Cacao Ceremony

Cacao Journals: Opening to Synchronicity

~ nicole
I am open to the guidance of synchronicity and do not let expectations hinder my path. –Dalai Lama

After I shared my last Cacao Journal post about the Eagle and the Condor, a friend, who read it, reached out and said she had something sacred to share with me for the cacao altar that simply was too synchronistic to pass up.

Then another friend, who had not read my blog (!), called and said I needed to come to an event with her the night before cacao ceremony. She didn’t know why it was coming through to her, but it was. That event was the final ceremony, after three days of workshops and luncheons, of the Pachamama Alliance, which, you got it, is all about fulfilling the prophesy of the Eagle and Condor and dreaming a new world.

In shamanic cultures, synchronicities are recognized as signs that you are on the right path. – Daniel Pinchbeck

You see what I mean about synchronicity? This is how cacao works beyond ceremony. She brings you beautiful and meaningful coincidences that only require that you accept and follow them. When I shared this story in cacao ceremony the next day, those who had journeyed with cacao with me before, nodded their heads vigorously. Clearly, this had happened to them too.

Spirit wants to support us on our journey in this life. She wants to bring us exactly what and who we need. She wants our lives to flow with more ease. Synchronicity is always there; we just don’t always allow ourselves to open to it, to see it, to follow it. We fly right by it in our rush to beat time, in forcing things to happen, not realizing that the key to flow and ease is in slowing down, opening and receiving.

Synchronicity happens when you align with the flow of the universe rather than insisting the universe flow your way. – Akemi G

Opening to synchronicity requires the following: 1) remembering you have an internal compass called your intuition, 2) actually listening to your intuition  and acting on it, and 3) if you’re attuned spiritually, asking your guides a simple “yes” or “no” question. The key is listening.

I’ll give you an example. A few weeks ago, a friend was holding a free yoga class in a park close to my home. Now, I’m not the biggest yoga devotee, but I wanted to support her and it was free after all…. However, there was some other reason I was being called, so I checked in with spirit. She said, “Yes!” which surprised me. I went because I trusted that spirit had something waiting for me there….

And sure enough, I met a lovely friend of the yoga instructor there, who asked what I did. When I mentioned cacao ceremony, she smiled and said, “I just heard of that the other day at Soulstice, and I really want to go, but I’m away the day it’s happening.” I smiled knowingly, and said, “Oh, that’s me. That’s my cacao ceremony. And I’m offering it at another studio this weekend.” Of course, she came to that one, and then another, and is deepening beautifully into this medicine.

She too wasn’t sure why she was being called to that particular yoga class because she only was able to stay for 20 minutes, but came anyway. She listened to the call and received what she needed too.

Listen to what’s calling you. Deepen your relationship with your intuition and with spirit. And your life will flow with more ease and grace.

Oh, and come do cacao with me! It’s the mama of all openers to synchronicity….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Integrating our Masculine & Feminine

~ nicole
When the Condor of the South flies with the Eagle of the North, a new day for Earth will awaken. – Inca Prophecy

Before each cacao ceremony, I always look into the significance of the day in the Mayan Calendar and allow the energy associated with it to inform ceremony. Some days are more auspicious than others; some are feisty and need to be balanced; and others provide deep reflection or spiritual connection. When we align ourselves with these energies and allow them to guide us, our days flow more easily.

So, in preparation for my upcoming Elemental Cacao Ceremony at FLOW Studio on November 4, I looked up the Day Sign, which is 2 Kawoq. The numeral 2 (of 13) represents the galactic tone energy of the day; and Kawoq (1 of 20 signs) is the Day Sign energy, spirit or essence of that day in this year. Together they are a system of astrology and divination that is celebrated in daily ritual and sacred ceremony.

Two is the symbol of duality: birth and death, joy and sadness, night and day, darkness and light, and male and female; while Kawoq is the divine feminine, which can bring a certain wild storminess, while supporting spiritual connection and communication. The combination of the two requires directing this wild feminine energy toward positive desires, and to do so means seeing “very, very far down the road you are traveling…so you may see a clearer, deeper, purer truth (Mayan Calendar Portal).”

Art by Brady Wedman and Maya Jensen

As part of my Elemental Cacao series, I had chosen the element, Air, to be honored in this ceremony. Air symbolizes clarity of vision, inspiration and the ability to see expansively like the eagle, which soars above the land seeing far and wide. The clarity of the eagle, balanced by our inner desires and intentions, brings us to a deeper truth than either would on its own.

Many indigenous prophecies foretold that human societies would split into two paths: one of the Eagle, which symbolizes the path of the mind, the material and the masculine; and the other, the Condor, which is the path of the heart, intuition and the feminine.

The prophecies also foretold that the potential exists within all of us for the Eagle and the Condor to come together and fly in the same sky when we create a new level of consciousness and live in balance with nature and within ourselves. It is up to us to activate this potential.

When the sacred masculine is combined with the sacred feminine inside each of us, we create the “sacred marriage” of compassion and passion in ourselves. –Matthew Fox

The path we are being asked to take now, in these times of crisis and chaos, is towards a higher expression of ourselves, to balance and integrate our masculine and feminine energies. We’ve gotten off center, out of alignment, either too much in one or too much in the other, which throws us and society out of balance.

It is the will of our hearts that allows these energies to come together again, to be in balance. This deep truth and heart wisdom will heal us and allow us to be whole again. Integrating the positive aspects of our masculine and feminine energies is an absolute requirement on our journey to wholeness.

Having spent 18 years in the corporate world, I had developed a strong, masculine side and had to relearn how to be vulnerable, trust my intuition, be comfortable with uncertainty, and open myself to the flow of life. What I found as I integrated my feminine side was a lightness of being, loving acceptance and a deeper trust of myself, and infinite joy.

Being aware that this integration of the masculine and feminine is necessary and critical to our wellbeing is the first step. Opening to the positive aspects that we have not embraced in ourselves (and that we often look to others to fill) is next. What’s missing in our lives is found within ourselves….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Jaguar Medicine

~ nicole
In times of renewal, it is the Black Jaguar who rules. – Arkan Lushwalla

Have you ever held onto something or someone too long out of habit or comfort or even fear of change, and then suddenly the decision is made for you? That’s black jaguar medicine. She brings you just what you need, even when it hurts.

My encounters with the black jaguar in cacao ceremony showed me the range of her sacred power: her love (lots of purring and cuddles), her force and grace (running as her was the most ecstatic experience I have ever had) and her fierce compassion (like a mama cat swats her kittens for their own good). Her power is a sacred one that awakens, purifies and renews life when it becomes stuck or sick.

Real, profound change according to Arkan Lushwalla in his book, The Time of the Black Jaguar, happens in three ways: 1) through a gift of grace or Spirit, 2) by connecting to our Munay, the will of the heart, and 3) when the black jaguar says, “Enough!” and makes the decision to protect and keep life in balance. These are black jaguar times….

…be like the graceful jaguar, the balancing force of the rainforest who serves as the internediary between the seen and unseen worlds…. –Alberto Villoldo

The black jaguar sees beyond this world as she walks between all three: the middle world (what we know as earth), the lower world (where plant and animal spirits reside), and the upper world (where our ancestors and spirit guides live). Her power is often associated with shamans, who are able to walk among these worlds, and bring knowledge and wisdom back from these realms to heal. She brings us her medicine, her “fast healing.”

When we aren’t “seeing” life with her eyes and making the necessary changes fast enough, she’s going to make them for us. It’s what we know as having the rug pulled out from under us. Only now there are rugs upon rugs upon rugs. The floor beneath us is pretty bare and slippery, isn’t it?

When the black jaguar gets to this point, there’s no turning back, no negotiation. It’s all about living in alignment with who we truly are at the deepest level–believe me, it’s way deeper than you think and can even imagine. She will adjust you and adjust you and adjust you until you are there. Resistance in any form–whether it’s procrastinating or struggling–is futile against her.

So, what are the necessary changes we need to make? Letting go of old, unhealthy patterns in our minds and our behaviors; looking deeply at old wounds that are keeping us stuck; shedding things, people, titles, opinions, beliefs that are not in alignment with truth; trusting our inner guidance and our wisdom guides and bravely walking into the unknown.

None of this is easy. But it can be done. Be your own witness. Catch yourself when you say something that doesn’t feel right and ask yourself, “where did that come from?” More than likely you are speaking with someone else’s voice, not your own inner one. The only way to trust yourself and your response is to connect to your inner voice, which means you first need to recognize it. It takes practice and persistence, and forgiveness when you slip.

Resource yourself with your spirit team. Wisdom lies in those who have gone before us. Through journeying with cacao or other plant medicines or with shamanic drumming you can connect to your animal spirit guides, who have so much deep knowledge to share; and with our ancestors and spirit guides, who are wise beyond this world. Find someone to lead you through a journey process. Once you have developed a relationship with your guides, they will always be there for you and will bring you answers based in Truth. Trust them to guide you.

It may be hard to see and accept, but the black jaguar is taking us through a time of purifying chaos into a time of renewal where life will be based on truth. If we wake up and do the Work now, we can dance and co-create with her and with Spirit.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

 

 

The Cacao Journals: Wisdom of the Heart

~ nicole
The wisdom of the heart outshines the knowledge of the mind. – Harold W. Becker

Not one of us would ever say that our hearts aren’t open. To say they’re closed would be akin to saying we had psychopathic tendencies. And yet, I’m not sure we really know what having an open heart full of compassion is. We may be able to cite people in history (Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa), who we believe did, but somehow that kind of compassion seems beyond us and unattainable. Their compassion has a wisdom, willfulness and otherworldly (some might say, spiritual) quality to it. And that is precisely what the world needs now from all of us.

A dear friend recently gave me a copy of Arkan Lushwala’s, The Time of the Black Jaguar, and to say I devoured and savored every word would be a huge understatement. It fed my heart and explains so beautifully why I feel called to share cacao ceremony. Arkan, who is a shamanic healer from Peru, shares in his own language what he regards as the most important power we all have: Munay or the will of the heart.

Now those two words, “will” and “heart” don’t quite seem to go together in our western culture. When he writes about the compassion of the heart, it is an active rather than a passive compassion, a “willpower that makes us enact our love with courage and deep desire to serve another.”

To do this, Arkan shares that we must first awaken our own Munay, our own will of the heart, so we can help ourselves. Then, after doing our Work, a stronger power, the power of Spirit, comes to our aid. It is through spiritual practices, through sacred ceremony, and through teachings of spiritual masters that the sacred fire in our heart is awakened. It is through this awakening that we realize that the Earth is truly our Mother.

“To be struck by the love of Mother Earth is like being struck by lightning.” – Arkan Lushwala

When the will of our heart is awakened, this is how the wisdom of the heart and Spirit comes to and through us.

This is how I felt about cacao when I first engaged with her; she embraced me with such love and compassion, it took my breath away. It was like being struck by lightning, and it lit a fire within me. There’s a reason I now call her Mama Cacao….

People who have activated the Munay in their heart are good medicine for everyone. – Arkan Lushwala

Information is not knowledge and knowledge is not wisdom. In this fast-paced, information technology-driven society we live in, we so easily forget that. And it consumes us and distracts us and fragments us. It’s time to activate our Munay, live, act from and speak the wisdom of the heart in collaboration with Spirit and the Jaguar and be whole. More on the Jaguar next time, dear readers….

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

Postscript: I’d like to dedicate this Cacao Journal post to my dear friend, Munay, who changed her name to fully embody this spiritual quality of compassion after spending time in Peru; moved to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala with her dog, Sheba; met the love of her life, Oscar, there; and lives with this sacred fire in her heart everyday. Much love and cacao bliss to you, Munay!

The Cacao Journals: Surrender

~ nicole
The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins. – Marianne Williamson

For the longest time I had no idea what surrender really meant. It was only when I had to let go of so much in my life over more than a decade–a career or two, a long-time relationship, a home several times over, my native land (my Canadian readers will get this), all my furniture, my ego, my shame, many of my fears and more–and thought I was relatively “unattached” that a chasm swallowed me whole, and I had no choice but to surrender completely.

So when does the chasm open up? For some, it’s facing death, losing a loved one, or becoming disabled; for others it’s experiencing failure of an extraordinary kind; or it’s losing a deep connection to Spirit, which was what happened to me and was a loss that affected me as deeply as losing my Mom (and the two came in rapid succession). I had lost touch with everything that had saved me from myself.

What I did not realize at the time, but do now, is that I was experiencing another dark night of the soul. The first one I experienced was merely a prelude, and one that I willingly chose as I dove into the waiting embrace of Mama Cacao. The second one came out of nowhere, unbidden; and the more I resisted, the more it persisted.

The signs were all there, of course, that all I had to do was surrender completely and unequivocally to Spirit to be with Her again, but I did not know what surrender truly required. When I first connected to Spirit in cacao ceremony, I opened to Her, I celebrated Her, I honored Her, and I asked for Her guidance, but I never ever gave myself over to Her completely out of pure devotion. And that’s what surrender is….

Surrender is a journey from outer turmoil to inner peace. – Sri Chinmoy

In despair, I finally prayed and asked for Her help. It’s hard to believe that I had never actually prayed to Her. I had asked for guidance and received Her wisdom hundreds of times, but I had not asked for Her help from this place of absolute surrender. You see, we never prayed in our family. We didn’t ask for help. We relied on ourselves. Clearly this was another something that I had to let go of….

So, I prayed, and I prayed hard. And She sent me an answer, one that I did not understand at first, but followed, and which has since led me to a devotional path. I surrendered to it. (Note: this is so new to me that I’m not quite ready to share more, but will when I am.)

After my mother’s death, I came to understand that I had to stop resisting what I was being asked to do and be. In an earlier post, I mentioned that I had been “called to cacao” and that in a shamanic drumming journey my spirit animal had told me, “Everything cacao.” Not dabble in cacao, not share a little cacao ceremony every once in a while, not include it as an add on to my coaching, but full on cacao. Hello! How much more clear could that be? I surrendered to it.

I also remembered what Tomas, the Mayan shaman, said to me in Guatemala last year, “You will teach about life, but first you must teach about death.” Well, I struggled with that one for about a year to the day, and I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that my last three Cacao Journals have been, you guessed it, about death. I surrendered.

Then, just three weekends ago, I decided, at the very last moment, to attend a shamanic journeying workshop. Something whispered to me to go and when I asked my spirit animals in a guided meditation led by my brilliant, soul sister, Gina Vance at Soulstice Mind + Body Spa (yes, that was a shameless plug :)), they danced in joy. And I discovered something about myself at that workshop. I have journeyed so much with cacao and have such a strong relationship with my power spirit animal, that drum journeying is a perfect complement to “my” ceremonial work (“my” is in quotes because it’s not really mine, I am merely a messenger for Spirit’s work). I surrendered to that too. And I just bought the most beautiful Buffalo hide drum.

So, you are the first to know, after my husband, that I am no longer a soul’s path coach (please know that I will still call on my coaching skills as needed). I’m hesitant to call myself anything at this point, and I’m pretty sure that calling myself a messenger of Spirit would draw some attention on a business card :), so for now I’m a cacao medicine guide and shamanic practitioner for journeys to wholeness. And that may change too, but for now, it feels true as it comes from a place of total surrender.

I’m feeling a huge shift after all this surrendering. Remember that crystal birthed out of molten fire and pressure I mentioned in last week’s post? That’s me now.

Whew, that was intense. So, how do I end this post? Like this: life begins with surrender.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC, soon to be known as Soulscape Journeys LLC.

The Cacao Journals: Letting Go

~ nicole
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. – Sonia Ricotti

Being with my Mom as she was dying made me see how important it is to be able to let go in life and in death. True compassion lives in the act of letting go, and yet it one of the hardest things we have to do in life. Far too often we have to learn the hard way to let go of that to which we have become attached.

Life’s not-so-subtle attachments usually come first: not feeling so attached to our material possessions or all our physical “stuff;” letting go of relationships and friendships that no longer feel right or good or true; not identifying solely with our role as mother, daughter, caregiver or business leader; and letting the armor or masks we wear to protect ourselves fall away. These are all big, tough things to let go of. I’ve had to let go of more than a few of these as I discovered the truth of who I am….

The more-subtle ones are our emotional body attachments, which are based in fear. Our ego-based fears take the form of not feeling worthy, blaming or shaming ourselves or others, and the need to be in control–this is a big, juicy one, which I’ll get to in a moment. We all suffer from these fears and yet letting go of them is challenging because we’ve lived with them most of our lives. They’re like barnacles; we don’t really want them on our boat, but they’ve been there a long while and are stuck, and it’s really hard to scrape them off. Plus then we might have to repaint the boat :).

The most subtle of all often take time to surface because we let usually go of the less subtle ones first. Control is both. It can be so sneaky and crafty as it hides in the tiniest places. Wanting someone else to change; not accepting when things don’t go “our” way; and not listening to our intuition or spiritual guidance are all ways that our ego tries to controls us. So, just when you think you’re done letting go of being in control, there’s always a little bit more….

And what’s left, after all that letting go, is the most beautiful, luminous crystal made from all that pressure and molten fire. It’s you, all shiny and purified, and so much wiser and stronger.

It’s only in the letting go that we can open to something new; it’s only in the letting go that we can find our inner crystalline light; it’s only in the letting go that we rediscover the essence of who we truly are. And it’s hard because it’s the not knowing or the gap between the known and the unknown that terrifies and paralyzes us. We’re just not good with the unknown. We so want to be in control.

People have a heard time letting of of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. – Thich Nhat Hanh

What the unknown requires is curiosity, a sense of wonder and belief. Curiosity about what’s possible; wonder in not just the beauty of life, but in the suffering; trusting in ourselves that we know if we listen deeply, and believing in something greater than ourselves, in the mystery.

To let go we more than often need a catalyst of some kind. Some catalysts come out of nowhere and sideswipe us; and others we choose willingly. Some are fast and others are slow–I chose cacao as my catalyst and teacher because I wanted a fast route that came with GPS.

When we open to our catalyst, we are curious, we are in a natural state of wonder, and we believe. And when we fully embrace the catalytic experience, it changes and transforms us so we become that beautiful, luminescent crystal.

One of the amazing palliative care nurses, who looked after my Mom, shared with us that it’s good to let the dying know that they can let go and that their loved ones, who have already passed, are waiting for them. She encouraged us to tell Mom, that our Dad, John, was waiting for her. So, we did. My sister, Michelle, said, “Mom, it’s ok to let go. John is waiting for you. Oma is waiting for you.” When she said, “Oma,” which means grandmother in German, my Mom’s face lit up and she beamed from ear to ear. It was so incredible to witness her light, joy, and peace.

I then shared with my Mom, “Michelle and I are at peace with your leaving. We love you and will miss you, and we’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” You see, my Mom was a worrier as many Mom’s are. She always wanted to make sure we were okay, so this allowed her to let go.

Choose your catalyst (or embrace the one that comes to you), stay curious, stand in awe of the wonder and mystery of life, and know and believe that what you are opening to is exactly what you need. Give yourself permission to let go of whatever is holding you back, standing in your way, or keeping you from the joy and peace that’s on the other side. Let go, so that what’s meant to be reveals itself.

Letting go is on the path to surrendering to what is. To fully surrender (there’s no halfway or part of the way as I discovered), we have to let go of the struggle that we don’t even know we are holding on to; it’s that subtle.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Inner Peace

~ nicole ~ 2 Comments
Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. ~ Ian Maclaren

As I sat at my Mom’s bedside in palliative care, I heard the suffering of the other women patients close by. I felt deeply for each of them, sharing their pain in different ways. I know nothing of their lives and yet I became intimately aware of their frustrations, fears and pain. I was not always comfortable with this knowledge, and at the same time I knew that discomfort, when we don’t push it away and instead sit with it, can deepen our understanding of ourselves, and, in this case, our relationship with life and death.

I have three perspectives to offer about life and death: one is based on my experience with cacao (but, of course!), the second on my understanding of the ancient Maya’s view of death, and another is based on my recent reading of Tibetan Buddhist teachings as I sought solace during my mother’s last days. Each is unique and yet beautifully resonant. May they bring some wisdom to guide you.

In my own cacao journeys and that of others, the inner voices of negativity, self-doubt, and self-blame are simply gone. Spirit only communicates through love and compassion (if you hear another voice, it’s not spirit…). When I first experienced her unconditional love, it was in that moment that I began to love myself. One of the many messages I received from her was this: “It is only self-love that can make you whole.”

Loving, and having compassion for, myself meant that I could no longer allow for negative self-talk. When I became painfully aware of the “talk,” I was able to witness it as false and hurtful and call it out. I didn’t blame it or shame it, I just said to it, “I see you and am letting you go.” It still arises from time to time, but I almost always catch it in action and am able to laugh and say, “Oh, there’s my old frenemy again.” It’s become powerless over me. The voice that now speaks from within me is the one of spirit: unconditionally loving and fiercely compassionate. She’s my inner jaguar. This is where my sense of peace and fearlessness about life and death comes from.

In ancient Mayan times, a ball game, called the Great Ballcourt, connected the people to spirit and taught them about unconditional love, compassion and peace in the face of death as they witnessed the fearlessness of the players who played the game. In this game, the captain of the winning team “won” the prize of dying. Yes, you read that correctly, he died for playing without fear.

The Maya understood that to play fearlessly and with absolute freedom players needed to be able to accept their own death and resolve all unfinished business before entering the court. According to Elle Harrison in Wild Courage: A Journey of Transformation for You and Your Business, players “could not afford to be distracted in the critical moment by regrets, unresolved feelings or things left unsaid.” Once they agreed and took what was called, the Decision Road, the next phase of their journey, the Death Lodge, allowed the player to ask for and give forgiveness, express gratitude for the life he had lived so far and share his love with the people who had made it meaningful. How beautiful is that?

The final night before the game the players entered the third stage of preparation, the Purpose Circle: “The Purpose Circle was an all-night vigil spent along on the edge of a pit filled with the skulls of previous Ballcourt winners, literally looking death in the face…. In the Death Lodge he made good his relationship with others; in the Purpose Circle he made good with his relationship with himself….and made peace with himself, his life, with all its beauty and failings. Only then could he surrender fully into the game the next day.”

I love the concept of the Purpose Circle because it gives life deep meaning through self-acceptance and self-love. So much of what we battle in life and even as we are dying are our inner voices of negativity, self-blame and criticism, which hold us back from truly living life or dying a peaceful death. What becomes possible when we let go of those voices is inner peace and acceptance.

The Buddhists have a deep understanding of death and rebirth. They believe that the last thought we have when we are dying will determine our next life, so meditating on Buddha or praying to God may well ensure that your last thought is a good (or godly) one. Cultivating the inner voice of stillness through meditation and simply noticing and witnessing thoughts that arise is the path to a peaceful mind and Buddha-like thoughts.

If we take the wisdom of all three perspectives–accepting and loving who we are, identifying and witnessing our inner voices and thoughts, forgiving ourselves and others, and building inner practices to find stillness–we will find inner peace.

It was these understandings that guided me as I sat in witness to the pain being expressed by the women surrounding me.  For one, her expression took the form of endless complaining and restlessness; for another, the quiet lament of “I’m so tired” repeated over and over again until she changed the refrain to “I’m so ashamed.” It was almost unbearable to feel their pain and shame. Not being fully in control of our lives and even our death is a great fear we all have.

There were days when I almost lost my mind, listening to the open and raw expression of pain and fear. To stay centered and sane, I had the presence of mind to walk down to the courtyard garden, with my Mom in a wheelchair when she was still able or alone when she wasn’t; or say my own pain-lifting mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, while counting mala beads by her bed; or read Sogyal Rinpoche’s, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying as I sought peace and consolation.  It made me realize just how important having a relationship with death is. And not just my mother’s passing, but my own. Death reminds us that so much of life is fleeting and changeable. How we accept what the Buddhists call impermanence may well reveal how we accept death itself.

My mother and I did not talk about her death at any great length, as she was an intensely private person to the end. What she did share was that she had had a good, long life and was ready to go. While she was not a religious person, she did have a secret spiritual side, sending money away and receiving crystals, stones, amulets, and spirit dolls that brought her hope. Since I couldn’t know what her last thought was going to be (hopefully, one of spirit), I said this Buddhist prayer for myself and then for her each day to ease her passage and my mind, and for the both of us to face death fearlessly. May it bring you peace.

Phowa Prayer

Through your blessing, grace, and guidance, through the power of the light that streams from you:

May all my negative karma, destructive emotions, obscurations, and blockages be purified and removed,

May I know myself forgiven for all the harm I may have thought and done,

May I accomplish this profound practice of phowa, and die a good and peaceful death,

And through the triumph of my death, may I be able to benefit all other beings, living or dead.

~ Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Loving Kindness

~ nicole
Loving kindness and compassion are the basis for wise, powerful, sometimes gentle, sometimes fierce actions that can really make a difference–in our own lives and those of others. ~ Sharon Salzberg

As I write this from my 91-year-old mother’s palliative care room in Canada, where she is resting before she passes from this world, I am at her bedside, giving her the only medicine I can give: the light of loving kindness. I hold her in my heart radiating healing light, so she may be free of suffering and pain.

 This post is in dedication to my Mom, Trudy, who has lived through so much, and, despite all that she has endured, has always chosen the path of goodness and selflessness.

And I am at peace. How am I at peace as I face the death of my dear mother? I am in that place because of the support I have from my meditation practice, my cacao journeys, and the deep inner work that has over time allowed me to integrate and then embody the lessons from both practices (at least some of the time :)). This too has been a journey, an ever deepening one.

What brings me peace is knowing that I am loved, that I am not alone, and that I have access to sources of infinite love, wisdom and guidance. Much of this comes to me through my spirit guides, who are always guiding me, nudging me, and bringing me messages and good medicine.

If you read my first cacao journal entry, you’ll remember one of my spirit animal guides, the white swan, which symbolizes inner grace, purity and tranquility. She inspired me to begin my cacao journey and visited me in ceremony to share her sacred power. In the Lakota tradition, the swan acts as a messenger of faith. In ancient Greece, the swan was thought to sing a sweet and beautiful song as people died. The swan is a powerful and sacred totem among many cultures and demonstrates the intricate balance of living in three elemental realms–on the earth, which grounds her; on the water, which allows her access to her intuitive and emotional depths; and in the air, where she sees life with an expansive and all-encompassing view. All she embodies is what I aspire to be.

In cacao ceremony, I call in the four elements–fire, earth, water and air–and the four directions–east, south, west and north–as well as our Spirit Animals, Ancestors and Star People to guide us through our journey and to support us when we leave our cacao cocoons so we can integrate their guidance and wisdom into our daily lives.

Fire is life force creative energy; Earth is grounding energy; Water is emotional, intuitive energy; and Air is the energy of insight and clarity. When we balance these elemental energies within us, we live harmoniously in alignment with who we truly are. Our spirit guides bring us messages that tell us where we are out of balance energetically and what “medicine” will heal us.

The Jaguar and the Serpent, long associated with cacao and sacred Mayan ritual, have shared their guidance with me and brought me medicine in many of my journeys with cacao. I immediately felt drawn to the Jaguar, and, me being curious and just a little bit cheeky, asked if I could run with her during one journey; she graciously allowed me to shape shift into her form and run as her. As you can imagine, it was incredible to feel her (and my) raw power, supple elegance, and fierce sense of knowing. I gave myself over to it fully. It was like being one of the Na’vi in Avatar, the movie, only this was a big cat and I was her…. I now know what feline feminine power feels like and it brings me great strength.  I know all of this sounds terribly farfetched, and I can’t explain the how or the why; what I have is faith in is that she brought me what I needed in that moment.

The Jaguar came to me many, many more times in ceremony, sometimes curling up against me and purring; other times pacing around me in circles, advising me to “watch, wait and act with power” or to “be patient and all will reveal itself.”  She became part of my spirit animal pack and now watches over me and even through me. There are times, especially when I hold ceremony, that I feel as though I am looking through her eyes. I see the world with a fiercer compassion than before…. And this brings me strength and inner peace.

The Serpent has been more elusive, as you would suspect, only revealing itself a few times and transmitting its life force knowledge by “feeding” knowledge to me, telling me to “Let go of this world, the ways of this world, and be the way.” Its messages are direct and unequivocal, including “Heal myself and then others.” And when a Serpent tells you what to go do, you do it….

The messages and wisdom of our spirit guides are undeniably clear, and this knowledge is available and accessible to us all. When we recognize, accept and integrate their medicine, we are more balanced, which allows us to be at peace when life hits us hard. And it is from that place that we can access our inner light, feel fierce compassion and send loving kindness to ourselves and then to others. It is good medicine.

So, I am sending loving kindness to my Mom to ease her suffering and pain, and, inspired by the white swan, I will sing a sweet and beautiful song to her as she leaves this world. I love you, Mom.

My Mom 4 weeks ago enjoying her favorites: coffee and a sweet pastry

I share this loving kindness meditation, so you may find peace, harmony and balance in your life, and send loving kindness out to your loved ones, who are in need.

May I be safe from harm.
May I be happy just as I am.
May I be peaceful with whatever is happening.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I care for myself in this ever-changing world graciously, joyously.
~ from the CMind, the center for Contemplative Mind in Society

Much love & light,

Nicole

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC

The Cacao Journals: Rescue Remedy for the Soul

~ nicole
Final and complete healing will come from within, from the Soul itself, which radiates harmony throughout the personality when allowed to do so. – Dr. Bach, maker of Rescue Remedy

I have come to call cacao ceremony, Rescue Remedy for the Soul, because it naturally and gently heals us from the inside out. Every cacao ceremony brings you just what you need in that moment. There’s no amount of planning that will make your journey what you think it should be; it will just be…. One will bust you wide open; another will fill you with light; others will allow you access to deep wisdom. An infinite variety of experiences are available, and they are always illuminating.

The one thing you can do is set an intention for ceremony. Before each ceremony, I always check in to see where I need guidance or healing and set my intention based on that. Almost always, I receive what I ask for, and when I haven’t it’s only because Spirit has decided She has something even better for me or I’m so caught up in my head that nothing much can get in. Even then, despite my hard headedness (if I’m in my head, then I can’t fully be in my heart, can I?), She still finds a way to deliver a gentle message and lesson, which usually is about “letting go.”

In rereading my journals–wow, that was a trip unto itself–I realized just how much Spirit has not only healed me through cacao, but has transmitted knowledge that I am being called to share with you. And I have little say in this; the more I resist, the more She persists. In a shamanic journeying session (without cacao) that I participated in awhile back, my spirit animal guide, the Jaguar, told me, “Everything cacao.” I laughed about it when I shared it in circle. And believe me, I tried to ignore it, but it has become abundantly clear that I am a cacao guide who coaches, rather than a coach who does cacao ceremony every so often.

Spirit has brought me not just deep, meaningful messages in ceremony, but paths to follow that allow my soul to fully emerge. I must admit that I haven’t always followed her wise counsel as sometimes She has asked me to do something I didn’t feel would be fully embraced by others (at least not yet) or I didn’t feel equipped to make happen like a documentary film about cacao ceremony. And yet, here I am, just a bit farther down the road, bringing those messages to you…. (By the way, if anyone knows a documentary film maker who might want to do this, just let me know. I have a proposal all ready to go :)).

Cacao enabled me to answer the question of “Who (or What) am I?” I brought this particular intention into ceremony wanting to understand my gifts, the ones I am meant to bring to the world. I was tired of not knowing and admitted to myself that “I do not know,” not just this, but so much about the mystery of life. I felt very alone and humble as I entered that ceremony a few years ago.

Almost immediately, I felt myself glowing, my light filled the loft. I realized that I was very much not alone, that I was surrounded by love and my spirit guides and that they are always with me and they know. I felt such a rush of bliss, energy, love, truth, joy and purity that I cried with joy. At the close of ceremony, I captured these powerful words in my journal: “I am without fear; I am luminous; I am.” Right now, I am feeling very vulnerable sharing these words with you. And, at the same time, I’m feeling that you may need to hear them for your own healing.

We are all meant to come to self-realization on our own path, and yet we cannot do it wholly on our own; we need assistance and guidance. That assistance comes in the form of some kind of structure (a practice of some sort), which enables a depth of discovery (being willing to question and receive guidance), which leads to the integration of the lessons (deeply understanding and accepting the guidance), allowing for true embodiment. Cacao ceremony was my deep practice.

So, what is embodiment? It’s living in full integrity. It means that what you practice is what you do. When you leave that yoga class or meditation session or cacao ceremony, the lessons come with you; you don’t get to leave them on the mat or in your cacao cocoon. It means breaking old habituated behaviors that keep us out of alignment with our true selves and allowing new habits to form that heal and fully support us.

Too often, we try a little of this and a little of that, looking for the practice that will feel good to us, when the practice that deconstructs us, that challenges us, and makes us the most uncomfortable is the one that will transform and heal. Or we simply don’t realize that going deep is absolutely necessary to our healing. Or we believe “we’re good” and we don’t have anything that needs healing. We’ve become so disconnected from our feelings and who we are, that we think we know. But we really don’t; we have to learn to feel our way through, literally.

At the end of the day, which is the beginning of your life, you’ve got to do the work. It’s not always all love and light and cacao bliss, but if you allow yourself to open your heart, the light will find you, and fill you, and heal your dark parts until your own light shines radiantly through. I promise, you will glow.

And as this light fills you with its radiance, you will find you depend less and less on those old habits that are not fulfilling you and embrace the new habits that heal your soul and spirit. They are the rescue remedy.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.

The Cacao Journals: my first time…

~ nicole ~ 1 Comment
There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in. –Leonard Cohen

If you haven’t read my first cacao blog–How cacao found me–yet, please do as it will provide you with background on my journey with cacao as my teacher and guide.

In today’s post, I thought I would share my first time with you, no, not that first time! My first time in cacao ceremony…. Just so you know, I was totally new to this when I started. My spiritual journey, up to that point, had involved lots of reading–Pema Chodrin, Eckhart Tolle, don Miguel Ruiz, all the usual suspects–and a little bit of meditation and even less yoga. Heck, for the longest time I hated doing savasana (corpse pose) during yoga. I could not for the life me be still! Being a lifelong runner since my 20’s and someone with an active body and mind, it was torturous for me. Today, it is my absolute favorite yoga pose.

Back to my first time with cacao. My ceremonial cacao materials had arrived from Scotland where my teacher is from–we live in an amazing world when a Scottish plant medicine teacher, who was called to cacao, can teach an online course about a plant that grows in the a tropical rain forest…. I opened the lovely box filled with a block of raw cacao from a shaman in Guatemala, some incense, a candle, and spices to add to my cacao elixir. She also sent an extensive PDF guide, which I consumed with delight, finding sustenance in the history, mythology and practical matters of preparing cacao.

I planned my first ceremony for when I would be at our cabin the redwoods, a perfect sanctuary for going deep and doing inner work. I drove up late on a Friday, exhausted from work, with a blinding headache, and decided to not hold personal ceremony that day and took a nap instead….

Our teacher had given us a gift when we first signed up for the course: our spirit animal, which she intuited from our energetic presence online and our Facebook picture. To be honest, I hadn’t given it much thought other than to research the qualities of my spirit animal, the white swan.

I fell into a deep sleep on the couch and woke a little later from a dream where I had huge wings, which were unfolding. It was a sign, a big one. I knew in that moment that I simply had to hold ceremony that evening.

I lovingly created my ceremonial space in the loft: a small altar with candles; sheepskin rug, pillows and a blanket; a journal and pen; and lots of water. I prepared the cacao elixir–raw cacao from Guatemala, warm water, some spices and raw honey– and retired to my cacao cocoon.

After saying an ancient Mayan prayer, to IxCacao (the Goddess of chocolate), I drank the cacao and lay back on the rug listening to a beautiful guided meditation as the cacao began its work. My teacher had also shared a profound and evocative sacred music playlist to accompany us for the rest of our two-hour long journey.

Well, sometimes to get to bliss, we need to let go of a few things first. In my first cacao ceremony, I cried like a baby almost the whole time! I had been holding on to so much emotionally for so many years, and cacao broke me wide open. As Leonard Cohen says so beautifully, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the the light gets in.” The light definitely got in that day.

It’s hard to describe what happened to me during that ceremony, some of which is so unbelievable, but I experienced something sacred, something that opened me wide to receive what I most needed. I had invited Spirit in, and I felt loved, at peace and at home for the first time in my life.

I so wish I had found cacao earlier. Believe me, I could have used Her guidance when I was in the corporate world. I so needed to be broken open then after years of protecting my heart from what that world was asking of me. I went from protecting to armoring my heart, erecting boundaries and walls, and finally, without even being aware, closing off my heart. It took a brutal 360 review from my direct reports (in sharp and ironic contrast, management loved me); two executive coaches (one at work and one at home in my husband); endless books on leadership and spirituality; and finally leaving the corporate world on my own terms before my heart opened again. If I had known about cacao then, and its catalytic power to open our hearts and access our inner wisdom and guidance, I would have been there in a heartbeat.

Often times, it’s only when we face a “dark night of the soul” that we, in despair, open our hearts; and yet, with the right catalyst we can not only open to that guidance to ease our suffering, we can deepen and accelerate our learning. It isn’t a requirement that we take the slow path to self realization….

We don’t open to that guidance because we’ve forgotten that we can. We’ve gotten so used to being self-reliant and self-sufficient, and dare I say, self-important, because we believe we can do it on our own, which is such a lonely road and one that may never reach its destination. Or we simply don’t believe it’s possible at all, which means living a life in quiet despair.

Not much of what we’ve been told or heard is true. What’s true is in our hearts. And cacao bursts our hearts wide open. And, as frightening as that may sound, because we are rather afraid of our feelings, aren’t we; it’s the path of the heart that will get us to where we actually want to be: at home, at peace, and deeply loved. That’s bliss.

Much love, light & cacao bliss to you all.

Copyright ©2017 Soulscape Coaching LLC.