open; another will fill you with light; others will allow you access to deep wisdom. An infinite variety of experiences are available, and they are always illuminating.

The one thing you can do is set an intention for ceremony. Before each ceremony, I always check in to see where I need guidance or healing and set my intention based on that. Almost always, I receive what I ask for, and when I haven’t it’s only because Spirit has decided She has something even better for me or I’m so caught up in my head that nothing much can get in. Even then, despite my hard headedness (if I’m in my head, then I can’t fully be in my heart, can I?), She still finds a way to deliver a gentle message and lesson, which usually is about “letting go.”

In rereading my journals–wow, that was a trip unto itself–I realized just how much Spirit has not only healed me through cacao, but has transmitted knowledge that I am being called to share with you. And I have little say in this; the more I resist, the more She persists. In a shamanic journeying session (without cacao) that I participated in awhile back, my spirit animal guide, the Jaguar, told me, “Everything cacao.” I laughed about it when I shared it in circle. And believe me, I tried to ignore it, but it has become abundantly clear that I am a cacao guide who coaches, rather than a coach who does cacao ceremony every so often.

Spirit has brought me not just deep, meaningful messages in ceremony, but paths to follow that allow my soul to fully emerge. I must admit that I haven’t always followed her wise counsel as sometimes She has asked me to do something I didn’t feel would be fully embraced by others (at least not yet) or I didn’t feel equipped to make happen like a documentary film about cacao ceremony. And yet, here I am, just a bit farther down the road, bringing those messages to you…. (By the way, if anyone knows a documentary film maker who might want to do this, just let me know. I have a proposal all ready to go :)).

Cacao enabled me to answer the question of “Who (or What) am I?” I brought this particular intention into ceremony wanting to understand my gifts, the ones I am meant to bring to the world. I was tired of not knowing and admitted to myself that “I do not know,” not just this, but so much about the mystery of life. I felt very alone and humble as I entered that ceremony a few years ago.

Almost immediately, I felt myself glowing, my light filled the loft. I realized that I was very much not alone, that I was surrounded by love and my spirit guides and that they are always with me and they know. I felt such a rush of bliss, energy, love, truth, joy and purity that I cried with joy. At the close of ceremony, I captured these powerful words in my journal: “I am without fear; I am luminous; I am.” Right now, I am feeling very vulnerable sharing these words with you. And, at the same time, I’m feeling that you may need to hear them for your own healing.

We are all meant to come to self-realization on our own path, and yet we cannot do it wholly on our own; we need assistance and guidance. That assistance comes in the form of some kind of structure (a practice of some sort), which enables a depth of discovery (being willing to question and receive guidance), which leads to the integration of the lessons (deeply understanding and accepting the guidance), allowing for true embodiment. Cacao ceremony was my deep practice.

So, what is embodiment? It’s living in full integrity. It means that what you practice is what you do. When you leave that yoga class or meditation session or cacao ceremony, the lessons come with you; you don’t get to leave them on the mat or in your cacao cocoon. It means breaking old habituated behaviors that keep us out of alignment with our true selves and allowing new habits to form that heal and fully support us.

Too often, we try a little of this and a little of that, looking for the practice that will feel good to us, when the practice that deconstructs us, that challenges us, and makes us the most uncomfortable is the one that will transform and heal. Or we simply don’t realize that going deep is absolutely necessary to our healing. Or we believe “we’re good” and we don’t have anything that needs healing. We’ve become so disconnected from our feelings and who we are, that we think we know. But we really don’t; we have to learn to feel our way through, literally.

At the end of the day, which is the beginning of your life, you’ve got to do the work. It’s not always all love and light and cacao bliss, but if you allow yourself to open your heart, the light will find you, and fill you, and heal your dark parts until your own light shines radiantly through. I promise, you will glow.

And as this light fills you with its radiance, you will find you depend less and less on those old habits that are not fulfilling you and embrace the new habits that heal your soul and spirit. They are the rescue remedy.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.