unknown

The Cacao Journals: Disconnect from the Static

~ nicole

“I love how disconnected you are to the static,” a dear friend and soul sister shared with me. We had just had a conversation about how some of our spiritually minded friends were in fear, assigning blame or credit to what’s going on right now and attaching theories to them.

This move toward wanting to understand; being certain of something, of anything; finding the culprit “behind” the pandemic, wildfires, and lightning storms is disconcerting, disconnecting and ungrounding. Right now, more than ever we need to feel connected and grounded.

This “need to know” has affected our ability to, as Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron, “be uncomfortable with uncertainty” and “embrace the unknown.” Our rational minds want to make sense of it all and our ego is having a fear-filled field day. And when it all comes down to it, the unknown is, well, unknown.

For those of us on a spiritual path, when we seek certainty, we are not honoring the teachings of our traditions or ourselves. Many of us have let go of ego attachment to our identities, limiting beliefs, assumptions. judgments along with larger belief systems and structures (social, political, economic) that attempt to make sense of, structure and even control.

And here we are, the ones who usually guide others to stay connected and grounded, caught up in the static, the noise, the disruptive, controlling forces that we have worked so hard to see and release attachment to. In fear, we are creating new belief structures to latch onto. Let’s open our eyes and see it for what it is….

In many spiritual traditions and in the Quantum world, all possibilities exist. What if extraterrestrials are trying to save or harm us? What if the conspiracy theories are true? They are only “true” because we make them so. Our energy, thoughts and focus make possibilities more possible. What if we chose to focus on the possibility we want, not the one we fear.

Free yourself of the burden of fear, blame and attachment. Hold a higher possibility in your mind and hearts. Invite in the highest possible outcome, whatever that is. Transform uncertainty into possibility. Live in flow not fear.

Photo by Ron Purdy.

No one and nothing is in control unless we allow them through our own resistance and fear. Disconnect from the static and reconnect to yourself, your inner light and wisdom. Allow that to be your guide in these tumultuous times and be a guide to lead us through. That’s my possibility.

Fueled, connected and inspired by daily cacao….

Copyright ©2020 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Catalysts and the Unknown

~ nicole
We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we think we know about the unknown. – Teal Scott

So, what awaits after surrender…? The unknown. Scary stuff for those of us who always want to know; for those who need to be fully in control; for those who struggle to have faith in themselves or in life itself. At some point in my life, all those control scenarios were me….

I’ve had my own fears of the unknown, and what I discovered as I surrendered is that the unknown is simply a path I have not taken, something I haven’t yet opened myself up to, or an aspect of myself and life that I did not yet know, but came to know and embrace. It’s a place of truth and trust and mystery, and nothing to be afraid of.

In The Book of Truth, there’s a beautiful passage that captures it completely:

To lift to the unknown, to the unpredictable, to what may be but cannot be seen is a challenge for the small self….The True Self abides there, not in uncertainty but the unchosen–the unchosen, that which was not chosen in prior time but may be chosen in the moment you sing. – Paul Selig

Being curious about the unknown is a big, first step. That’s how I began with cacao, I simply wanted to know what it was all about. It reached out and called me to get to know it. That’s what certain kinds of catalysts do: they start a conversation with you, then they introduce you to the unknown, and then you get to see what the fuss is all about.

Some of us only need gentle catalysts like cacao; others need stronger plant medicines like ayahuasca (I like to call it the two-by-four of plant medicines :)) or other entheogens (which literally means “generating the divine within”).; and still others need nothing at all except sitting on a park bench like Eckhart Tolle (mind you, he did this for a whole year) or a deeply, devoted meditation practice. Heck, life itself is a path too, just a long, arduous one.

All these catalysts can give you a glimpse of the divine within and of your connection to life. It’s there and always has been, we’ve just somehow forgotten. Once we’ve had that glimpse, we want more and that’s the beginning of a beautiful inner journey.

Each catalyst we choose, or that is chosen for us, can lead us to this state of inner and outer connectedness (what some call oneness) and all paths are valid. It’s easy to remain unconscious in this disconnected world of ours. It’s only when we integrate and embody the message of the catalyst and its medicine that we are truly transformed. We become its message.

To be free means to open your heart and your being to the fullness of who you are, because only when you are resting in the place of unity can you truly honor and appreciate others and the incredible diversity of the universe. – Ram Dass

The unknown shows us who we truly are. It teaches us to be adaptive, creative, resilient; to be accepting and forgiving of ourselves and others; to be at peace and to love unconditionally; and it allows us to experience the pure joy of being in a constant state of wonder. We can ask from this place of unknowing: I wonder what’s going to happen next? I wonder who’s going to come into my life? I wonder what my clarity and light will attract?

Notice what comes into your life when you are curious about the unknown. Drop your expectations. Let go of “controlling” life for a moment. Trust what comes and that you will know how to respond. There’s such beauty there.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

The Cacao Journals: Letting Go

~ nicole
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. – Sonia Ricotti

Being with my Mom as she was dying made me see how important it is to be able to let go in life and in death. True compassion lives in the act of letting go, and yet it one of the hardest things we have to do in life. Far too often we have to learn the hard way to let go of that to which we have become attached.

Life’s not-so-subtle attachments usually come first: not feeling so attached to our material possessions or all our physical “stuff;” letting go of relationships and friendships that no longer feel right or good or true; not identifying solely with our role as mother, daughter, caregiver or business leader; and letting the armor or masks we wear to protect ourselves fall away. These are all big, tough things to let go of. I’ve had to let go of more than a few of these as I discovered the truth of who I am….

The more-subtle ones are our emotional body attachments, which are based in fear. Our ego-based fears take the form of not feeling worthy, blaming or shaming ourselves or others, and the need to be in control–this is a big, juicy one, which I’ll get to in a moment. We all suffer from these fears and yet letting go of them is challenging because we’ve lived with them most of our lives. They’re like barnacles; we don’t really want them on our boat, but they’ve been there a long while and are stuck, and it’s really hard to scrape them off. Plus then we might have to repaint the boat :).

The most subtle of all often take time to surface because we let usually go of the less subtle ones first. Control is both. It can be so sneaky and crafty as it hides in the tiniest places. Wanting someone else to change; not accepting when things don’t go “our” way; and not listening to our intuition or spiritual guidance are all ways that our ego tries to controls us. So, just when you think you’re done letting go of being in control, there’s always a little bit more….

And what’s left, after all that letting go, is the most beautiful, luminous crystal made from all that pressure and molten fire. It’s you, all shiny and purified, and so much wiser and stronger.

It’s only in the letting go that we can open to something new; it’s only in the letting go that we can find our inner crystalline light; it’s only in the letting go that we rediscover the essence of who we truly are. And it’s hard because it’s the not knowing or the gap between the known and the unknown that terrifies and paralyzes us. We’re just not good with the unknown. We so want to be in control.

People have a heard time letting of of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. – Thich Nhat Hanh

What the unknown requires is curiosity, a sense of wonder and belief. Curiosity about what’s possible; wonder in not just the beauty of life, but in the suffering; trusting in ourselves that we know if we listen deeply, and believing in something greater than ourselves, in the mystery.

To let go we more than often need a catalyst of some kind. Some catalysts come out of nowhere and sideswipe us; and others we choose willingly. Some are fast and others are slow–I chose cacao as my catalyst and teacher because I wanted a fast route that came with GPS.

When we open to our catalyst, we are curious, we are in a natural state of wonder, and we believe. And when we fully embrace the catalytic experience, it changes and transforms us so we become that beautiful, luminescent crystal.

One of the amazing palliative care nurses, who looked after my Mom, shared with us that it’s good to let the dying know that they can let go and that their loved ones, who have already passed, are waiting for them. She encouraged us to tell Mom, that our Dad, John, was waiting for her. So, we did. My sister, Michelle, said, “Mom, it’s ok to let go. John is waiting for you. Oma is waiting for you.” When she said, “Oma,” which means grandmother in German, my Mom’s face lit up and she beamed from ear to ear. It was so incredible to witness her light, joy, and peace.

I then shared with my Mom, “Michelle and I are at peace with your leaving. We love you and will miss you, and we’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” You see, my Mom was a worrier as many Mom’s are. She always wanted to make sure we were okay, so this allowed her to let go.

Choose your catalyst (or embrace the one that comes to you), stay curious, stand in awe of the wonder and mystery of life, and know and believe that what you are opening to is exactly what you need. Give yourself permission to let go of whatever is holding you back, standing in your way, or keeping you from the joy and peace that’s on the other side. Let go, so that what’s meant to be reveals itself.

Letting go is on the path to surrendering to what is. To fully surrender (there’s no halfway or part of the way as I discovered), we have to let go of the struggle that we don’t even know we are holding on to; it’s that subtle.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Radiant darkness

~ Nicole Gnutzman
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. –Carl Jung

I have a confession to make. Probably 50% of the time when I mean to type, “sacred,” I type, “scared” instead. My next confession is that I am not a touch typist, I am a hunt and peck typer, so that may explain why, but I think there’s more to it than that….

IMG_1830There’s something about the deep unknown that scares us (or at least some of us). We’ve been told and taught that the unknown is dark and shadowy; it’s murky and mercurial; it’s a place we should not go. Hence, scary.

And we tend to run from what scares us: from our darkest shadow, from our deepest emotions, from the parts of ourselves we cannot accept. We suppress our anger until it festers and we vent it on the wrong things (and people); we stifle our sadness until our unshed tears dry up leaving us empty of joy; and we deny our fears by trying to control everything and everyone in our lives. When we ignore these darker emotions, we are in danger of falling into a black abyss of depression where no light penetrates or emanates.

Without acknowledging these darker aspects of ourselves–our anger, our sadness and our fears–we aren’t quite complete. These aspects of ourselves don’t, and won’t, go away on their own. They stage a sit in and wait in the dark.

All this talk of shadows and darkness, reminds me of Ursula K. Le Guin’s book (the one many of us read as teens), The Farthest Shore, and Ged, the young wizard, who runs from the shadow he unleashes upon the world. It is not until Ged names his shadow that he is able to face it, to conquer his fear, and merge with it. It is his understanding and ultimately his naming of it that allows him to be whole.

Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior. – Carl Jung

One of my own shadows came to me in a dream, capturing my attention. I was both disturbed and intrigued by it. When he then came to me in meditation, this time in a more demanding way, I was alarmed. When I next meditated I could feel him lurking, so I asked him, “what do you want?” He expressed that he wanted my love.

I knew in that moment that he was an aspect of myself that I had rejected and denied–the free-spirited puer (young male) part of me. When I was able to acknowledge him and his positive energy, he was satisfied and became an energetic quality that I can call upon when young male energy is most needed. He became my ally.

IMG_2649When we choose to look closely at ourselves, most often when we are in a place of despair, we begin to see into our darkness with an honesty and a clarity that shines its light upon it.

If we sit in that darkness, without fighting it, our vision adjusts. And if we sit there long enough to name the shadow that we deny or suppress or ignore, the inner light of our being begins to glow with understanding and compassion, and eventually suffuses the darkness.

Our darkness begets the light. We shine with its radiance. And, as heart warriors, we unmask what scares and reveal the sacred within.