surrender

The Cacao Journals: The Paradox of Surrender

~ nicole ~ 4 Comments
The important thing is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become. – Charles Dubois
Photo by Laura Reoch of September-Days Photography.

You may have noticed that I took a little break from my blog. I’ve been focusing on other writing projects and designing classes to teach Cacao Ceremony both as a personal practice and for group offerings. I’d been asked many times to teach and always resisted it for various reasons (all of them quite lame). When I recently decided to commit to “everything cacao,” which was a message I received on a drum journey over two years ago, it made perfect sense to surrender to this too….

The beautiful thing about surrender is that when you finally do, that’s when things actually show up. Giving up the struggle allows the struggle to end. It’s so simple and obvious, and yet so hard for us to do. Surrender is not giving up or retreating; it’s both release and commitment, letting go and moving toward. It’s truly a paradox.

Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elemental truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. – W.H. Murray

Releasing and letting go means being honest with yourself about what’s not moving with ease and flow in your life, work or relationship. It shouldn’t have to be so hard. I’m declaring that one out loud. If we aren’t fully in alignment with who we are,  haven’t fully embraced our gifts, and aren’t fully reading, accepting and acting on the signs that spirit brings us, then, life is hard.

What do I mean by fully? Let me start by defining what it doesn’t mean; it’s not partially or somewhat or sort of. That’s neither fully in nor fully out. To put it bluntly, it’s not half-assed, not that I have anything against donkeys; they’re actually kind of cute, but rather stubborn. Fully means completely.

Life feels hard because we live in a state of resistance, ashamed of or not fully embracing our uniqueness, and not willing to wave our “freak flag high” (I borrowed that phrase from a friend who does it every day). When you’re being a donkey instead of a unicorn, it’s soul destroying.

Commitment and moving toward something means allowing for its unfolding: encouraging, revealing and responding to something in stages at the appropriate moment. Some cynics and critics claim “unfolding” is too passive and even wishful thinking. I beg to differ. An unfolding requires active engagement. A flower just doesn’t sit there and wait for the grand unfolding to happen; it grows up and out, responding to cues from the sun, the rain and the moon. It is engaged in its own glorious unfolding.

The process of unfolding is always evolving and changing. Instead of waiting for a magical unfolding or grasping at and forcing the unfolding, both of which are full of internal and external struggle (I can feel the tearing), we must find ways to be adaptable and resilient, weathering the elements, but first we have to give up the struggle. If we don’t let go, the struggle tears us apart.

I had been resisting the “everything cacao” message I received. While cacao was a big, powerful and beautiful part of my work, it was not my “everything.” Without that commitment, my work was unfocused, leaving me exhausted and feeling torn apart. I decided to give up the struggle and fully embrace and commit to cacao as my everything. I still don’t quite know where it’s going to take me or how it will all unfold, but I feel lighter and life doesn’t feel so hard. I’m following the signs that are showing up with full attention and intention. I decided to be a unicorn. What’s your everything?

Copyright ©2018 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Grace Ever Present

~ nicole
I do not understand the mystery of grace–only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. – Anne Lamott

I’m writing this post at the tail of end of 2017. It was one hell of a year, one that many of us would choose to forget. And, yet, for some, and I include myself among them, it has opened us up to grace. I for one, never conceived that I would not just acknowledge the existence of grace, but bow to it. As I am now….

Profound change, if you recall from one of my previous Cacao Journals, comes in three ways, according to Arkan Lushwala, an indigenous spiritual and ceremony leader: 1) a gift from spirit, or what we might call, grace; 2) the mystery of the black jaguar, who “destroys the prisons where we feel safe and comfortable so we wake up;” and 3) the will of the heart or Munay, which has us “constantly seeking encounters with the sacred sources that support our awakening.”

2017 was the year of the black jaguar to be sure; its claws lashing out and its tail sweeping everything clear, forcing us to accept change and transform ourselves. This clearing out awakened our hearts actively like a lightning bolt asking more of us and reconnecting us to who we truly are. For many, we sought out sacred experiences by coming together in community and in ceremony, and through inner reconnection. We began the journey home.

And, at some point along the way, you may have asked yourself like I did, “Where were the moments of grace?” Perhaps they still surrounded us, but we could not notice them until we had fully surrendered to what is and to who we truly are.

Grace is ever present. All that is necessary is that you surrender to it. – Ramana Maharshi

After much inner struggle, I surrendered and found myself in that place where grace is ever present. It took my breath away. While I still stumble on the path home, hit my head and forget about grace for a moment, I come back to its presence, and it gives me strength to continue the journey.

I believe that 2018 will be a year of grace. It will require seeing the gifts, the blessings of it, everywhere. It will require gratitude. It will require devotion. This may feel like a heavy responsibility, but it’s actually the opposite. It is a lightening, not of responsibility, but of the feeling that we are somehow carrying a burden and can’t quite make it home.

It’s in the letting go that we find our burdens lifted. It’s in the letting go that we find the light and the lightness of grace. It’s in the letting go that we find ourselves home again. Wishing you all a Happy New Year, full of endless grace.

Copyright © 2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Catalysts and the Unknown

~ nicole
We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we think we know about the unknown. – Teal Scott

So, what awaits after surrender…? The unknown. Scary stuff for those of us who always want to know; for those who need to be fully in control; for those who struggle to have faith in themselves or in life itself. At some point in my life, all those control scenarios were me….

I’ve had my own fears of the unknown, and what I discovered as I surrendered is that the unknown is simply a path I have not taken, something I haven’t yet opened myself up to, or an aspect of myself and life that I did not yet know, but came to know and embrace. It’s a place of truth and trust and mystery, and nothing to be afraid of.

In The Book of Truth, there’s a beautiful passage that captures it completely:

To lift to the unknown, to the unpredictable, to what may be but cannot be seen is a challenge for the small self….The True Self abides there, not in uncertainty but the unchosen–the unchosen, that which was not chosen in prior time but may be chosen in the moment you sing. – Paul Selig

Being curious about the unknown is a big, first step. That’s how I began with cacao, I simply wanted to know what it was all about. It reached out and called me to get to know it. That’s what certain kinds of catalysts do: they start a conversation with you, then they introduce you to the unknown, and then you get to see what the fuss is all about.

Some of us only need gentle catalysts like cacao; others need stronger plant medicines like ayahuasca (I like to call it the two-by-four of plant medicines :)) or other entheogens (which literally means “generating the divine within”).; and still others need nothing at all except sitting on a park bench like Eckhart Tolle (mind you, he did this for a whole year) or a deeply, devoted meditation practice. Heck, life itself is a path too, just a long, arduous one.

All these catalysts can give you a glimpse of the divine within and of your connection to life. It’s there and always has been, we’ve just somehow forgotten. Once we’ve had that glimpse, we want more and that’s the beginning of a beautiful inner journey.

Each catalyst we choose, or that is chosen for us, can lead us to this state of inner and outer connectedness (what some call oneness) and all paths are valid. It’s easy to remain unconscious in this disconnected world of ours. It’s only when we integrate and embody the message of the catalyst and its medicine that we are truly transformed. We become its message.

To be free means to open your heart and your being to the fullness of who you are, because only when you are resting in the place of unity can you truly honor and appreciate others and the incredible diversity of the universe. – Ram Dass

The unknown shows us who we truly are. It teaches us to be adaptive, creative, resilient; to be accepting and forgiving of ourselves and others; to be at peace and to love unconditionally; and it allows us to experience the pure joy of being in a constant state of wonder. We can ask from this place of unknowing: I wonder what’s going to happen next? I wonder who’s going to come into my life? I wonder what my clarity and light will attract?

Notice what comes into your life when you are curious about the unknown. Drop your expectations. Let go of “controlling” life for a moment. Trust what comes and that you will know how to respond. There’s such beauty there.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

The Cacao Journals: Surrender

~ nicole
The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins. – Marianne Williamson

For the longest time I had no idea what surrender really meant. It was only when I had to let go of so much in my life over more than a decade–a career or two, a long-time relationship, a home several times over, my native land (my Canadian readers will get this), all my furniture, my ego, my shame, many of my fears and more–and thought I was relatively “unattached” that a chasm swallowed me whole, and I had no choice but to surrender completely.

So when does the chasm open up? For some, it’s facing death, losing a loved one, or becoming disabled; for others it’s experiencing failure of an extraordinary kind; or it’s losing a deep connection to Spirit, which was what happened to me and was a loss that affected me as deeply as losing my Mom (and the two came in rapid succession). I had lost touch with everything that had saved me from myself.

What I did not realize at the time, but do now, is that I was experiencing another dark night of the soul. The first one I experienced was merely a prelude, and one that I willingly chose as I dove into the waiting embrace of Mama Cacao. The second one came out of nowhere, unbidden; and the more I resisted, the more it persisted.

The signs were all there, of course, that all I had to do was surrender completely and unequivocally to Spirit to be with Her again, but I did not know what surrender truly required. When I first connected to Spirit in cacao ceremony, I opened to Her, I celebrated Her, I honored Her, and I asked for Her guidance, but I never ever gave myself over to Her completely out of pure devotion. And that’s what surrender is….

Surrender is a journey from outer turmoil to inner peace. – Sri Chinmoy

In despair, I finally prayed and asked for Her help. It’s hard to believe that I had never actually prayed to Her. I had asked for guidance and received Her wisdom hundreds of times, but I had not asked for Her help from this place of absolute surrender. You see, we never prayed in our family. We didn’t ask for help. We relied on ourselves. Clearly this was another something that I had to let go of….

So, I prayed, and I prayed hard. And She sent me an answer, one that I did not understand at first, but followed, and which has since led me to a devotional path. I surrendered to it. (Note: this is so new to me that I’m not quite ready to share more, but will when I am.)

After my mother’s death, I came to understand that I had to stop resisting what I was being asked to do and be. In an earlier post, I mentioned that I had been “called to cacao” and that in a shamanic drumming journey my spirit animal had told me, “Everything cacao.” Not dabble in cacao, not share a little cacao ceremony every once in a while, not include it as an add on to my coaching, but full on cacao. Hello! How much more clear could that be? I surrendered to it.

I also remembered what Tomas, the Mayan shaman, said to me in Guatemala last year, “You will teach about life, but first you must teach about death.” Well, I struggled with that one for about a year to the day, and I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that my last three Cacao Journals have been, you guessed it, about death. I surrendered.

Then, just three weekends ago, I decided, at the very last moment, to attend a shamanic journeying workshop. Something whispered to me to go and when I asked my spirit animals in a guided meditation led by my brilliant, soul sister, Gina Vance at Soulstice Mind + Body Spa (yes, that was a shameless plug :)), they danced in joy. And I discovered something about myself at that workshop. I have journeyed so much with cacao and have such a strong relationship with my power spirit animal, that drum journeying is a perfect complement to “my” ceremonial work (“my” is in quotes because it’s not really mine, I am merely a messenger for Spirit’s work). I surrendered to that too. And I just bought the most beautiful Buffalo hide drum.

So, you are the first to know, after my husband, that I am no longer a soul’s path coach (please know that I will still call on my coaching skills as needed). I’m hesitant to call myself anything at this point, and I’m pretty sure that calling myself a messenger of Spirit would draw some attention on a business card :), so for now I’m a cacao medicine guide and shamanic practitioner for journeys to wholeness. And that may change too, but for now, it feels true as it comes from a place of total surrender.

I’m feeling a huge shift after all this surrendering. Remember that crystal birthed out of molten fire and pressure I mentioned in last week’s post? That’s me now.

Whew, that was intense. So, how do I end this post? Like this: life begins with surrender.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC, soon to be known as Soulscape Journeys LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Letting Go

~ nicole
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. – Sonia Ricotti

Being with my Mom as she was dying made me see how important it is to be able to let go in life and in death. True compassion lives in the act of letting go, and yet it one of the hardest things we have to do in life. Far too often we have to learn the hard way to let go of that to which we have become attached.

Life’s not-so-subtle attachments usually come first: not feeling so attached to our material possessions or all our physical “stuff;” letting go of relationships and friendships that no longer feel right or good or true; not identifying solely with our role as mother, daughter, caregiver or business leader; and letting the armor or masks we wear to protect ourselves fall away. These are all big, tough things to let go of. I’ve had to let go of more than a few of these as I discovered the truth of who I am….

The more-subtle ones are our emotional body attachments, which are based in fear. Our ego-based fears take the form of not feeling worthy, blaming or shaming ourselves or others, and the need to be in control–this is a big, juicy one, which I’ll get to in a moment. We all suffer from these fears and yet letting go of them is challenging because we’ve lived with them most of our lives. They’re like barnacles; we don’t really want them on our boat, but they’ve been there a long while and are stuck, and it’s really hard to scrape them off. Plus then we might have to repaint the boat :).

The most subtle of all often take time to surface because we let usually go of the less subtle ones first. Control is both. It can be so sneaky and crafty as it hides in the tiniest places. Wanting someone else to change; not accepting when things don’t go “our” way; and not listening to our intuition or spiritual guidance are all ways that our ego tries to controls us. So, just when you think you’re done letting go of being in control, there’s always a little bit more….

And what’s left, after all that letting go, is the most beautiful, luminous crystal made from all that pressure and molten fire. It’s you, all shiny and purified, and so much wiser and stronger.

It’s only in the letting go that we can open to something new; it’s only in the letting go that we can find our inner crystalline light; it’s only in the letting go that we rediscover the essence of who we truly are. And it’s hard because it’s the not knowing or the gap between the known and the unknown that terrifies and paralyzes us. We’re just not good with the unknown. We so want to be in control.

People have a heard time letting of of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. – Thich Nhat Hanh

What the unknown requires is curiosity, a sense of wonder and belief. Curiosity about what’s possible; wonder in not just the beauty of life, but in the suffering; trusting in ourselves that we know if we listen deeply, and believing in something greater than ourselves, in the mystery.

To let go we more than often need a catalyst of some kind. Some catalysts come out of nowhere and sideswipe us; and others we choose willingly. Some are fast and others are slow–I chose cacao as my catalyst and teacher because I wanted a fast route that came with GPS.

When we open to our catalyst, we are curious, we are in a natural state of wonder, and we believe. And when we fully embrace the catalytic experience, it changes and transforms us so we become that beautiful, luminescent crystal.

One of the amazing palliative care nurses, who looked after my Mom, shared with us that it’s good to let the dying know that they can let go and that their loved ones, who have already passed, are waiting for them. She encouraged us to tell Mom, that our Dad, John, was waiting for her. So, we did. My sister, Michelle, said, “Mom, it’s ok to let go. John is waiting for you. Oma is waiting for you.” When she said, “Oma,” which means grandmother in German, my Mom’s face lit up and she beamed from ear to ear. It was so incredible to witness her light, joy, and peace.

I then shared with my Mom, “Michelle and I are at peace with your leaving. We love you and will miss you, and we’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” You see, my Mom was a worrier as many Mom’s are. She always wanted to make sure we were okay, so this allowed her to let go.

Choose your catalyst (or embrace the one that comes to you), stay curious, stand in awe of the wonder and mystery of life, and know and believe that what you are opening to is exactly what you need. Give yourself permission to let go of whatever is holding you back, standing in your way, or keeping you from the joy and peace that’s on the other side. Let go, so that what’s meant to be reveals itself.

Letting go is on the path to surrendering to what is. To fully surrender (there’s no halfway or part of the way as I discovered), we have to let go of the struggle that we don’t even know we are holding on to; it’s that subtle.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The warrior way–the path from fear to possibility

~ nicole

Sometimes I forget I’m a warrior on my own path of self-realization. So, when I come up against a formidable foe like fear, I have to force myself to look deeply inside and find my courage.

Fear is a gargantuan roiling force feeding on its own energy, a many headed dragon that keeps growing new heads when you chop one off. It takes fierce strength and self awareness to defeat it.

I have my own dragon–a fear of failure–that has been an ever present fear for me since childhood when being perfect was very valued.  It’s been a constant companion, stalking and sabotaging me, holding me back from doing the things I most need to do. And just when I believe I’ve conquered it, it comes back in another form.

Recently I launched a marketing campaign for my first online course. I procrastinated, I perfected, I despaired at the technology, I lost belief in myself–all self-sabotaging behaviors. When I felt such deep sadness about my loss of belief, it was only then that I was able to push the button and send out the campaign. I knew then that the many headed dragon of fear was rearing another of its ugly heads and was destroying me from the inside out. And that I had to stop it. I had to find the source of my fear.

So what lay under my fear? I was afraid that if I sent my offering out into the world, no one would want it, and that somehow that would be a rejection of me, of who I am at my core. That’s the fear of annihilation. Yup, it’s heavy stuff, but very real at an unconscious level.

Now I know that nothing and no one can touch my soul, my essence, who I am at my core (I’ve done a lot of work on this), but I have to remind myself of that over and over again….

Nothing can touch my soul

But there was something even more to my fear…. I was creating an apocalyptic what-if scenario. What if I put all this effort into creating something that no one wanted? What if no one signed up for my course? That’s devastating on so many levels, including financially. Annihilation all over the place. Very messy.

And then I realized that my mind was fabricating my own mess. I was so attached to a particular outcome, to people signing up, that if it didn’t happen, it would be catastrophic. But what if there were other possible outcomes I couldn’t even imagine? Aha.

So I looked at what was showing up for me: the very first day, I received beautiful well wishes and intentions to forward my offer to friends; thumbs up and hearts for sharing my feelings and fears; and heartfelt gratitude for inspiring people to face their own fears and put something of theirs out there too. Maybe, just maybe the outcome I so desired–of having people take my course–was not be the point of it after all….

  • What if my offering was to inspire others to share their gifts with the world?
  • What if other opportunities would show up for me that would allow me to share my gifts in other ways?
  • What if something else was waiting for me that I wouldn’t see or be open to unless my desired outcome didn’t happen?

Letting go opens up possibility

What I know deeply now is that it’s in the letting go of the outcome that the dragon of fear is neutralized. I can’t possibly know what Spirit (or the Universe) has in mind for me. Only She knows what I most need to learn or experience or how best to share my gifts. And that’s why we’re really here, isn’t it? To evolve into our wholeness, into our highest potential, and to live into our soul gifts.

Of course, I very much want people to take my course. Psst, click here if you’re curious. That is the intention I am putting out into the world and to Spirit. But I am not holding onto it in fear. I am letting it go and allowing other possible, amazing outcomes to show up. When I do this, I am fearless, open to possibility. That’s the warrior way.

How are you living into the warrior way? What becomes possible for you when you do?

Surrendering to what is, or who can argue with the stomach flu?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”  – Sonia Ricotta

I’ve always been a bit of a planner, definitely an over preparer, more comfortable knowing where I’m going, when I’ll arrive, what I’m doing, and having some sense of certainty of the outcome. So, just being in the moment has always been a bit challenging for me.

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One of many suspension bridges at Aitlan Nature Preserve

And the stomach flu put an end to all that…! All plans up in the air and with no strength left, I was as unprepared, wobbly and weak as a newborn, baby doe walking on a suspension bridge. My weakened state forced me to surrender or allowed me to be fully in the moment, depending on how you look at it.

I had planned to arrive 2 1/2 days early for the yoga and Mayan ceremony retreat I was co-leading. That buffer of a few days would have given me time to visit the Nature Preserve where we were holding our first official ceremony (I had never been before); visit a local village to buy a few artisanal pieces for my cacao altar; put together gift bags for our guests; and settle in and center myself. But, alas, Spirit had other plans for me :).

On the very day I was to leave on the red eye, my body rebelled, and I found myself purged and shivering in bed. My husband rebooked my flight for three days later, knowing the length of his own healing since he had just recovered from the flu himself, and I prayed that I could just get myself on the plane.

Weak and exhausted, and sustained only by sparkling water, clear broth and peppermint tea, I boarded the plane. I slept a bit and managed to eat my first solid food on my layover in Houston (oatmeal never tasted so darn good). When I arrived in Guatemala City, to add more uncertainty and delay to my trip, our shuttle to the retreat center was delayed, and we arrived even later than planned with just enough time for me to greet our guests, shower, and eat a very light dinner before scrambling to put together their gifts.

img_3445I arrived late for opening circle (I am never late for anything), but luckily I came bearing gifts, so that smoothed my way. As we opened circle, I shared what was in my heart. Actually, that was all that was left of me. Just my heart. And it was perfect. I didn’t even have the strength to criticize myself afterwards. Note to self: heart-centered giving (with no expectations) weakens an Inner Critic. Good to know.

And I was surrounded by the loving support of my co-leader, Yuval, and the sweet understanding of our retreat guests. Yuval had visited the Nature Preserve for me and we mapped out the ceremony together–boat to Panajachel, Tuk Tuks to the Preserve, begin ceremony at the Butterfly Geodesic Dome, and hike down to the beach for the rest of ceremony and then back up.

However (you just knew there had to be one), the morning of ceremony, the manager at our retreat center helpfully suggested we reverse our plan as the boat could drop us directly on the beach! It would be more direct and we wouldn’t need to retrace our steps and hike back up. It made infinitely more sense, although it meant changing the order of ceremony and improvising even more than I already was. Ha ha! Talk about being fully in the moment. Spirit wasn’t done with me yet….

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The beach at the Nature Preserve

I closed my eyes on the 15-minute boat ride to the Preserve and prayed to Spirit to guide me. And, of course, She did, and our ceremony was beautiful and perfect. Once again, I surrendered and found myself in the flow–open, spacious, allowing, trusting what would arise in the moment, and trusting myself (that’s always the hardest part)–as there was no other path.

There simply is no better teacher than reality and nothing more humbling than the stomach flu. I was truly blessed by both. They were a gift, even beyond what I shared here (more to come in another blog post). I am forever changed by my experience. I will still plan ahead a little to smooth the journey, but in the moment, I will be fully open to whatever arises, I will trust myself and Spirit, and I know it will be perfect just as it is….

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Tree pose by Yuval

BTW, that’s Yuval, our fearless yogi, who is always in the flow as you can see!

Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC

Effort or surrender?

~ Nicole Gnutzman
Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender. – Danielle Orner

IMG_2357I’m with Danielle. I too am learning to live in the liminal space between effort and surrender, and some days I’m better at it than others…. I see this same struggle in many of my friends and clients, who have excelled in life by being fully in control, until something told them in no uncertain terms that they actually weren’t.

When we experience a loss or a longing that cannot be filled by ordinary measures of effort, it can cause us to question our beliefs about life and ourselves. Few of us want to accept life as uncertain; we want certainty and guarantees, and safe risk (if that’s even possible). Uncertainty, unpredictability and ambiguity make us very uncomfortable.

When we realize that our belief about life has been mistaken, we find ourselves at a loss of what to go do, so we keep doing the same thing over and over again–and that’s like doing more of the same and expecting a different result. It’s an infinite loop that never ends or a wall we keep running into. Effort, although it feels safer and more familiar, may not be the place to go to find resolution.

When we’ve exhausted ourselves and our options, we come to the realization that we have to let go of something, whether it’s a belief, pattern, or issue, that’s holding us back from what we truly want (more joy, connection, purpose, etc.). That letting go is what is called in spiritual terms, “surrender,” and it doesn’t feel either safe or familiar to those of us who have relied solely on effort.

 

Finding the sweet spot between effort and surrender just may be the key to our frustration and discomfort. Seeing with new eyes that surrender and effort can be complementary–a “both/and” rather than an “or.” What if we surrendered to surrendering? And then acted from there?

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Two resources that came to me as I was looking for guidance in this realm have beautiful ways of navigating this liminal space. The process in each, even though they come to it from very different healing perspectives, is strikingly similar. Each has tremendous value and power in itself, and I also found in working with both that blending the two is a truly powerful combination.

The first resource by Michael Mirdad, a spiritual healer, is, Healing the Heart & Soul: A Five-Step, Soul-Level Healing Process for Transforming your Life, which takes a more spiritual approach based on his work with A Course in Miracles. His healing method follows this path:

  1. Recognizing the issue: the courageous step of recognizing the need for healing and choosing to make a significant change in your life
  2. Accepting: taking responsibility for identifying the cause(s) of the issue and acknowledging the deeper emotions behind it
  3. Surrendering: surrendering all issues, emotions, people, events unconditionally by giving them to a higher power for healing
  4. Refilling: consciously calling in guidance and healing from a higher power and receiving the message
  5. Giving Thanks: releasing the issue, showing gratitude for the healing and acknowledging your readiness to move on.

The second resource, which I mentioned in an earlier post, by Leslie Davenport, a family therapist and ordained minister, is Healing and Transformation through Self-Guided Imagery, which walks us through self-guided meditation to access our heart’s guidance. Her path to healing and transformation is:

  1. Asking what you need guidance about: one word or phrase that encapsulates the issue
  2. Accessing your heart: bringing attention to your breathing by breathing in “Clarity” and breathing out “Peace”
  3. Discovering your inner sanctuary: allowing an image to arise of a place where you feel most at peace
  4. Bringing your issue to heart: holding your issue up to receive guidance (surrender)
  5. Receiving your heart’s guidance: asking your heart for “a wise and loving response”
  6. Thanking your heart: thanking your heart for its message and integrating its wisdom into your daily life through action.

What’s so amazing is that each process only takes about 20 minutes to complete, and you can do them all on your own. With both, I’ve found writing in a journal helps with the discovery process and integrating the healing guidance into my life.

Surrender all that no longer serves you. Let all that remains buried in your heart come to the surface and be healed. Let there be space for new energies to enter. A new beginning transforms darkness to light. – Anonymous

For those of us who are used to efforting, these powerful, transformative processes provide us with the steps to find our way to surrender and access our inner knowing, which then guides us to right action. We live in that space where both surrender and effort reside.
 

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Copyright ©2016 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

 

 

The dark night of the soul

~ Nicole Gnutzman
There is no coming to consciousness without pain….One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. – Carl Jung

IMG_2307I was always afraid of the dark. Things going bump in the night (which was usually just my big sister under my bed). Where did that fear of the dark come from? From the uncertainty of it, from not knowing what was behind or within that darkness, or from wanting to avoid the darkness of pain or sadness?

My more spiritually minded friends suggested that I “embrace my darkness,” that I “surrender to it.” At the time, I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Despite their enthusiasm, the darkness–my darkness–still terrified me.

And I had gotten really good at avoiding it. I pretended it simply wasn’t there. I wasn’t angry or sad or in pain (was I?) or at least I didn’t go looking for it or dwell on it. Life was good. Somehow I thought if I worked hard and knew what I wanted, I was in control of my life.

And then IT happened. Everything I thought I wanted for my small business, the big goal I had been working on for over a year with a business partner, collapsed around me. I was left standing in the rubble, choking on the dust.

The darkness came without me asking it to. I was enveloped in it, I struggled against it at first, and then I just surrendered. What now, I asked? It was my dark night of the soul.

The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed. – Joseph Campbell
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I must also have a dark side to be whole. – Carl Jung

I got it. This was the darkness I needed to face, to surrender to. So, I dove into it; I went deep.

I reexamined everything I “knew,” believed, assumed, and thought. I deconstructed myself bit by bit; decoded my dreams, which were full of messages; found a way to laugh at myself; faced and questioned my fears and demons with strength and resolve; made peace with them; and followed the slender threads that appeared before me seemingly showing me the way back to the light.

When I emerged from the dark, I felt like a whole new me. A more loving, compassionate and humble me. One that’s open to possibility, uncertainty and grace. A me that cares deeply about her soul and following its guidance.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have goals and aspirations, but they come from a different place inside of me now–a soul-directed place–and they sure as heck aren’t set in stone. We all know what happens to stone when a bomb goes off. Dust and destruction everywhere.

While I can’t say that I felt like a phoenix rising from the ashes–that was a bit too Icarus-like to me (and we all know what happened to him)–I did feel like a fledgling learning to fly for the first time. My flight was a little precarious and wobbly at first, but the fact that I’m flying again with the jet stream instead of against it is absolutely beautiful and oh, so liberating.